Jared and the Sociopath He Imprinted On
by LostWolfGirl
Summary: Jared's imprint story is not all sunshine and rainbows. Before bonfires and perfect harmony, Jared needs to break through the barriers built up by Kimberly Horn, a tough as nails classmate he never really noticed until now.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Jared and the Sociopath He Imprinted On**  
Published: 03-15-09, Last Updated: 07-10-09

Chapters: 35, Words: 112,072

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 **Prologue: Kim- Nothing like a Cold Shower**

* * *

 **Book One**

 _Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep!_

I could feel my blood pressure rise with each beep. That stupid fucking alarm clock would kill me! It was just past 7am and I was forced to weigh my options; on one hand I wanted nothing more than to lie in my bed all day and pretend to be dead, and on the other hand there was the burning need to stop that goddamn beeping noise… and pee!

The beeping (and my full bladder) won. I turned over, crossed my tiny room and slammed down the alarm button with extra malice.

With a sense of dread I dragged myself out the door. Yawning loudly, with my eyes tightly scrunched, I trudged directly into a cold pile of puke, tripping over my mother's limp body in the process.

Great! Just fucking great! Sticky fucking pink puke, all over my mother-lovin' foot! This was the fifth time this month I was blessed with the pleasure of waking up to a passed out mother. On the bright side, if there could be a bright side to living with an insufferable drunk, this was only the second time this month that vomit was involved.

I flipped her on her back, my foot still covered in sick, and smacked her face a few times, a bit more forcefully than I needed to. The bitch wouldn't even notice; she was so doped out on boxed wine and god knows what else that she probably didn't even know her own name.

She didn't stir.

Shit! Was this it? Dead mommy on a Thursday morning? How morbid!

I put my ear to her mouth and listened for her breathing, while I felt her underarm for a pulse. It was a trick I learned from watching reruns of ER. My heart started beating again when I heard her wheezing breath and I re-adjusted myself, grabbing her hands and dragging her towards the bathroom before my younger brother Matthew could come out and see her.

Living with a raging alcoholic didn't go unnoticed by him, even a nine year old was insightful enough to realize mommy drank more booze than anyone should, but he didn't need to see the lows—which were getting increasingly more frequent and subterranean.

With a 'hmph' I dropped her carefully next to the shower stall, she was heavy enough to make my lower back sore from strain. I tweaked the nozzle, making it warm so she didn't get sick.

My arms burned with the struggle to get her in the shower stall and though I tried not to get myself wet my top half was soaked by the time she was settled into the tiny stool I'd placed there for just this situation. When I realized it was a lost cause I gave up and hopped in, still fully pajamaed.

Now I was both rousing my drunken mother and getting ready for school, truly a multi-tasker.

"Mom, is the water okay?"

"Fuck water," she muttered, weakly trying to push against me. I stripped off her sopping house dress keeping her underwear intact and after a few minutes she regained herself enough to turn to me.

This was the hard part: there were only two reactions to this kind of wake-up service. I backed away readying myself for the violent response, but when she collapsed to her knees, sobbing and apologizing I wished she had hit me. Anger was easier to deal with than remorse.

"It's okay, mom. Let's get you out of here," I said patting her back. I was still soaking wet when I turned off the water and carefully guided her out.

My dark blue pajama pants looked black with the water and were so heavy they sagged off my hips. I dropped them, slipping on my bathrobe then hers. She held onto me for support and I wrapped her hair in a towel, shushing her wails before I led her to her room.

I was still pissed, I was fuming internally but when someone broke down in drunken sobs on a bi-weekly basis, calm comforting was an automatic reaction.

When I set her on her bed she hiccough, swore and passed out again. I rushed back into the hall.

I was going to be late and I needed to get Matthew ready for the 4th grade since my mother was still too drunk to handle him.

"Matty, wake up!" I screamed pounding on his door. I burst inside his tiny room like a tornado, rummaged through his drawer and threw him a clean shirt and jeans.

"I'm sleepy!" Matty cried.

"Dress yourself," I ordered him still trailing water as I headed back to the bathroom and hopped in the shower again.

It was freezing, I had wasted all of the morning's hot water on my useless mother and I was forced to hop around trying to wash my nitty gritties without standing directly under the deluge of frosty water.

I was shivering when I emerged after less than five minutes later, half clean and angry, but I had learned a vital lesson. I would never to waste warm water on my mother again.

I didn't bother to put on makeup as I raced to get dressed. It didn't matter if I wore make-up, Jared hadn't been to school in days, and even if he had, he wasn't going to look up from his history book or notes (more often doodles) long enough to notice me.

With eight minutes left until my ride to school arrived and I ran downstairs dragging Matty with me. We searched together through the bare cupboards for something breakfast worthy, finding a good amount for expired things and three new bottles of raspberry flavored malt liquor. I settled on crackers with jelly and a bag of gummy bears which I had to share with a grumpy nine year old.

As we argued about the last green gummy I heard the honking and I dropped it in his hand, grabbing the bottles of liquor as I went.

I hid them from Matty while Crystal buckled him in the back seat. I buried the bottles in her trunk. I planned to take them back to the only store in La Push for a trade in. Maybe I could get some bread and peanut butter.

My mother lived on the cheapest alcohol she could find so unfortunately, food is not always an even trade and I couldn't get much for the three bottles of Boone's Farm.

"Wow Kim, looking a bit Courtney Love today," Crystal said as I buckled my seatbelt. It was her one requirement for our daily pick-ups. I don't have a car, a problem in our tiny reservation of La Push where public transportation in non-existent.

"And what the hell does that mean?"

"Not exactly zest-fully clean," she said in a sing-song voice.

"Just shut the fuck up and drive, okay?" I screamed smacking Crystal's headrest angrily. She laughed wickedly.

"Nine whole school days without lover boy Jared has really made you cranky!" Crystal squealed.

"Yeah, it's Jared's absence and not the violent alcoholic I live with," I whispered sarcastically.

I didn't want to admit it, but most of what she said was right, because in the nine day that Jared had been missing, school had lost most of its charm.

My delusional and borderline obsessive crush on Jared Cameron had spanned six years, during which time quiet Jared (who I knew nothing about), was sensationalized in my mind. He turned into a white knight, my perfect man and the answer to all of my prayers. He was warm, kind, considerate, trustworthy, loving, caring… the best boyfriend and protector in the world. I never really realized how much I needed that fantasy knight-in-shining armor to get through the days until he was gone.

After stopping at Matty's elementary school we parked in front of the Quileute Tribal School. We walked through the chipped red doors and made our way to the school's famous combination cafeteria/auditorium/gymnasium… or Cafétoriasium to those in the know.

The room was packed, each table stuffed with friend laughing and students rushing to half-ass finish homework assignments they'd forgotten. Crystal and I took the first seats available because we couldn't find the rest of our crew and I tried very inconspicuously to see if my underarms were fresh or not. Crystal's Courtney Love comment was getting to me. I remembered all too well the years of being called 'Dirty Kim' because my drunken mom didn't have time in her schedule to wash my clothes or me.

The only table available was filled with sophomores and I tried to ignore them as they gossiped about nothing. QTS was a school of gossip— gossip was dull, yes, but every little bit of it was dragged out, examined, discussed, debated and blogged about before the issue was finally laid to rest. I didn't get involved with it because I was afraid to hear what they said about me, especially since I knew most of it would be true.

I'm not a mean girl or a wild girl really, I'd just say I'm misunderstood. Growing up without a father and a drunk for a mother I had to be tough to survive, and I just don't take shit from people, especially fake or dramatic people. I don't like girls who surround themselves with drama to get attention and I don't like girls who change their opinions to fit a group of people. That happened to be just about every girl in our school, sans Crystal. My biggest problem though was that I just didn't know how to keep my mouth shut.

All that being said I don't participate in gossip, normally but my ears perked up however when I heard his name.

"I know, but seriously Jared-"

"What?" The word was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. The girls, whom I knew by reputation but had never spoken to, looked up at me with evil eyes.

" _What_ , what?" said one of the four girls. Her hair was dyed fire engine red and it was not at all flattering.

"Jared, what?" I asked a little impatiently.

"Oh yeah, he's back, and massive… he had a crazy growth spurt. He looks like the Hulk or something."

"And he's gorgeous," another girl responded. This frumpy girl had orange blond hair with black roots, again not a good look.

"Yeah, he's hot now!"

Gorgeous? _Now_? He has always been gorgeous. I had the animalistic need to bare my teeth and growl at the competition. They were all dyed, primped and pressed, but Jared didn't like that kind of thing right? No, Jared would want a girl who was all natural.

Well, the Jared in my mind at least, and then I started to panic. What if every girl started to see how amazing he was…

"You know he was out of school because he had a wicked mutated case of Chlamydia, right?" I word vomited.

I don't know why I said it, but once the words were out there I couldn't take them back. I rushed away before they could ask anything else.

I was going to pay for that, in a school this size the source of rumors didn't stay hidden for long.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1: Kim Rants**

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Book One: Jared

"Wake up sleepy head!" My mother's bright voice rang through the door. I was already lying awake, having just gotten home from patrol with Sam and Paul. The three of us made up the La Push Protectors, a group I liked to think of as an exclusive team of badass werewolves.

"First day back to schoooool," my mother sang in the voice she used with animals and babies.

I love my mother but that voice kills me; in fact the annoyance I felt when I heard it was enough to trigger a change the first days after I became a werewolf. For young wolves, before you master the art of transformation, phasing into a werewolf requires only two things: the necessary genes and excessive anger. The trouble with that is that after phasing the anger becomes hard to control.

I was heading back to school today, after two weeks of phasing. Sam was impressed, it took Paul, three months and it took Sam himself (our Alpha) two weeks to calm down enough to maintain his human body. It didn't surprise me though, I'm about as laid back as guys get, most things just don't bother me.

With a bed shaking groan I hopped in the shower, picked out the thinnest clothes I could find (which still felt sweltering and restrictive) and headed down to the kitchen. That was one of the worst parts of being a werewolf; our body temperature ran constantly at over a hundred, which made most clothing uncomfortably hot. It didn't help that my body was still growing which meant my clothes were all about to burst.

My mother who was there when I first shifted into a wolf was really supportive, she was great really, the best mom in the world; especially since she now cooked four times the amount of food for me at every meal.

I sat down to a huge plate of eggs with cheese, crispy bacon, hash browns with green peppers and onions, six pieces of toast and a huge glass of lemonade, my favorite drink. I smiled at her and dug in with vigor. My father sat silently across from me reading a newspaper (most likely about the economy) and drinking his customary cup of coffee, black with three lumps of sugar.

My father is the head of accounting for a large law firm in Port Angeles, which put his commute to work at over an hour, but he stayed in La Push for my mom, a full blooded Quileute and the only person in the world who made him smile.

"Why are you still here?" I asked chomping down on my buttered toast. My dad put down his newspaper to look at me for the first time.

"Nice to see you too, son," he said examining my plate.

"Sorry," I said through a mouth full of cheesy eggs.

"I have a weeklong vacation. Your mother and I," he looked at her when he said this and she giggled, "will be heading to Olympia today for some shopping." I nodded and tried not to laugh as I scanned his attire.

He was still dressed for a day in the office, his pristine grey button down and black business slacks were really not appropriate for a day of shopping with my mom. She was a marathon shopper, specialty: accessories.

"That's nice."

I hurried to finish off my last three strips of bacon, down the last half of my lemonade and run out the door but my mother grabbed my arm tight and forced a kiss on my cheek first.

"Have a good day back at school. Be safe," she warned kissing me again.

When I got to school Paul was waiting on the side of the building for me, we stood next to each other in silence. Now that we shared a mind in wolf form, spoken words weren't really needed as much. When the first bell rang we nodded and went our separate ways. I had no idea what the teacher was talking about in Geometry but that wasn't new. I had missed more than a week of school and I had never been very good at the subject. I spent the time evaluating the class with my new super nose and ears. Strong and weak heartbeats, roses, orange, lemon, mint, tobacco…

It was a sophomore level class, so I didn't know many people, but I knew the three boys in front of me. They had been the topic of discussion just last night, well not all three of them, just—Quil Ateara and Jacob Black. Us Quileute werewolves phase at the presence of vampires, so with a coven of seven leeches so close, one or both of them would be joining us soon.

Jacob was steadily growing, he was well over six feet already, but the three of them were all getting bigger. That was biology, but they were always together and always happy. That Quil kid was a joker and Jake was all smiles- so it might take them longer to get up enough rage to turn, but they would...

When the class ended I headed to PE, where I spent the period trying to avoid the volley ball. I wasn't really sure I could hit it without smashing it and I think that would have turned a few heads.

As I made my way to history class a smell I was all too familiar with filled my nose.

"Chlamydia, huh?" Leah's voice rang mockingly from behind me. I turned around to face her. She was beautiful, her large light brown eyes, her silky, coppery skin— I tried to stop the thought by shaking my head but they didn't go far. I'd seen a lot more of her than I should have in Sam's mind.

She smiled, for the first time in a long time. I tried to smile back, but I could feel the pitying edge in it and stopped immediately. Leah was Sam's girlfriend for almost five years before he phased into a wolf and dropped her.

He didn't want to, the guilt from the whole thing almost killed him, but when you imprint you have no choice. When you see the girl you are supposed to be with you're bound and you lose all self-control. It was pretty fucked up really, the whole imprinting thing, but I tried not to think about it when in wolf form.

"What? Chlamydia?"

"Yeah, Kim's telling everyone you were out of school cuz you had a nasty case of Chlamydia," she was obviously enjoying this, but it didn't bother me.

"Who's Kim?" I asked, preparing myself to control wave of anger, but it didn't come, it was actually sorta funny.

"Crazy little bitch, about yeh tall," Leah said gesturing at her chest level. Was it just me or had she grown taller as well. Like one of those malnourished runway girls.

"Want me to tell everyone you got it from her?" Leah asked lifting her eyebrows dramatically.

"Sure, knock yourself out," I called back to her on my way to class. Leah caught up with me again and gripped my arm.

"That's her," she hissed pointing to the back of a small girl heading into my classroom.

Her hair was very long, it hung down so far I was sure she could sit on it, and I felt the need to follow her. Was this some sort of stalker and prey thing? Maybe I should skip the class and go see Sam. I shouldn't be in a room with anyone that could make me angry but my feet still pulled me to the door, and I realized I didn't want to go. I wanted to be in that room. With her.

I scanned the class and tentatively took my usual seat, which I was pleased to see was next to Kim. But why was I pleased? Was I pleased because I was subconsciously planning on hurting her?

I turned to examine, her hair was making a curtain over most of her face but I could still see long thick, coal black eyelashes that were perfectly curled. They fluttered erratically and kissed the peak of her high sculpted cheekbones.

I could smell her too: she was a mix of coconut, lime, and… gummy bears. Gummy bears? That couldn't be right, but why was her smell the only thing I could pick up anymore?

I needed to get the hell out of here. I didn't know enough about my wolf nature to be in a confined space with someone I might hurt. I must have been out of my ever loving mind to think I was fit to enter high school already. I got up, making to leave, my eyes still planted on her profile and when she turned to me for the first time, my life ended.

No, that wasn't the right way to describe it. It didn't end, it just wasn't important. The world realigned, gravity and the entire universe shifted, and she was the sun, and the moon and air itself.

I couldn't move, so I was frozen in an awkward position. My mouth was half open in a stupid grin and I half stood/half sat, gaping at the world's most beautiful, most perfect, and amazingly important girl. I felt like laughing at myself, how could I ever even imagined hurting her, she was everything; she was perfection, if she were gone—the world would have no axis to rotate on.

Kim turned away, and the loss of eye contact was hurting me. I coughed beside her, trying desperately to grab her attention again. My chest hurt and I needed to see her face again but she stubbornly stared down.

"Kim?" the sound of her name coming from my mouth was like heaven. Kim. _Kim_. **Kim**.

"Hmphm," she grunted and I wasn't sure what it meant, but it made her blush, which illuminated her high cheekbones making her even more beautiful.

"Um… hi," I said awkwardly. I tried not to stare at her but she was just so remarkable.

"Hi," her voice was breathless and she smiled slyly.

"Wanna skip class?"

"Huh?" Her expression was priceless, so sweet and I wanted so badly to kiss every corner of her expressive face.

"Um, wanna get out of here. Skip with me?" I clarified suddenly feeling stupid and insecure, why would she— the sun— want to go anywhere with me?

"Yeah, okay," she grabbed her stuff and stood without hesitation. I pulled the bag from her, boldly grabbed her other hand and pulled her towards the parking lot. We passed teachers and students rushing through the hall but no one tried to stop our speedy exit.

Her hand was warm and small. It fit flawlessly inside my own and left mine tingling. I looked down at our intertwined fingers as we reached my car, I was dreading the idea that I would have to let it go soon.

It was the most immaculate hand in the world and I couldn't stop myself, I knew I shouldn't but I leaned down and kissed her knuckles, which sent my heart racing. I could hear hers speed up too and I smiled so widely my cheeks hurt.

As I straightened up, before I could fully stand, she grabbed my face and pulled me to her, kissing me with surprising vigor. My stomach and heart dropped to my feet, and I let out a guttural moan that sounded like a growl.

She pressed herself against me with all her force, pushing herself as close to me as she could. I closed the rest of the distance by lifting her up. She whimpered into my mouth and I could feel her cool fruity breath against my lips. Gummy bears.

I had never felt such intense joy in my entire life, it—she was perfect. I pushed my tongue into her mouth dying to taste her, it was better than I could have dreamed, it was like oranges and mint and I was drunk on it.

The final bell rang inside and Kim pulled her face away. The world around me came into view again.

"Where we going?" she asked still attached to me. Everywhere she touched prickled.

"Where do you want to go?" I hadn't thought that far in advance and I just wanted to be anywhere she was. Alone. Blessed with her undivided attention.

"I don't care. Somewhere private," she whispered in my ear and I felt electric as she kissed and nibbled her way down my neck. I placed her carefully in the car, buckling her in as she continued to kiss me.

I was in the car and driving away in less than two minutes. Kim was rubbing my knee as I tried to frantically decide on a place to go. I settled on First beach as she scraped her nails up my thigh. I attempted to breath evenly, begging little Jared to stay calm and still. He didn't listen.

She ran drew circles with her finger around little Jared who was now lying hard on the inside of my pant leg but she didn't touch him directly. She blushed a little but didn't stop when I twitched and jerked in my seat. The car was vibrating, and I thought for a second I was shaking, but it was just the energy between us.

"What is this?" She asked, pointing her finger between herself and me. I liked the idea of 'us' as a unit.

Once I was off the road, parked in the lot and free to look at her I stared with no shame. She was not real, she couldn't be, she was so perfect.

"I don't know but I like it," I said kissing her again. She unbuckled her seatbelt, throwing her leg over me and squeezing herself in the small space between me and the steering wheel.

I was in awe, in perfect peace, and so fucking turned on. I ran my hand down the small of her back and down to her round ass.

I couldn't believe she was letting me touch her at all, much less like this. She pulled her face away, leaning back and pushing herself harder against my hand.

"God, you're beautiful," I whispered, pulling my hand out from behind her and sliding it quickly up her shirt. She jerked, but hurried to help me, unclasping her bra and guiding my hand to her breast.

"Beautiful, huh?" She asked leaning in to kiss me again.

"The most beautiful," I declared.

"Better late than never," she whispered, ripping her shirt off so quickly I was shocked.

"Late?" I asked straining to marry our lips again. She split my mouth with her tongue and seductively rubbed our lower halves together.

"Nevermind," Kim whispered. She stared down at Little Jared creating a sizable bulk in my pants and smiled.

Her tiny hands found the latch at the side of my seat and we fell all the way back. Her hair was hiding her face and I couldn't handle not seeing her, so I pushed it aside staring at her beautiful feathered lashes.

With her eyes locked on my mine she carefully unzipped my pants, releasing LJ from his denim prison.

The feeling was indescribable and I hissed "Oh shit," trying hard to stay still as she tentatively gripped me.

"God, Kim, ugh-" She giggled slightly creating an amazing vibration. I pulled her hand back and off of LJ.

"So-sorry," I apologized, my whole face was red. "I've never done anything like this before. I think I need a minute."

"Don't worry about it, it happens," she smiled and my heart swelled to three times its normal size. She was so kind, so understanding. Beautiful, so so beautiful.

"Do you have any condoms?" She asked leaning forward to rub her bare chest against mine. The stiff points of her nipples sent another surge of blood to LJ so quickly it was almost painful.

"Glove compartment," I admitted bashfully. My mother insisted on buying them for me, even when the likelihood of me having sex were nil. She opened the box and examined them closely with a girlish giggle. Her laugh was like music

"What?" I asked smiling.

"I expected like, Extra Large or something," she said giggling again. She was magic. Everything about her was so extreme. Her laugh was like music. She was extremely kind, extremely beautiful, extremely sexy…

"Backseat?" She whispered.

"Not sure if I'm going to fit back there," I said bashfully examining the backseat.

"Yeah, I'm not sure you're gunna fit… in me, we'll just have to make it work," she joked. She didn't just say that did she?

This was happening too fast to process. I scrambled over the seat at her urging my legs crammed uncomfortably in the backseat of my two-seater.

"You're huge all over, so it can't be steroids," she mused.

"No, no steroids," I said, helping her jump over to the back seat. The windows were fogged and it was getting hot like a sauna in my little car. She handed me a condom, her fingers shaking as she tried to open it.

I had never used one before, never even bought any. I had no skills at all in this department but I knew instinctively that it was right. I belonged with and in her.

It was madness. Everything had happened so quickly but it was wonderful. It was excellent, it was more than I could have even guessed, to be with her, to have her wanting me. I never wanted or loved anything or anyone more than her.

She smiled down at me as she unbuttoned her jeans.

"I love you," I whispered my heart swelling in my chest with the brutal honesty of it.

"Why did you have to ruin it, Jared?" She squealed.

She gracelessly jumped into the front seat and fell out of the door. To my amazement she stepped out into the day half naked. I tripped over myself to cover her, and she flinched away from me. Kim gathered her shirt from the front and dressed quickly. She hopped into her shoes as she walked away and I ran after her.

The walls that we had built to our house of insanity were crumbling, in the fresh air. We were going too fast surely but she felt it too. She knew this was real.

"What happened? What's wrong?" I called after her; she was walking towards town.

"You shouldn't play with a girl's emotions like that Jared, it's cruel!" Kim screamed turning to face me. Kim's eyes were filled with tears and my stomach sank.

It hurt to see her cry, and right then it clicked, I hadn't had a second to examine this feeling.

I had imprinted, I had imprinted on Kim. I'd found my life mate and I could tell her everything.

"Oh god, don't cry, please don't cry," I begged. She backed further away. She didn't want me near her and it hurt like a kick to the gut.

"It's just not right, Jared. Yeah, sure you can tell a girl she's beautiful but you just don't—ugh! Okay, I'm an idiot but I guess now we're even for the Chlamydia rumor."

I was too stunned and worried about her to even begin deciphering this rant, so I just pulled her close to my chest and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Just let me go, Jared. Stop it okay," she pleaded and I complied, watching as she rushed away from me.

I started to shake, boiling heat rolling through my body and I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I phased, tearing my jeans into pieces as I howled to the sky.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2: Jared- Kim Cries**

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I started to shake, boiling heat rolling through my body and I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I phased, tearing my jeans into pieces as I howled to the sky.

I couldn't phase back when I got to the small clearing behind Sam's house, and I circled for over an hour, trying to calm down. I gave up and howled again; Emily ran out a few seconds later.

"Oh, you scared me, Jared. He's at Billy's." I barked my thanks and dashed to Billy's.

Just as I reached the door I started to feel cold again, the boiling passion was starting to die and I concentrated; getting my human shape back slowly. I could feel my legs straighten and elongate and my jaw realign.

Without any other option, I strode in the back door completely in the buff.

"And to what do we owe the pleasure of a naked Jared?" Billy asked cheerily rolling himself to Jacob's room.

"What's wrong Jared," Sam demanded. I grabbed the sweats from Billy as he rolled back into the living room and put them on before threw myself on the couch. It groaned under my weight.

"I imprinted."

"And is that an occasion to be gloomy?" Billy asked settling next to me.

"Is she okay?" Sam's face was worried and I knew what he was thinking, what he was scared of. My stomach lurched, and I felt nauseous at the thought of it, of hurting Kim.

But I had, I had hurt her somehow.

"She's fine, I think—I mean, she hates me, but I didn't hurt her or anything," I rambled. I rubbed my scalp, I still wasn't adjusted to the new crew cut and it felt rough and unfamiliar against my fingers.

"She doesn't hate you, I'm sure," Billy said patting my shoulder.

"What happened?"

"Um… I saw her and the world shifted and—well you know that whole thing— and we skipped class our fifth period class together. She kissed me and we headed to the beach and we were about to do it and-"

"You guys were about to do _what_?" Sam asked his mouth open in shock.

"Don't make me say it again, you know what I mean," I yowled lying back again.

"Continue," Billy said gesturing.

With me lying back and Billy sitting near my head I felt like a patient seeing a shrink and it made it easier for me to close my eyes and elaborate on the whole messed up story.

When I finished I opened my eyes again, peeking under my eyelashes to check their reactions. Billy was nodding gravely, but Sam looked more than amused.

"Well, it sounds like things went a little too fast, son," Billy said soberly, but then Sam started to laugh uncontrollably and Billy couldn't keep his face straight anymore.

"And she sounds sorta crazy!" Sam wailed holding his side, I felt the anger rolling over me and I glared at him before he apologized. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this isn't funny."

"You just need to try to figure her out, son. You need know more about her before intimacy. And you can't just go around throwing I love yous in the wind, you'll scare her away," Billy said sagely.

"You know, when I met Jacob's mother, I couldn't help myself, she was so beautiful, I just had to tell her. I screamed 'you're beautiful' and she laughed but I got her in the end. It took me a while, but it was worth it."

Billy told us more about his wife. Our families weren't close but I vaguely remembered her kind face from tribal events as a child. I remembered the way she doted on her kids, back in the days when Billy stood tall.

"Thanks, Billy."

I felt better.

I needed to know her, I needed to let her know me. I needed to rewind the afternoon of unimaginable passion and get to know her, everything about her: her favorite movie, song, food, why she smelled like gummy bears? Where she lived? What her family was like.

It was just past five pm as I walked outside and I tried to rack my brain for any information I might have to find her. I came up disgustingly blank.

I could still smell her coconut/lime/gummy bear combination clinging to the inside of my nose and inhaled deeply. When the breeze picked up from the east I caught her scent again, less than two miles away.

I had no shoes, and the ground felt cold as I ran toward her. I rounded a corner blindly following the pull I felt behind my navel and her scent. I pinpointed her location quickly, feeling ultra-cool with my new super-ninja abilities, then lame again for thinking about them as super-ninja abilities.

I could hear her as I got nearer. She was inside the corner store talking to Embry's mother, who worked behind the counter.

"Tiffany, you know me," Kim's voice was pleading and it broke my heart. I didn't know what she was pleading for but I wanted to give it to her, I didn't want her to ever ask for anything!

I tried to get closer to the store, staying out of the light on the street so she couldn't see me. The whole moving in the shadows thing felt particularly double oh seven and I smiled to myself as I made my way to the side of the building.

"I gotta ask Mrs. Ateara honey, it ain't my store," the woman's voice was sympathetic and there was a shuffling sound and a dial tone before she spoke again. The woman walked to the back of the store and whispering into the phone but I could still hear her.

"Joy it's Tiffany, I got Holly's daughter Kim here, trying to return some liquor for-" whoever was on the other side of the line cut her off, but I could only hear a buzzing.

"Yeah, okay, just making sure," she responded, hanging up. I could hear her footsteps as she went back to the front of the store. "Okay, an even exchange," she said cheerily.

"Yeah, like I said," Kim said defensively.

I was so in tune with her tone of voice, I could just see the look she made as she said them. Kim's footsteps were light but determined and after she was checked out she walked out the door, a large paper bag in her arms.

I wanted nothing more than to take it from her, to carry everything for her, hell even carry her, she would never have to walk if she didn't want to. I could be like her own personal chauffeur. I sighed deeply, waiting till she was a safe distance ahead before I followed.

It was getting darker now and a very light drizzle started from the west. She would get cold soon, she wasn't wearing much and she was going to get wet.

Where was her house? We had been walking for a while deeper into the bad side of town. The unfamiliar streets seemed to get more unkempt as we went. No one in La Push was rich, my father might have been the closest thing to wealthy in miles but this area was known for poverty well below the average.

She turned a corner onto a small hidden dead-end road and I had nowhere to hide. There were no bushes to slink through so I took to the trees, feeling extra Tarzan like, did I mention how cool it was being a werewolf?

She walked into a small yellow two-story house with a silver car parked in the driveway and I immediately sprang to the tree closest to it. There was a loud commotion inside and I strained to hear, my heart beating so hard in my chest it almost hurt.

"Where are they Kim?" An older woman's voice rang through the house and my ears pricked painfully.

There was a thudding sound and a grunt, Kim's grunt, and the tearing of a paper bag. I couldn't stand not seeing what was going on and I hopped on the roof, scaling the side of the building all Spiderman style, which was pretty fucking cool but not helpful because I was nowhere near the window.

"Mommy?" Another voice, a small child called from the second floor.

"Stay in your room Matty," Kim called out but I could hear his little footsteps running down the stairs.

"Are you okay Kimmy?" The voice a small boy's whined.

"I'm fine, I just fell, don't worry 'bout it kiddo. Don't just stare at me though, help me pick up these groceries," she said scrambling around.

"Kim, I'm fucking serious, I want to-"

"Not in front of Matthew, mom," she said coldly.

"Now, Kim!"

"Okay, fine! I took them back to the fucking store that you bought them from and exchanged them for food! We don't all live on a liquid diet. He needs to eat before he goes to school! We ate crackers and gummy bears for breakfast, while you were upstairs passed out!" The answering smack was loud and I prayed although I knew it couldn't be true, that Kim had smacked her mother and not the other way around.

The boy started to scream and I hoped, and it was a terrible, terrible, terrible hope—that she had smacked him instead. I couldn't, could not handle the idea of Kim being hit, smacked by anyone!

"I'm fine, Matty. Don't cry just take those to the kitchen, okay?" Kim was holding back tears and I gripped harder to the side of the building, crushing the brick I was clinging to and crashing very clumsily to the grass below.

I scrambled up to my feet and ran around to the side of the building following her steps with my ears as she walked upstairs and slammed a door. I was at a bad angle to see in the window and I climbed the nearest tree which gave me a perfect view into her bedroom. It was sickening how happy I was to know I could look into her room at any time.

"Kim, I'm not finished," her mom said pushing the door open so hard that it clattered loudly against the wall.

Kim, so beautiful, so stunning, so magnificent and wonderful came into view. She crossed the room and opened her closet. With her back to her mother she rummaged around, standing up straight and tossing a half empty bottle of alcohol at her.

"Here, knock yourself out." Her face was hard, but her eyes, her stunning hazel eyes were sad. "And make him something to eat, he has to be hungry by now," Kim pushed her mother back and closed the door in her face.

She locked the door this time, pressing her back against in and breathing deeply. She crossed the room again, searching her bag and pulling out a small white box.

Her room, which was small and on the corner of the house had two windows, the one that I was looking into on the side and one that faced the street, which was directly above the porch awning. She opened that window and climbed out sitting on the small landing just above the front door.

My heart beat so hard it felt like it was in my throat, she was so high up, and far away, on a shoddy looking metal awning and there was no way I could make it to her in time if she fell.

I leapt to a closer tree soundlessly, which allowed me access to the roof. I sat as close as I dared, watching her profile. She watched the road with her knees clutched tightly to her chest before she pulled out the white box again, a cigarette box.

Virginia Slims: menthol. I watched her chain smoke two cigarettes as she cried silently. She mumbled something about being dumb and I wanted to contradict her, it took all my strength not to speak.

She climbed back inside and I changed my position turning away as she changed. The image of her naked body was still burned permanently in my memory but watching now would feel like a violation. I did watch as she read peacefully and then settled into her bed, turning off all of her lights.

If I could have one wish, one request for my future hundred plus years of ridding the world of vampires, it would be to lie with her then. To hold her, to comfort her, to kiss her cheek and—I don't know, just be with her. It was well past ten pm when I finally gave up and headed home, my mother was waiting for me.

"Hey Jared, I was hoping you would come home before patrol," she said smiling widely. I appreciated her more than I ever had in my life. I rushed to her and picked her up in a bone crushing hug.

"I love you mom."

"Oh honey, I love you too, **very much**! But I can't breathe, so maybe you could loosen up a bit?" She said wheezed. I let her down and when she looked up into my eyes her expression changed.

"Come on, I got a meatloaf waiting for you. While I warm it up you can tell me about your day." I followed her into the kitchen, wondering suddenly if anyone ever made meatloaf for Kim.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3: Kim Facts**

* * *

I was excused patrol that night so I went to bed early, tossing and replaying the night over and over again. Watching Kim cry was the most painful feeling, worse than turning into a wolf. I had nightmares, most of them including Kim running away from me.

I woke up just past 6:30am completely groggy but desperate to see Kim. I showered, grudgingly removing the rest of Kim's smell from my skin.

I heard my mother's heavy breathing in her room and I quietly made oatmeal, the way she likes it with buttermilk, honey and almonds. I ate a huge serving with two small bottles of Sunny D and cleaned up, leaving a good amount of oatmeal for my mom and dad. I'm a pretty good cook; in fact I kicked most people's ass in home ec because I can also cross-stitch like a fiend.

My mom shared all her hobbies with me growing up. I'm an only child and my dad spent most of his time working. My specialty is baking, something Paul loved to make fun of me for, but was definitely a good topic discussion with Emily.

I placed some oatmeal in my grammar school Scooby-doo thermos and fished out another small bottle of Sunny-D, then I thought it might not be enough. So I toasted half a dozen pieces of whole grain bread, buttered them and placing them inside a large Tupperware, then I washed off two bananas and added a pouch of cinnamon pop tarts.

I had a plan.

I knew 5 Kim Facts…

1- Kim (the world's most amazing, beautiful, fabulous, perfect, outstanding, terrific, wonderful, fantastic girl) was a student in my European history class. Class year unknown.

2- Kim was at least mildly attracted to me or a nymphomaniac (both of which were good for me).

3- She lived with an abusive alcoholic bitch mom and a young boy, relationship as yet undetermined.

4- Her tongue was like heaven.

5- And the words 'I love you' were offensive to her.

And I was going to use these Kim Facts to woo her. I wasn't really sure how her tongue was going to help me win her over, but it was the first fact that kept popping up when I thought about her.

I was going to be the nicest, most considerate, caring, friend in the world and she was going to have to fall for me, there was no way around my charm (or at least that's what my mom always told me). At half past seven I walked to her house with a picnic basket full of food.

I rang the bell and a small boy no older than 10 answered.

"Yes?"

"Is Kim here?" I asked, and he looked at me for a long time before he spoke.

"Who's asking?" I giggled and held out my hand to shake, but he flinched and I took it back.

"I'm Jared, I-"

"What the hell are you doing here Jared?" Kim asked pushing the boy away, he swore loudly but trudged back inside the house, still wearing pajamas.

"Get dressed," she screamed after him.

"I wanted to drive you to school. I brought you breakfast, just in case you…" I trailed off unsure how to finish.

"In case what?" she asked coming outside and closing the door behind her. I didn't really have an end to that sentence so I just passed her the basket feeling like an ass.

"What's with you Cameron?" Kim asked placing the basket on the stairs and crossing her arms in front of her chest. I wanted to hold her so badly.

"Kim, why can't I do something nice for you without you freaking out?" I asked, crossing my arms too, but smiling playfully.

"Oh, so you think what we did yesterday was some sort of favor to me?" She asked glaring and I had no idea how to respond. How could I describe how just touching her face was the most incredible thing I had ever felt? How could I express to her that I felt lucky to just stand in her presence—to have her look at me at all?

"No," was all I could get out.

I tried desperately to express my emotions with my eyes. Her lips, which were pulled in a tight line, loosened back to their normal perfect double curve, so soft and plump and pink. I closed the distance before I could think straight and Kim blushed adorably.

"Sorry," I said shaking my head.

"Seriously, what is this?" she said waving her hand between us.

"It's nice right?" I said smiling. She smiled back, the most stunning smile I had ever seen.

"Come on," she said picking the basket back up. I grabbed it out of her arms and followed her through the front door. The house was very simple, and the furniture was a little old, but it looked clean. I noticed there were no pictures or paintings or embellishments anywhere.

When Kim turned to look at me her face changed.

"Sorry it's not the Ritz, Cameron we don't all-"

"Could you call me Jared, please," I begged, sitting down at one of the tall stools at her kitchen counter.

"Jared, look you don't need to wine and dine me for sex okay? This whole act is creeping me out," she said opening the basket and smiling momentarily before turning her face back to stone. She pulled out the Sunny-D and opened it, taking a swig.

Her eyes were smiling, they were so expressive, so beautiful.

"Do you like Sunny-D," I asked, happy I got something right for once.

She shrugged, "yeah it's alright."

I pulled out the Scooby-doo thermos unscrewing it and passing it to her.

"I made this, it's my mom's special oatmeal," I said as if I was presenting wine at a restaurant.

"Hah, you're old Scooby lunchbox," she whispered.

How did she know about that? How or why would she remember something like that? She pulled out a spoon and dug in, just as her brother came back in the room.

"Hey, eat up," she said throwing him the pop-tarts and continuing to scoop up oatmeal. She was enjoying it and she couldn't deny it.

Kim Fact #6 she liked my mom's oatmeal.

I was so happy my smile was hurting, but I was distinctly aware of her brother's stares from the other side of the room. He chomped on his pop-tarts greedily but his eyes glared at me.

He was a cute little guy and I was pleased to see he worried enough about Kim to be concerned about me but I got the impression having Matty on my side was crucial. I smiled at him and he ran out the room.

"Stop scaring my brother," Kim joked. I felt high, joking with Kim, feeding her and making her happy.

"If you like the oatmeal, you should eat my mom's food, she's a great cook, or my friend Emily. Wait, what are you doing tonight?" I asked holding my breath for her answer.

"Going out with you apparently," she said standing up.

"Alright, I gotta call my friend, give me a second," she left the room. I jumped and shimmied around like an idiot till a familiar voice came from behind me.

"Who the fuck are you?" Kim's mother asked wrapped in an old bathrobe. I stopped hopping around like an idiot and straightened myself out.

I would have liked nothing more than to smack the bitch, something I never thought I would want to do, hit a woman, but I smiled and introduced myself.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Jared Cameron, I'm driving your daughter to school today."

" _The_ Jared? Hmm, okay, well that's good," she said groggily heading to the fridge.

Kim came in then and I looked between the two of them, other than her high cheekbones she bore no resemblance to this broken woman.

"Let's go," she said grabbing the Sunny-D off the counter and my hand, pulling me out of the room.

When she touched me my stomach flipped and danced.

"Matty, get down here, we gotta go!"

"How old is your brother?" I asked trying to acquire as much information on the target as possible.

"Matty's a nine, soon to be ten year-old, pain in my ass," she said as he entered the room.

Kim fact #8: Kim had an adorable nine soon to be ten year-old brother.

I watched her smile softly as she adjusted his shirt and carefully zipped his thick coat.

"Kim this is damn hot," Matty whined.

She giggled but her face turned very motherly and she said in true mother form,

"It's going to be cold today and I don't want you getting sick again," but when she saw me looking she added, "I don't have time to watch after two puking idiots."

Kim Fact #9: She loved her brother very much, more than she wanted to admit and Kim Fact #10: She was going to be a good mother… hopefully to my children.

I stopped in front of the grammar school and Kim hopped out, unbuckling Matty in the back seat and walking him to the playground, where I peeped her giving him a kiss on the cheek. He made a face and rubbed the spot she kissed but smiled.

She came back to the car with a grin and I had to focus really hard on keeping my eyes on the road. She was so shockingly beautiful my eyes kept drifting to her, and the fourth or fifth time I found her staring back at me.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I said putting my eyes back on the road.

"What are you sorry for?" She asked, he tone was neutral, so I didn't know if she was preparing for an attack or not.

"I don't know, I made you upset," I said trying to look apologetic.

"Don't apologize if you don't know what you're apologizing about. I don't like bullshit or bullshiters!" She added, "and stop giving me that puppy-dog face," before I could speak.

Kim fact #11: Kim did not like bullshit or bullshiters, and Kim fact #12: My patented sad face did not work on her… this was going to be tough.

"Sorry," I said automatically and she glared at me before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Look, let me give you some advice," she said as I parked in the school parking lot. "Don't try to play me, I'm not an idiot… and if you hurt me, I'll hurt you back."

She was serious, she had turned her body in the seat looking at me full on as if she was challenging me to protest.

Kim Fact #12: She could be a little scary.

Again I had no fucking idea what to say. How did she do this to me? I had a novels worth of things to say to her, but when it was an important time for me to open my mouth I was speechless.

"I don't want to hurt you." _Great, Jared—that was like understatement of the fucking century._

"Then what do you want, Jared." God I loved when she said my name!

"You." _Again with the one word answers, good job numb-nuts._

"You had quite a bit of me," she said looking me full in the eyes. I couldn't concentrate when her eyes were focused on me like that. I had to look away. I prepared myself to make a speech, but she interrupted me, "Let's go."

She hopped out my car and looked back at me.

"No. Wait… please," I added politely, she smirked.

"Look, I don't want you like that—I mean, I do but—shit! I can't talk to you. Do you have to be so mean? I really trying."

"Trying to **what** Jared?" She asked stomping her feet impatiently.

Kim Fact #13: She had a talent for asking questions I had no idea how to answer.

"Be your boyfriend—or friend, whatever you want." I said throwing my head against the headrest.

"Friend?" She asked grinning evilly, she was so amazing to watch.

"Yeah, sure, if that's what you want," I said honestly.

"Just friends?" She asked again with a chuckle. My heart was beating so hard the sound filled the car. Was that what she needed? What she wanted?

"Yes. I could be a very good friend—the best even."

"Why now? Jared we've been in school together for like ten years. You disappear for nine days and all of a sudden you want to be my friend. Are you trying to tell me this doesn't have something to do with the Chlamydia incident," she asked crossing her arms over her chest again. I hated when she did that, it made me feel so much farther from her.

"I didn't have Chlamydia you know," I informed her desperate for her to believe me.

"I know."

"Then why did you say it?" I asked hoping to stump her for once.

"Cuz I'm a bitch sometimes and I'm sorry, okay? So let's just drop it, we're even," she said putting her hand on my knee. I hated to hear her apologize.

"Stop saying we're even. There's no debt, okay? I wasn't mad, it was funny. Don't worry." I placed my hand over hers and she flinched away.

I felt the shocks of energy pulsing from the spots that our skin had touched. I begged internally for her to turn back to me, to let me see her feathery eye lashes kiss her high cheek bones but she seemed deep in thought.

"So you'll come out with me tonight?" I asked confirming our plans and forcing her to look at me.

"Where we going?" She asked skeptically.

"I want you to come to dinner at my friend's house," I said trying out my 'mom-I-need-something' face, to see if it had any more effect on her than the puppy dog face.

She chuckled. I grabbed her bag and followed her to the door waiting for an answer.

"I don't know, I don't like to leave Matty with my—" she stopped herself and I grabbed her hand squeezing it lightly. She looked up at me appraisingly and sighed.

"We could bring him too," I suggested with a smile but she dropped my hand quickly as Paul arrived. I could have hit him right then, why did he have to ruin it for me?

"It's true!" He howled, laughing like a maniac.

"Kim, this is my _friend_ -"

"Hey Paul," she said stiffly.

"Kim," he nodded.

My eyes darted between them for over a minute before I realized why I was shaking, understood the way she blushed and turned away from him. Before I could interpret the nervous way he was rubbing the back of his neck.

Kim Fact #14: She had at some point in time been physical with Paul!

"No fucking way! You two?" I asked pointing between the two of them trying hard to keep breath even.

"It's was just a thing that-" Paul started.

"It was not a thing, it was nothing! Less than nothing," she shot back. I was vibrating, I could feel it, the trembling heat burning through me.

"Like _yesterday_ was nothing?" I shrieked, but I didn't wait for an answer I ran out the side door.

*:*

It took me more than three hours to phase back. When I was dressed again I rushed out of my house fighting the clock to get to European history and see her again. When I pushed through the door the class was already in full swing and the teacher scolded me as I found my seat next to her.

She was pointedly looking away from me, with her arms crossed two of the things I hated most, but even then she looked cute. I pulled out paper and a pen pretended to take notes as I tried to pour my heart out without A) Making her angry or B) Looking like a sissy-bitch—much easier said than done.

 _ **Dear Kim**_ _(_ No, too formal. _)_

 _ **Kim, look I don't know what happened between you and Paul and maybe that's**_ _(_ No, shit! Too personal, don't bring up Paul, just pretend that never happened _)_

 _ **Kim I think about you constantly, you are the most beautiful amazing girl I have ever met, all I want is to be by your side**_ _(_ No, too stalkerish _)_

 _ **Kim, you keep asking what's going on between us, well it's sorta like magic cuz I'm a werewolf**_ _(_ No, too crazy _)_

My page was now so covered in crossed out starts that I didn't have room to write anything decent. I ripped out a new page from the back of my notebook and took a deep breath before I scrawled (in my best possible handwriting)-

 _ **Kim, I like you a lot, so can you just give me a break here,**_  
 _ **I'm a pretty decent guy no bullshitting you…**_

 _ **-Jared**_

I folded it in three and placed it on her lap, where it stayed for a few seconds before she rolled her eyes and finally opened it. Her eyes scanned it once, twice, three times before she giggled under her breath, rolled her eyes and nodded.

I watched as she flipped the paper over and wrote something quickly. She tossed it back to me and my heart pounded.

 _ **Fine, but not tonight, I made plans when you went MIA. I'm hanging out**_  
 _ **with my friend Crystal and our little brothers. It's sort of a Friday tradition. Tomorrow?**_

I smiled like a huge idiot, she wanted to see me on her free time but then the realization that I wouldn't see her until tomorrow night hit me. I shook my head.

 _ **Can I come? I like kids, kids like me :)**_

She took the note looking disgruntled but she smiled again when she read it. Her eyes brightened when she nodded and whispered, "yeah, fine".

I practically skipped through the school for the rest of the day. I waited by the front door after last bell until I smelled her again, smiling even wider than before.

"You're like a trained dog," she said looking at me with a playful grin.

"A cute trained though, right?" I asked grabbing her bag.

"Adorable," she said sarcastically but without a second thought she walked to my car. I let her in first and when I was settled in the driver's seat I pushed my luck and placed my hand on her knee. She didn't move or make a face; I was ecstatic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4: Kim's Power**

* * *

I got home around three after dropping off my Kim, and reluctantly saying good-bye.

I only had four and a half hours before I could see her again. I sat with my mom as she watched Rachel Ray, unwilling learning how to make the 'perfect apple cake'.

Rachel Ray was generally annoying, but when I was counting down the minutes till I saw the love of my life again, she was excruciating.

Around six thirty I started to get worried that maybe I wasn't dressed up enough. Was this a date? And if it was a date, did dudes get dressed for dates? And if so, what was appropriate attire for a play date with Kim and her brother?

I was tempted to ask my mom, but thought it might be a bit awkward. I ran through the mental inventory of all the clothing I had left—turning into a werewolf had severely affected my wardrobe. Wait. Did I seriously just call it my wardrobe? I never thought I'd—

"OOOOWWW," the howl was Sam's and it didn't sound good.

I kicked the foot of my bed and it collapsed. It was six fifty and I had forty minutes before I could be with Kim, this was the worst damn time for a leech.

The howl sounded again and I stripped down, attaching some clothes to my ankle and leapt out the window. The heat rolled through my body, the shimmer of something magical, something new shot through me. I landed on all fours, my massive paws padding the fall. I ran toward the sound, cursing every filthy disgusting blood-sucker on the planet.

 _Yeah, well it's just one you need to curse now._ Paul thought bitterly.

 _Charlie called Billy. Bella's missing, they've looked in the woods for her but they can't find her and its getting dark._ Sam informed me as I made my way through the trees, catching sight of them.

So we've got a recon mission to find a vamp lover. Great, I'm going to miss time with Kim for this?

 _Oh man, I still can't believe you imprinted on Kim, she is the craziest girl—_ I cut him off by lunging at him, holding his throat between my teeth.

 _Chill out you two and Paul learn some respect!_ We separated, but I was still fuming.

 _Sam, do I really need to go? You don't need three wolves to find one dead body._ I asked already knowing the answer.

 _So why even ask?_ Paul huffed and I ran past him, picking up speed till we reached the town.

There weren't many places to run unnoticed so I phased back with some effort and untied the clothes uncomfortably tied to my legs. I dressed quickly and danced through the street barefooted before they could call after me. I was definitely going to be late and she was going to think I was ditching her. Just great!

I'd heard all about the Bella girl, friend of the Blacks and known leech-lover, but I never met her, so I had no idea what she smelled like. I had however met Chief Swan so I traced him, heading east till the smell got stronger.

I could hear Sam and Paul's soft steps behind me and when we reached a small thicket of woods I knew it had to be past 7:30 already! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! BULLSHIT!

"I'm going to sneak in her room and get something to pick up her scent," Paul announced, for once making himself useful.

"I'm sorry," Sam said once he was out of earshot.

"For what?" I asked.

"I don't know what I'm doing. This whole alpha thing, I wasn't born for this role," he rubbed his shaved head nervously.

"Don't worry about it, you're doing fine. And hey, maybe this will piss Jake off enough for him to phase, and you won't have to do it anymore," I joked hitting his arm. Paul came back then with a single sock. I sniffed it grudgingly, passed it to Sam and walked to find Chief Swan. He stood surrounded by a circle of work and hunting friends.

Sam introduced himself and made all the formalities and when I shook his hand I noticed the time on his large digital watch. 7:58pm and I had no time to call her, she was going to be furious and as Kim fact #12 clearly states, she's a little scary!

I would be okay with her anger, but I didn't think I could deal with her pushing me away, not allowing me to be by her side.

The forest was not large or even extremely dense but it was filled with a good amount of Charlie's cop buddies so we couldn't phase. It also didn't help that Paul only got a sock, and feet smell different from the rest of the body, so unless she was shoeless it might be a bit more difficult. The three of us split up, trying to avoid the existing search party.

I ran through the trees till I reached the complete opposite end of the woods, and then started backward, if he was going to kill her and drop the body, he wouldn't do it so close to the clearing. Paul had had the same idea and we met somewhere in the middle.

He grinned at me and raised his eyebrows, "wanna make this interesting?"

"What can be more interesting than finding the remains of blood drained teenager?" I asked sarcastically, as we made to cover a new row of trees.

"I don't think he killed her, not in the normal way. I think if they ever find her again she'll be all pretty and made of stone," Paul bet.

"Either way that's breaking the treaty," I said searching the sky. There was no way of telling the time at this point, but it had to be well over nine.

"Well, that's what I was getting at. I put ten dollars on us not finding anything. If she's dead he hid the body better than this, and if he changed her, he's not sticking around for us to kill her. This is a big fat waste of time," he hissed as we made to start another row of trees.

It was almost another hour before I started to smell Sam near, it meant we had searched almost the entire forest and she wasn't here.

So not only did I miss my date with Kim, I wasted hours of my life with Paul that I could not get back.

"Bella," Sam's voice rang clear from a few feet ahead and we sped up. "Have you been hurt?" he asked and I watched him as he lifted her small body off of the ground.

I came around the front to examine her, I didn't smell vamp, but it could be a delayed affected. We weren't really in the know on how blood-suckers were created, only destroyed. Sam picked her up and her glazed eyes flittered past me, obviously not taking me in. I sniffed deeply trying to smell for blood, there was none.

She looked dead, gone, her eyes were empty and she just kept mumbling.

"He's gone."

"He left me."

"Didn't love me."

"Gone."

Sam's arms were rigid as he held her and I felt nauseous at the sight of her, but I wasn't sure why. I don't think I have ever seen someone in so much grief, she was almost catatonic.

She lie limp in Sam's arms as we reached Charlie who grabbed her and dashed inside. We followed because it was our duty, but I was itchy, desperate to run back to Kim. When we got inside I checked the wall clock, surprised and angry to find it was 11:03pm. She would be sleeping already and I ruined everything.

Sam, Paul, and I stood against the door, watching as a doctor looked her over, there were no wounds. We all breathed a sigh of relief and took it as the perfect time to bow out. We stripped down once we found the trees and phased back.

Paul's thoughts were on the ten bucks he owed me, but Sam's thoughts were on Bella, on the look on her face, and how it mirrored Leah's look when he ended it with her.

The pain of the memory was sharp, he had loved Leah, adored her, remembering the pain he put her through was unbearable. He was furious, burning up at the idea of leaving someone and hurting them this badly.

Once we made it back to La Push I separated from the others and headed to Kim's place, I climbed the tree outside of Kim's house watching her till her alarm clock informed me it was 3am. Although I felt better knowing she was safe in her room, and I was immensely happy to see her face I couldn't stop thinking about Bella.

She loved him, he was a filthy abomination, but she loved him and he left her. Once she woke up from her haze she was going to hate him, hate Edward Cullen till the day she died while his freak body remained the same. Like mine. She loved him more than herself, more than her own safety and apparently her sanity.

Would Kim ever love me like that? Did I want her to love me like that? To love me so much she could disregard the rain and lie on the forest floor for hours in pain.

No I didn't want that, I definitely didn't want her to love me like that, it wasn't healthy, it wasn't normal. But I did want her to love me, I couldn't think of a life without her, losing her would drive me to the brink. I understood Bella, but the picture didn't help me feel better. I started to fear the power Kim had over me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5: Kim's Advice**

* * *

I woke up around ten, slamming my head against my pillow and tossing on the first clothes I could find. My mom was already downstairs, her eyes searching me as she set down a large bowl and a box of Fruity Pebbles, my favorite cereal. I wasn't hungry, the anxiety and the sleepless nights were affecting me.

"You okay," she asked as she place the milk down next to me with a bottle of apple juice.

"Not hungry," I grunted, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

She absentmindedly touched my forehead gasping, and then shook her head when she remembered I was now constantly feverish.

"Is this about your new girlfriend?" she asked sitting across from me. I hadn't told her about the imprinting, in fact she didn't know about imprinting at all, I tried to keep most of the wolf-world to myself.

"How did you know about her?"

"I know everything about you Jared," she said evenly.

"I had to go to Forks last night for wolf business, but we sort of had a date and I didn't have a chance to call her, and the thing is she's sort of a little… I don't know, tough. I think she's going to be really pissed."

"Aww, no one can stay mad at you, honey," she said touching my hand. "But if you're worried, gifts or flowers always do the trick."

"What kind of _gifts_?"

"Something from the heart," she said when my dad entered the room.

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. I turned away, it was icky seeing old people kiss; especially when it's your parents.

"Your dad here made me the most beautiful bracelet when we were in high school, John show Jared how to make one of those bracelets you made me. He wants to impress a girl," my mom pressed.

My dad appraised me and winked. "Hold on," he said leaving the room.

It was Saturday but it was probably the first Saturday I've seen him at home on the weekend in over a year. He returned about 15 minutes later with a tackle box and an ancient looking handmade manual.

"Here, your gramps gave this to me when I met your mom," he said passing to me the paper. "Some of it's in Quileute, but they're picture, you should be able to figure it out." He opened the box on the table in front of me.

"Oh look, there's the purple you used to make mine," my mom smiled hanging onto my dad.

"She'll like that purple… with the aqua and the chocolate brown, trust me," she said pointing out the different spools of thread. I wanted to start it right away but first I needed to see her, I was desperate to be near her again, no matter what her reaction.

Images of a catatonic Bella continued to flash through my head as I took the box to my room, checked myself in the mirror and ran out, skipping the car and rushing to her door on foot.

I breathed hard as I prepared to knock but the door opened before I even touched it. Matty came to the door and smiled wide at me, it made him even more lovable.

He was tall for his age, much paler than Kim but with the same wide lips and high cheek bones, which were half hidden behind a layer of baby fat. His eyes were a much lighter hazel than Kim's and his hair was curly and cropped close to his head.

"Hi Matty."

"Hi Jared," he said with an excited glow. He stopped himself almost immediately, examining me with a serious face he couldn't quite pull off. "Are you here for Kim?" he asked with his head titled to the side.

"Yes," I said anxiously looking for her behind him in the open door.

"She went to work. She works all day on Saturdays," he said still giving me the once over.

"Oh," I said lamely.

"What did you want?" He asked, I thought at first he was trying to figure me out, but when I searched his face a little more I realized his eyes were timid and almost pleading.

"I just wanted to hang out," I said taking a seat on the stairs.

"You could hang out with me," he said his little voice not managing to hide the hope. I smiled at him, gesturing for him to take a seat next to me.

"Sure kid, what do you wanna do?" I asked placing my hand on his shoulder. I didn't have anything to do today, the leeches had all left town and I wasn't much in the mood for celebrating with the rest of the pack. He looked at my hand on his shoulder skeptically for a minute but shrugged.

"I don't know, my mom is still sleeping and all the good cartoons are finished already," he huffed. He was really cute when he did that, he reminded me so much of Kim.

"Okay, we can play baseball? Soccer maybe? Video game?" I wasn't really sure what kids liked to do now a days, which made me feel old.

"We used to have Guitar Hero, my dad bought it for me, but mom sold it," he sighed. "Wanna build something with my duplos," he suggested.

I grinned, I still had a giant box of duplos in my basement. I was a duplo/lego master growing up and I took my building blocks seriously.

"Sweet! I got a ton of duplos at home, oh shit, the lego tower. Okay, we gotta make a chart, I have some grid paper and more supplies at home. We gotta head over there first, where are we building this? Do we have secure surface to build the base?" Matty was smiling even wider than before, and I knew then that I had found a brother, a fellow plastic architect.

*:*

After raiding my house for all the equipment and grabbing a stack of sandwiches from my confused mother, we headed back to Kim's in my car. Matty was quite the chatter-box when he opened up to you, but I didn't mind, he was funny as hell and he occasionally mentioned Kim.

"Kim's going to start working on Sundays too, maybe you can come over sometimes. With all of these duplos we can build a whole damn city! Oh man, Kim is going to freak, she loves forts. One summer we slept in a fort in our backyard for three days. She said it was cuz mom's old boyfriend Kyle was creepy, but I know she just liked it cuz it was wicked," he didn't stop for a breath.

"My friend Jordan gave us this Spiderman tent last year and sometimes when mom is sick she puts it in her room and we camp out. She said for Christmas she'll buy a bigger one so we can both sleep in there and maybe we can camp in the caves. She's scared of the caves though so I know she's lying, but I think she might really get me the tent," I added that information to the log.

Kim fact # 15: she was afraid of the First Beach caves.

"My dad took me to the caves once, they're awesome, they had these like icicles hanging all over, but they weren't cold, they were like made of rock," he rambled as I unpacked the car.

"Stalactites," I corrected, evaluating the grass in the backyard.

"Huh?"

"The icicles, they're called stalactites, the ones that come from the ground are called stalagmites," I explained.

"Oh. Hey Jared?" he paused as we started to sort the colors in piles.

"Yeah," I prodded, focusing on the yellows. We had a similar method of preparation; it was sort of like watching a nine year old me.

"Could you take me back to the caves some time?" He asked trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yeah, of course! We can go with Kim, cure her of her fears," I said smiling.

"Jared?"

"Yeah, Matty," I chuckled looking back at him. He was serious again, his fist were clenched a little.

"Do you like her?" He asked, his demeanor changed automatically, he was serious, the man of the house.

"Yes, I like her very much," I felt like I was talking to a dad before a first date. He eyed me again, smiled wide, and continued to sort.

"That's cool. Gross, but cool."

We started by building a base, which Matty insisted needed to green. We took a break around two and chowed down on my mom's three cheese subs.

I grudgingly gave one to Kim's mom when we went inside to wash our hands, she was sprawled across the couch watching re-runs of The OC. She hadn't drank in a few hours, which I knew by the repulsive smell of it seeping out of her pores.

At just past six we were almost done with a full on duplo castle when I smelled her. Her natural musk, coconut, and lime were mixed with frying oil, and fish. It wasn't unpleasant but it made me hungry again.

I wondered what my mom made for dinner and if Kim would agree to come over with Matty to try it. She shouldn't have to cook if she worked all day. I hurried to finish the top of the fort, making sure it was finished before I left the little guy and threw myself at Kim's mercy. My heart beat hard in my throat as I watched her slow progress up the driveway.

"Can I talk to you, Jared," she said evenly. She threw down her keys, her purse and removed her work baseball cap with a smiling purple fish before motioning for me to follow her.

"I'll be right back, Matty," I called to Matty.

"No he won't, say bye bye Matty," she screamed not looking back. He sighed, shrugged his little shoulders and waved goodbye with a frown.

My legs got heavier as she walked further from her house, not bothering to look back at me. When she reached the end of the street she finally turned to face me. I was expecting to see fury, anger, rage, but what I got hurt much more. Her eyelids were heavy and she looked pained. She avoided my gaze when she spoke.

"Look, Jared thanks I guess, for hanging out with Matty, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't come back," she said calmly. I didn't like this calm Kim, I almost wished she was screaming.

"I really like him though," I said hoping I could tap into her soft spot for him, but I wasn't lying.

I didn't spend the day with him because of, or for Kim— I did it because I liked him, because it was fun and not complicated and because I liked listening to him ramble and making him smile.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. You can't get to me through him and he's had more than enough fucked up father-figures in his life letting him down." I saw a spark of her anger flicker behind her eyes but she remained eerily calm..

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I had to work, there was an emergency," I mumbled, it sounded lame even to me.

She didn't deem my excuse worthy of a reply. Instead she stood perfectly still, watching me with tired eyes, eyes that bore into my soul. I couldn't handle looking at her anymore and I scanned her perfect frame, taking in bright yellow uniform. I cocked my head to the side seeing the name written in block print on her tag.

"Susie?" I joked. She didn't smile instead she gestured for me to leave and spun on her heels. I grabbed her arm reflexively but the cold sneer that lit her face made drop it instantly.

"Yeah, I'd rather asshole and perverts didn't know my real name or _address,"_ she stressed taking several steps out of my reach.

"Jared, this isn't going to work. My life is just too damn complicated; I don't have the time or energy to spare for guys. So just leave us alone okay?"

"Kim, I'm really, really sorry. I don't know what I could possibly do to make you believe me, to trust me—"

"I don't trust anyone," she muttered under her breath before shouting a final goodbye over her shoulder.

My mother had always emphasized respect for women. If a woman told me to leave her alone I should, no means no but leaving her at that moment felt final and I couldn't care the thought of not being Kim's everything.

I circled the block and cleared my eyes of the frustrated tears that fell without my permission. When I finally made it back to her home and I scaled the trees to my favorite vantage point, I heard her chatting with Matty..

She was talking to Matty out of sight. "Did you eat?"

"Yup, Jared's mom made us these sandwiches, they had three kinds of cheese in them. I didn't even know there were three kinds of cheese, Kimmy. They were good, his mom is nice, she's really pretty too. When you and Jared get married-"

"Whoa there Matthew, don't get your hopes up, okay? It's just you and me for the long haul," she cut him off pounding up the stairs. His tiny footsteps followed.

"He really, really likes you though. He told me," Matty insisted from her door. I could see his profile as Kim threw herself on top of her bed. He closed her door without another word but didn't retreat to the living room. They seemed to have a routine and I watched, kicking myself, but unwilling to look away as she stripped out of her uniform and all too soon covered herself with a bathrobe.

Matty was still talking on the other side of the door. "He's really nice too and smart. He knows all about cave icicles, they're called stalactites. Did you know that? And he said he was going to take me to see them cuz you're too much of a sissy," he said as she opened the door to face him.

"I'm not a sissy and again don't get your hopes up, he's not coming back. You don't know him or what he even wants. But, look, if you really want I can get Crystal and her brothers together and we can go next Sunday before I start my new Sunday shift, okay?" She said her voice softening as she looked down at him.

"Maybe he just wants to be my friend," Matty said sounding hopeful. She walked past him and I lost sight of them. My ears sharpened and I listened to her pad down the hall and into the bathroom, Matty still following, stopping at the door again.

"He wants to my fuck friend," she whispered.

"He what?" Matty called out.

"Nothing. Listen Matty, you don't understand this yet, you're just a kid, but you have to learn this some time. People aren't like in the movies, they aren't all good and caring. You can't just trust everything everyone says and you can't expect them to do anything for you," she said turning on a steady stream of water.

"I wish I could tell you that at least we could always trust our family, but that's not true either," her voice was heavy with hurt when she said this and I was dying to hold her, to comfort her. "That's not our life but we got each other, and I'm sorry if that's not enough, but that's all we got."

His weak little footsteps lead back downstairs and I listened as Kim got stepped into the shower and started to sob.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6: Kim Bleeds**

* * *

After she showered and dressed and settled into bed I had to leave, I couldn't handle hearing her cry anymore. I don't know what I did to make her cry so painfully, but I was the worst excuse for a half-human being on the entire planet.

I was exhausted, I haven't slept normally in over a week, but I was on patrol for the night and I trudged through my duties. Sam tried to keep out of my thoughts but I was having a hard time concealing the sound of her cries. Around 3am I was released and I collapsed in my bed too tired to shower.

"You okay honey?" My mom's voice pulled me out of a deep sleep and I groaned.

"Mmmmhmmfine," I yawned.

"Well, it's 3pm, you must be starving," she said just as my stomach growled. She smiled and stood up from my bed.

"Oh, I went out and got you some new clothes. You're just shooting up aren't you," she said casually as if I wasn't growing at an inhuman speed, and it was just a normal puberty spurt.

"Thanks mom," I called after her.

There were six large bags in the corner of the room, a rainbow of different colors: Hollister, Old Navy, American Eagle, Jack Jones, Express Men and Abercombie. I groaned, my mom never did anything small and in La Push all of these clothes would stand out. I needed two new pairs of shorts at the very most but now I faced a mountain options I would likely destroy. I didn't even want to look inside and see the damage. I grabbed a pair of old sweats on my floor and trudged downstairs.

"I made you an extra-meaty lasagna," she said frowning momentarily at my clothing choice. She went to the oven and pulled it out, not bothering to plate it and setting the entire lasagna in front of me.

"Thnks mom."

"So now that you're up can you explain the boy?" I could tell the curiosity was eating her up.

"He's Kim's brother," I said eyeing her.

"Oh, thank god!" She said breathing a sigh of relief.

"Who did you think it was?" I asked confused.

"Jared, I don't want you to get mad at me, but I went shopping with Mrs. Irons and I told her you had a new little girlfriend named Kim and well she told me that her daughter said that Kim was… you know, that Kim was a little… wild," she finished looking at me apologetically.

"You thought he was her son?" I asked indignantly. "God mom, she's seventeen like me, she can't have a nine year old!"

"Of course, of course. How stupid of me, I just, the things she was saying about her. How well do you know her Jared?"

I got her double meaning. She wanted to know if I was having sex with her. I always thought that when I did start having sex I would tell my mom, because she was generally cool, but we weren't and it didn't look like we ever would.

"Mom! She's amazing, she's smart and funny and caring and loving. And she basically raises that kid, her mom is such an alcoholic and she works so hard and never complains, and-and I love her," I word vomited all over the place. My mother's face turned from concern to shock to joy.

"Oh Jared, baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I should have trusted your judgment, you're such a good boy, if you like her—if you love her I'm sure she's a great girl." She shocked the hell out of me. I was expecting a few more questions and some concerns but she seemed happy for me.

I wish I could have said the same. I finished the lasagna with only half-hearted splendor and returned to my room, showering and dressing in some khaki board shorts and a t-shirt from Old Navy, making sure to show them off to my mom before I started working on Kim's bracelet.

I decided to give Kim some time, not bother her today, so I sat down and after about four hours of weaving and tightening I was finished. The tri-color bracelet was small, but I knew it would fit her, I just didn't think it was enough.

I wanted to do something for her, to give her something that would show how sorry I was and that I meant what I said to her. To show her that I loved her, and I could be trusted. There were no Hallmark cards or gift that could say all of that though so I settled on planning her a picnic lunch. I knew from TV and movies that women like men who cook, so I hurried to the kitchen and bothered my mom about it.

"Mom, I want to make a picnic for Kim."

"Oh that would be sweet," she said going back to her sewing.

"I mean now," I prodded.

"Jared it's 8pm, it's a little late for a picnic," she said looking at me as if I were on drugs.

"For tomorrow, I want to make her a picnic so we can go out to lunch together tomorrow."

"Oh sweetie that's a great idea! What do you want me to make? I can bring it to you guys at school, I really wanna meet her," she said practically bouncing.

"I wanna make it. I was thinking maybe cupcakes and some sandwiches or something," I said trying to think of handheld foods.

"Oh, this is a perfect time to pull out the Martha Stewart Summer recipes book," she squealed running out the room.

She returned in full conversation, "There's a whole chapter on picnics and barbecues!"

We spent the rest of the night baking and talking and I felt like I was in middle school again, before I decided that spending time with my mom was _gay_. I felt ashamed that I ever pushed her away.

I broke down and told her about imprinting, but she confessed she already knew there was something wolfy about the way Sam and I were with Kim and Emily. She asked me about Kim and I found I loved talking about her. I told her everything I knew and guessed about her, glowing the whole time, and I listened hard when she finally gave me advice.

"It sounds like that Matty boy is as good as her own, and if what Mrs. Irons said about her mother is true, they've probably had a fair share of men coming in and out of their life. Her negligent parents have made her fiercely independent and responsible, but also emotionally stunted. She's not going to trust you easily and she won't let you hurt him," she said gravely as she took cupcakes out of the oven.

"Why would she think I wanted to hurt him though," I asked from the counter where I feverishly mixed the homemade frosting.

"Well I know you wouldn't hurt him honey, but she's had a different life than yours. Most of your classmates have had a different life than you; you have lived a very privileged and sheltered life. In many ways you are naive, so it's going to take a lot of patient so deal with her."

"Mom I'm a werewolf who protects the town from blood sucking demons," I countered.

"You are a werewolf in a beautiful home with all the food, love and comforts you could ever ask for. It's nothing to be ashamed of honey, your father worked hard to make sure you never wanted for everything. It does put you at a disadvantage with this girl though. She's miles ahead of you in some ways. She likes you though, or you wouldn't affect her as much as you do."

"You think so?" My ears perked.

"Oh yeah. She's tough, tough girls let things roll off their backs, but you're getting to her. You need to slowly gain her trust though if you want to be there for that boy and that's not going to be easy," she said wisely. I blessed Dr. Phil for all of the knowledge he bestowed on housewives everywhere, kissed my mom on both cheeks and headed to patrol with a new pep in my step.

Patrol was much more eventful then it had been in weeks and Paul and I took out a pair of female bloodsuckers headed towards the Makah reservation.

The chase took the whole night. We bobbed and weaved and ran in circles before cornering them, and I didn't get home till just past four. I was exhausted when morning came but I pulled myself out of bed anyways.

I picked my clothes more carefully than usual, putting on a "vintage" tee and jeans. It was getting colder outside, but I figured I still had a few more weeks before people started to comment on my sandals.

I wanted to pick her up, but I took my mom's advice and gave her space. I arrived at school a little early and talked to Sam's aunt in the cafeteria, giving her my basket to put in the fridge.

I saw her friend Crystal's car approach but I didn't smell Kim. I was worried and I rushed over to her, Crystal eyeing me suspiciously.

"Where's Kim?"

"Why are you asking?" She shot back.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Why do you care?" She asked raising her eyebrow.

"Why don't you?"

"Who says I don't?" her face turned indignant and I changed my strategy.

"Crystal this isn't getting us anywhere. Is Kim sick?" I asked politely.

"Yes, something like that," she said coldly, walking away. I tried to mentally prepare for another day away from Kim, but something about the way Crystal spoke made me uneasy. I turned to rush back to my car, but a large hand interrupted me.

"Jared, can I ask you something," Jacob Black was standing awkwardly in my way.

"Kinda busy Jacob."

"Umm wait, I heard you were there when Bella Swan was found in the forest."

"Yeah, I was, but Jake can I talk to you later? I got something to do right now," I pushed past him. When I cleared and made it to my car, I cursed loudly, finding Paul leaning against the hood.

"Where you headed, pup?" he asked smirking.

"Kim," was all I said making to open my door.

He barked with laughter and I glared at him; this wasn't the time for this.

"Okay man, but I'm warning you—she's a sociopath."

I didn't respond, I hopped in the car and sped to her house. As I walked towards the door I caught the scent blood, and I panicked.

"Kim!" I called outside of her door. I heard shuffling on the other side and felt better, I knew from the weight that they were Kim's steps. I held my breath waiting for her to whip the door open and scream or maybe hit me but when she saw me her eyes softened. And without a word she jumped into my arms.

The relief of seeing her was like stepping under a waterfall and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. She hissed loudly, and flinched.

"Are you okay?" I asked stepping back though it pained me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked with only half of her usual fire. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she was still amazingly beautiful.

"You didn't come to school, I was worried about you."

I scanned her body. I could smell the blood more strongly now, but I didn't see any wounds. I did see a bruise though, it was big and yellowing, which clashed nastily with her caramel skin. I grabbing her hand and gingerly inspecting it. She tried to pull it away but winced and let it go.

"What happened to you? Are you okay? You're bleeding," I rambled.

"I'm fine, I fell down the stairs, just be quiet, okay."

She pulled me silently up the stairs and through her bedroom door, closing it behind me. I was surrounded by her smell and it was intoxicating. I went to speak, but she cut me off,

"I'm fine okay.".

"You're not okay, you're bleeding." I cautiously put my hands on her hips and pulled her closer.

"Jared, why are you doing this to me?" She asked, silently streaming tears.

"What am I doing? I don't want to make you cry, I'm not trying to at least," I said pulling her even closer. Every breath I took was filled with her, it was looked in my eyes, tiny teardrops still clinging to her long eyelashes.

She was so breathtaking, her almond shaped hazel eyes glistening. When the vibrating energy between us grew and I inched closer to her lips. She pulled away from me and I finally saw the blood stain on the back of her shirt. I gasped and she swirled back around trying to hide it.

"You should leave now, Jared," she said softly.

She moved to her back to a mirror mounted to the wall and lifted her shirt, removing it lazily as if she were alone. We both cringed. One part of me said it would be the right thing to leave like she requested, but another part of me refused to move. I continued to stare as she inspected the thin half healed cut on her lower back. She caught me staring and snapped.

"God, Jared I'll have sex with you, just not now okay? You're so fucking persistent," she said her eyes filled with a new sadness I couldn't explain.

"I don't want to have sex with you," I said and at that second I wasn't lying. I couldn't think about sex at all when I saw her standing in front of me in her black bra, her ribcage laced with purple bruises.

"I fell down the stairs and it hurt too much to sleep on. I'm tired as hell, just leave me okay," she asked examining the pain on my face.

She watched me for a long time and stepped forward. She pulled up her hair, which fell in a huge curtain down her back, and rolled it up into a sloppy knot on top of her head. The sun from the window illuminated her and I gulped unable to keep myself from gawking at her wonder.

"Look, you wanted to be close to me—this is my life. If your stomach is too weak for it then leave," she said pointing at the door, as her eyes searched mine for a response.

I saw a longing there— behind the angry fire; her voice was hard but she wanted me to stay. She was daring me to love her, but she was also sizing me up. Seeing what I was made of.

I grinned despite myself and her eyebrows knit momentarily. This wasn't just magic wolf shit I was feeling, even if I hadn't imprinted she was my match. How could I not love her? She was broken, in pain and still taking bets.

I took two slow deliberate steps towards her, closing the distance and instead of pushing me away or making a cutting comment she yawned. Her yawn was contagious and I joined her in one loud long yawn. She giggle and covered my mouth shushing me.

"Sorry, I didn't get much sleep either… thinking about you," I said honestly. She cried out in laughter, her hands grabbing onto the front of my shirt for support as she succumbed to waves of laughter.

"Does that work on other girls?" She asked between outburst.

"I never really tried to get a girl before," I said candidly.

She examined me again, not laughing anymore as she searched my face. "Jared… are you a virgin?"

"Yea," I said defensively and she laughed again. She yawned again loudly and looked up at me in embarrassment. I picked her up, careful to avoid her bruises and set her on the bed.

"You should take a nap," I said getting ready to leave.

"Do-don't go," her eyes pleaded.

I was so relieved that I could have sang, and I settled in next to her, cuddling her tiny body and inhaling deeply. I fell to sleep almost instantly, the best sleep I'd had in the week since I met her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7: Kim Hurts**

* * *

I woke with the most complete sense of calm; Kim's scent filling my nose, her soft body draped half across my chest. The calm only lasted a few seconds before I heard a third heartbeat in the room. My eyes flung open and I swirled off the bed making sure not to disturb Kim who was still sleeping comfortably.

I examined her room more closely now, it was a bit messy, clothes and books thrown around, a small children's sized tent set up near the closet. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding when I realized it must be Matty.

My eyes darted to her alarm clock, it was 3:45, and we'd slept for almost eight hours. I sighed and headed over to the tent, pulling back one of the flaps and looking inside. Matty was there, sitting with his knees to his chest, glaring at me. I was a little taken aback, my lego-buddy was evil-eyeing me and I had no idea why.

"Hey, buddy," I said, kneeling so the top half of my body was in the tent.

"Get out of my tent," he spat, turning his little face away from me.

"What's wrong?" I asked reaching out to pat his arm.

"Don't touch me! Get out of my tent and out of my sister's room!" He screamed and Kim was up and at my side before I could respond. She pulled me up, staring at me with wide eyes.

"What'd you do?" She asked bending down to look in the tent. "Why are you upset, Matty?"

"Why was he in your bed?" He wailed.

"We fell asleep, Matty, it's okay. Okay?" She said pulling him out by his hand and pulling him to her. His head rested on her stomach and she looked at me pleadingly, motioning to the door with her head.

I got the hint and started to head out, when a huge crash sounded outside of the door. I went into full wolfman-attack mode crouching low and adjusting myself to block Kim and her brother.

"What the fuck is all this screaming about?" Her words were slurred, but I knew who they came from so I stood up a little more straight, still blocking them.

"Jared, you should really go. Like now," Kim said with a hint of panic. "Matty, get in the tent, okay? We'll talk about this later," she pushed him towards the tent but he didn't budge, he came and stood beside me his hands crossed in front of his chest.

Kim scoffed and walked past us, opening the door with a huff.

Kim's mother stood in the hall, one hand clutching her head and the other being used to steady herself on the doorframe. She wore only a white tank top and underwear and I quickly looked away, seeing Matty redden next to me.

"Mom it's nothing, okay? Matty just got a little upset, we're fine now. Why don't you go back to bed, I'll make some dinner," she said as if she were talking to a child.

"Don't tell me what to do, you little fucking slut!" Her mom cried, pushing Kim out of the way as she entered the room.

The rage that boiled inside of me was palpable, I felt like I could hold it; it was a burning hot orb that sent anger coursing through my body.

The logical part of my brain knew that she hadn't fallen down stairs, not on accident at least, but I had repressed the anger, trying hard to ignore the glaring facts. The fact: this stupid useless, psycho-bitch was hurting the most important person in my life.

I wanted to hurt her, to rip her throat out with my teeth. To see her blood shoot out of her body like a sprinkler.

"Matty, what did she do to you?" Her mother crooned in a stupid babying voice, walking to him on unstable feet.

She tripped over, almost landing on Matty. Kim steadied her, holding onto her shoulders.

"Goff me!" Her mother wailed shrugging her shoulders out of Kim's grasp and turning to hit her. I grabbed her mother's arm before it could connect with Kim's face and spun her around. Her eyes were wide with shock and I started to shake.

Matty's tiny little hand on top of mine brought me back to myself. I released her hand with a rushed I'm sorry.

"Get dressed," I whispered to Kim. Matty jumped into my arms when they were offered and I settled him on my hip, where he rested his head on my shoulder. Kim stood in shock watching her mother, lying flat on her back.

"Come on, we're gonna go," I said trying to smile at Matty, who had a single tear in his eye. Kim nodded; slipping a big t-shirt over her head and grabbing flip-flops and before following me out of the room.

Once we were settled in the car, Kim turned to me, her expression was unreadable.

"Take us to Crystal's… please," she added the nicety as I stared at her.

"Oh-okay," I agreed, driving in whatever direction she pointed.

Kim called Crystal and gave her a very watered down version of the events— we arrived a few seconds later. Crystal, a young boy and an older woman stood outside of the house and Matty was the first one out of the car, rushing to the welcome party.

"Hey, Mrs. Varn! Sorry to bother you guys. Hey there Michael, where's Jordan?" Kim asked the young boy with hazel eyes and I noticed she was walking very stiffly. I stayed behind her cringing every time her hands went to her ribs.

"Jordan!" The little boy called into the house and I heard footsteps nearing.

"Oh Kim, you never bother us. Come here, give me a hug. I haven't seen you for so long," the elderly woman said holding her arms out to Kim. Kim gave her a quick hug, but I didn't miss the low hiss she made when Mrs. Varn squeezed.

"I'm going to work, Kim, Mr. Anton gave me the night shift! I hope you don't mind hanging around the house," Crystal said kissing Kim's cheek. A young boy, older than both Matty and Michael came out the door.

"Hey Matt, you coming to the movies with us?" the new boy asked slapping Matty shoulder.

"We're going to see 'Campout'!" Michael squealed.

"Oh man! That movie is full of blood and guts, how did you get your grandma to agree? Kim says I'm too young!" Matty cried eyeing Kim.

"I don't have time for movies, Matty. And that movie is stupid. I'll give you an overview: a bunch of teenagers go camping and some psycho creature thing goes crazy and kills them for having pre-marital sex," she said rolling her eyes.

"That's what it's about?" Mrs. Varn said pointing at Jordan. "You said it was a comedy, Jordan." She chuckled as she poked the older boy's arm.

"If you guys are going to the movies we'll just go," Kim said stepping back down the stairs.

"No, no, Kim. You look tired, honey. You need a break, I'll take Matty with us to see that cartoon about the talking dogs," Mrs. Varn announced looking down at the boys daring them to whine; they didn't and she smiled wide. "You guys can come too if you want. Who is this handsome young man?"

"I'm Jared Cameron, it's very nice to meet you," I said putting my hand out for her to shake, she pushed it aside and pulled me into a tight hug, then gave Kim a meaningful look that I didn't quite get the meaning of.

"Oh, it's nice to meet you too honey. Aren't you just the definition of tall, dark and handsome," she giggled nudging Kim in the rib. Kim's face hardened, but she quickly morphed it to a smile.

"Well you guys, we need to get out of here if we want to make that nice _appropriate_ movie!" She laughed motioning the kids towards a van. Matty kissed Kim's cheek and ran to the car, sitting between the two larger boys.

"You guys are more than welcome to stay here, watch a movie or something," she called from the driver's seat.

"We've got somewhere to go, but thanks for the offer, ma'am," I called and they drove away.

"And where are we going," she asked wearily.

"To the hospital," I said my eyes trailing down to her ribs.

"I'm fine, it's just a bruised rib. It hurts, but it's not a big deal," she said as if she had much too much experience with this.

"Oh yes a bruised rib; that happens every day. How silly of me," I tried to say sarcastically, but my anger just made it sound like a rant.

"Jared, stop okay? You wanted to spend time with me— well, the fates have given me a free night. I don't have many of those so you're going to have to jump on it," she said smirking at me. She was so cute, so beautiful, her wide plump lips turned up slightly; calling me.

I had a day of almost incredible luck in the Kim department, so I took another chance and leaned forward, tracing my thumb across her cheek.

She shivered; her cool silky skin was soft. She brought her hand up, grabbing my hand but not pulling it away as I continued to memorize her face with my thumb.

I leaned in even closer, licking my lips in preparation for a kiss; she stared at me blushing. I leaned even closer, very slowly, giving Kim a chance to stop me.

She did. She turned her face to the side with a sigh but I continued forward, giving her a soft kiss on her flawless cheek.

"Jared," she started but I cut her off before she could accuse me of trying to get in her pants.

"I'm sorry, okay? I got a little carried away… if you are sure you don't need to go to the hospital stay with me, please," I begged, not letting go of her face. She grinned and nodded. Before she had a chance to change her mouth I pulled her into my car.

"Where are we going?" She asked placing her hand on my knee, it reminded me vividly of the first time we drove alone in this car and I twitched a bit. She pulled her hand away crossing it over her chest.

"My friend Emily's house, you would really like her. You have a lot in common." They did. Or maybe they did. I wasn't sure. They were both imprints so they had to have something in common, right?

"Okay," she said sounding a bit hesitant. I drove slowly towards Emily's house, enjoying the time I had alone with her in peace. My eyes automatically scanned her face every three seconds until we arrived at Emily's house. It was a small cheery little house she and Sam rented from an elderly woman on the rez.

"Don't stare at her okay, when you see her, don't stare. She's tough as hell like you and she lived through a bear attack so she has some scarring," I explained as I parked my car in the small dirt lot outside of his house.

I helped her out of the car, which made her stare at me in disbelief and led her to the door, with my hand on her lower-back. I was being bold, hoping she appreciated it—she wanted me to prove myself and I was trying. I knocked on Emily's door, smiling down at Kim, as I smelled him. Shit! Of course! Of **fucking** course!

"Kimberly, so nice to see you," Paul welcomed us with fake warmth. With all maturity being tossed out the window, I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him out of our way.

"Hey, Jared—this must be Kim!" Emily squealed welcoming us we lopsided grin. My fingers were crossed, literally, waiting to see Kim's reaction. She had none, not to Emily's face at least—she walked forward her hand extended with a polite smile.

"Yea, that's me. Nice to meet you," Kim said as Sam entered the room. He eyed her, evaluating her interaction with Emily, which I didn't fault, seeing as the only contact he had with Kim was through my memories.

"I'm, Sam," he smiled, throwing an evil glare at Paul who stood by the door, muttering under his breath.

"Sociopath: a person person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviors."

I shot him another look and pulled Kim towards the kitchen where I smelled something delicious brewing.

"Emily! It smells great in here." Emily smiled widely as we took as seat at the table.

"You guys want something to drink, lemonade?" she asked wiggling her eyebrows at me. Emily, possibly one of the greatest women in the world, after Kim and my mom— made gallons of lemonade just for me.

"Yes, please," Kim said entirely too politely for me. I did a double-take making sure it was Kim speaking. It was weird, she looked like Kim but she sure as hell didn't sound like her. I turned to Emily with wide eyes and nodded.

"So, Kimberly. How have you been since you attacked me?" Paul asked overly cheerful.

"Paul," Sam warned, but Kim cut him off.

"Do you really want to take a trip down memory lane, Pants-Pissing Paul?" Kim snapped in her normal Kim fashion, I was relieved. I liked her that way— fiery, super sexy!

"Oh, lets!" Paul squealed, his hands clamped together in joy. "Miss Kimberly here and I had a rather interesting encounter last summer. Where shall I begin," he asked the crowd. I growled and he continued, "Let's start at the beginning shall we? While working together at Mr. Johnny's Fish Fry, a young Paul Lahote, stunningly handsome and intelligent, met a seemingly normal and relatively attractive Miss Kimberly Horn, cashier and occasional fry-slave-"

"Oh get on with it, will you? You're such an ass! We went to a party, he got drunk, things hot heated, I turned him down, he insulted me and I hit him," she finished, throwing daggers at him with her eyes.

"You hit me over the head with a beer bottle. A beer bottle full of BEER after I—"

"I'm outta here, thanks for the lemonade," she stood, thanking Emily politely. Kim was faster than I expected and I gave Paul the finer as I ran after her.

"Kim, stop! Please!" I called after her.

She was ten feet ahead of me, and I rushed forward grabbing her arm and turning her to face me. She was crying, the stab in my gut was unbearable. "Oh god, Kim, don't cry. Please, please don't cry," I begged brushing the freshest tear from her right eye.

"God, you must think I'm fucking crazy," she whispered. I pulled her close to me again, inhaling deeply and tracing light kisses from her temple down to her chin.

"I think you're great. Difficult, a little scary, but great—fabulous, smart, saucy—"

"Did you just call me saucy?" she asked giggling.

"Yeah, I think I just did." Even I was confused. She laughed again, and leaned closer into me.

"Do you like me, Jared?" She asked her face nuzzled into my chest. I could feel her warm breath through my t-shirt.

"Is that a trick question? Because I'm really terrified of professing my feelings to you again, like I said you're a little scary," I joked, wrapping me arms around her and rubbing her back in small circles. She giggled bringing her arms up around my neck.

"No tricks."

"Yes, I like you very much, Kim."

"Okay, cool. Um, wanna do something illegal with me?" She said taking a big step back towards town.

"Wait. That's it? No, 'I like you too'? No, 'Jared, you're great and I want you'?" I asked following her onto Main Street.

"You're great and I want you," she said dryly. I left my car in Emily's driveway, allowing myself to be dragged up the road. After a few turns we reached the community center.

"I hope you've got jumps because I can't lift you up there," she said, stepping on a crate and climbing onto a dumpster. She hissed and grabbed her rib again, but tried to cover it with a smile.

I leapt on the dumpster without any help and she gawked at me before I pulled her onto my back and scaled the building. It was pretty damn cool, and definitely impressive, but Kim didn't seem to think so; she howled and jumped off of me as soon as we were on solid ground

"What the hell was that?" She screamed, backing away from me.

"Sorry, I should have warned you," I apologized. Her heart was beating so fast it was scaring me.

"Calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down, what in the fuck was that?" She demanded.

"What are we doing up here anyway," I changed the subject. She watched me for a long time, her heart slowing as I smiled.

"I come up here sometimes… to think… or be alone."

We were on the roof of the community center, the last pink rays of the sun filling the skin. It was beautiful, almost as beautiful as Kim.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8: Kim- There's No Such Thing as a White Knight**

* * *

Why was I doing this? I had never shared my special place with anyone… wait, that didn't sound right. Even in my own head shit didn't come out right around Jared. This place was mine though, the roof of the community center. It was the highest point on the edge of La Push and had an amazing view. To the left you could see the entire town and to the right the seemingly endless forest.

I found this view three years ago, when one of my mother's many useless and abusive boyfriends got a little too interested in me. I couldn't spend every night at Crystal or Mindy's so I discovered two sure fire public places to sleep undisturbed; the church on the outskirts of town and when I was worried they might call child protective services, the roof of the Quileute community center. I even had two fold-out chairs up here that doubled as an adequate bed. I promptly dropped down on one, watching Jared as he took in the view.

He was amazing, so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. I had to stop myself there, I was getting dangerously close to liking him. Really liking him! I'd always been attracted to him, yes, even dreamed about him, a couple of those being of the wet variety, but I never once imagined I could really be with him. Never once thought that he could actually be the white knight I built him up to be. Honest, caring, comforting, trustworthy… I stayed safe for years of my mother's addiction and long line of loser boyfriends because I didn't trust anyone. Trust was not something I had the luxury of throwing around lightly.

The longer this twisted dream continued, the more unreal it became. Jared was here, in my special home away from home. Looking at me like I was something special. Continuing this connection couldn't be safe, so why was I doing it? Getting so close could only lead to trouble. I let him in my home, I snuggled him and slept in his arms… what was wrong with me? It felt amazing, but what would the consequences be?

I want him, though more than anything I could explain. I want to feel him, to touch him to kiss him and oh god I want to fuck him! He's tried to kiss me all day, but I don't know if I would be able to let it stop there, and I should. I needed to stop this, my life was way too complicated to add, Jared.

But how was I going to get him out, to push away when he was clinging so hard and I kept pulling him closer despite myself? God even Matty loved him and he's been afraid of men since mom's meth-head boyfriend, Rico.

"This is beautiful," he sighed. His deep baritone was such a fucking turn on. I wanted to jump on him and rip off his stupid preppy clothes bad, but instead I bit my lip.

"Yeah," I said, adding 'not as beautiful as you', in my head. Ugh! How did I get so corny?

"Not as beautiful as you," he said like clockwork.

I couldn't stop myself from huffing, which made him blush and turn me on even further. How was it possible, the world's most attractive guy became even more sexy over two weeks of mysterious absence?

If there was plastic surgery that could possibly make such perfection I would have been certain Jared had it, but then Jared was just a gift from the gods, a gift too good for me.

"Sit," I motioned to the other seat to me. He plopped down staring up at me, the seat looking dangerously close to collapsing under his weight.

"Do you come up here often?" I wanted to lie, so that I could keep this place as my own forever, but I couldn't lie when he looked at me like that.

"Yea, when the weather's nice," I sighed his eyes were so hypnotic.

"How old are you?" He asked out of the blue. He was so odd, sometimes I felt like he was a detective or something, the way he watched my every move.

"Seventeen, same as you."

"Ok, when's your birthday? What kind of music do you like?" After everything we have gone through in the last few day, was he seriously asking me about music?

"Um… November 16th. I like Arcade Fire a lot, and this girl group from Canada called The Organ."

"Arcade fire? Hmm… what kind of movies do you like?" He asked quickly.

"What is this? Twenty questions," I asked, the tone of voice was too harsh and I kicked myself. Fuck, it's hard not being a bitch sometimes.

I smiled to softened the blow and he sighed, looking at me in that way, that way that he did that made my stomach turn.

"I want to know everything about you," he answered simply and I knew he meant it. It scared me.

"It's just weird talking about bands when, you've seen my tits and my crazy mom."

"Well, I mean, I'd like to know other things, but I don't know if you want to talk about them," he said rubbing his neck nervously.

"Like what? What is the thing you want to know most?"

"Well, do you tell me about what happened last night? " Why did he have to go there?

"What do you think? She pushed me down the stairs." WHY THE HELL WAS I ANSWERING HIM?

"And why do you put up with it? You're tough, you're smart, you could—"

"I could what? Beat her up? Run to the school counselor or the tribal council? They would take Matty away from me… and he's the only thing in my life that isn't shit," and I just keep on going. Shut up, Kim!

"Where's your father?" He asked gelty leaning his head on my shoulder.

I love it when he touches me, any sort of contact and I felt like gelatin, a huge fucking stupid bowl of Kim jello! I couldn't stop myself, my hand went directly to his head. His hair was growing out again and my fingers slid gently through it, tracing circles as on his scalp. He shivered but he was unbelievably warm.

"Where's your hair?" I asked, avoiding any more personal questions. I sort of missed his shaggy hair.

"It was time for a change," he said, almost purring as my fingers neared his ears. I had evaded as much physical contact as I could with him, but right now— with him so close, smelling so good…

"And did that change mean deciding to pick me as a charity case?" I asked, but I didn't really want to know, if I knew then I'd have to stop him—and I liked being around him.

"Why do you always do that?" He asked facing me, breaking our contact and I felt colder without it. "You're always accusing me of some sort of ulterior motive. Why can't you just believe I like you?"

"Because I've liked you for years and you never even looked at me!" OMG! His eyes were like truth serum and now I have to leave town. I can't believe I just fucking opened my mouth and said the most embarrassing thing I could ever say.

I stood up and got ready to run away and hide from Jared for the rest of my life, but he grabbed me at the edge of the roof, turning me to face him. I couldn't look in his warm brown eyes so I started at his nose.

"I really, really, really, **really** like you, Kim," he said placing his hand under my chin and forcing me see him.

And that was it, there was nothing I could do, no way I could **not** react. My hands wrapped around his neck and I pulled myself up to him, gently placing my lips on his. I felt so dizzy, so electric, so insurmountably happy at that moment that I couldn't breathe.

His lips were slow to react but after a few seconds his arms crushed me to his hot (literally and figuratively) body as his lips pried mine apart. His blazing tongue lightly grazing mine and I moaned so embarrassingly.

I didn't care what this meant for the future. How badly I stood to be hurt in the end. My life was just a string of shit, laced with more shit and I was going to enjoy this perfect moment as long as I could.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9: Kim Confesses**

* * *

The kiss on the roof, which was sweet and gentle and nothing like the kisses we shared before, was the only kiss she gave me in three weeks.

I spent every free hour of my day with her and/or Matty; we even had a whole new morning routine worked out but that was it. She didn't feel the need to grace me with another kiss and I didn't pressure her for more.

I cherished every moment I spent with her, learning so much about her I stopped counting at fact #176 (Kim hates scrambled eggs), but I become more obsessed with the kiss.

Not just the absolute perfection of her tongue, of feeling her soft chest against mine, of how her heart sped when I touched her face— but also the calm. The tranquility it gave me.

I started to worry after a few days of kiss-less goodbyes that maybe only I enjoyed it. And after a few weeks it became panic: maybe my breath stank? Maybe she didn't like me the way I liked her? Maybe I just wasn't good at it? I hadn't had much practice, but I was willing to learn if she just gave me a chance.

I couldn't say I didn't want more from the relationship, but I didn't take a moment I spent with her for granted. She was so special. Really it sounds lame, the word special, but it was the best word to describe her. She could really turn any situation around. She was a master of trickery and resourcefulness, she could be the toughest, no-nonsense negotiator but she was also outstandingly kind.

She really cared about people and every day I spent with her I realized why my duty to the tribe was important. I mean I knew before that it was important, sure, save people from bloodsuckers, but being with her was like drilling it into me. Every person had someone that relied on them, loved them—every human life was worth saving. I fought for every human, even her shit-for-brains mother because even after everything she put Kim through, Kim still loved her.

So I cherished every moment, resigning myself to the position she gave me: best friend. Our lives were now inextricably linked, our routine was air-tight and I lived by it.

Monday through Friday, I picked her and Matty up and dropped them off at school. Before class she would hang out with her two closest friends and I would stand with Paul listening to hear any mention of me. We would eat lunch together in my car, usually something my mother packed for us. After school on Tuesdays and Thursdays I would hang out with Matty until she got off of work, and Monday, Wednesday, Fridays, I would have at least four blissful hours in her presence before patrol. Sometimes she would let me hold her hand, and twice she crawled into bed and pulled me with her, allowing me to cradle her and inhale her scent until I was called and once forcibly pulled away by Paul who had been forbidden to bring up their past by Sam.

The weekends were the hardest, she worked full shifts on the weekend and my time with her was so short. I spent those days with Matty, we would watch movies, play soccer, visit my mom or Emily—or sometimes just talk. He didn't really have anyone to listen to him, so he would save it all up for our weekends together.

Today was a Thursday, my day to hang out with Matty until Kim finished her shift at Mr. Johnny's Fish Fry. We were in Port Angeles with my mother, who was determined to get Matty the perfect Joker costume for Halloween.

My mother who had tried for years to have another child after me, was marveling in her time with Matty and he seemed to enjoy their time together just as much as she did. When he told her he wasn't going to do anything special for Halloween she just about flipped. It's her favorite holiday and that equaled blasphemy in our home, which was decorated more thoroughly for Halloween than any of the other holidays combined.

"Well, little guy, I just don't think any of these places have a suitable Joker costume. Looks like we're going to have to make it ourselves," she said cheerfully. I suspected that that's what she wanted to do all along; she had always made my costumes growing up.

"So to the fabric store then?" I asked.

"Yeah, it shouldn't take too long to make. How's that sound?" She asked cheerily looking down at him. His face lit up at this and he squeezed my hand even tighter, looking up at me for some sort of reassurance. I winked and he skipped out the store matching my strides.

After all of this time Matty still needed reassurance, he was constantly polite, to the point of being almost too polite and whenever my mother offered him things no matter how much I knew he wanted it, he'd look to me to see if it was okay to accept.

I didn't understand why he did it, but it made me sad every time. I hoped that after time he would let us spoil him, but I was being patient. Just last week he became comfortable enough to start rambling, and that was a good and adorable sign that we were making progress.

"Do you think _Kim_ will be okay with it?" My mother asked, looking at me pointedly. Although my mother was buddy-buddy with Matty she had yet to meet Kim, a point which she continued to mention every time she got a chance; like now.

"I'm sure she'll be fine with it," I said dryly.

"Well I should probably call your girlfriend to make sure, I don't want to step on anyone's toes," she said quickly

"Mom, she's at work and she's also not my girlfriend, okay? We're friends, seriously, absolutely nothing going on between us," it killed me to have to explain this again.

I had had to go through this whole spiel with Sam, Paul, Emily, Kim's mom Holly, my Dad, Crystal, Kim's friend Mandy, Sam's aunt the lunch lady, my geometry teacher, Mrs. Ateara… it was getting a little old, and it was definitely emasculating.

My mother gave me a sort of sad look and I apologized quickly. "Sorry, I'll bring her over when she's ready to meet you okay?"

"Kim likes you," Matty whispered only to me as I buckled him in. I smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"No worries Buddy, we'll still be friends even if she doesn't like me," I assured him when I got in the passenger seat.

"She likes you! I heard her talking about it to Mindy," he said casually and my heart stopped.

"What'd she say?" I asked turning to face him.

"Mindy asked if you two were having sex and Kim said no, but she wished you were. So that must mean she likes you," Matty nodded his head seriously. I was frozen, my mouth so wide a mouse could have taken residency in there. My mother laughed so hard it hurt my sensitive ears.

"Well, there. You see, she does like you, so stop moping and bring her to the house already," my mom demanded, driving to her favorite fabric store.

I felt numb, I had no idea what to even think. After everything, I had pretty much settled, forced myself to deal with the fact that Kim wasn't ready to accept me in that way.

"O-o-okay," I stammered, wondering exactly what she said to make Matty think that.

"Now, Matty, The Joker wears a purple and green suit, right?" My mother asked when she parked in the small store's lot. They exited the car in a rush chattering merrily, looking over the reference picture she brought in her purse.

"Yeah! His suits are handmade too! With no labels so the police don't know anything about him," Matty started what promised to be a rather long explanation.

Kim would be walking home from work soon and my stomach clenched in anticipation of seeing her again. Knowing now that she might possibly be thinking about me in a sexual way… well it made it worse. I grabbed my stomach and inhaled deeply just as my cell phone rang. I answered it before it even finished one whole ring.

"Kim?"

"Ja-Jared," her sobbing voice crushed me and my smile faded instantly.

"Are you okay?"

"Can you keep Matty for a while? There's a problem he-here," she stuttered.

"What's wrong? I'll be there in a minute," the words rushed out so fast I couldn't be sure she understood.

"No, don't bring Matty here, please," she pleaded as my mother came to my side, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"What's up?" She asked her eyes scanning my face closely. I held my finger up and said my goodbyes to Kim.

"Mom, can you watch Matty for a bit, Kim needs me?"

"Of course, me and Matty can get this super-awesome label free Joker costume started and we can make some of those pistachio, cranberry, white-chocolate chip cookies again, what do you think little guy?" She asked kneeling down to his level. He looked up to me, but instead of asking for permission this time his eyes were filled with worry. He was fiercely protective of Kim and worried about her constantly, which I both admired and pitied.

"It's okay buddy, I'll be back soon," I said patting his arm and running out the store at the closest to human speed I could imitate with such an intense desire to get to Kim.

I dropped my shoes in my mom's car, and ran faster, stripping and phasing just as I reached the highway, cutting through the forest with a bundle of clothes held tight in my mouth.

I reached her house in less than fifteen minutes, but it was still not fast enough. I quickly pulled on my pants dropping my shirt and not bothering to pick it up before I bounded through the door. It was quiet inside and I followed the sound of two beating hearts, realizing just as I saw them that one of the hearts was beating much too slowly. Kim was sitting next to her mother, who she had laid on her side. She was crying freely and she had a phone in her hand, poised to dial when she saw me.

"Oh god! Matty?" she called standing and making to cover the entrance to the room.

"He's with my mom, their making costumes and cookies. He's fine. What happened?" I asked kneeling to examine her mother more closely. She was breathing inconsistently, three quick intakes and one long one, followed by nothing for several seconds; her heart was slow but steady.

"She drank herself to death, the stupid fucking BITCH!" she screamed through thick tears.

"She's alive, but we need to get her up. Let's get some water on her," I said not really sure what to do, but I'd seen this in movies and it seemed like the right place to start.

I lifted her off the floor and headed to the bathroom. When Kim put the water on I tossed her in less carefully. She didn't move and I shook her shoulders as Kim stood behind me sobbing quietly.

"Jared… it's not alcohol poisoning," she whispered from behind me.

"I know," I said not looking at her.

About a week ago Sam, Paul and I confronted a guy from the Makah rez who was selling meth in La Push. When we caught up with him I smelled his product for the first time— I had never been in the proximity of meth before— I knew. It was the acidic, vinegar chemical smell I caught on Kim's mother sometimes, the smell I couldn't quite place, the smell that excreted from her pores on occasion. I also knew that Kim knew, but I didn't bring it up. It was Kim fact #132.

Kim didn't want me or anyone else to know about her mother's drug addiction.

"We're going to have to call 911 aren't we?" She asked her voice now hard.

"Should we?" I asked, leaving her mother still directly under the torrent of warm water.

"We can't just let her die and hide the body, Jared," she said dryly.

Her eyes widened and I turned to see what she was. Holly was now on her hands and knees in the shower, dry heaving under the constant flow of water.

I turned off the water and Kim patted her back, watching her with a look that was a mixture of love, anger and revulsion.

Holly puked, a nasty yellow-green liquid that smelled like rotting fruit, but her breathing and heart stabilized.

"Mom you ok?" Kim asked, holding back her mother's sopping hair as she continued to heave.

"Kiiiiim?"

"Yeah, mom, it's me. You need to drink something. Jared, get me a cup please," I was already out the door by the time she finished the sentence. I came back just as she was stripping her of her clothes, I turned away, holding the cup towards Kim and waiting for her to take it away from me.

"You're not even going to take a sneak?" She asked from behind me. I kept my eyes firmly averted and shook my head in response.

"You can look now she's covered," she said with a hint of humor in her voice. She was actually smiling when I turned to look at her.

"Are you seriously joking at a time like this?" I asked in amazement. She filled the cup from the tap and forced it in her mother's face, tipping it into her mouth and encouraging her as if she were a child refusing to eat their pureed peas.

"Well, she's not dead, dying or in the hospital therefore causing me trouble, so yeah, I'm happy. Sue me," she said dragging her half conscious mother out the room.

I lifted her up, relieving Kim from the burden and placed her unceremoniously on her bed. I was so filled with anger at this stupid, thoughtless woman I had to leave the room.

"She just needs to sleep it off, it won't be the first time I've said that," Kim said when she joined me in her bedroom. Her cheery mood was gone just as fast as it had come. She sat the the edge of the bed and tears streamed so steadily they seemed to go down one single path, like a faucet.

I dropped to my knees in front of her unsure of how I could comfort her. I did the one thing that would have comforted me right now. I kissed her.

My lips just barely brushed hers and I pulled away, but she grabbed my face by my ears and pulled me to her with more strength then I knew she had. I was terrified of hurting her, so I used my elbows to keep my weight off of her, kissing her with everything I had. Her hands ran up and down my chest and torso.

"Thank you," she breathed into my mouth as she struggled with my pants forcing them down past my hips. I had no idea what to do. Not in the sense of how to have sex, although, I didn't really know how to do that either—but what was the etiquette in this situation?

No matter how much you love someone, and I was certain that my love for Kim could win world records, was it okay to have sex with them when they had just been crying a river, or when they just thought their mother had overdosed?

No. No, it wasn't. She wasn't in the right place to make this decision and I need to stop, but the stopping became much harder when she pushed me on my back and started leaving tearstained kisses down my neck—the most sensitive part of my body.

"Kim, I don't—"

"Fuck me, Jared," she hissed in my ear and I hated myself, cursed my stupid hormones and lack of self-control, but I did.

I resettled myself on top of her, quickly undressing her from the waist down, going straight for the target. I entered her completely and she gasped and writhed underneath me, clawing at my chest as I rocked back and forth.

I ignored my cell phone all eight times it rang from my jeans on her bedroom floor. I ignored Sam and Paul's howls in the night and I ignored my own screaming conscious that cried for me to stop before I ruined everything.

When she came, her beautiful face relaxing completely, she breathed my name and as if she flipped some sort of switch I remembered myself. I pulled out and she groaned searching my face for answers.

"What's wrong?" She asked nervously.

"I wanted this to happen differently. I feel like took advantage of you. I don't want you to look back at this and think I used you when you needed me. I want you to—" She cut me off with another kiss, fast and urgent.

"I want you. I need you," she confessed. She grabbed my still hard member and positioned herself on it, smiling as she took me in again.

The feeling was so good, so remarkable I couldn't describe it to anyone but the words soft, warm, perfect would probably come up in my attempt.

"I heard Sam's call again and I knew any second they would be coming for me but I didn't care, I wanted to live in her acceptance for as long as possible.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10: Kim's Sacrifice**

* * *

" **Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love."**

– **George Eliot**

She fell asleep holding on to me as if I was a life preserver and I didn't mind. I ran my hands through her hair, memorized her face with my forefinger, kissed her jaw line and inhaled her scent for almost an hour before she woke up staring at me.

It was eight pm, I heard her mother stirring in the other room. Kim yawned loudly, and shot up out of bed, dressing before I had a chance to speak.

"Matty."

"He's fine he's with my mother. They're probably having fun, he shouldn't be here with your mother like this," I said urging her back into bed. I wanted to be with her, to touch, and hold her for the rest of the night.

We also needed time to talk about this, about our plans, about this situation with her mom, but I knew by the look she shot me that that was not going to happen.

"He's my responsibility, Jared."

I got up, stretching and throwing on my shorts. They were the only piece of clothing I had right now. Her eyes scanned my body and she turned away, heading to the door. I followed her out of the house and grabbed the shirt I dropped off the front lawn.

When we arrived at my home she finally looked at me. I couldn't read her expression and that scared me.

She had glared at me in anger, smiled at me with true happiness, gawked at me in confusion and my favorite heavy-liddedly glanced at me with pure passion—but never this. I had only ever seen her look at one other person like this; her mother. What was it? Disgust?

"Kim? Are you okay?" She looked away. Not looking at me was almost as bad as being disgusted with me, although, to be honest, I was more than a little disgusted with myself.

"I'm fine, Jared. Can you please get him for me? Thank you for your help and please thank your mother for me," she said curtly.

I didn't like that voice, it was her polite girl routine she used with strangers, but never with me. I didn't want her to, I like her, no I loved and adored her the way she was. Real.

"You don't want to come in? Maybe you guys could stay here for the night," I suggested without any real hope she would agree.

"I'm going to take him to Crystal's, Michael's been asking about a sleepover for a while," she said just as my mom came to the door looking at me sternly. Her expression changed automatically and she ushered an unsuspecting Kim in the house not letting her refuse.

"Thanks for taking such good care of Matty. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you," Kim said politely as we entered the kitchen. She took a warm cookie off the plate that was offered to her and my mom spoke a mile a minute, filling her in on the Halloween plans and informing me that I was in trouble with Sam.

"A boy named Embry has just been _hired_ at your job and he told me they need your help for training A-SAP," my mom coded the message expertly and I tried to hide my shock. Embry?

"Embry?"

"Yeah. Oh, you're such a beautiful girl," my mother fussed around Kim, as Matty clung to her side. Matty and Kim were like a cohesive unit, I knew that Matty could see the distress on Kim's face even if my mother was oblivious.

"Shit, I gotta go," I said still not making a move to leave. I really, really, really didn't want to face Sam right now. "Kim, I'll come over tonight when I'm done, is that okay?" I whispered in her ear and her heart sped up.

"Don't worry about us," she said politely, almost robotic.

I wanted to shake her, to force a non-robot-like reaction out of her— mostly I wanted to apologize, but I had no time. I didn't want to go, but it was my job and I had neglected it for too long.

"Kim, we need to talk, okay? We don't have class tomorrow, teacher conference; I'll be over after work. No later than midnight if I can," I said kissing her cheek. She flinched then turned to me, her eyes clouded.

"Okay," she sighed and I turned to leave.

"Be safe honey," my mom waved, giving me the hint to leave already.

"How are the cookies Matty?" My mom asked still shooing me away.

"They were great mom," Matty said and I stopped dead in my tracks, turning quickly to see Kim.

"I mean Mrs. Cameron, I'm sorry," Matty apologized and Kim's face was a stone mask.

"Yes, the cookies were very good. Thank you for making them for him. You really didn't have to," Kim rattled automatically. I cringed at the hurt in her voice, it made my stomach ache.

My mother promised to drive them home and I ran to the woods, where I phased so quickly I surprised myself.

I was instantly assaulted with a hurricane of insults and questions.

 _ **You fucking selfish dick. Getting your nut off while we're here with this wild wolf newbie!**_ Paul's thoughts were as loud and obnoxious as him.

 _ **I'm sorry, really sorry, Sam.**_ I thought trying desperately to keep all of the thoughts and images of the day in the back of my mind. I had been doing this for weeks, suppressing all thoughts of Kim, a difficult task when all I wanted to do was replay every moment we had together.

 _ **Jared, I understand. I do. But next time you blatantly ignore a call we're going to have a problem.**_ Sam thought sternly and I cringed, finally taking in the manic third mind I had not noticed before. It was like watching a slideshow in fast forward, and it instantly made me dizzy.

Everyone's thoughts were different, organized and managed differently. Paul was purely verbal, his memories were like a monologue—oral summaries of events with occasional foggy images.

While Sam's thoughts were purely emotion, he didn't think in full sentences unless he was talking to us. He thought is scenarios and emotions and all images were brought forward purposefully to emphasize points.

Embry on the other hand was entirely visual, all of the images in his mind were crisp and clear like watching a movie. There was no voice, in fact, I probably wouldn't know who it was if my mom hadn't given me the message. I saw so many flashes of people it was confusing and also made me a bit nauseous like I was watching the Blair Witch Project.

Quil.

Jake.

Mrs. Green my old Lit teacher, this image was painted with a tinge of longing which disturbed me, because she was a thirty-something librarian type.

Sam.

And even me.

It's weird to see yourself as others see you. I looked taller, more tanned, and I realized my new haircut looked a bit jockey.

 _ **Embry man, you know it's all going to be okay, right?**_ **I thought trying to pass as much calm to him as I could.**

He was pacing back and forth, like a caged animal.

 _ **He's non-responsive man. He's been like this for hours.**_ Paul's thoughts were laced with sympathy and a bit of sweetness.

I remembered when I first changed and my annoyance and anger with Paul faded. He had talked me down and that was something wolves would always have as a bond.

 _ **Love ya too dude.**_ Paul thought playfully, but I could feel the true emotion behind it and I smiled.

 _ **What the FUCK?**_ Embry's thought screamed with confusion and annoyance.

 _ **Great. First thing he decides to say after two hours, is 'What the fuck?"**_ Paul chuckled.

 _ **This can't be fucking happening**_ _._ Embry thought trying to back away from us.

 _ **That's more like it!**_ Paul goaded, back to his normal annoying self.

 _ **Embry, if you want to turn back tonight you are going to need to try and relax brother**_ _._ Sam thought calmly. It was weird, we were like brothers, and now, even though we had hoped it would stop with the exit of the Cullens, we had a new addition to the family.

 _ **He's getting there, this is good. We've got denial down, 'no this can't be happening'. Next we'll have some true werewolf anger—trees will get uprooted, one of us will bleed. Then of course my personal favorite, bargaining. 'Oh why dear lord why? I'll stop wanking to my ancient British Lit teacher if you just stop making me turn into a big ball of hair'**_ Paul had been through this first-time transformation twice, his own and mine, which apparently made him quite the expert. I would have laughed out loud but my vocal cords were no longer of the homo sapien variety and it came out in a harsh bark.

 _ **Shut up Paul! Embry, I know this is hard to believe, and it's confusing and a little scary, but your body has finished changing and—**_ Embry's thoughts cut Sam off.

 _ **This isn't fucking puberty. I'm not growing hairs on my nuts dude, I just turned into a mother fucking giant creature and you can read my fucking mind. You've got to be fucking joking me.**_

 _ **Can you choose another expletive? Fuck and all its variants are being entirely overused in this conversation.**_ Paul asked.

 _ **Get out of here, Paul. Thanks for your help, get some sleep. Jared will take over your patrol tonight as punishment.**_ Sam informed Paul, who within moments phased back and whooped. Screaming "Peace out," as he went; bare ass to the wind.

 _ **How many were-werewolves are there?**_ Embry mentally stumbled over the word as he asked.

 **Four now.** I answered him, dropping to lie on the ground next to him. He dropped to the floor with me and Sam settled on his hind legs in front of us.

 **How'd this happen? What set it off?** I asked, turning my head to face him. It was weird talking in wolf form, all human conventions were gone, but sometimes some conversations were just too serious to overlook everyday courtesy; so I looked him in his big brown eyes and listened as he told his tale.

We all had a tale to tell and today was Embry's day. We hadn't expected him. We were surprised, and when we explained our origins in detail (he was not a Quileute but a Makah who moved here as a toddler) he had the same question on the back on the back of his mind that we did. We didn't voice it in our discussion but it kept creeping up in the back of everything.

We showed us a bit about himself: his mother, his grandmother, his kinda-sorta girlfriend, his best friends and when he got to them he stopped.

Before the change I was sort of a loner, quiet and generally invisible, I knew Paul but we weren't friends. Leah and I occasionally hung out, so I had met Sam a few times, but I didn't really know what it would be like to hide this from a friend. The trio were very, very close and this would not go unnoticed. I mean, I hid it from my father, but it couldn't really be called hiding it when he was so consumed by work that he wouldn't have noticed anyways. And I hadn't explained it all to Kim yet, but I knew she suspected something.

 _ **Jake will join us in no time**_ _._ Sam thought sadly, and I nodded my big furry head.

 _ **Why? Why is this happening now**_ _?_ And we had gotten to the million dollar question.

 _ **Vampires**_ _._ Sam and I both thought bitterly. That was the word that freaked me out when I first phased and Embry didn't disappoint. He barked and freaked just as much as I had.

When Embry was a bit calmer, Sam called Billy and they formulated a plan for Embry to stay safely away his family, just in case he got a case of the exploding fever.

He had a long road ahead of him, it hurt phasing in the beginning, your body stretching and growing at rapid speed. I phased back and helped Sam get Embry back to Emily's after he collapsed in a sweaty human mass. He was going to spend the night on Emily's sofa, as I had.

Sam motioned me outside and I plopped down on the porch, waiting to hear my fate.

"It's amazing, huh? This imprinting nonsense," Sam said his eyes to the stars. I watched his profile not sure how to respond, was this some sort of trap?

"Yeah," I replied lamely, fiddling with the cargo pockets on my shorts.

"I'm not going to freak out on you, Jared. Relax. I understand. You know I never thought I could want to be with someone more than, Leah, but this imprint thing—their like a drug. It's…" he looked around as if searching for the answer in the surrounding trees.

"Yeah," I didn't really know what to say about that. We had never talked about imprinting before, and definitely not Leah.

"Did you just forget her completely," I asked before I could stop myself. I had wondered for a long time.

"Not for a second, Leah was my life, I loved her more than well almost anything but the imprint…"

"Do you resent it? Do you wish you could undo it?" Again, thanks Jared for the stupid, inappropriate and personal questions.

"Could you resent Kim?" He said giving me a long side glance. "Jared, next time just come when we call okay? This could be life or death. I would never ask you to choose between your brothers and your… Kim. But if she's safe and everything is okay then you have to do your duty."

"I don't know if she's ever safe man but I'm really sorry, Sam."

"I know man. Maybe with this Embry kid and Jake we can have an easier workload, but for now…" he trailed off.

"Maybe."

"When are you going to tell her?" It was a fair questions, I had asked him more than enough personal questions for the night.

"I don't know. She's had a really rough life. I don't know if she's ready for this…. Actually, I'm kinda scared she's going to be mad at me. I told her I loved her and she got mad at me, who knows what she'll do about being a wolf," I chuckled but it sounded bitter and I stopped myself.

The clock in Emily's kitchen came in at just past eleven, I had an hour before it was too late to see her.

"You're a really good guy, Jared. I'm happy I know you," Sam said simply.

"I'm happy to know you too," I said feeling all warm and fuzzy, but getting even more antsy to leave and be next to Kim.

"See you tomorrow, Jared," he smirked and waved me off.

"What about patrol?"

"Don't tell Paul," he swinked and I shouted my thanks without a look back.

I heard her sobs before I reached the door and I launched myself through the tree and into her open window before I could think it through.

"Kim, baby. Don't cry, I'm so sorry," I said throwing myself at her mercy.

She looked down at me, kneeling at the foot of her bed in frozen shock. Her eyes were hugely puffy, and her face was red, but her beauty still shone through so strongly I felt my stomach twist.

"i'm sorry I'm late and-" She placed her hand over my mouth, effectively stopping me from uttering another word.

She grabbed my hands which were resting together as if I were praying, and pulled me up on the bed. I lie on my side, examining her closely, so desperate to speak I was almost popping, but I could see she wasn't ready so I didn't.

She grabbed my arm and unfurled it to maker herself pillow, and then she took my other free arm and wrapped it around the indent of her waist.

She stared at me the entire time, but her eyes were blank, not cold, but empty. I couldn't stand it anymore I had to speak.

"I'm sorry about this afternoon maybe we should have waited—"

"I'm not," she said flatly her eyes still focused on mine. "Jared, I still don't really know what you want, but if it was sex you could have had that weeks ago and been gone… I trust you," those words, which didn't generally mean that much between friends made my heart swell huge and hot.

"I love you," I whispered. My thumb traced her beautiful cheekbone and I inhaled so sharply I was assaulted with an overwhelming wave of her smell. She exhaled deeply and a hot tear dropped on my thumb.

"I'm sorry," I apologized automatically .

"No. Don't. It's not you. You didn't do anything," she sighed her eyes closed tight.

"I called Matty's aunt in Port Townsend," Kim said cautiously.

"Matty's aunt?"

"Yeah. Matty has a different father than I do," she said quietly, moving closer and nuzzling her face into my chest.

I had guessed a while back that they had different fathers, but I didn't question it because her dad seemed to be an off-limits topic. All I knew was that she hadn't seen him in eleven years and from the age difference between her and Matty it didn't seem to add up.

Also, the fact that if you didn't see them together, where it was so evident that they were deeply in sibling-love, you wouldn't have known they were related. His hair was curly and medium brown, while hers was bone straight and black,. Matty's skin was light and slightly pink, which clashed with her dark earthy tan.

"Okay," I said flatly, feeling my stomach tighten.

Was she moving away? Leaving me here in La Push? She had to know I would follow her; I couldn't let her leave me. She started to shake against me and I felt her hot tears soaking through the thin fabric of my shirt.

"Sh-she's going to come get him after Christmas," she whispered.

"Get him?" My stomach dropped again. My Matty? My little guy?

"Yea-yeah," she sobbed, pulling away to look at me.

"Why?"

"Are you seriously fucking asking me that?" She asked putting more emphasis on 'fucking' than was necessary. "My mom's a fucking doped out whore! I can barely keep him clothed and fed. I can't give him homemade cookies and that Martha Stewart shit. God—god, Jared I've tried so hard, but it's not enough. I was being so selfish, Jared, oh god," she couldn't finish and I pulled her closer, resting my cheek on the top of her soft hair.

"So you're just going to let him go?" I asked after her sobs subsided. "How are you going to deal with that?"

"It doesn't matter how I'm going to deal with it. He deserves a mom, a real mom! Not a druggy or some fucked up teenage mom-substitute with emotional issues and no time to baby him and love him the way he deserves. I should be making him a costume!" She howled, her fist beating against my chest. Her fist didn't hurt, but the grief in her voice cut me deep.

"Kim, no one expects you to do everything, you are doing a great job. He adores you," I said grabbing her ball up hand and kissing her fists.

"You know it wasn't always like this? My mom, she wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I used to wish that something big and exciting would happen. I used to write little fairytale stories where I was taken away and held hostage, my life was so normal."

She didn't speak again for a long time, her breathing was hot and soothing on my chest.

"I love her. My mom, you know? She used to read to me and sometimes we would make cookies to-too," she broke down then and the tears were so heavy, so thick I was queasy. It hurt so bad to see her like this.

"Kim, please," I begged, rubbing her back and feeling as if someone had ripped out my heart and smashed it. My eyes were tearing, a combination of seeing the reason for my existence in such despair and the crushing realization that my little buddy would soon be gone.

"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this," she said pulling away.

When she saw the tears in my eyes she stopped, examining me so closely I started to feel self-conscious.

I hated doing it, looking away from her, but I did, burying my face in the pillow and embarrassingly wiping the tears away. Her tiny hands pulled at my face, forcing me to face her again.

She kissed me, softly brushing her lips against mine.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, closing my eyes as she continued to hold my face. "I'm supposed to be here for you. I'm sorry."

"You love me."

It wasn't a question. I opened my eyes and hers here burning into me with something I couldn't read. It wasn't like her lust or her passion, but it had the same intensity. I liked it, much more than the others.

"Yeah, I do."

She kissed me again, soft and gentle, but it was interrupted by another torrent of hot tears. I rolled her over, cradling her to my chest, whispering 'I love yous' in her ear as she cried herself to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11: Kim Whispers**

* * *

I heard the front door open and close but I ignored it, snuggling even closer to Kim as the footsteps ascended, her body felt so soft and perfect against mine I couldn't let go.

"I love you," I whispered into her hair. She was awake, I could tell from the change in her breathing, and I still so amazed that she believed me that I couldn't stop saying it.

"Did you guys have sex?" Matty's little voice sounded from the door. He ran through the room, hopping merrily on the foot of the bed.

Kim yawned loudly, rubbing her eyes and sitting up slowly before she spoke, because I sure as hell wasn't going to answer him.

"No, Matty."

"Well, Jordan says that when a guy—"

"Jordan's an idiot," Kim shot back. Matty looked momentarily offended and I chuckled, one of the cutest things that Matty and Kim shared was their super expressive faces.

"Your eyes are red. Why were you crying?" Matty asked quietly, looking at me with a furrowed brow, I held my hands up as if to say, 'Hey, it wasn't me so please don't attack'.

"Cuz I was just so damn happy," she said dryly.

Matty laughed and wiggled between us. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and my heart swelled when he didn't shy away but instead smiled more brightly.

The thought of him leaving hurt more. I never put much thought into kids, not until I met Kim, and part of me, a bigger part than I'd ever tell anyone, felt like Matty was my own.

"Jordan says Crystal's always happy when she has sex," he countered, looking up at Kim with a devious kiddie smirk.

"We didn't have sex, Matty. Get off it!" she cried her hands moving to tickle his stomach.

He giggled like a little girl which made me smile wider. My cheeks were starting to hurt from the constant smile, and he hopped on top of me, lying flat as if I was an extension of the bed, well away from her tickle-range. His face turned serious for a second though.

"Why didn't you have sex, you like her right?" He asked looking at me from the corner of his eye.

"Matty!" Kim howled, her face turning red.

"How did you get here? Weren't you supposed to be at Crystal's with Michael and Jordan?" I asked trying desperately to save Kim from dying of pure embarrassment. She blushed occasionally when I kissed her neck, or complimented her, but I had never seen her this red before.

"Crystal dropped me off, because she had to work. But why were you crying?" He asked again. He was a persistent little guy.

"I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't. So deal with it!" She said kissing his forehead, her hair brushed my face and I was mesmerized again, I couldn't help but turn her face with my free hand and kiss her. She pulled away, leaving me with Mr. Asks-a-lot.

"Can we go to your house today?" He asked the back of his head bouncing absentmindedly on my chest.

"Sure, but I've gotta go to Aunt Emily's today for a while. Maybe you and Kim can—" Kim came back in the room dressed in a purple sweater and jeans, and I couldn't speak. She was stunning and I started to notice new things about her.

The second I first laid eyes on her I knew she was the most perfect woman in all of creation, but new things occur to me constantly, like how purple made her eyes look a bit grey, and how when she left her hair down (like she did today) the top of her hair line seemed to dip down making an almost perfect heart shape.

"Matty you've got your yearly checkup today, remember? You need your booster shots," Kim said sitting Indian style on the edge of the bed.

"Oh man! Do I have to?"

"Yes. So hurry up and get dressed, we've gotta be in Forks in an hour," she said pushing him off the bed. He whined dramatically but sprinted off of me and out of the room.

I finally hopped out of her bed, standing and grabbing my shirt off the floor. I had discarded it late in the night when our combined body heat became uncomfortable. As I moved to put it on her hand crept up my chest from behind and I was frozen, spellbound by her tiny hands.

She came around front but her eyes didn't meet mine, instead they swept across the cuts and swells of my chest and abs. She had never really examined me like this and I started to feel uncomfortable. Her body was like art: soft and flowing, feminine, and perfect.

Men's bodies are so much more rough and utilitarian, I started to worry she might not like it. With my eyes closed, I inhaled enjoying the feeling of her hands on my skin. She leaned in closer and I could feel her hot breath on the crease between my pecks; her lips made contact with the skin there and left a spot of pure fire.

"You. have. a really nice. body. Jared," she said between kisses than she lightly trailed up and around my chest, her fingernails crawling my back.

I leaned down the full foot height difference, pushing her hair away from her neck. Her collarbone was delicate and defined and I placed a timid kiss there, unsure of where the limits were anymore, the line with Kim was constantly moving.

"So do you," I finally got the nerve to respond, my arm wrapping around her waist.

"Do I?" She wasn't joking, she honestly didn't notice her perfection.

"Yes. Perfect," I whispered in her ear, softly cupping her ample breast. Her heartbeat sped instantly. I really liked her breast, like _really_. I always liked breast, but her breast, they were wonderful.

"Jared, can I ask you something seriously, no bullshitting," she asked pulling away. I nodded, a sign for her to ask, but I was a little sad about the break in contact with her breast. My hands were supposed to be on them, it was predetermined, part of the imprint.

"When you say you have to go to work, is that like another way of saying you have to go and be with—I mean, I'm wouldn't be mad or anything, we're not a couple so, you're free to see anyone you—"

"What are you talking about?" I asked staring at her. We were a couple, she was my girlfriend… right?

"Nothing, never mind, it's none of my business," she walked to her closet, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and climbing out the window before I could stop her. I stood, anxiously waiting for her to get back inside.

I hated that she smoked, she wasn't a werewolf, if her lungs got damaged they weren't going to repair themselves, but I said nothing. I knew many things about Kim and one of them was Kim answers to no one, that's one of the things I loved most about her. When she came back in the room, I broke the silence.

"I've gotta go to Sam's for work, maybe you can bring Matty to my house tonight? I can make my mom's special doctor visit brownies?"

"Do you seriously want **me** to hang out with your family? You saw how well that went with Emily," she asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, well Paul won't be there." I moved forward wrapping my arms around her waist. "And I want my mom to really meet you. The real you. You don't have to be the girl next door. _My_ Kim is perfect," I whispered in her ear. Her breath hitched and I took the opportunity to kiss her freely. She responded fully, her fingers lacing through my hair and pulling me close.

I poked my tongue out touching the tip of her lips which tasted like fresh mint and a hint of tobacco.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I want you to be comfortable in my home, with my family. I mean you are my girlfriend," I said kissing her again, trying to stake a claim on her. I couldn't help it, being with her, allowed to kiss her this way… this was the best feeling in the world, I wanted her to know she was mine, to want to be mine.

"Very presumptuous of you," she said poking me, but I could see the excitement in her eyes. I had won her over, after a month I had made the center of the universe like me, even if it was just a little bit.

"So you're not my girlfriend then?" I asked jokingly. My heart was so light I felt like I could float away, cuz what could be bad in the world when the sun was shining down on you?

"Do you want me to be your girlfriend? There are no other girls that might be better for that title?" She asked her eyes serious again.

How could she still not understand? How could I make it any clearer that she was my world, I knew everyone of her secrets and I was still here, wasn't that enough? And even as I thought it I knew it wasn't because honestly, she knew nothing about me. I had to tell her everything… but what if that meant scaring her away?

"Kim there are no other girls as far as I'm concerned. You're going to marry me one day. I'd put money on that," I chose my words wisely, but I spoke them with confidence. She was meant for me, we would be together.

"How much money?" She said kissing my cheek.

"You should marry him, Kimmy," Matty said entering the room and squishing himself between us again.

"Stay out of it, Peeping Tom," she said picking him up. He was tiny, but at her height he seemed bigger.

"She will… eventually," I said smiling down at him. Kim hissed, but her eyes were bright. God, I loved her eyes, they were so beautiful.

"Do you guys need a ride to Forks?"

"You gotta go to Sam's right? I'll take my mom's old beater," she said grabbing lip-gloss from her top drawer.

"No, take my car," I said rummaging through my pocket for the keys. When I handed them to her, her eyes widened so adorably I had to kiss her again, to which Matty whooped loudly.

We walked out together, Matty giving me a huge crushing hug around my leg and Kim giving me a shy kiss on the lips and a 'thanks'.

I went home to shower and change, simultaneously ecstatic that Kim was coming around, excited and worried about a new wolf in the pack, sad that my little guy would be gone in less than three months and confused exactly where Kim and I were at the moment. Was she my girlfriend?

My mom forced me to sit and eat a huge breakfast of omelets, hash browns and pecan waffles, while she questioned me.

"Have fun last night?" She asked examining my face. It was not as embarrassing as I thought it would be, talking about my sex-life with my mom.

"We just slept. I like just being with her," I said cutting into another stack of pecan waffles.

"Hmm. Well, does she know about the wolf thing yet?" She asked grabbing herself a plate of hash browns.

"No." I knew she would ask soon. My mom had already hinted at the subject twice before, wondering aloud when I was going to 'be honest with the girl' already.

"Well, if she's your soul mate it's just common courtesy," she said curtly.

"I'm not lying to her. I'm just worried," I admitted. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about this, so I changed the subject. "What did you think of her?"

"Oh, she's lovely honey," her tone told me that was not exactly what she wanted to say.

"You don't like her?" My heartbeat was rapid, the thought of my mother, the most important person in my life, not accepting Kim: my world, was terrifying.

"Oh my god, no! I like her honey, she seems really sweet. I just feel so bad for her. Her eyes, they're just so sad, it breaks my heart when I see those two," her voice broke near the end and I loved her even more.

Sam told me when he imprinted it was like no one else in the world really mattered, but honestly, there was no one that could make me forget my mother.

"She's sending him away. She's sending Matty to live with his aunt."

"Oh, that's so awful for her. How did Matty take it? He really loves her. She's lucky she has two such amazing guys looking out for her."

"She hasn't told him yet," I mumbled through a mouthful of omelet.

"Kim's doing the right thing for Matty, she's an exceptional girl… he needs a real, stable home with a family," my mom said, her eyes were tearing.

"Oh look at me, such a baby. When you're finished with breakfast you should head over to Sam's. I'm guessing that cub might be needing some company other than Paul by now."

My mother was right. When I got to Sam's I found a very pale Embry and stationed with an extremely chipper Paul.

I love Paul, it's weird saying that, but I do. He's really a good guy, once you get to know him better. He's loud, he's annoying, he's pushy, and sometimes he's perverted, but he's a great brother. It might not look like it to the rest of the world, but Paul was being supportive, sitting next to Embry as he twitched and shivered, looking incredible surly.

"How ya feeling?" I asked patting his back. Embry's long curly eyelashes reminded me of Kim and I felt a pang counting the hours till I could see her again. She had agreed to dinner at my house when she got back in town, and I smiled inappropriately wide.

"Like shit. My body feels like it's being stretched and pulled in every direction," Embry's spat.

I remembered uncomfortably lying flat on my back in a clearing for hours after zit phased back for the first time. I reveled in the cool dampness of the grass against the stinging pain that painted my skin.

"Aw, don't be a baby," Paul said playfully smiling at him.

"Yeah, it sucks. It feels better in wolf-form, which is why Paul here doesn't remember the pain. He was too much of a hot head to phase back for the first week," I said reassuringly. No man wanted to look like a pussy in front of a group of guys.

"How-how do I do it… I mean, go back," he asked.

"I can smack you around a bit, that should do the trick," Paul said putting his arm around Embry's shoulder. Embry flinched, not out of distaste for Paul but because any pressure on his skin was painful. I could tell though by the way Embry glared at Paul, he was warming up to him too.

"It takes a little time, you can come practice with us," Sam said as he walked back into the room with Emily on his arm. Emily smiled at me, and I noticed something different about her.

I had always thought Emily was a beautiful girl, even with the deep red gashes that lined her face. I never thought about it with Sam around, I never mentioned it of course out of respect, even when images of her slender naked body flashed through Sam's head I never dwelled on them like Paul, but now, it was like I was looking at her through a foggy screen. I couldn't really see the details anymore.

Sam caught me staring in her direction and shot me an evil glare, but I couldn't stop, I continued to blink trying to clarify her features, because my memory was failing me.

Sam pushed me out of the house a little roughly and the boys followed to the patch of woods behind Sam's house.

"What the fuck was that?" Sam demanded, pushing me against a tree. The tree let out a groan and Embry began to shake next to me.

"I'm sorry," I was rubbing the back of my head, where I felt the hot liquid draining. Embry shook harder and I grabbed his shoulder just as he exploded. His claws sunk into my chest leaving a large gash.

My shirt was already ruined so, I didn't bother taking it off before joining Embry in wolf form.

We weren't going to get a chance to help him learn to phase voluntarily today, he was too unstable. It was still a good opportunity to get him familiar with La Push now that he had the cool werewolf senses.

It's an interesting thing phasing voluntarily, it was a lot more difficult than just freaking out and took a lot of training and skill. You can stand for an hour clenching and balling your fist and trying to force the fur through but nothing— then get pissed and poof, you're on all fours.

Sam's mind joined us and then Paul's and it only took a few seconds looking into my mind before Sam realized why I had gawked at her so shamelessly. I hadn't realized in the weeks since Kim joined my life that all women had become blurry to me.

Imprinting was an extremely difficult concept to explain to new wolves after their first few phases, but it was sped up for Embry this time.

It never really meant anything to me before it happened. When Sam explained imprinting to us, he sort of made it seem rare and like it would probably never happen to us, but with the pack at 50/50 imprinted it wasn't really an idle threat anymore.

This time around I got to join in on the explanation, it was bizarre trying to tell someone what it's like to have your whole world readjusted, almost impossible. When Sam told us about it, he basically explained it as nothing mattering anymore, but that wasn't it, that wasn't enough.

It was like gravity, it was as if everything shifted and she was the center of it all—wow, I felt so Harlequin romance novel saying that. As a child I actually read a few of my mom's romance novels when I ran out of new things to read at the library. As soon as I had the thought I knew Paul was never going to let me live down.

 _ **Oh hell no I'm not! And we've got a long, long life to live, Jared! So tell me, what was your favorite? Gypsy Love, maybe? Pirate Passions, perhaps?**_ Paul's thoughts were awash with humor and I fed into it, thinking of all of the Fabio clad covers I could remember.

 _ **So this imprint girl, how did you tell her about the wolf thing?**_ Embry asked the million dollar question and it opened up a stream of thoughts and images, even the ones I tried so hard to suppress. Naked Kim. Crying Kim. Her druggie mom. Hurt Kim. Matty leaving. More naked Kim.

 _ **Nice!**_

 _ **Thanks, douche!**_ I voiced pushing ahead of him in our patrol.

 _ **So you're not going to tell her?**_ Sam questioned, ignoring Paul completely.

 _ **I don't need to man, she's got too much going on. It's not important.**_

 _ **Yeah, you explode into a giant wolf, but that's not important.**_ Even Embry was ganging up on me.

 _ **I'll tell her when we're married.**_

 _ **Aww, isn't that sweet?**_ I had enough of Paul right now and it was getting late, I turned to leave but Sam's thoughts stopped me. They weren't directed at me, but they were about Kim, and I knew he was right.

 _It will be harder for him to gain her trust when she knows he's been lying to her._

I bowed out, running to my discarded shorts and shirt at the foot of the forest near Sam's house. I dressed quickly and ran at inhuman speed through the trees that lined the road to my house.

Kim was already there. Matty and my mom were finishing the last touches on his costume for Halloween on Friday and Kim sat near by politely watching.

"I have something I want to talk to you about tonight," I whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek.

"Me too," she whispered back.

"I missed you," I said kissing her other cheek.

"Me too," she sighed looking up at me through her lashes, that look— the look she gave me when we made love. The look she gave me that made me feel, even if it was for a second, that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I kissed her in spite of our location, my arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her up so I didn't have to lean in and so that she was crushed completely to my body.

"I love you," I kissed her again even more fervently, knowing full well that my mother and Matty must be watching.

I whispered, I love you, I love you, I love you, into her mouth with no shame but she pulled away when Matty giggled, still holding onto my waist as she whispered something to herself, something that turned my life upside down. The entire floor swept out from below me.

Her whisper was so light, so quiet, no human, no normal person would have heard it, but I did.

She whispered, "me too."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12: Kim Angers**

* * *

Her whisper was so light, so quiet, no human, no normal person would have heard it, but I did.

She whispered, "me too."

Cloud nine. I never really understood that expression 'to be on cloud' nine until that moment, I wanted to twirl her around, make her say it again. I would have given anything to know she felt like I did, but I settled for holding her hand as we made our way into the kitchen. I might have heard her wrong but I could live happily in denial, denial so strong it forced a huge smile to take over my face.

It's hard to say who was smiling hardest in the kitchen, my mom who couldn't help but keep throwing glances in our direction, Matty who hopped around still wearing his miniature Joker costume or me— so cheesy with delight I didn't stop smiling until Kim elbowed me.

My dad's expression on the other hand could only be described as bewildered, his New York Times taking a break as he watched us all with a suspicious air. He was being much more observant than usual, eyeing the handmade bracelet on her hand, my arm which did not unwrap itself from her waist the entire night, and even more disturbing he finally seemed to notice my growth spurt; staring up at my newly acquire 5 inches with a raised eyebrow.

"How was work dad?" I asked trying to distract him from Kim. My father had a tendency to be overly critical and though I knew Kim was beyond perfect, I was sure my dad could find something to point out that he thought was wrong.

"Well, it was dead in the finance department so I spent most of the day with Tony," my dad said still watching Kim.

My dad's the head of accounting for a law firm that defends some of the scummiest people around, his department is pretty boring though and he spends a lot of his time canoodling with the lawyers on the second floor.

Lawyer/client privileged is a joke in the real world, on TV it seems so infinite and powerful, but my father's best friend Tony practically filled my dad to the brim with the inner dealings of Mafia families, sexual offenders, drug dealers and the occasional forger; all of which could be found in the greater Washington area, much to my dismay. Some of these people were ten times worse than vampires. I used to want to be a lawyer, I was a good student, in every subject but math, and I had a healthy respect for the law, but morphing into a giant-wolf sort of changes your plans. How can you be a lawyer when you had to burst into a furball whenever a bloodsucker was near?

"You're a Horn right," my dad asked, referring to her last name as if he was familiar with it. My teeth were clenched, but Kim seem unfazed, she nodded and looked to see that Matty was still enthralled with my mother's dinner preparation; he was becoming quite the chef. "My law firm handled your father's case," he voice was casual but I could see him evaluating her expression.

My father's law firm dealt with criminal law, this was the main reason _his_ law firm held no interest to me. If I became a lawyer I wanted to put bad guys away, not acquire stacks of blood money to help hide their guilt. If Kim's father had used my father's firm he had a lot of money, which he probably obtained from something sketchy—his firm was not used for tax evasion or back parking tickets.

She amazed me with her calm, it was if she had prepared for this. I hadn't, I gawked at him in complete horror, how could he be so insensitive?

"I'm aware," she said bluntly and her tone seemed to shock my dad. I was shaken too, shocked she hadn't socked him in the face already.

We ate in relative silence, both my mother and Matty were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice the glares that Kim and I threw at my father. My father for his part didn't seem to notice either. He seemed rather pleased with himself and smug as if he had revealed her as a fraud.

The thing that bothered me the most was the discomfort in her eyes, her face was calm, but her eyes didn't fool me—she wanted out. She wanted away from my house and family, which was the last thing I wanted. My home was _my home_ , the one place that was all mine and I desired nothing more than to share every aspect of my life with her, even the wolf thing, which I was set to tell her tonight. She was my family now.

"Do you see your father often then, Kimberly," my dad said loudly clearing his voice about halfway through dinner.

"No, not at all," she said as if she were discussing the weather. My hands started to shake and I had to let go of my glass of lemonade before I crushed it into sand. I looked away, the pain in her eyes was so strong it gave me the urge to fly across the table and attack him, my own father. What was I capable of now that my world revolved around Kim?

"Yes, well nasty business you wouldn't want to have to—"

"Oh, just spit it out already!" Kim exploded. "No, why don't I save you the time? My sperm donor was a big time drug dealer and an occasional pimp. He's in the Northern Olympic Correctional Facility, where he will be for another six years. Let's get out of here, Matty," she said before thanking my mother in ultra-too-polite mode, pulling Matty out of the room, and leaving me dumbfounded at the kitchen table.

I could care less if her dad were the Green River serial killer, and I would have told her that if I weren't glued to my seat staring at my dad in disbelief. I started to shake but I didn't feel the boiling rage, I was too wrapped up in Kim, I needed to comfort her.

My mother loudly reprimanding him woke me and I ran through the house and out the front door inhaling deeply with the intention of following her scent. The air was contaminated, I coughed painfully as the burning odor filled my nose. I almost had no choice but to phase, the sickly sweet vampire odor triggering a primal instinct.

I ran towards the smell, kicking off my shoes and stripping off my white undershirt, but not bothering to remove my basketball shorts before I exploded. Surprisingly the shorts survived the phase, they were extremely loose on me to begin with and the material was stretchy, so I bounded towards the vamp, a werewolf in blue and white shorts— how very intimidating.

The smell came from the direction of Kim's house and even though I knew I had a duty to the town I couldn't think straight until I was sure Kim was okay first. My mind was not empty and I shared the memory of the scent and my location with Paul who was on the border between Cullen and La Push territory. He smelled it too, but he wasn't the keenest when it came to smell and tracked it too far north. He doubled back with an "I'm on it," and a howl to Embry and Sam.

I took that as an okay to check in on Kim and I rocketed to her house, where I heard a low but furious one-sided discussion going on inside. I phased back and I slid into her window with no preamble. She didn't seem to hear me enter and sighed loudly into her cell phone conversation.

"No, it was seriously terrible!"

I wanted to interrupt to her with an apology for my father, with proclamation of my love at the top of my lungs. I needed her to know that I didn't care for one goddamn second what her dad did in his free time, but she resumed her conversation just as I inhaled preparing for a verbal storm of remorse.

"It's over Crystal, seriously and I'm so over this Jared fantasy I've been living anyways, him and his cookie-cutter holier-than-thou family. I just wish he would leave me alone, he gets so creepy sometimes." I was out of her window and down the road before she finished her sentence but no matter how fast I was I could still hear her words. They filled all of my thoughts even as I met with Sam and went through the routine of cornering a black haired male vampire spotted by Embry riding the line between Leech Land and La Push.

We didn't catch him, or the other vamp in the area although we smelt it, female by the flavor of her, probably Mr. Black-hair's mate. Tssh, even bloodsucker's get mates and I get a cosmically bound to a girl who was half stone.

I had tried, and tried and begged and completely humiliated myself in pursuit of Kim and it had no affect on her. I was simple sexual gratification and at best a shoulder to cry on. And while I wanted to be whatever she wanted me to be, knowing that was all she equated me to made me feel cold inside.

 _ **Naw man, I'm sure she loves you dude, you're a great guy.**_ Paul encouraged, and I didn't argue I just finished the rounds.

At the end of the night I resumed my vigil in the tree next to her home, because even if she didn't want me around, I would follow Kim at a distance till the day I die.

 **Wednesday**

 ***:***

Woke up in a tree, literally and ran home, avoiding my mom at all cost. She had an eerie ability to read and evaluate my moods, and I wasn't really ready to talk about how the love of my life actually didn't want to be around.

I ventured over her house to pick her up for school, but she was already gone, picked up by her friend Crystal who threw evil glares at me throughout the day. I didn't understand the meaning behind it, but I guessed it had something to do with the fact that I had two wonderful months with Kim where Crystal was terribly neglected.

Kim on the other hand didn't look at me at all in class, which left me free to examine her, but also left me feeling like my nerves had been severed, sitting numbly wondering exactly where I went wrong.

 ***:***

 **Thursday**

 ***:***

I woke up on the roof of her house, deeply inhaling her scent for well over five minutes before I got the strength to leave. I wasn't hungry, more than twenty-four hours without real contact with Kim was making me sick so I went home and showered jumping out of my window to avoid my mother and the huge pile of food I could smell her preparing.

I didn't bother going around Kim's to pick her up, I knew she wasn't going to be there, but when I got to school the silence was too much and I decided to try pretending like nothing was wrong, grabbing her hand as she headed to class.

She gave me a strained look before launching into a speech, which was like a watered-down polite version of the one I overheard; the jist of it being we didn't really match and she wasn't interested in dating anyone right now. But I could read easily between those lines, where I saw it plastered in large red letters "I don't want to be with you, Jared so stop being creepy and leave me alone."

 ***:***

 **Friday**

 ***:***

I slept in the forest after having run myself ragged. The two leeches decided to continue towing the line in La Push, and I spent the night patrolling. The red head was particularly tricky and she ran us around town for hours before eventually giving up and heading north. I worked at keeping my mind empty as I ran, not keen on the idea of letting the guys know I had been dumped.

I went through school in a exhausted undernourished haze, and ate dinner with my suspicious mother who I guessed was too ashamed of my father to interrogate me about the situation—I was grateful. I plunged myself into my studies, something I had not done since I had met Kim, but her face continued to creep into all of my thoughts until even Queen Mary looked like exact copy of Kim.

 ***:***

 **Saturday**

 ***:***

The time away from her was becoming unbearable and I stayed in bed the entire day, a huge useless werewolf lump until I heard my patrol call from Sam. The red head was alone and still we could not catch her. She had a real talent for evasion, and I ran with Embry and Sam until Paul came to excuse me.

I couldn't stand not being near Kim, so I gave in, climbing into her window and curling up on the floor closest to her bed. She had been crying, I could smell the residue of the salty secretions on her cheek where I boldly stole a kiss before I leaped out the window at sunrise. I wondered coldly who she would have left after she pushed everyone who loved her away.

 ***:***

 **Sunday**

 ***:***

I decided to push my luck further, continuing my tradition of spending Sunday with Matty, while Kim went to work. Matty was visibly upset at first about our "break-up", but eventually I had him laughing it off; we were never dating anyways.

I left very early to make sure she didn't catch me in the act of invading her space. She made it more than clear she wanted me at a distance and for once since this whole imprinting thing, I took her request to heart. I returned home after patrol and slept in my own bed for the first time in a very long time.

 ***:***

 **Monday**

 ***:***

Embry started to stray from the pack once he returned to school, trying to resume a normal life with his friends which I could respect, but with only Paul as company at a school filled with Kim's scent I was drowning.

I left after lunch, deciding the weekend had been too short to consider sufficient. Leah called me, something she hadn't done in a long time and the two of us hung out at her mom house.

Her mom Sue, was my mother's third cousin or something like that so I didn't consider it like cheating on Kim more like hanging out with family, although I had to admit I did once have a thing for Leah.

It was sort of nice to be away from wolf duty and the drowning feeling of loss over Kim, but at the same time horrible because I saw that something was changing in Leah. She was finally starting to get over the trauma of losing Sam to Emily, she was joking again and smiling. I couldn't though, I would never get over her. I would always want Kim. I was bound to her forever, and even though she didn't want me I couldn't bring myself to wish the bind broken—where would I even be? Who would I be?

 ***:***

Tuesday

 ***:***

Halloween. I was given permission (asked for through my mother), to pick up Matty after school for a quick dinner before he went Trick-or-treating with Kim. I had to avoid looking her in the eye when she came to round him up, afraid I would cry and embarrass myself, but she ruined the façade.

"So, what you can't even look at me now?" She asked her voice was hurt.

I wasn't sure why it upset her, but it upset me that I upset her so I looked up. The pain in her eyes brought tears to the surface and I had to look away again. She huffed and even though Matty was watching I faced her again allowing the single tear to trail down my face.

"You don't want me to look at you," I felt defensive, how could she be so cruel? Breaking me down in front of Matty.

"Oh yeah, because you're just dying to be with me," she said sarcastically which confused me, because yeah, I was nearlydying to be with her— she had to realize that, right?

"Yeah, I am. Kim you said you didn't want me, so I backed off. Now you're mad I won't look at you? I'm sorry but it hurts, okay? I don't want to be _creepy_ or anything but—"

"Jared, you were the one who—" I wasn't going to let her finish, I had been brooding on this for a week and with no one to talk to about it I was on the brink.

"Who what? I was nothing but nice to you ever! I would have done anything you asked me to do! I completely accepted every aspect of your life and you're—"

"Matty, go inside and talk to Mrs. Cameron for a second please," she said calmly and I knew then that I crossed a line, no one screamed at Kim. Matty looked at me with big eyes and did as he was told.

"My ass you accepted my life! I saw your face Jared, when you found out about my dad! I saw your fucking face, you were disgusted! You wanted me, but you didn't know me! And who said you had to _accept_ anything?"

"That's not you, that's your parents, I don't care what your parents do, I care about you and you just—"

"But that is me, Jared. Don't you see that's part of me and my life!"

"It doesn't have to be. Kim you're so much better than that, you could—"

"What?"

"What what?" I had lost myself in the screaming, I really didn't know what she was talking about.

"Ugh! I can't talk to you," she fumed. In my entire time knowing her I had never been so eager to get away, but still words that I had kept so tightly bottled inside kept oozing past my lips like a shaken bottle of coca-cola.

"You don't talk to me! You scream and rant and bullshit and hide things—and when you need something you call me! I tried so hard to make you feel something for me, _anything_ and to make your life a little easier but you—"

"I don't need you Jared! I don't need anyone I was fine before you came along and I'll be just damn fine when you finally stop fucking trying to make me into something I'm not. I'm not turning into some clone of your mom, some Betty-fucking-Crocker-mindless-homemaker—" And that was it, no matter how much I loved her, how quickly I would have given my life for her I was done. Because in this world there is only one person who always has your back and will always love you unconditionally and you just don't talk about someone's mom.

"Yeah, you don't need me. Great. I'm glad to hear that," I said dryly, opening the door to find Matty eavesdropping unabashedly. He examined me very carefully before his head dropped defeated.

He walked past me into the night with an empty pillowcase ready for filling and I bounded through the house to my room wondering for the first time if imprinting had an expiration date.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13: Kim Cuts**

* * *

I didn't go to school for six days after Halloween, I didn't want to see her. There's a thin line between love and hate, and with Kim that thin line was made of razor sharp glass that cut me every time I was near her. It was easier to run than to cling to her, waiting for the day that she catapulted me into oblivion. I needed time away to clear my head.

I meditated, hiked, fished with Billy and even tried a bit of yoga with my aunt Lola but I still thought about her constantly, and not just her, but the imprint. Legends dictate that the bond of the imprint was the strongest in the world, so what kind of life was I going to live when I couldn't be with her? And I had all of eternity to live.

Harvest Festival our replacement for Thanksgiving, came around without my usually anticipation, I didn't have the energy to be excited about anything anymore. My family usually hosted the festivities, but this year was just going to be the three of us because my aunt and her husband were going to North Dakota to visit his family.

I usually prepared everything with my mom for days before, but with two leeches dancing around our turf I had extra patrol. For hours we ran as a pack through the woods after the two blood suckers who obviously had some business to attend to in town.

I heard Sam's howl as I was chopping onions, a task so unbearable now that I had super astute senses, I was happy to bail on my mom. She kissed me as I rushed out the door. It was nice and cool outside, the smell of decaying leaves was potent and I phased as soon as I was under cover of the trees.

Phasing had become so much easier in the last month, I could do it in under a minute, and without provocation, although lately the thought of Kim did make my hands tremble when I wasn't expecting it.

I was living in waves, days where everything was Kim and I couldn't bare being away from her, and clusters of time where the very thought of her made me angry. Those days were easier to deal with, anger is a much more manageable emotion, although my anger was really superficial, skimming the surface of my depth of emotions for Kim.

 _ **Just don't! Stop, stop with this Kim sob story already!**_ Paul's thoughts filled my mind and I tried to brush them off, inhaling deeply and waiting to get a whiff of leech.

 _ **You don't know what you're talking about man, you haven't imprinted.**_ I had said this too many times in the last two weeks. I knew he was just trying to be a good friend though, he didn't like seeing me unhappy.

 _ **Aww, of course not bro. I love ya. And okay, I mean this in the least homosexual way possible but you're sorta hot. You can definitely find better Have you seen her friend Mindy?**_

 _ **Shut up, Paul! Just leave him alone.**_ Sam was trying to be authoritative, but with the inappropriate, however oddly hilarious flashing images of Mindy that Paul kept sharing, it was difficult.

 _ **Okay… Mindy George half naked in public bathroom… what exactly did I miss?**_ Embry asked as he joined the pack mind from the other side of town.

 _ **The red head, she's coming in from the north. We need to cut her off. Embry, Jared you head east and me and Paul will come down on her from the west.**_ Sam was getting better at this, when I first joined him it was like the blind leading the blind, but he was gradually learning to fill the role.

She outran us, as she had for weeks, the petite little freaky-stone-bitch was tricky. It was a fruitless mission and it took two hours from my a food filled holiday and quality time with my mom, about the only thing that was curing my Kim blues, so I came home majorly ticked off. The sentiment was shared by Kim, who was waiting for me with blazing eyes that burned holes into my skin.

"Where is he?"

"What are you talking about?" I didn't want to look at her, so I stared down at her shoes.

They were those weird boot things girls were wearing all the time, _uglies_ or something like that. They were the only warm thing she was wearing, and although I was worried about her getting sick, I couldn't help but let my eyes wander up her tanned legs that were exposed under a short jean skirt.

I didn't understand the style, girls wearing winter boot, but summer skirts, but on Kim with her firm sexy legs… I had to stop myself there, my lust for Kim was not going to distract me now.

"Matty. I know he's here, Jared. He has nowhere else to fucking go," she came closer, forcing me to look in her eyes. I was relieved to see they were angry, I needed her to be angry or I was going to break down. This was the closest I had been to her for a long time and I could feel her ropes pulling me in.

"I haven't seen him, Kim. Do you want me to help look for him?" I couldn't help but offer my assistance.

"No, I don't want you anywhere near him! You're the reason he's so mad! You filled his head with this leave it to Beaver shit, now he thinks you're going to adopt him. You can't put thoughts like that into a little boys head. What's wrong with you?" I wish it didn't hurt so much when she screamed at me like this but it did. Everything she did hurt. I needed her approval and not living up to her expectations was killing me.

I wasn't enough. Sam scarred Emily for life and she was entirely devoted to him, it had to be some sort of sign, a sign that I was not worthy of imprinting. Maybe this whole thing was some sort of sick cosmic joke. Or an incentive to be better, but the truth was with Kim bruising my ego at every turn, she wasn't so much of a prize anymore.

"Everything. Everything's wrong with me. I'm an asshole and an idiot, everything I ever do is wrong and-and what else? What else do you want me to say, Kim? I give up. I'm not going fight with you anymore. I'm done, so just tell me what you want me to say."

"Nothing. I have nothing more to say to you, just give me my brother and stay away from us."

"I don't have him!" I screamed flailing my arms.

She was insane, clinically insane, I finally realized what Paul was saying in the beginning, I had in fact imprinted on a sociopath. What did she think I was hiding him in my cargo shorts? My door slowly creaked open and I turned to see my mother's apprehensive face peeking out at us.

"Kim dear, do you mind coming in here for a second?" She asked politely.

"Is he in there with you?" Her rude voice made me even more furious but my mom was casual when she responded.

"Yes he is, so why don't you come in," my mother said kindly motioning for her to enter. Kim huffed and shuffled in. I was trembling, shaking so hard I had to grab hold of a tree bark next to me to stay calm. My mother whispered back at me before she re-entered the house. "Take as much time as you need, baby."

I counted my breaths and when I got to thirty-seven I had completely stopped vibrating. I walked back slowly, still breathing deeply. I could hear Kim inside and her voice had gone down an octave so I was more confident in my ability to keep from bursting out of my skin.

I thought I was safe, but once I got closer I heard her crying. I still couldn't handle her crying, not matter how angry I was with her I couldn't stand knowing she was hurt.

"He hates me. I tried so hard and he hates me," she sobbed. I thought at first she was talking about me, but then I realized she didn't care if I hated her so it must be Matty.

"He doesn't hate you honey, he's just upset. He's a little boy, he doesn't understand the sacrifice, the love behind it. He will though. One day, honey, when he's your age he's going to realize you did it all for him," My mother's voice floated soothing from the kitchen table.

Mom was calm and collected, and I wished I could be too, but standing with my back against the door, feeling her pull, hearing her crying, it was torturous. I wanted to bust in and save the day but knew Kim didn't want to have this conversation with me.

"I'm not though. I'm such a bad person Mrs. Cameron, I want him to have a good life, I do, but that's not the only reason I'm sending him away, and I'm just so terrible. I don't deserve this, Mrs. Cameron you shouldn't be so nice to me," Kim was full out wailing now and my feet instinctively brought me closer to her.

"Oh, baby. Come here. Come here, a hug isn't going to hurt you… yeah that's right, just cry it all out. Cry out all of that nonsense. You are a beautiful, smart, responsible girl. You're not a bad girl!" My mother insisted pulling her into a tight embrace.

"But I-I—"

"I know honey. I know. Of course you aren't sending him away only for his own good. Honey, of course part of this is for you, but isn't about time you did something for you? You've spent the last nine years of your childhood being a mommy. How unfair is that? I can't even imagine all of the things you missed out on. Oh, Kim darling, don't cry so much, your day will come. Everyone's day comes eventually," her sobs were so loud, so powerful my stomach knotted.

"I don't deserve those things, part of me thought that if I sent Matty away I could have a normal life. I wouldn't have to work four days a week, and maybe I could make new friends and even date, but," she paused, and I was thankful because my heart was beating so fast and strong I was afraid it might burst out of me.

Kim wanted to date, she wanted to go on dates with boys that weren't me, that hurt almost as much as hearing her cry. I had had very strong suspicions that she didn't want me, but this was solid proof, she was saying it straight out. I wasn't breathing, I was frozen so enthralled in the conversation that I didn't realize Matty was standing next to me, listening. He was crying too.

He had heard it all, probably the worst thing to hear for him right now—his sister was sending him away so she could live happily. I went to pick him up but he dashed out the door in a second flat.

I heard Kim start speaking again but I was running so fast it was barely a murmur.

I found Matty sitting under a tree in front of the Clearwater's house. Like me he wasn't wearing a coat, but unlike me he wasn't 110 degrees. I sat on the ground next to him and pulled him into my lap and wrapping my arms around him snuggly.

"I love you Jared." If he had said it at any other time it would have been heartwarming, but at this very second it was the most heartbreaking thing I could hear.

In my weeks of trying to win over Kim, it seems I won her brother instead. Kim would never love me, but the gods had given me the consolation prize of her adorable kid brother, who loved me just as I was.

"I love you too, Matty," I kissed his hair and tried unsuccessfully to blink away the tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him twice, not a great male role-model.

"Jared, I don't want to go," he whined, beating his little fist on my thigh.

"It's not that far, ya know? Port Townsend is just three hours away, Kim will come to see you, you know that little guy. And it's beautiful up there, you'll love it."

"Will you come to see me?"

"Yes, I promise. I will come see you once you are settled. But I'm sure you're going to be having so much fun you'll forget all about me," I joked holding him closer. "Are you cold?"

"No. Jared, you're like a bear," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, been hugging many bears lately?"

"No! But you're big and I think bears must be warm too."

"Well, you're probably right, but we should go back inside anyways. Kim must be upset, she probably wants to see you," I said standing and carrying him with me.

"I don't want to see her," he huffed, putting his hands on either side of my face.

"Come, on little guy she loves you and it's Thanksgiving, you should be with your family," I said as we rounded the corner.

"She doesn't love me, she hates me and you. We should run away together and leave Kim all alone because she's mean!"

"She doesn't hate you, she hates me, but not you. You're the most important person in the world to her, I promise,"

"You guys aren't going to get married anymore are you?" He asked sadly.

"Nope, probably not," I said honestly, patting his head.

"You can marry Paul," he said smiling.

I blinked a few times, examining him before I spoke. Was he joking? How exactly should I approach a conversation about gay marriage with a nine year old? Paul and I wouldn't, but I didn't see why two guys shouldn't, if they liked that kinda thing.

"Paul, huh? Well, he's not really my type," I joked as we turned onto my block.

"Matty!" Kim voice was so filled with love it hurt me even more. She ran to us and went to grab him from me but he wasn't having it, holding onto my neck for dear life.

"Don't touch me!" Matty screamed, flailing his arms as she tried to hold him.

"Matty, we have to go home, so just—"

"I don't have a home, cuz you're kicking me out!" He screamed now trying to kick at her.

Her face was so pained I felt a tear well up in my eye, I restrained him with one hand, while my other instinctively reached for her face, she dodged it.

"Matty, please! I rented your favorite movies, and I got some milk duds to put in the popcorn. We can go home and talk about this okay?"

"I don't want to talk to you. I hate you!" She grabbed her stomach as if he had kicked her square in the gut and I grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to look at me. I forgot all about being mad at her, about the pain of her rejection, it didn't really matter when she was hurting so bad. I ran my finger through her hair and she leaned into my hand, her cool cheek resting on my palm.

"Why don't you all come inside, huh? Dinners ready, we—" My mom called from the doorway.

"I don't want her here!" Matty wailed and I put him down, allowing him to run to my mom. He was causing Kim so much pain it wasn't safe for me to hold him. My hand was still resting on her face, my thumb being assaulted with her warm tears. She pulled away, turning to face my mom.

"Come on dear, he'll come around once he's had a good meal," my mom said motioning for Kim to come inside. She looked at me, and then shook her head.

"No it's alright, it's probably better to just give him some time. I'll pick him up later, if you don't mind." Kim's voice was different, it wasn't the ultra-polite voice she put on with strangers, and it wasn't the cold cruel Kim she was with me, it warm, almost caring. I felt a pang of jealousy so powerful I almost glared. It was how I dreamed she would talk to me, with caring, with love.

"Oh, Kim, I wish you would stay. But if you want to give him some time why don't you pick him up in the morning, I could take him off your hands for the night," my mom offered kindly.

"He'd probably love that, thank you," she said, turning away from my house, giving me one quick glance and hurrying down the road. My shoulders sagged and I made to walk up the stairs but my mom stopped me.

"Go after her, Jared."

"She doesn't want me, mom," saying it out loud hurt even more.

"Jared, that girl needs someone right now. If she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, she sure as hell needs you as a friend. If you love her then that's the least you can do for her."

"I'm tired of being there for her. Every time I am she just shits on me more. I can't handle it."

"Then you don't deserve her," my mom said coldly. I stared at her for a long time, my mom had never said anything like that to me before.

"Yeah, I know I don't," I said defeated.

"What has happened to my little boy? You would never have given up so easily," the disappointment in her voice put me over the edge, I turned down the road and walked away. I didn't really have anywhere to go, so after four rounds clockwise and counterclockwise around La Push, I made my way back to my old haunting grounds. I watched her from the side window as she lay in the living room, with a bag of popcorn watching Spiderman.

I gave in after about fifteen minutes of watching through the glass. I slipped in her front door removed my shoes and sidled next to her on the couch. She didn't look up to see me, she didn't flinch, and she didn't speak, but she snuggled into my chest as if she had known it was me.

She offered me some popcorn and I took it, finding an interesting mix of popcorn, milk duds and peanuts. When the movie finished, although I hadn't been watching it at all, she finally turned to me.

"Jared."

"Yes?"

"I was wrong. I need you. Right now," she whispered.

"I'm here," I croaked, as her hand trailed down my chest. She threw her leg over me, straddling me completely, her hot breath on my ear.

"Make me forget," she breathed before her tongue flicked my ear lobe. Without thought, without contemplating what it meant for us I flipped her over, slamming her against the couch and landing between her legs. She still wearing the short jean skirt and I could feel her warmth against my hard on.

I put my hand between us feeling her wetness. I pushed her panties aside as she pushed down my shorts, and I was inside of her. I was inside of her feeling so very peaceful and yet so dirty. This was what she needed from me, all she wanted of me and I should have been happy, it was every man's dream, sex with no strings.

Unfortunately I wasn't every man, I wanted love and companionship and all of that fluffy shit. I couldn't stop myself though, because there was still a huge part of me that would do anything Kim wanted me to do. As I shot off inside of her, feeling her body shake and convulse under me, the cold empty feeling it left me with was unbearable. I pulled out and sat up, my hands covering my face.

"Jared?" Her hands crept around my neck and I shied away.

"Don't," I choked.

I was going to cry soon. I needed to get out of here, I needed to stop being such a bitch, crying whenever things with Kim didn't go my way. I needed to accept this as it was, the purpose of imprinting was to create more wolves, well we didn't need to hold hands and cuddle for that.

"What's wrong?" she asked standing up and adjusting her skirt to cover herself.

"Nothing." I cursed my voice for cracking.

"Look at me. Jared." I looked at her, looked her dead in the eye, taking deep breaths as she examined me. "Jared, if you don't want to do this anymore," she pointed at herself then at me, "then you don't have to, you know that right?"

"I want whatever you want," it was a bold-faced lie, but I knew it was what she wanted to hear.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying," I said quickly.

"Then why are you upset?" she countered.

"I'm not."

"Jared, don't bullshit me," she said, placing her tiny hand on my knee.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Kim. I just wish you—" No. There was no way I was going to finish that sentence. I had to get out of here before I showed her exactly how much a pussy I really was.

"Jared! What do you want from me?"

"I don't want this. I don't want to be used like sex therapy. I want you to talk to me, to care about my feelings, to confide in me. I want to know you, really know you. I want you to love me, Kim."

"I'm sorry, I don't have it in me. This is it—this is all that I have to give," she said sniffling.

"I need more."

"I know. I hope you find it," she walked to my side, grabbing my hand and kissing my palm three times before she dropped it and looked away. "You're a really nice guy, I'm sorry for everything. Some girl is going to be so fucking lucky to have you."

"I can't you know, I can't be with someone else—it's you, Kim. Everything is you. I love you," I was digging myself in deeper every time I spoke. How could she love me, I was so weak, close to begging at her feet.

"How can you stand there after everything and say you love me? Jared this is crazy! You need to step back and think. Think, Jared! I'm a crazy, emotional, rude, spiteful, selfish whore! That's me, that's who I am, I'm never going to make you happy. So snap the fuck out of it! Whatever this is, get over it."

"I can't! I tried! This isn't my choice—"

"Then whose is it? Mine? I'm telling you, Jared to go away! I don't want you!" And there it was, she had cut me loose, leaving me drifting in oblivion.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14: Kim's Slips**

* * *

 **December 17th 3:17pm**

 _"Jar-head, look man, it's been two months of fucking moping. We aren't doing this anymore, kay? You're a young, attractive man, free of all obligations. Come to a party with me tonight. Whattaya got to lose?"_

 _"Fine, sure, why not?" Famous last words._

 _Last day of school before Christmas break, standing against the back of the high school. I agreed to attend a party that completely obliterated the tiny bit of peace I had built since Kim cut me out of her life a month earlier._

*:*

In the month following our break-up I was filled with a mission for self improvement and self control. I would not go anywhere near her, unless she asked me to and I would not give in to my temptation to beg her to give me another chance—she didn't want me and I didn't need her.

It was easier to pull myself away from Kim than I had expected because after the second blow-out, the Wicked Witch of the West was avoiding me too.

I was staying strong, playing the role of a tough independent man. I threw myself into work, werewolfing was my life now because I didn't need Kim for that. I did it before Kim (a time I liked to call BK) and I would be doing it forever after (AC: After Confrontation).

I started patrolling nightly and I filled in for Embry a lot, he had become a hermit, straying from the pack, trying desperately to reconnect with his friends and pretend nothing happened. I tried to take a page out of his book but it wasn't happening; you can't forget the reason for your existence even if she was a raging bitch.

Sam was particularly supportive during the AC era, keeping me busy with patrol, hiking and even baking with Emily, who I loved but tried to avoid because her pitying eyes were hard to handle in big doses. Emily did her part too, buying me a Word-of-the-day calendar that was truly influencing my daily communication, oh the power of words.

School became easier eventually, the first few days AC were unbearable, but Paul and I started hanging out before school, during lunch and after hours, and it helped. We didn't speak much and he never brought up Kim, something I was subsequently appreciative for. He could be an ass, but overall he was a good guy, my best friend in the world really.

 _No one_ talked about Kim actually, it was like an unspoken rule and I lived for it. I couldn't handle talking about her. Just thinking about her was painful enough and my dreams were the worst— filled with so much Kim I was left even emptier by morning.

After Thanksgiving I saw Matty on a secret schedule, trying to tip-toe around Kim's working hours. As Christmas drew closer I started to wonder when he would be gone, I didn't think it was in good taste to ask him, but I wasn't sure I would be allowed to say goodbye if it was up to Kim. I went back to the old fall back of Kim-hating, much easier than Kim-pining.

I made quite a laundry list of complaints against her now and from the looks her friends Mindy and Crystal threw me, she had vilified me as well.

 _(Sunday November 29th- Vilified: to utter slanderous or abusive statements against; defame.)_

I didn't really care what slutty Mindy or Crystal the idiot who repeated 6th grade, said or did to me, they were inconsequential. Though I didn't quite understand why their eyes, which blazed on me with so much odium and disgust, I sometimes fear they were planning an attack.

 _(Thursday December 3rd- Odium:hatred and condemnation accompanied by loathing or contempt; detestation.)_

I now had a healthy love affair with Gossip Girl, a show filled with so much stimulation I could blissfully forget about Kim for an hour. I really thought the party would be a good solution, a way to get back into society. Little did I know one four hour event would send everything in my life into a shit storm of well… shit.

*:*

 **December 17th 7:03pm:**

" _Hey bitch face, open the door unless you want me flying through your window," Paul called at the front._

" _It's open," I shouted from the kitchen._

 _Paul came at almost 7 on the dot, he was much happier about this party than any one person should be. He was driving his dad's mid-life crisis car, a vintage yellow T-bird, I could smell the pine freshener on his leather jacket._

 _He was smiling widely until he saw me. Paul was a bit of a perfectionist and much like girls preparing for a night on the town, he was not about to let me out of the house dressed in what I had originally planned._

" _What the fuck dude, you seriously expect to get laid wearing that?"_

" _No, not really expecting to get laid," I mumbled still working my way through a huge sub sandwich. If it weren't for the fact that I dropped a huge glob of mayonnaise on the front of my shirt I probably wouldn't have allowed it, but I was a slob and slobs apparently must be punished._

 _If this was a movie, there would have been a montage with an apparently fashionable Paul forcing me to try on a barrage of outfits until he settled on a black zip up, long holey jeans and an uncomfortably tight tee from the pre teen-werewolf days._

 _I didn't know the people throwing the party and I was more than likely not going to know anyone there so I didn't mind when Paul insisted on using my mother's hair products to push my now ear-length hair into a very Italian gangster kind of slick back. After he ate half of the contents of my fridge we were out, Paul allowing me behind the wheel so he could pre-game with a joint._

 _With our new werewolf heat, alcohol was pretty much useless but marijuana still does the trick. When we parked the car in the closest spot, he passed me the hand rolled joint._

" _Smoke it," he demanded, pushing the little white nub in my hand. I stared down at it for a while before he spoke again, "You're wasting it!" he sang in a sing-song voice much like a female opera singer._

" _I don't know how," I admitted and he chuckled, uncoordinatedly pushing my hand to my lips and subsequently the joint._

" _Now inhale," he said in a chipper ring, and I smiled at him._

 _If I could have one night as happy as he was right now, I was going for it. I inhaled, held it in as I had seen on countless movies and coughed for two minutes before I could do it again. When I started to feel gooey we hopped out and ushered me to the door._

" _You are so going to get some tonight."_ Oh how I wish he were wrong.

*:*

Since the moment I laid eyes on Kim my world changed. So you're saying, yeah, duh, Jared you imprinted! But it didn't just change, it morphed, everything was affected. My listening was more attuned, or attuned to her, I was so in sync with her heartbeat I could pick it up in a huge crowd. My sense of smell heightened, I mean I can smell her from literally a mile away and if my senses hadn't been impaired that extra connection with her could have really helped me, but I digress...

My vision though, it became clouded, only with women though. So I can't actually tell you what she looked like, the girl I cheated on Kim with, if it could be called cheating when the girl you were "cheating" on made it perfectly clear she didn't want anything to do with you. But again, I have strayed… I can't tell you the exact color of her hair or eyes, or if she had freckles of a gap in her teeth, I can't tell you any discernible physical features, but I can tell you she was kind.

Her name was Veronica. She asked me many questions and took a real interest in my answers. She smelled nice, nothing as good as Kim, but her mix of cinnamon and vanilla was nice and nonthreatening just like her. That was not a quality I thought about before Kim, sweet, not confrontational, not threatening, but with Veronica, even though I couldn't tell you a thing about her appearance (other than the fact that she had a dangerous curve in her back that led to a firm butt) it was enough.

Everything gets really blurry after 10. I can't recall exact details, probably because I slammed countless beers, trying to beat my bodies heat with the speed of my consumption and the fact that I smoked two hits from a massive bong—a device I had never seen in person until that night. But I can tell you the exact moment Kim walked into the room, the exact moment her heartbeat sped and probably exactly how much alcohol she consumed by the change in her smell.

If you look back into the history of our relationship it's really just marred with a series of misunderstandings and bad timing, and this particular occasion did not disappoint.

*:*

 **December 17th 10:20pm:**

 _When you're high, buzzed on enough alcohol to take out a 700 pound gorilla and in a poorly lit room with bad music and a bunch of strangers, you would be surprised at just how little self control you have._

 _Honestly, the pot and the alcohol aside, I always thought I was a pretty level headed guy, whose mother taught him extraordinary respect for women. That didn't ring true when all the outlying factors were stacked against me._

 _Veronica felt nice, too thin, not sturdy and toned like Kim, more breakable almost, but she still felt nice. Kissing her, her body arching into me with desire, was so much easier than anything I ever had with Kim. Everything she did proved she wanted me, the way she spoke, the way she was constantly leaning into me, how her hands rested on my forearms whenever I said something funny, although I wasn't really feeling very funny. It was all so easy, so uncomplicated, so not like Kim, who my interactions with were constantly changing like a choreographed dance._

 _I had her firmly planted against a wall, a full feet off the ground, one of her legs wrapped securely around my waist, and she was loving it. She wanted me, she liked me. In my defense little Jared wasn't hard like he probably should have been… but I was thoroughly distracted which is why I didn't smell her lime coconut aroma, mixed with at least a half a liter of hard liquor. Why I didn't hear her steady heartbeat as she walked in the room, stalling momentarily before doubling up._

" _Let's go, Kim," Crystal's voice rang through my ears._

 _Her name was like a slap in the face, I turned around so quick that I forgot about Veronica, dropping her a foot to the ground. Mindy and Crystal and their mean friend with the weird hair surrounded Kim like and army. Weird hair girl, a recent addition to the crew giggled manically, staring down at Veronica who was now sprawled on the floor. I turned around again offering her my help, but Paul was already at it, dusting her off and taking particular care in the area of her ass._

 _The whole thing would have been funny, if Kim's body wasn't in overdrive, her heart and breathing accelerating as she watched me._

" _Come on, Kim," Mindy said winking at Paul, before she pulled at Kim. Kim stood solid, firmly planted, her eyes meeting mine for the first time. And I knew then, I knew for certain that not one damn thing had changed for me, she was still the very center, the very core of my existence._

 _With pained eyes she lifted the bottle in her left hand to her lips and I got a whiff of its burning scent before she downed it, throwing the empty bottle on the nearest table._

" _I'm not leaving, I just got here," she called, back as she made her way to a small group of dancers in the living room. Without a look back she grabbed Jeremy Sullan and rubbed her ass rhythmically against him to mind numbing music._

" _Is that your girlfriend," Veronica asked standing with Paul behind me._

" _Ex," Paul informed her, punching my back hard._

" _Not for him," Veronica said her tiny hand grabbing mine. "Good luck with her, Jared. She's pretty," she said kissing my hand and walking away._

" _Long time no see, Horn," Jeremy had his hand wrapped around Kim's front, resting dangerously low on her hips._

" _Yeah, too long, Sullan," she said turning in his arms and pulling him down for a kiss._

 _I would have thought that seeing Kim with another guy, grinding, touching, kissing, would have killed me. That the very sight of her desiring, wanting someone the way I wished she would me, would make me explode. It didn't, it hurt but it didn't even make me shake, I was still to wrapped up in her eyes. What did they mean?_

 _She didn't want me, she said it, she screamed it more than once. But why the look? Why the heartbeat? I wasn't that somebody, that someone was apparently Jeremy Sullan, the artsy-fartsy, sensitive type with the side swooping hair and too tight pants. I had spent weeks playing her words over and over in my head. "I don't want you", so what was with her eyes?_

 _I watched numbly praying she would look at me again until Paul dragged me out of the front door._

*:*

With Kim feelings were always at extremes. With her I was either at an amazing high, relishing in unimaginable joy or the other extreme. The other extreme with Kim that was so unbearable I couldn't describe it merely as sadness.

This though, this was not that bad. On a scale of one to Kim saying she didn't want me, it was about a four, and I would have just brushed it off my back, moving on to live in my miserable floating state—but that wasn't the end of my night.

If that could have been the end of it all it would have been fine, acceptable, a small gash I could have put a band-aid over, instead of this gaping hole.

*:*

 **December 18th 12:36am:**

" _You think Sam would be pissed if we called him?" Paul asked, his red eyes and wide with laughter. We were about an hour outside of town, severely impaired and way more than incapable of driving a car anywhere._

" _He'd kill us," I said flatly._

" _Emmbbry!" Paul squealed fumbling through his pants pockets. "I didn't bring my cell," he said pouting dramatically._

 _I laughed, I couldn't help it. So the love of my life preferred dudes with girl pants and eyeliner, it wasn't the end of my life, my sex life maybe, but not my world. I did have a great pack, an amazing mom and superhero abilities to fall back on, these drugs were definitely giving me a new outlook on life._

" _Yeah, Embry… totally," I agreed, leaning back against the car._

" _Yeah, I know Embry, but how the fuck am I supposed to— Get in the car, Jared."_

" _Hell no, Paul. We'll live through a crash but your dad would kill you if you crash his car," I whined, rolling off of the roof of the car. I felt very lethargic, my legs moving a step behind what I thought they should._

" _Jared, just get in the fucking car. You don't want to see this," he said opening the door and trying to push me inside._

 _I turned back to the house, and there she was in all of her stunning beauty, stumbling out of the house with stupid fucking girl-hair Sullan. My hands started to shake, and gripped so hard that the hood of the car crunched. Shit! Goddamnit, fucking piece of shit! AHHHHH!_

*:*

The most important part of being a La Push werewolf, the most basic rule of our survival was always our secrecy. For generations before us the secret has been cherished and revered. Countless wolves before me taking the secret with them to the grave. And I could have to, if I had just controlled my emotions, which apparently was impossible when you are imprinted, which again adds to my theory that Imprinting was in fact the very fucking worse thing for wolves to do.

Again as I tell you this story I will try to reiterate, I am usually a very self controlled man. Growing up, I never peaked or shook my presents before Christmas day. When baking I never burned my fingers trying to grab at them before they were cooled down.

This night, just wasn't my night.

*:*

 **December 18th 12:36am:**

" _Shit!" No matter how loud he screamed the word it just didn't cover the magnitude of the situation. Me in full wolf form, Paul completely hammered and trying to cover me from Kim and Jeremy, who had his hands so far up Kim's skirt he didn't notice me, but Kim did. She stared at me with eyes the size of dinner plates. She had seen the whole thing. She had seen the whole thing and she was terrified of me._

 _She looked from Paul to me, Paul to me, me to Paul and turned her head, puking in the bushes next to her as I ran out into the night._

 _I was a monster. She saw me and she was terrified. I ran towards La Push, my mind was empty, no other wolves in sight._

 _Sam's house was the destination, because where else would I go? It took longer in my state to make my way back and I howled at his window, not worrying who I would wake up when I got there._

 _Sam was out of the house and in my line of vision within seconds. He phased, meeting my mind with fevered anticipation._

 _ **What's wrong brother?**_

 _ **She saw me phase. She fucking saw me phase and she puked. She was kissing another guy at a party and she seen me phase and she puked.**_

 _ **Oh. Did she puke on the guy?**_

 _ **No.**_

 _ **Well. That sucks, but Jared, you had to tell her eventually.**_

 _ **Not if she didn't want to be with me I didn't.**_

 _ **She's your imprint, you can't follow her for the rest of your life without telling her you're a wolf. Ten years from now when you're babysitting her kids—**_

 _ **You don't think… you don't think—**_ _I couldn't even finish the question. You don't think she's going pick me? I thought she probably wouldn't but a part of me always assumed that my friends at least believed I could get the girl in the end. Believed that I was good enough, worthy enough to—_

 _ **Jared, I'm sorry brother. Really. I want nothing more than for you to have what Emily and I do, really! We just don't know how these things work, it's really rare. Maybe sometimes it just doesn't. It has nothing to do with you. You are a great man, a great wolf, a great brother and son. You more than deserve her!**_

 _ **I'm going to go.**_

 _ **Wait, I'll get you some pants. You need to go talk to her before she tells anyone.**_

 _He said running up stairs and returning with some sweats and an undershirt. I phased back and slipped them on, not bothering to cover myself in front of Sam who was now in human form standing in front of me in a pair of shorts._

 _He slapped my back and as if deciding it wasn't enough he pulled me into a bear hug. No one but my mother had hugged me in a long, long time and it felt nice, I held onto him for maybe a beat longer than was socially acceptable but he just smiled, nodding to me as I left._

 _I wasn't sure where she would be, it had been almost an hour since I seen her, I inhaled deeply and I could smell her from the east, she was getting closer, presumably in a car. I waited beside her house counting the minutes until she was dropped off in the driveway. I waited for her to be at the door before I came out._

" _Kim."_

" _Oh shit! Jared, don't do that. Don't sneak up in people! Shit, shit!" She was drunk, really fucking drunk. I could tell by the slurring of her words and the sway she adopted when she turned to face me._

" _I'm sorry," I said gripping her shoulder making sure she didn't fall._

" _You're a wolf. A wolf man."_

" _A werewolf," I said dryly._

" _It's not a full moon."_

" _Well, then I'm just a normal wolf-man then," I said sarcastically._

" _You're a fucking wolf-man, Jared. You're mad at me for keeping secrets and you turn into a fucking grizzly-sized wolf," she emphasized the word wolf unnecessarily and it annoyed me._

" _I'm not mad at you."_

" _Fine, whatever. Don't change the subject, Jared. You. are. a wolf," she went to poke my chest with her forefinger but she just stumbled into me. I missed holding her so much I pulled her in. Se made a contented hmmm sound before she pushed me away. "Don't touch me Jared._ _ **I'm**_ _mad at you!"_

" _I'm sorry," I said automatically. "Can I ask why? I can't help being a wolf."_

"I don't care if you're fucking wizard, Jared. _Who is she?"_

" _Who?"_

" _The fucking girl!" she screamed tears forming instantly in her eyes._

" _No one."_

" _Was I no one?" She demanded, her fist connecting with my chest._

" _Kim. How can you even say that to me? I begged you to be with me, I—ugh! God, Kim—"_

" _You said there wouldn't be anyone else just two weeks ago."_

" _You said you didn't want me!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, this entire conversation was ludicrous. "You let Jeremy fucking Sullan finger you in front of—"_

"Because y _ou found someone else!"_

" _You said you didn't want me!" I screamed again, my hands shaking so hard I walked two steps back afraid I might burst. She was the world's most infuriating creature._

" _I lied!"_

 _Silence. The loudest silence of my life._

" _You not wearing a jacket, Jared, it's freezing. Go home," She said fumbling in her pocket for her keys._

" _Kim. Do you like me?"_

" _Jared. I'm drunk, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm happy for you. She's a pretty girl," and with that she was gone, and again I was left standing staring out into space in complete confusion._

 _ **A/N: When this chapter was originally posted I was begged to write a KIM POV of this last chapter so I wrote this snippet.**_

 _ **Kim's POV**_

 _When I let him go this was exactly what I had in mind, Jared with a beautiful girl, happily enjoying each other's company like normal people should. And she was beautiful, her hair bouncy like those dumb models in shampoo commercials. Her pale skin practically glowing in the dimly lit room… that fucking bitch._

 _I had fully released him of his imaginary obligations to me, but I wasn't really ready to see the affects, to see him kissing someone else, touching someone like he did me—but then it wasn't like he touched me. He caressed her, like she was a glass doll, holding her as if she would break. He never did that with me, but then he didn't have to, I was already broken._

 _I was cold. I downed half a bottle of cheap vodka but the sight still chilled me. I imagined for a second, a very long second how warm she would feel, Jared's body pressed against her, so warm and strong, his scent filling her nostrils._

 _I felt sick, which could have been the cheap booze (molecularly only a step away from rubbing alcohol), but I suspected it had more to do with the fact that I had finally realized how much I really lost when I stopped being selfish and let the best man in the world go._


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15: Kim Flirts**

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache, apparently werewolves no longer had to worry about the common cold, but were still afflicted with the bitch-ass malady of a hangovers. I didn't harp on it though because my head was also filled with two very distinct thoughts.

One: Kim knew I was a werewolf, or a wolf-man, I didn't care what she wanted to call it as long as it was finally off my back.

And two: even though she knew this, she was more worried about my ill-fated makeout session then the fact that I burst into a horse sized mammal at will.

What did this mean? I wasn't a hundred percent sure but a huge, still obsessively in love part of me was doing the conga, because she was jealous, there was no other explanation for it. And who was I kidding, no matter how much I tried to pretend we were through and that I was going to carry on with my life like nothing happened, Kim was my life, to deny that was blasphemy and would have also required the constant influence of marijuana.

I also knew though that even if part of her wanted me, I had done everything I could, there wasn't nothing else I had to show her, all of my cards were on the table.

"Jared! Kim's here and leaving," my father called and I was out of my bed and down the hall before I could even take notice of my clothes, or lack of. I had fallen asleep in a pair of black boxer briefs, the premier in underwear, also known as the best of both worlds, the king of underpants!

She looked terrible, beautiful yes, as always, but terrible. She was pale and I hadn't noticed it the night before (her body covered in a coat), but she was thinner, at least ten pounds thinner. Her body was still, well banging, but it wasn't exactly the picture of health and I liked that she was healthy.

She was still processing the night's alcohol and her natural aroma had a bitter tinge. When I finally took in her eyes, which were scanning my body in an attempt at nonchalance, I realized they were red and puffy, she had been crying.

She was distressed, I could see it in her stance, the way her shoulder sagged. I also knew from Kim fact #97 (Kim is **not** a morning person) that she wouldn't have been here at 9am unless there was a problem. She was upset and she needed me. She had come to me.

"Ahem hem hmm, uh—Jared… do you mind putting on clothing," she asked her eyes dropping to my package and then back up to my face, obviously flustered. I don't know what came over me, I guess the mornings revelations were still with me and I wanted to test the waters, but I leaned forward, pinning her against the corridor wall.

"Why Kim? You've seen it all before," I breathed in her ear. She leaned closer to me as if to kiss me, and I could tell by her expression it was involuntary.

"Jared, please," she begged her breathing growing ragged.

I put my hand on her waist relishing in the effect I had on her. So she didn't love me yet, but she did at least want me, she was at least attracted to me by the sounds of her erratic heart and that was a start.

"Please what, Kim?" Her hands went up to stop me from closing the last six inches between us, resting above my nipples, I looked down them and raised my eyebrows theatrically.

" _Please_ get your dog breath under control," she said her heartbeat still racing as I pressed against her.

I chuckled but slipped in the bathroom, washed my face and teeth and threw on clothes in under two minutes, returning to her Listerine fresh and ready for the kissing I had missed so much.

When I came back though she was in the middle of piling bags and boxes in the corner of my sitting room.

"What's going on," I asked evaluating the pile.

"Jared, I need um… some help again, I mean, if you wouldn't mind. You're mom said it was okay," she was embarrassed and I hated that she didn't feel comfortable with me, that she didn't know I would do anything for her.

She wasn't looking me in the eyes anymore and my entire body was begging her to, I needed to see her eyes, I was never sure what was going on with her if I didn't see them.

"Why do you always look at me like that," she said finally glancing up at me.

"Like what?" I honestly had no idea how I looked when I saw her, but I could venture to guess it was happy.

"Like I'm a painting or something… I don't know, never mind I—"

"Because you're beautiful," I answered honestly, she sighed.

"I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" I asked innocently, taking a long stride to be closer to her.

"Compliment me. This would be much easier for me if you—"

"What would be easier for you?" I asked genuinely confused this time.

"Being away from you," she breathed so lightly I wasn't sure I heard her right until her heart started to spike.

"Then why are you doing it, Kim. If you want me all you have to do it ask," I joked brushing her cheek.

"Since when do I have to ask? You used to just follow me," she whispered and I didn't feel like joking anymore.

"Do you want me to follow you?" I asked getting as close to her as I dared, her nose was inches from mine. The connection, the pull to her was still so strong no matter how much I imagined them gone, cut forever, I knew it wasn't true, I was still as much hers now as I was last week and the week before.

"You smell so good," she whispered, her breath tickling my neck.

"Kim. Do you miss me?" That was what I really needed to know. The million dollar question cuz no matter what else she said if she admitted to missing me I knew it was more than flesh she was after.

"Are you wearing cologne?" Kim asked her voice rising unnaturally.

"No. Kim, why aren't you answering me?"

"Why are you asking me stupid questions?"

"I just want to know if you miss me. I miss you, I think about you all day," I breathed less than an inch from her ear.

"Nothing has changed, Jared. You don't understand me, you can't handle—"

"Then teach me, Kim," I said, firmly gripping her waist. She examined my hand, scrutinizing the way I was holding her.

"Ugh! Jared, can we not do this convo again, I don't miss you. I need your help today and I won't bother you or your new girlfriend again."

The frustration mixed with the hungover and the overwhelming need for her boiled over. I punched the wall behind her head, shattering it without wanting to. I stared at it in horror, Kim cowering, covering her head. She was afraid, afraid of me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I said pulling my hand out of the wall.

"It's fine," she squeaked, dodging under my arm and scampering to the door.

"No it's not. I-I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so sorry," I said walking towards her, her hand automatically went to the door knob.

"Yeah, I know," she said it was okay, but her hand was still on the knob and I felt even worse. I had fucked up again, this whole time I had been desperately trying to gain her trust and I threw a tantrum at the worst possible time. What's worse I could have hurt her!

"Kim, I wouldn't hurt you, you have to know that," She looked at me for a long time, releasing the door and taking a step towards me.

"I know, you just scared me. You shouldn't be able to punch through walls," her hand rested on mine and I relaxed instantly.

"I'm a wolf-man, remember?"

"So that was real?" She asked stepping closer still.

"Yeah."

"And I actually said those things to you?" She said blushing hard.

"Yeah," I said tracing my finger over the height of her reddening cheek.

"Um, yeah… lesson in alcohol control I guess."

"Kim."

"Yes?" She said with a smirk.

"Are you scared of me?"

"No," she answered automatically.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she said even faster and my heart swelled.

"Do you like me?" I was feeling bold.

"Jared."

"Kim."

Her face was mere centimeters from my face. She was staring me straight in the eye, her beautiful eyelashes kissing her cheeks as she blinked. She leaned into me her hand resting on my cheek, her eyes—

"Kim, honey have you eaten yet?" My mom asked walking in the room.

Her eyes darted between us, widened and she rounded on her heels, calling "there's food if you're hungry," as she left the room again.

And then the moment was gone. She went back out the door and I followed, stepping on the snow with my bare feet, feeling it melt beneath me.

"I've got a few more boxes, they just have to stay here until tomorrow and I'll be out of your way," she said opening the back of Crystal's van. I rushed forward stacking the three small boxes and sprinting back in the house.

"You must be cold," she said rubbing my bare arms with her little hands as she re-entered my house.

"I'm hot," I said flatly.

"And so modest too," she countered.

I liked joking with her. I missed it, our banter that could go on for hours with nothing really being said, but leaving my cheeks burning from exertion.

"I'm hundred and ten degrees constantly, it's a wolf thing."

"Oh," she touched my forehead. She was leaning in to me again, it was almost as if she couldn't help herself and I wondered if this was a double sided connection and she was just better at self-control. Her perfect arched lips were poking up, tempting me.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Jared," she hissed, turning away from me.

"Kim."

"You hurt my feelings," she said in a small voice, speaking into her chest.

"How?" This had to be some sort of joke, considering she didn't seem to think I had feelings at all.

"Jared, you said—you said you wanted more, more than sex. I thought when I let you go you would find some sweet girl and it would all be worth it, you would be happy. I didn't think you were just going to go around and start fondling the first slut you—"

"Kim, that's not fair," I put my hand under her chin.

Her hard hazel eyes melted, and her heartbeat sped as she leaned in for a kiss for the third time today. I wasn't going to let this one pass, I crashed my lips on her just as her cell rang out loudly. I didn't let her pull back, kissing her roughly through three rings before she pulled away, giggling as she answered the call.

"Yeah?... Oh shit, that was fast. Don't let her in okay. Tell her you're going to call the police, that'll scare her, I'll be there in five."

"What happened?"

"I packed Matty's thing, he's leaving tomorrow night, but my mom isn't too happy about it," she said biting her lip.

"Wait. She didn't know?"

"No. I didn't want to tell her so she wouldn't fuck it up. His aunt's really nice, Jared. Her husband is really cool too, I'm doing the right thing for him," she said her voice cracking.

"I know, I know Kim, but what's she going to do when you go back there? How do you plan to live with your mom when she wants to kill you?" I asked grabbing her wrist.

"Boxes are Matty's and the garbage bags are mine. I'm leaving tonight."

"Leaving?"

"Yeah, for a while, until I can get my own place."

"Where are you going?" I asked, my voice was so childlike it didn't sound like me.

"Somewhere free," she dodged the question.

"Kim, don't do this to me. I need to know you're okay, I need you by me, safe."

"Mindy's family has a house in Forks. It used to belong to her gran, she died last month and they haven't had a chance to clear it out to sell it yet Look I have to go before my mom bust down Crystal's door," she said ignoring me and finally making her way out the door. I followed her.

"I'm coming," I called after her. She turned around, examined me and smiled.

"Shoes, Jared, shoes," she said hopping in her car. I ran back inside, throwing on sneakers and a pull over for good measure, closing the door behind me and getting in the passenger side.

I was enthralled with how wild she drove for someone who should worry about their mortality. She was a demon on the road, just like she was in bed.

When we got to Crystal's the police were already there. Apparently Crystal the ditz didn't realize the police were obviously supposed to be an idle threat.

"SHIT!" Kim hissed, there were two reservation officers struggling with her strung out mom who was thrashing about in a fevered attempt to escape them. Kim dashed out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition.

"It's okay, she's just a little drunk. I'll take her home officer Green," she said making her way for the taller of the two La Push rent-a-cops, she obviously knew him.

"Sorry Kim-bean, not this time, even if Miss Varn didn't want to press charges for the door she has some paraphernalia with residue," he said his eyes roving over Kim's body for longer than necessary, I wanted to pulled his eyes of his head for obviously violating her with his mind.

"This is the second time this year babe," I wanted to kill him. Kim-bean and babe? I could rip out his intestines, the growl passed my lips before I could stop it, but it was small and went unnoticed.

Kim put on her best flirting voice, pouting as she said, "Oh, Leon, why can't we just get a write-up, she doesn't need to—"

"She's going to in for booking, we can't keep letting it by, Kim-bean," and with that they were cuffing her.

"When can I pick her up?" Kim said returning to her not so sunny self.

"You're gunna have to go through the bail bonds," the shorter of the two said pushing Kim's mom in car and driving off.

"Shit! Fuck! Goddamn cock suckers!" She screamed stomping her little booted feet.

She rounded on Crystal, "I can't believe you put my mom in jail!"

"She was—" Crystal fell silent realizing I was standing there. "can we take this inside?" She asked obviously implying for me to stay put.

"What's Jared doing here?" Crystal demanded, when they were safely inside. I could still hear them even though they were in the kitchen, one of the awesomest side-effects of wolfness.

"I didn't know where else to go," Kim said sadly.

"UGH! Kim!"

"I know, I know. Shut up, it doesn't matter God, this is so embarrassing," Kim said and though I couldn't see her I could just imagine her slumping shoulder as she said this.

"Why do you even care what Jared thinks?"

"I don't," Kim said quickly.

"You do! You still care what he thinks even if he's cheating on you," Crystal said in disgust.

"He's not cheating on me, I broke it off with him, so drop it… Look, we need to get Matty out of here now, last time they locked her up the police came for him, and he was with child protective services for a week."

"Okay, I'll call gran," Crystal said running to the other corner of the house as Kim came into view holding her cell phone.

"Hey Jennifer. We had some problems with mom," she paused, and I grabbed her hand squeezing in lightly.

"No, Matty's fine, but mom's in jail and we need to get him out of here before— Yeah exactly. We're just going to drive him up there, save you the trip… I'm fine, thanks. Okay, see you in a few hours," she said flipping her phone closed.

She dropped my hand and backed away, and I stepped forward to close the distance again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think—"

"Why are you apologizing?" I asked moving to grab her hand again, she crossed it in front of her chest, which I had forgotten were so perfect.

"Because I promised I wouldn't get you mixed up in my shit again," she said with a huff and I stepped even closer, cornering her and pulling her to me. She was rigid for a moment and then she latched on to me so tight that her fingernails dug into my neck.

"So what's the plan, beautiful," her heartbeat sped when I said that and I kissed the top of her head and temple. I loved being able to touch her again, but I wasn't sure how long it would last.

"No plan. Matty's coming back now, we have to pick up his shit from your place, you can say goodbye if you want and I'll drop him off."

"And your mom?"

"Will have to stay in the holding cell till they get tired of her, cuz I don't have cash, like any at all." I did, and I would have happily given it all to Kim, every fucking cent, but not her mom, she could rot in jail forever for all I cared.

"Are you still leaving?" I asked my throat clenching.

"I guess not. She'll be in there for a few days, unless they find something else on her when they do a full search, and then she would be in there longer. Either way they will call me before she's released, so I don't have to worry about her just yet," she was so tough, I loved when she spoke like that, my baby really could take on anything.

"Stay with us Kim. I love you," it had been too long since I said that.

"Jared, I—"

"BRRR!" The car horn blared and I kicked the ground making small pebbles fly all around me. Our timing was awful.

"Jared!" Matty ran to me, attaching himself to my leg.

"I thought I was never going to see you again!" He screamed and I picked him up, snuggling him close to my chest.

"Me too," I admit.

"You're still going to come visit me right? Promise?"

"Triple promise," I said rubbing his back. Kim shuffled around us uncomfortably, putting her hand on his back and then my hands and then pacing again.

After a little while she spoke, her voice was sharp and unnatural.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road." We piled into her car and I sat in the back with Matty, reliving the moments before the car horn.

Jared I— Jared I— Jared I—

Jared I love you?

Jared I apologize?

Jared I miss you?

Jared I want to fuck you until the world ends or we both die of malnutrition?

All of those would have been enough for me right now.

When the car was packed up with all of his stuff she turned to me.

"Ugh! I guess waking you up at 9am on a Saturday morning was sort of unnecessary. Sorry," she said pushing her hair behind her ears.

"Why is it so easy for you to say sorry for things that don't matter, but for everything else you—"

"Are you waiting for an apology?" She asked crossing her arms indignantly.

"Well, I'm not holding my breath but, I was hoping, since I apologized for last night you would—"

"I'm not apologizing for Jeremy Sullan because A, I knew him before you, B we aren't dating Jared, and C you were dry humping a sophomore!"

"Actually, I was hoping you would apologize for the last two weeks of torture and also maybe admit you missed me, that would be nice," I said honestly.

"I'm sure it would be. Say bye Matty," she called shaking her head as she got back in the van.

"No, I'm going with you," I said making to get in the van, she hopped out and stopped me.

"Jared, I need to do this alone."

"Goddammit, Kim! Why do you have to make everything harder on yourself?" Every nerve in my body was on end, she had awaken every powerful emotion in me within the two hours since I had rolled out of bed.

"Jared, I'm sorry if I got your hopes up but today doesn't change anything between—"

"The hell it doesn't! You've been dying to kiss me all day," I said pressing her against the door, placing my hands on either side of her face locking her in.

"Jared, please. I don't have the time or energy to keep doing this. Find Veronica, you obviously liked her, so soft and breakable," she said in a mocking tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said throwing my hands in the air.

"It doesn't even matter. Whatever, Jared. I gotta go," and with that she was gone.

I waved goodbye to a crying Matty and went back inside, eating more food than any man, wolf or beast should. When there was nothing left, I went to Paul. He had been right all along, Kim was impossible. Positively fucking impossible and I wasn't going to try anymore, I tried and tried and tried and nothing came of it.

Maybe one day she would decide she wanted me, but I wasn't going to sit around waiting for it. Kim was prone to cutting off her own nose to spite her face and it was more likely she would kill me then admit that maybe, just maybe she missed me... or god forbid had actual feelings for me.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16: Kim- Matty the Philosopher**

* * *

 **Kim's Interlude: Matty the Philosopher**

I didn't want to look at him. He was sitting directly behind me, visible in the rearview mirror but I didn't have the guts to look him in the eye right now. I could see him crying from the corner of my eye, sobbing hard and kicking the back of my seat at odd intervals. I had failed him, the most important person in my life, the boy I promised to love and protect forever and I had failed him miserably.

It was somehow easier when I was younger, when Matty's father left and my mother first became an alcoholic. Matty was just starting school (the most adorable five year on the planet) and me a thirteen year old mom.

But then, maybe I was never good at it, it was just easier for me then to ignore all of the things we were missing, because I didn't understand how badly we, or he, needed them. Love. Comfort. Stability. Support.

I pray that no matter how terrible of a mother surrogate I had been, I had given him at least a taste of that, because I knew the affect not having them had done to me. I was completely incapable of expressing normal human emotions, a double retard in love, another reason I didn't deserve it, especially not with Jared. I flinched at the mere thought of his name but I couldn't stop thinking it even though I begged and pleaded with myself not to.

 _Jared._ **Jared.** _**Jared**_

"I love you, Matty, I hope you'll never forget that," I said still not looking at him.

"Then why do you want me gone?" His voice was small, so sad. I knew I was scaring him for life. I started the scars years ago when I selfishly avoided counselors and teachers clinging to him when he was never mine to have. I could only hope now that when he got away from this Stockholm syndrome situation and realized it all, he would still love me.

I would never have children, I had never seen it as a possibility, but I decided then and there, there was no way I was fit to bring children into this world.

"Matty, I don't want you gone, I don't want you anything but happy. You are going to love it there, I promise. Their house it huge and nice and you'll have a tree house," I said as cheerily as I could manage.

"I'd rather live in a box with you," he said drearily, kicking the back of my seat again.

"I thought you hated me?" I smiled, but my inside twisted at the very thought of him hating me, I couldn't bare it, my worst fear because if he could hate me how could anyone else ever love me?

I always suspected I might end up alone, but a survival mode mechanism in me said that one day if I played my cards right I could rope some unsuspecting fool to his death (also called marriage)…

"I love you," he said defeated, sighing loudly. I got the courage to look at him then, and I smiled at him through the mirror as he stared out onto the road. "Jared loves you too," he said looking at me apprehensively, I looked away.

Jared. Jared. Jared.

When I wasn't thinking about Matty everything in my world was pointing to Jared, he was like the dangling carrot taunting me. Everything in my life had erupted in shit and the right thing to do was to let him go. One day if I were good enough I could have a man half as good as him… though probably not as hot.

"Then you have something in common then, you both love the wrong things," I said dryly.

We still had an hour, but I started to dread my parting words, what could I say to the center of my world as I let him go? It probably wasn't a good idea to go with the Jared "get away from me" method, which wasn't even working on him… well not until today. The thought made my stomach lurch and I leaned forward, my hand going instantly to my belly.

"Why don't you love him? He's cute," he said very matter-of-factly.

I was starting to question Matty lately. The little comments, the side glances at boys and sometimes Paul. Not that I would have a problem with him being gay. I could care less if he wanted to cut off his junk, wear dresses and call himself Chanel, I'd love Chanel just the same. But I worried. Matty's life has been hard enough without adding gay to the equation. The world is just not kind to gays, although that would be a battle I'd be ready to fight with him.

"Yeah, he's cute… gorgeous even," I said, Matty nodded thoughtfully behind me and I couldn't help but smile. If he was gay he had good taste, "But it's just not meant to be buddy."

"Why?"

"Because we are two different kinds of people."

"Yes a boy and a girl, this how it's supposed to work, Kim," he said huffing. I thought for a second that I should rush on past, avoiding the topic of gayness all together but I thought, why the hell not, it was the last motherly thing I could do for him.

"It's not supposed to be anything, boy and girl, girl and girl, boy and boy, as long as they're happy then it's good," I said firmly, hoping he would remember that forever, because even if he wasn't gay it was a valuable lesson to learn.

"Then what's the problem?"

"He's normal and I'm not."

"Well who wants to be normal? That's boring, Jared doesn't like boring," he said solemnly.

I had no idea how to respond to that. Here I was trying to impart some wisdom on my baby brother and I find I'm talking to a ten year old philosopher. How pathetic was I?

"If you don't treat him nicely you won't have anyone but Crystal left in La Push and she's sorta stupid." God I was going to miss this kid, he was a fucking riot!

"And Mindy and... maybe Jeremy Sullan, you remember him," I said wiggling my eyebrows. He was pretty hot, if Matty likes dudes he was going to remember him.

"Jeremy Sullan's a douche!" Oh god! What was I pawning off on this poor lady! This kid was a handful. I thought about scolding him, but then what a fucking hypocrite I would be? I never did before now, so why start?

"He's cute though," I defended. He was about the best I was going to do outside of Jared, who was too damn good for me. Jeremy was nice enough, and didn't ask too many questions.

"He wears girl clothes and talks about politics all the time. You don't even like politics," he said unbuckling his seatbelt and resting his chin on my shoulder. I should have told him to sit back, but he hadn't spoken or touched me in three weeks and I was missing it like crazy. As a solution I drove extra slowly, watching the road carefully as I leaned my head into his, further prolonging our last minutes together.

"I don't dislike politics," I squealed patting his head.

"Who's the vice president," he asked smugly.

"The old white dude that shot someone," I said lamely and we both laughed.

"Jared doesn't care about politics either."

"Enough with Jared already! I'm not good enough for him and his parents think we're trash," said exhaling hard. It was a new method I had picked up, when I thought about Jared so much it hurt I would exhaled hard, trying to expel all excess Jared.

"Jared thinks you're the best thing in the world. Who cares what his dad thinks? Dads are shit!" I couldn't really fault that logic, both of ours were.

"Do I really have to go? We could turn around now, make it home before Gossip Girl… I'll be better, Kim. I can get a job with Jordan, he says you can clean the community center on Sundays for $35."

"Matty, it's not money. I'd work every day of the week for you. You're going to like it here, I promise. If you don't like it by next Christmas, I'll come pick you up. I'm getting an apartment. I haven't told anyone, but I put in the down payment and it's being painted now. It's nothing special, but we can squeeze in. I just know you're going to like it there if give it a shot, and you can stay with me on all of the holidays if you want," I promised but I knew he wouldn't.

I hoped he would want to, we had traditions for all holidays, but then why would he want to eat movie mix on Thanksgiving when he could have turkey and shit… or bingo on Christmas when pine trees and sugar plum fairies were dancing around.

"Can I come back for New Years?" He asked bouncing. We had a New Year's tradition of drinking too much sparkling grape juice and staying up way past midnight watching rented summer blockbusters we couldn't afford to see in the theatre during the year.

"I'd love to my dear. My apartment will be ready by then, so I'll pick you up okay? I promise."

"Promise me something else," he said sitting back again. I eyed him as he readjusted his seatbelt.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"Have sex with Jared again. It'll make you both happy," he said giggling.

"Again?" I asked incredulously, but then I smiled. I hadn't told him we did it, it's sorta weird to talk about sex with a ten year old, but then he was just as much of a ten year old as I was a seventeen year old, living with a drunk ages you… like cigarettes.

"I know you did it. I heard you talking to Mindy about it. You said it was great, so you should do it again, then everything will be okay." the little sneak!

"Matty, sex isn't going to fix this."

"Then stop lying to him and tell him you love him," he was sounding very much like a little Oprah.

When we drove up to Jennifer's house I turned off the car, and opened the door, but I couldn't move. The car seemed to be getting smaller around me and I gripped the steering-wheel tight.

"It'll be okay, sparkling grape juice in three weeks," he said quietly, patting my shoulder and hopping out of the car. I stepped out, watching him hug Jenny. She turned on me, hugging me tightly, which was weird, I generally don't like people touching me, but it felt good at the moment.

His room was so adorable, painted yellow. I loved it. I'd secretly called him sunshine since he was five, and consequently yellow has been his favorite color since. It looked like one of those kid's rooms out of home improvement shows that you thought no one really lived in; well apparently some people do and Matty was going to be one of them.

She invited me for dinner and I could have stayed if my heart wasn't shattering into a million little pieces making it harder for me to breathe properly. When I said my goodbyes to Jennifer and went to the door to leave, Matty stayed a safe distance to wave and I winked, told him I loved him and bowed out, before I could cry.

It's funny… for years and years my life has been sub-par to say the least and I never cried as much as I have in the last three months because of Jared. That sounds so wrong because other than Matty, Jared has made me the happiest I have ever been, but somehow it brought the tears to life. Maybe I was just not born to be happy and tears were like my body's way of trying to exorcise emotions that didn't belong to me.

My breathing had calmed, but my heart was still hurting when I pulled into a gas station. I never knew it was possible for your heart to actually hurt so badly, I thought love songs over exaggerated, but I guess they only applied to the one true love of your life and for me that would hands down always be Matty.

The line inside the station was long and I leaned against a rack, my eyes sticking unpleasantly on a pack of Tropical flavored gummy bears, the same kind I shared with Matty the day Jared came into my life. The same day I chain smoked half a box of cigarettes and thought for the first time that Matty might be better off somewhere else.

I bought the gummies, I was hungry, it was past four and I hadn't eaten all day. I actually couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten a full meal, but also there was something symbolic there. I'm not one for symbolism and all of that but something about that bag called to me, compelling me to purchase it, bringing my last three months around full circle.

When I opened them, eating all of the greens first— now that I no longer had to divide them evenly between Matty and I— I shed a single tear. The sun was setting earlier and earlier as Christmas drew near and I drove towards it, the clashing purple and orange dying rays guiding my way.

My home would be empty, the first night in my entire life sleeping completely alone, no mom, no Matty, no Jared.

Jared. Jared. Jared.

I missed him so much, so fucking much. I knew it was a mistake to depend on him so much, but then I'd do it again… I'd do it again…

I'd do it all again, all of it, no, not all of it, not the hurting him part… hurting myself because hurting him hurt me.

If I were a cartoon I think would have a light bulb over my head.

The pain I was feeling now probably wouldn't be any worse than a break-up, a real break up, so I wasn't protecting myself from anything, I was limiting myself—I was cutting out all the good stuff I could have. If I could be with him, just be with him for as long as he was stupid enough to have me I could have something real, some memories of pure happiness to take on with me for the rest of my shit life.

All I had to do was apologize… then that was always easier said than done.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17: Jared- Kim Smiles**

* * *

I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do now that I was on Christmas break. The black-haired vamp and his red head mate hadn't showed their perfect stone faces in over two weeks, Emily had returned to the Makah rez with Sam to visit her sister and parents. Paul was leaving for a ski trip in Mount Baker with his family, and Embry, well Embry was pretending to not know me but I wasn't taking it personal, because even if he did want to be around me I wasn't very good company now.

I wasn't going to allow myself to cry so I made myself follow my mom; washing clothes, and lacklusterly planning our master gingerbread house.

Every year my mother and I entered a gingerbread house competition at the Forks Baptist Church. We weren't Baptist, but we always swept the show, no one out did my mom when it came to baking and confections. We drew a diagram and even started to make different shade of frosting before we realized we were missing an essential ingredient, flour.

It was just past 7pm and I ran to the Ateara's corner store not bothering to keep up with the charade, heading out the house without a coat or gloves although it was below freezing and after last night's snowfall there was over a foot of snow on the ground. I did have the sense to put on sneakers even though I had an almost religious abhorrence to wearing them.

When I stepped into the blazing hot store I was assaulted with a wave of a tropical aroma, exotic coconut and lime, and again, as if the fates were cursing me a hint of gummy bears... Kim was here, and I played with the idea of running to a store Hoquiam before I caught sight of her, and I was pulled in. I instinctively drew closer and she stiffened, she hadn't seen me but I knew she could sense me near.

Her rigid posture snapped me out of my imprint daze and I spun around making my way down the far aisle, straight for the dried goods. Her footsteps were like music to me, and I listened to her as she made her way down the opposite side of the aisle. There was an uncanny throbbing energy between us, and I could hear her elevated breath and speeding heart rate matching my own.

When she stopped on the other side I stopped and leaned my head against the shelf inhaling deeply. She was standing just on the other side, I could feel her, I closed my eyes just basking in her energy, the broken gravitational pull mending as we stood a few feet away, just a thin metal shelf between us.

"Jared," she breathed my name and it made my stomach knot. It was a soft, gentle sounding Jared, not the drawn out mocking two syllable: Jar-ed I had become accustomed to as of late. I inhaled so deeply I started to smell her lipgloss, an orangey tinted concoction that glided against my lips when we kissed.

Her breathing got uneven and I realized I hadn't responded.

"Yeah," my voice cracked when I uttered it, a simple sound but it was heavy with meaning.

"I'm sorry. I miss you," she whispered a little louder and she was gone.

I didn't have time to react. Even though my body is fast, my mind hadn't reacted quickly enough. She was out of the store and down the road before I realized that Kim had apologized. The last thing in the world I ever expected her to do, she apologized.

Maybe it was the imprint, but her words were like a curtain being pulled back and the sun shone through again. It was all I needed to hear and I was sucked in again. I was rotating around Kim again and I kicked myself for being so completely enthralled when it had become so much easier to just pretend I hated her.

It was ridiculous, I couldn't hate her, it was just a defense mechanism to ensure my sanity when Kim was so inconsistent and unpredictable I never knew if she was planning an attack. But I had no choice now, I couldn't stay angry with her after she apologized, because I knew it took a lot for her to do it.

I grabbed the flour, bought it, dropped it off at home, apologized to my mother and ran out again, straight to Kim. I knew I would, even though I begged myself not to, my feet went where they wanted to be. I rang her bell and as if she were waiting for me she popped out within seconds, still wearing her coat. We stood there looking at each other for a long time and I saw she was waiting, waiting for me to speak.

So I took a chance, I pulled her to me, kissing her forehead . She tried to pull away but my hand was firmly planted behind her head and after a few long seconds she turned her lips up to mine, her tongue brushing lightly against my bottom lip. I loosened my grip from around her neck and let it fall down her back, tracing the roof of her mouth with my tongue, she responded with a muffled moan and a desperate shuffle to get closer to me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in her mouth, before my tongue met hers in a tango.

I had been wrong too, something I didn't let myself ponder because I didn't want to feel guilty. I wanted to feel mad, I needed to feel mad, but I was wrong too. I shouldn't have let anyone talk to her like that, not even my dad, I should have explained my feelings better, I should have told her about being a wolf, I should have said a lot of things; where was my Word-a-day calendar when I really needed it?

She was clawing at my back trying to get as close to me as possible and I pulled her up to my body, pressing her flush against the door. She felt so good, so warm and petite.

"Please. don't apologize. please," she pleaded between kisses.

Her warm briny tears landed on my lips but I continued to kiss her. "I'm sorry. Jared. I'm so sorry," she continued to apologize as my lips crushed against her, but I didn't stop her, and a very petty part of me didn't want her to stop, that part needed to hear her sorrys.

I was buzzing with relief and almost painful lust, it had been two miserable and lonely months. She pulled her face as far away from mine as she could and I attacked her neck with a flurry of kisses.

"Jared, say something," she pleaded and words just started flowing out. Of course after two months I find the right words. Still kissing her neck I ranted in short sentences, dying for my lips to make contact with as much of her as possible.

"I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have let my dad bully you like that. You're the most important person in the world to me. I blew my chance to prove it to you. I'm sorry. And should have told you earlier but I was scared. You're everything. I have no right to be mad if you hid things from me. I have so many things I should tell you. And I want to know everything about you too. And I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. Because, Kim I love you. I do and I don't care if you don't love me. Or if you can't love me, you don't have to. I just want to be in your life in anyway that—" she cut me off with a kiss, opening the door and pulling me after her. She tried to kiss me and walk up the stairs at the same time but it wasn't happening to I lifted her up bridal style and rushed up the stairs to her room.

I kicked the door closed behind me placing her gently on her feet. She pulled off her coat, awkwardly looking around the room. My heart was racing, I didn't know what was happening, I never did with Kim.

"Jared, you know that night? I was going to tell you about my dad. I saw a letterhead for your dad's company on your refrigerator, I was going to tell you, I wasn't trying to hide it, it's just so embarrassing, Jared. You have this perfect family and life and my family is constantly on the verge of appearing on _Cops_ and it makes me feel so dirty—I'm sorry," she trailed off, taking a seat on the bed defeated.

"So that's what you were going to tell me?" I asked sitting next to her.

"Huh?"

"That night, I said I needed to talk to you and you said you wanted to tell me something, was that it?" I said grabbing her hand.

"Oh, no. But I _was_ going to tell you about my dad too," she said facing me. Her eyes were still tearing and I swiped a stray from the corner of her eyelid.

"Are you okay?"

"Jared. I," she started sobbing, and I stroked her hair lightly shushing her. "I thought you-you hat-ted me," she was breathing so hard I started to worry she was hyperventilating.

"I messed everything up with you. I made you think that all I wanted from you was sex, but that's all I thought I could give you and Jared if you want more I can give you more, I'll try at least, I promise. Just don't hate me."

"I can't hate you, Kim. I love you," I murmured in her ear laying her back against the bed, but she sat up, bringing her legs to her chest and cradling them.

"Jared."

"Yea?"

"Um, Jared."

"Yes, Kim?"

"That night I was going to tell you that aluvoo."

"What?"

"I… love you."

I stared at her for a long time, again words fail me at the most crucial points in my life, but this time it was okay. I didn't really need them to express my feelings. I stared into her beautiful eyes, they were filled with so much love I didn't need an explanation. I pulled her arms from around her knees and wrapped them around my neck, my hands settling on the exposed skin of the small of her back where her jeans and shirt didn't quite meet.

A sense of urgency electrified the room, two months of thinking, dreaming, praying to be with her like this again. Knowing that she loved me, that Kim felt even a portion of what I felt for her, it was like a current pulsing through the room.

Being so close to her, wanting her so bad, I started to damn myself for wearing a shirt, desperate to have as much of our skin touching as possible. She seemed to be thinking the same thing and she slowly lifted herself up, carefully removing her soft white sweater, exposing a thin purple camisole. She wasn't wearing a bra and I could see her perfect little nipples already standing at full attention. I put my mouth over one of them, lashing my tongue out at it through the fabric. She arched and whimpered, and I continued, switching sides.

This was the first time, or it would be the first time, when sex with Kim wasn't rushed or unexpected. We knew what was happening, and the anticipation was building. We never had room for foreplay, and I marveled in it, kissing my way down the center of her breast down her stomach, using my thumbs to lift the cami and expose her midriff completely.

I darted my tongue out and into the tiny divot of her belly button, which was an adorable mix of inny and outty. She bucked involuntarily, but the movement sent a waft of her arousal. I crawled back up her body, completely removing her shirt with her eager help.

I kissed her again, pulling back with a question in my eyes. I didn't want to make another mistake. She nodded and she hurriedly helped me unbutton her jeans.

I was doing everything at a snail's pace, savoring the moments while enjoying the frustrated and passionate sounds that she was emitting at uneven intervals. I let my hand graze over the top of her cotton underwear, lightly tracing circles over her mound, and she responded with bucking movement, pressing herself more firmly against my hand. I pulled back, not allow her the full pressure she desired. She clawed at my shoulder, my tongue still tracing small and steady circles on and around her nipple.

"Jared," she moaned my name and I added pressure to my fingertips.

It was becoming painfully obvious how much she wanted me, the warmth moisture of her arousal turning me on so much I couldn't keep up this teasing. I used my thumb to push the cotton of her panties aside and slid my middle finger up her crease. She shuttered audibly when I reached her swollen clit, hovering for a few seconds before I grazed it.

Her sounds were driving me crazy, the way she twitch and moaned. I wanted to be inside of her, to feel her tight around me again, but she was enjoying this too much for me to stop.

I wanted this time to be different, special— the first time we made love as opposed to well… fucking. She loved me. She loves ME. It was almost unbelievable but her eyes told me it was true, and maybe if I hadn't been such an idiot I could have saved myself the heartache, because the look at been there all along.

I positioned myself so that I was half on top of her, one hand cupping her left breast while my tongue played with her right nipple, my other hand continuing to trace up and down her slit rubbing her sensitive area with care.

Her smell was addicting, so concentrated and yet so different. Her jeans were tight and restricting, so I removed my hand which made Kim sigh loudly as I laced my thumbs through her belt-loops and slid them off of her. I was kneeling between her legs and she lifted her butt to help me, her mound pressing against my chin.

I didn't remove her underwear, I kept them there to tease her and also because I was nervous. I had had sex with her, **three glorious time** , but I hadn't actually seen her nether regions and what was the etiquette in this situation? Was I allowed to see her there? Did I have to ask?

Her thighs, which were muscled and tanned but not as darkly as the rest of her body, were tempting me. I rested my cheek against one of them, rubbing my stubbled chin against it as she squealed. Then I kissed it, the beautiful soft skin was so different here, so much more satiny, so intimate.

"Ummm," she was moving and with every buck, twist, and turn the smell of her wetness was more potent. I kissed her thigh again, switching to the other side as my hand crept between her legs. I snuck a peek, my thumb pushing the rust orange cotton of her panties to the side, the shade was so perfect it looked as if it were made to go with her copper skin.

She made a huffing sound and chuckled bringing her hands to either hip and making to slide them off. I panicked a little.

"Jared are you scared of vaginas?" she asked, peeling with laughter.

"No… I just never, well, you know…"

"Relax! Come here, you've done well, let's do it already. I'm dying here," she cooed pulling at me but I felt a challenge and I didn't back down from a challenge. I pulled her underwear off with a flourish looked at her.

When I had seen them before in porn and anatomy books, I'd always thought (ARROW) this is where you enter, the end. Well they looked much more complicated up close. She laughed, pulling my hair and trying to drag me back up, but I returned my finger inside of her, using my thumb to sweep her clit. She stopped laughing immediately, her chuckle turning into a whine.

With my face so close, her legs spread, so exposed in front of me, I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like. I imagined it would be sweet with a hint of salt like it's smell and without asking for permission I replaced my thumb with my tongue flicking her little pink nub.

"Jared!" she screamed, so loudly that if we weren't alone anyone in the house would have clearly heard. I liked it, not only her taste but the sounds she made. I removed my fingers gripping either side of her hips and gluing her in place. I didn't know what I was doing, there wasn't really a manual on going down on a girl (not one that I had read anyways) and I felt a little stupid at first until I heard her heart and breathing change, the way it did before she came.

I tried something new, my tongue penetrating her just as she thrashed and exploded with a colorful burst of expletives, which were such a turn on I pounced, covering her neck with kisses. She pushed me back kissing me full on the lips, her tongue dancing with mine. She was glorious, I couldn't help but pull back and stare.

"Stop doing that," she giggled blushing and covering her face with her hands. I pulled them away, her face was the best part.

"You're so beautiful," I breathed from my kneeling position above her. She looked me in the eye and blinked a few times before rolling them dramatically.

"Why am I naked but you're still fully dressed?" she asked still blushing.

"Cuz I don't look good naked like you," I joked rubbing my hands up and down her thighs, which were spread to accommodate me kneeling between them.

"That's what you think," she breathed, sitting up and tugging at my shirt. I helped her take it off because I was boiling hot in her heated room. Her heartbeat sped when her hands roamed over my torso.

"So you like my body?"

"Yeah, as about much as you do Mr. Barechest in the winter," she smiled so brightly it shone throughout the unlit room and I joined her. "Your smile is beautiful," she said stealing my line, I didn't know how to respond she hadn't complimented me before.

"It's a wolf thing, you know, the shirtlessness not the smile. Our body temperature is high it sucks wearing clothes."

"So do you all have ridiculous muscles?" She asked her hand roaming over my biceps. Another compliment... or sort of, I could get used to this.

"Yeah, I guess... I don't think they're ridiculous, we need them," I said kissing her again.

"And how many wolf-men are there in the world? Do you guys have conferences?" With Kim I was never quite sure if she was joking or not, so I took it as curiosity. I chuckled, lying on top of her carefully holding my weight on my elbow and putting my face in the crook of her neck.

"I don't know about the world, but there are four of us in La Push," I said my lips brushing her neck as I spoke.

"Who?" She questioned turning to look at me, I started to answer but her stomach growled loudly.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked taking time to examine her weight loss.

Kim was not this skinny before, I liked that about her, she was soft and feminine and well, extraordinarily beautiful. But once I looked closer I could see where her waist had indented further and how her collarbone jutted out much more dangerously.

"I ate gummy bears a few hours ago, I was going to buy something at the corner store, but you distracted me," she said covering herself partially with the sheet.

"Are you on a diet or something?"

"Do you think I should be?"

"Hell no! You're perfect. Actually, now you're a little skinny," I admitted, pulling the sheet back so I could gratuitously stare at her body again.

"I thought boys liked that," she said eyeing me seductively, but now that I was worried about her health I couldn't really think about sex… well not all that much.

"Let's eat," I said pulling her out of bed. She stood in front of me, grinning.

"You're seriously going to give up sex for food?" She asked pulling on a pair of track pants.

"Well, we can have sex after," I said helping her put on her shirt, taking time to smooth out the breast region. Then a thought occurred to me, "Why were you trying to lose weight?"

"I wasn't, I was just… I just… I missed you. I missed you so much I couldn't think about food," and that melted my resolve, I kissed her passionately, grabbing at every part of her I could, until her stomach growled again and she pulled away.

"Yeah, I guess we should fix that first," and she nodded. We would have plenty of time for sex.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 18: Kim Loses**

* * *

"Oh god, I didn't realize how hungry I was," Kim said as we made our way down the stairs. My cell phone rang and I smiled, my mother had sewed pockets into my cut-offs, a creative way to keep a phone on me at all times. I fiddled with the pocket button and answered.

"Hey mom."

"Hey baby, I know you're with Kim and I was wondering if you could convince her to come around, I still feel so bad about—"

I cut her off, I wasn't going down this road again, "I don't think Kim wants to come back to our house ever—" Kim grabbed the phone out my hand.

"Hi Mrs. Cameron, we'll be over in a few okay?" She said sweetly. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she winked passing the phone back to me.

"Okay mom, we're coming," I said it as if it were a question still staring at her as she pulled on a jacket and boots. She giggled at the same time as my mom.

"We're hungry though, just a warning," I said hanging up and looking at her, worried about her exact plans.

"I said I was going to try, that means making a better impression on your mom. I'm keeping my promise so don't question it," she said poking my chest. "So you better be ready to keep your promise," she said shivering. I didn't even think about it, I twirled her around, slinging her onboard piggy back style. She wrapped her arms and legs loosely around me.

"What promise?" I spoke into her hair, she had her cheek rested on my shoulder.

"The sex, silly, the sex. Sex after dinner, I'm holding you to it."

"Believe me you're going to be completely worn out before I'm done with you."

She scoffed, "are you implying I can't keep up with you?" Her cool breath caressed my earlobe and I quivered, how did she do that?

"Well, yea, I think I am," I was giving her a challenge and much like me I knew she couldn't take being challenged.

"Hmmm… I can't wait to prove you wrong," she said her petite hand gliding down my chest as we passed the Black's house. I could hear Embry and Quil inside encouraging Jake to call someone, 'just call her man, see how she's doing,' and I guessed they were talking about Bella Swan, I knew from Embry's thoughts that Jacob had a thing for her.

Three months ago I would have told Jake she was a lost cause, having seen how deeply she loved that blood sucker, who could love again after such heartbreak? But with recent developments in my love life, I was feeling like quite the romantic and I found myself rooting for the kid.

Kim kissed my shoulder and it made my stomach twist into a knot, the sweetness of the gesture was overwhelming. She had never really been very… gentle with me, not that I needed it or anything but it was nice.

"So you're really okay with hanging out with my mother?" I asked as we drew nearer.

"Yes, Jared. Especially if she has food."

"Even if she wants you to help her make a gingerbread house?" I asked trying not to sound too pussified, I failed— even if I could lift a car over my head I couldn't make gingerbread houses sound macho.

"Well, I'm sure I wouldn't be any good at it, but I'm willing to try," she whispered, biting her lip as I set her down on the top stairs minute later. She grabbed my hand and kissed the palm lightly, I loved when she did that but it was bitter sweet as the last time she did it she was breaking my heart. I pushed the thought aside, crushing her against my door and kissing her over and over again.

"I love you," she whispered between my kisses, gently stroking my cheek. I pushed my tongue past her lips tasting her, she was smoking there was a slight minty bitterness to it.

"I love you too," I whispered at the same time as my mother decided to interrupt us, opening the door and making us both stumble inside clumsily.

"Oh Kim dear, I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to see you. You're hungry? I made meatloaf. You're not a vegetarian are you honey? So many young people are now," my mother rambled not giving Kim a chance to respond. She grabbed Kim's hand and Kim smiled, allowing my mom to guide her through the house. I plopped the bag of flour on the counter and watched my favorite women chat.

"I'm starving. Meatloaf sounds amazing and I'm definitely not a vegetarian, I don't understand the movement and I'm sure I never will," Kim said taking a seat at the counter where my mom had already set out two heaping plates, I could barely tell which one was for me.

The kitchen stools were sorta tall for her, allowing her to swing her legs adorably. She was so cute, how could anyone function around her? I found myself staring so much more than anyone should.

My mother left us in peace and Kim ate slowly, but a lot for someone her size and I was pleased. I ate my entire plate, my second serving of the day and I was already scooping another pile of mashed potatoes on my plate when she spoke again.

"You eat like a maniac. Is that a wolf thing too?" she asked grabbing a roll I was eyeing, it didn't make me growl like I would have if Paul or my dad had done it.

"Yeah," I said embarrassed.

"Ummm… does it bother you? Me asking questions… I'm just really curious about you," she said not looking at me. My heart danced, seriously it danced, that was not normal— was it? I was beyond excited, she wanted to know about me, about my life—including the wolf parts.

"No, it's great!" I would answer any question she asked.

"How about the ninja light feet, is that a wolf thing too," she asked and I fell even more deeply in love with her than before.

When Kim finished she cleared the table, while my mother protested. It wasn't her public Kim façade, she wanted to do it, I could tell. She smiled as she did it, the genuine Kim smile that made the corner of her eyes crinkle. I helped her as much as she would allow me, drying the dishes as she hummed.

My mother made small talk as she mixed the dough and Kim asked her casual questions about her hobbies.

I brought out the diagram for the gingerbread house and we rolled and measured every piece before we put them in the oven. She was going big this year, she got bigger every year, trying to make sure that Patty Long from Hoquiam didn't outdo her.

Kim and I got was busy sorting candies for the shingles white the first batch baked. I was surprised to see the ease in which they bantered with each other.

By the time the first batch had cooled they were even making fun of me and I took it as an opportunity to explain the mounting feud between my mom and Patty Long: the homemaker from hell.

"My mom enters this competition every year you know, so she can beat the living hell out of this housewife from Hoquiam. She lost to her like five years ago when Patty used gourmet Swiss white-chocolate shavings for snow and my mom almost had a conniption."

"That's not true," my mom sang, smiling wickedly as she used a medical grade scalpel to even the edges of her roof.

"Oh I forgot, it's actually for the cheesy gift basket they give us every year," I said sarcastically, busy filling piping bags with the different 6 shade of frosting.

"And I like spending time with my baby," she added insulted. "He used to love making these when he was little. He used to insist that we make them for all holidays, he called them cookie homes. He was almost fourteen before I could convince him Halloween was not an occasion for _cookie homes_ ," she giggled.

"Great mom, you can tell her all of my embarrassing stories, make sure she hears about bible camp," I said dryly.

I was so not getting laid after this! Who was going to want to sleep with a guy who made Valentine's day chocolate chip cookie houses, although in my defense it was very similar to lego building 'cept you could eat it afterwards.

"Oh no honey, I have to save that one for next time, gotta give her a reason to come back," she said winking at Kim and I started to panic, there was no way she was serious, no way she would actually tell her about—

"Bible camp?" Kim said raising her eyebrow at me.

"Don't ask," I said quickly, helping her as she unwrapped the small individually wrapped imported Japanese candies my mother was going to use as a fence, she was pulling out the big guns.

"Oh gosh, now I have to know! I can't wait till next time," Kim said gently nudging my mother who howled with laughter when she saw my face.

"Well that one I have to save for a special occasion, but trust me I have plenty of others," my mom assured her.

My phone rang and since my fingers were covered in frosting Kim put her hand in my pocket, her fingers brushing against Little Jared as she pulled out the phone and put it to my ear. It was Embry.

"Southwest corner of town. New scent," was all her said before hanging up. I groaned, duty was calling at the worst times lately.

"Wolf duty?" My mom asked, putting her arm around Kim's shoulder.

"Yeah. Kim, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Don't leave, please. There's a leech loose," I said kissing her cheek then my mom's.

"A what?"

"A vampire," I said quickly, kicking off my shoes.

"A what?" She said her eyes filled with panic.

"A vampire, Kim. That's my job. I track and kill vampires," I realized then I hadn't really done a good job at explaining the wolf thing.

"Wolfmen and vampires."

"Yeah. The legends of our tribe, you've heard them," I said staring at her.

"Not since I was like six," she said indignantly. "You're going to kill a vampire?"

"Yeah and I really have to go, it's just me and Embry right now. Mom, could you—"

"I'll fill her in," she said pushing me towards the door and I was off.

I phased and joined Embry, but the scent was fading. We tried to track it, running here and there until we finally got something fresh. We were too late, when we finally followed the scent to the source we found a recently fed vamp albeit a really tiny one.

She was shorter than Kim even, her sickly red eyes burning into me. Luckily she wasn't like the redhead, she didn't have the sense to run off and it was almost too easy to take her apart, although the whole ordeal still took an hour.

Kim was sitting in the living room when I arrived a cup of coffee in one hand my mother to her left. They weren't speaking and she didn't hear me enter, a perk and a curse of being a werewolf. I coughed and she jumped, leaping out of her seat and into my arms, I could get used to this, patrolling and returning home to a loving wife who—

"You idiot!" She hissed pushing against my chest. She caught me off guard and I took a step back.

"What'd I do?" I asked looking to my mom for help. She stood up, smirked, shrugged her shoulders and made her way out of the room. I stepped toward Kim my hands lifting her chin to look at me, her eyes were watering quickly.

"There are extra blankets and things in the cupboard upstairs! She is not going to stay alone in that house, Jared," my mom called as she walked down the hall to her room.

"What's wrong?" I pressed again, she was wrapping herself around me.

"You can't just go running after murderous blood drinkers, are you fucking crazy?" she sobbed grasping for my face. My entire body relaxed, this was a complaint I could deal with.

"It's my job. I was made for this," I whispered lifting her up by her waist. Her hand remained on either side of my face and she stared at me as if I had said my life's desire was to be a clown.

"Jared, you could die." She said this as if she were telling me a very serious secret, her eyes wide and her voice at barely a whisper.

"I won't," I said pulling her close.

She released my face enveloping my neck with her arms and kissing at my ears. I hated to see Kim upset, I really did, I wanted her to be happy every day of her life, but her being upset about me, about my safety when just two days ago I would have bet everything I had that she wouldn't shed a tear at my funeral well, it felt amazing.

"They're really strong and fast and made of stone, and if they bite you you die, Jared," she cried kissing at my hairline.

"I know, that's why I have muscles and claws and teeth and all of those wolf things," I reasoned. She was sniffling again.

"You can't die on me, Jared. You have to promise me that if there's a vampire you can't handle you'll run away. I don't care how many people it ends up eating, you have to live," she said firmly as I carried her up the stairs.

"I can't promise you that Kim... It's my sacred duty and all that. But you shouldn't worry, there are four of us and we are all very good at it. Vampire come in ones or pairs, we always outnumber them. It's safe, I promise," I assured her, setting her down in front of my room.

She opened the door timidly, she had never been in it before and as I looked around I realized why. My room was a mess, clothes thrown everywhere, posters of the model Adriana Lima plastered on every wall, which of course Kim noticed.

"Adriana Lima, huh?" she asked examining the poster on the inside of my door.

"You know her," I asked nervously scratching the back of my neck.

"Yeah... she's the sexiest Victoria Secret's angel," she said dryly, turning to face me.

"Does Matty like her or something?" I asked trying to distract her from the ten to twenty other posters of Lima surrounding my room.

"No, my dad actually, I send him the catalogue in the big house. I think Matty might like male models actually," she said examining me.

"You think Matty's gay?" I asked locking the door behind her.

"Yeah... is that a problem?" She asked crossing her arms in front of her.

"No, of course not."

"So... you really like her," she said circling the room, kicking aside piles of clothing as she went, as if it were an everyday occurrence.

"Yeah, I used to, I haven't redecorated in a while," I said lamely.

There was a tension in the room. Supermodels and werewolf dangers were sorta mood killers but I could still hear the increase in her heartbeat every time I looked at her, making my palms sweat.

"Who are the others? Can I ask?" She said stiffly as she sat rigidly on the corner of my bed.

"Wolves or models?" I asked lying next to her, my muscles were sore from running and ripping.

"Both I guess," she giggled curling up next to me, her back pressed against my side.

"Embry Call, Samuel Uley and Paul Lahote. Giselle, that chick from the _Pussycat Dolls_ , and Kim Kardashian," I listed quickly, she scoffed loudly.

"What's wrong with Kim K?" My arms wrapped around her, spooning her soft body, her smell filling the room.

"Um, I was more worried about the fact that you have to trust your life to Paul than the fact that you like an amateur porn star," she said rolling over to face me.

"He's actually a great guy," I said kissing her forehead which crinkled as I spoke.

"What happened with you two exactly."

Now I had avoided the question for a long time, not really sure I was ready to hear it, but it seemed like a good time to dive into the gory details.

"Ugh! It's so embarrassing, I can't believe I used to like that guy," she squealed burying her face in my arm. My stomach did unexplainable things but I didn't respond, just sat waiting for her to continue.

"Paul worked at "the fry" last summer and we became friends, we hung out a lot after work and stuff… I liked him, but then he met my friend Mindy… they went out on a few dates and she liked him so I gave up. Then Mindy had this party and he got drunk and tried to have sex with me and I—"

"Tried? As in he hurt you cuz—"

"No. Not like that, we kissed—I knew I shouldn't have, Mindy really liked him, so when he tried to make it a bit more interesting I stopped him, he got mad called me a cock-tease and a slut, which by the way is ridiculous because you can't be both simultaneously and—"

"Oh thank god, I thought I was going to have to live forever knowing you slept with Paul!"

"I've never—I mean before you, I never… you know."

"You were a virgin?" I asked possibly a little too surprised.

"By the Bill Clinton definition, yes," she said defensively.

"You never told me you—"

"I didn't want you to know."

"Why?"

"Because then maybe you would ask why I was so willing to have sex with you on the first day we officially met," she said as if she were talking to a very dumb but cute child.

"Why were you," I was pushing my luck, but she'd been very honest so I thought I'd give it a go.

"Because I've wanted you since the sixth grade, you know that already, you're totally just trying to get me to say it again," she huffed.

"Sixth grade?"

"Yeah," she said flatly, running her hand down my chest to the rim of my pants, a diversion tactic I wasn't buying at the moment, I was too curious.

"Why didn't you just say something to me? You never even—"

"You never even looked at me till that day."

"Touché," I sighed.

"And how about you, other than the fact that you're a man—why were you so willing to have sex with me after less than an hour of meeting me. You didn't even know me!"

And this would have been the perfect moment to bring up imprinting. I know I had to tell her eventually, but a huge part of me was screaming not to. Why tell her now when there was a good likelihood she would freak out and leave me once again, something I wasn't sure I could handle now.

"Because you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen."

"Oh really? I think Ms. Lima might have something to say about that," she giggled, throwing her leg over me in one swift movement.

"She'd be wrong." Sneaking my hand up her shirt. She hadn't put a bra on, her soft warm breasts were bare against my fingertips.

"Um, Jared?"

"Yeah," I stopped my fingers, pulling them back down her ribcage which made her twitch, rubbing against my junk.

"Next time can we do this somewhere else, cuz being naked in a room covered with posters of an underwear model is going to give me a complex," she whispered swiftly removing her shirt.

She was remarkable, which I promptly informed her, earning me a quick pillow in the face. It didn't stop the stare—her coppery soft skin shimmered and I saw only her, Lima was shit in comparison.

Kim trailed down my body, still only half clad in cut off sweats. Little Jared was not so little anymore, the pressure of her body sweeping down causing him to stand at full attention.

"Enough talking, a promise is a promise," she said, tugging at my sweats. I helped her, shimming out of them as fast as possible.

She smirked, holding LJ tight and I stopped breathing. She had her mouth on him before I could prepare, leaving butterfly kisses along the shaft. The kisses turned sloppy and I had to concentrate, I wasn't going to burst early the same day my mom told her about my baking hobbies.

One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Don't blow. Ten Mississippi. Eleven Mississippi. Don't blow. Twelve Mississippi. Don't—Ah fuck! She giggled, sitting Indian style at my feet, wiping her chin.

"I'm sorry, I—" she laughed harder, god I am such a loser!

"Kim one, Jared zero!" She squealed launching herself on top of me with a flurry of kisses. I flipped her over with a growl, ripping off her pants in one super cool motion which made her soar momentarily off the bed before landing again. She wasn't laughing anymore. I poised myself at her entrance and she wrapped her legs around me.

"I missed you so much, Jared," she moaned into my mouth as I repositioned her legs, allowing me better access. She clawed at my chest as I rocked forward covering LJ to the hilt, I picked up speed, my hips hitting her soft thighs with every movement. She kept her eyes on mine, heavily hooded and dilated to the extreme, but filled with love.

I never thought sex could feel like this. Sex with Kim had always been enjoyable, she's hot and she's my imprint so I adore her, but seriously I'd never felt anything like it before. Every one of my sensed were honed on Kim.

Vampires could be dropping from the sky and I wouldn't notice, her warmth was all I felt, her heart and erratic breathing filled my ears. I was in overdrive, more in love with Kim than should have been possible, how could I even live like this? How can go through the mundane motions of everyday life when I knew I could feel like this?

It's immensely immature of me, but every time she came, clenching tight around me, I smiled harder, ticking off my score. The score was Kim: 2, Jared: 5 when she finally had enough, biting a nearby pillow to muffle her scream as she trashed and collapsed on top of me, where she ended up after my weight became an issue.

She curled into me, taking a still very hard LJ in her tiny hands and bringing the final score to Kim: 3, Jared: 5, a clear victory I could be proud of.

"I win," I breathed in her ear.

"Well, that depends on how you look at it," she said smartly. "Ugh! You're so hot and I'm all sticky," she whined sitting up.

"Shower?" I asked smiling much more widely than should have been allowed for the situation.

"You're on," she whispered, leaping out of the bed. I grabbed some towels, a fresh pair of sweats, a pair of old boxers and an old undershirt for Kim and picked her up. The best part about living on the top floor was that my parents did not, so I strolled down the hall naked, like a caveman with my reward slung over my shoulder. She slapped my ass and giggled as I set her down, turning on the water. I wasn't sure what a normal temperature was anymore so I set it low and got in first, blocking most of it from her.

"Too cold," I asked, but she didn't answer just kissed me sweetly. It wasn't like the kisses she had given me in the bedroom, it was soft and childish almost. Her hands rested on my chest, and I placed my hand on the wall behind her.

Our relationship completely skipped this stage; the time before groping, oral sex and pillow biting. I had only ever had one girlfriend before, never going beyond flat chest caressing, so I didn't really realize how much I had missed. The simplicity of tongues twirling, hands in PG positions.

She pulled away looking up at me, blinking rapidly as drops of water assaulted her, I moved my head to block them and she smiled.

"I love you," we said it at the exact same moment, and giggled together, before she grabbed bottle of shampoo from behind me and smelled it.

"It smells like you," she whispered smiling as she poured some in her hand and lathering it in my hair and then her own. "I like the way you smell."

"Ditto," I breathed, rubbing a washcloth down her back. When we finished I helped her out of the shower, and took extra care drying her off, kissing random body parts as I went.

Neck. Right shoulder. Inside of her elbow. Left wrist. Top of her ribcage. Pelvis. And well once I got there it became apparent to me that well 5-3 was just too evenly matched. Kim didn't mind as my kisses became much less random and more French, spreading her legs and allowing me access to her core.

"You are ridiculous," she sighed as I brought her to one more powerful release.

"It's a werewolf thing."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19: Kim Professes**

* * *

"Oh god, Jared! Faster, faster!" Kim's demands were met with my fevered compliance, slamming her harder against the bed. We hadn't gotten out of her bed for longer than four hours at a time during the first four days of break. Leaving to refuel, shower and occasionally patrol with Embry and Sam, during which time Kim was free to rest or clean and pack. She was moving out of her house, which we had been using as a loveshack, and into her new apartment soon… well as soon as it was ready. She had already taken most of her things and stored them in my basement but now that she had time she was packing up everything she could find use for.

"Ah! Ah! I'm cumming," she announced pushing up against me. "Don't stop, shit!"

BRRINNNG! BRRRINNNG!

Her cell phone had the most annoying ringer in the world and it promptly sucked out any form of sexiness out of the room.

"Fuck!" she howled, going limp under me and reaching for the phone on her nightstand.

"Yeah," her answer was an obvious sign to anyone calling that the message better be brief and important.

"Hello, Ms. Horn? This is chief Swan calling from Forks, we're releasing your mother in the hour. Would you be able to pick her up or does she need an escort?" he asked briskly.

"I don't have a car Charlie and I don't think she'd be too pleased to see me right now," she said a bit more pleasantly.

"Miss Horn, you know if your mother is hurting you in any—"

"Everything is okay over here, chief Swan," she promised, rolling her eyes and motioning for me to get off of her.

She hung up and climbed out of bed, ignoring my moans as I examined the fresh bruise on her arm. We had been extremely… enthusiastic in our love making in the last four days, and the results were sometimes bad for Kim who was a third my weight and more than a foot shorter than me.

"I'm sorry, Kim."

"Shut up, Jared. It's okay, okay? You keep doing that—that feeling guilty for everything shit. I want to be with you. I know the risk, I—"

"I don't deserve you."

"Oh god, stop being melodramatic! Are you going to help me get my shit out of here or what?" She asked looking down at all of the bags and boxes.

I shot out of the bed putting on a pair of cut-offs and a t-shirt, grabbing as many bags and boxes as I could fit in my hands, which turned out to be quite a few.

She picked up the only remaining box and opened the door for me, letting me go out first. My car wasn't there because I ran here last night after patrol, so we walked the eight blocks to my house, Kim humming with excitement next to me.

My mom had invited Kim to stay with us when he mother was released, while she waited for her apartment to be finished, and to my surprise Kim had agreed.

The two of them had gotten pretty close, a slightly frightening idea, considering the power they had over me. I carried everything to to my room, placing them by the door before collapsing on the bed.

"So I turn eighteen on Friday," she said breaking the silence.

"Christmas Eve? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now," she said giggling.

"What do you want? I mean, I don't know what you would want."

"I don't want anything. I never get birthday presents, don't start a disappointing tradition," she said nestling her head between my pecks.

"You don't get birthday presents?" I had heard a lot of fucked up things in my life, but this was almost unbelievable. How could a mom not celebrate the birth of their child?

"My birthday is Christmas Eve, when my mom does bother giving me a present it's one combined birthday/Christmas present and that doesn't count," she said with a note of finality.

My birthday was in September, so I never really thought about what it'd be like to have a birthday around Christmas, but now that I did, I saw how bad that must suck. They are totally two different holidays, combining them did not work and should not work in anyone's world. You couldn't put Easter and Halloween together, so why try birthdays and Christmas?

"You're so right. So tell me what you want so I can get you multiple presents you would actually enjoy," I didn't want to ask. I wished that I could just magically know what she wanted. It was not at all romantic to have to ask, almost as bad as giving cash or gift cards. I mean, I knew a lot of things about Kim, from her pant and shoe size (both 8) down to what kind of underwear she like (cotton boy-cut), but Kim was not a materialistic girl, and she never seemed to want anything.

"I'm serious, I don't want anything. I just want to be with you, and don't tell your mom okay? She'd flit around making a big deal out of it, and she's already busy with Christmas plans," she said kissing me. I couldn't deny her my company, but I also couldn't agree to not give her a gift. I had no idea what I'd get her, but I had to give her something.

She yawned, stretching out on the bed and pulling the collar of my shirt till I was lying with her. It was 3pm and we had spent the last 12 hours exploring a plethora of new positions and locations. She curled up into me, dozing off quickly as I battled with my eyes, trying to keep them open so I could examine her in peace. I lost…

Ding Dong. Ding Dong.

I wasn't sure what time it was, but all of the light from the window had faded. She shuffled next to me using my chest as a springboard to sit up. Kim groaned, picking up the alarm and trying to examine it in the darkness. It was 7:02pm, but I was sure she couldn't see that through the darkness.

"Kim, honey! You have a visitor," my mom called through the house. Kim groaned again standing; I followed her down the stairs, sensing a new scent.

I got worried so I ran down— passing her so I was in front, she giggled placing her hand on my shoulders as I took the last few steps. It was her mother; her scent was fresh, different now that it wasn't tainted with rum and meth. My mom stood next to her uncomfortably shifting from foot to foot.

"Hi, mom," Kim sighed from behind me, trying to push past me. "It's okay, Jared, I'm just going to take her for a walk so we can talk."

"Kim, you—"

She cut me off, squeezing through the tight space between me and the wall. "It's okay, Jared," she whispered. My mom stood aside, allowing them to pass. I made my way down the hall, going to the window to watch and listen to them.

"Kim, baby look. I've been thinking these last few days. You have to get Matty back, honey. We have to work on our family," Holly said grabbing on to Kim's sweater.

"Mom, no. He's happy there, okay? He's safe and you can see him. Jenny says if you're clean you can see him on the weekends. I will drive you there myself, promise," Kim said calmly, but her heartbeat was thumping fast.

"Jenny can't tell me when and where I can see my baby, Kim! He's my fucking son! How dare you—"

"Don't go screaming bullshit at me! You—" her mother pushed her against the fence.

"Look you little bitch, he's my son!" I was out the door and between them too fast to be humanly possible, but I didn't care.

"Jared, stay out of this," Kim said waving me away. I stood within grabbing distance, allowing myself half a second reaction time to remove Holly if she tried to attack again.

"Jared, I don't want you here okay?" Kim said giving me a blazing look. I complied walking back up the stairs, but standing just on the other side of the door, watching from a crack in the door. I would have to hurt her if she touched her again, I didn't really care if she was a woman, right now she was as good as a leech.

"I have every fucking right to say what happens to my brother! You are way too fucked up to be around him. You should be thanking me for not handing him over to the state," Kim said straightening herself out and turning so she was not backed into the corner, it made me feel better.

"You little cunt! I have an illness and you—"

"Illness my ass! You have the 'I'm-a-selfish-bitch' disease and—" Holly smacked her and Kim smacked her back before I could get between them. My mom was between us in seconds.

"Holly, you need to get out of here before I call Charlie back," my mom said coldly. She grabbed Kim, pulling her to her side. I took two steps back as I started to shake and my mother lovingly examined Kim's hand. She had hit her pretty hard, I was proud but worried.

"I'm fine Jared, calm down," she said turning back to her mom. "Jenny is ready to fight for our custody through the court, if you want to play it that way. If you're smart you'll take her up on her offer and see him on the weekends, that's the best you're gunna get if a judge sees you," Kim called to her mother who was already half way down the road.

Once we got inside Kim exhaled loudly, letting go of my mother and covering her face. "I'm so sorry. This is really embarrassing, I—"

"Oh shut it, come on and give me a hug. That had to be hard for you," my mom said hugging Kim tight. Kim let her, wrapping her thin arms around my mom's waist.

"You hungry? You two slept through dinner. I made stew, it'll go good with a big glass of wine, I think we could all use one right now. And Jared, calm down. She's fine, it'll take a lot more than that to break our girl, am I right?" She asked Kim, both of them turning to see me frozen still with shock.

Smacked. She smacked MY Kim. The rage was still building.

"Come on wolf-man, let's eat. I'm starving," Kim said pulling me inside kissing my palm before lacing her fingers through mine. I could barely eat. I'd failed her.

My purpose on this earth, protect people from leeches and Kim from **everything**. In the last few months I've abandoned her, quit on her, cheated on her, bruised her and now I allowed her someone to hit her, the only thing I should have easily been able to prevent. I was a failure.

I unenthusiastically ate half my trout of stew, watching Kim chat and drink with my mom, who touched and laughed with her like old friends.

"So when I met Jared's father John the first time I was sixteen and I was a lot like you. I was not the sweetest sixteen, I was a wild thing," my mother said pouring herself another glass of Arbor Mist which tasted like ass to me but all housewives and Kim seem to enjoy.

"No way! You weren't baking cookies for the community bake sale?" Kim asked gently brushing my hand.

"Hell no! You want to hear the story of how I really met his father?" She asked conspiratorially.

"What do you mean 'the real story'? You and dad met at school," I said pushing my half eaten stewaside.

"Yeah well, that's not a lie exactly, just not the entire truth," she said giggling.

"Oh man, that sounds like the beginning to a truly epic tale, Mrs. Cameron," Kim said rubbing her hands together with glee.

"Oh Kim, don't call me that. It reminds me of Jared's grandmother. She was an evil woman… may she rest in peace," she added out of habit. "Call me Cindy."

"Okay, Cindy. Dish! How'd you meet the pops?"

"Well, I met him the school parking lot," my mom said eyeing me. I started fidgeting remembering my parking lot history with Kim.

"Sounds dirty," Kim said placing her hand on my knee under the table, running it upward like she had in the car the first day we met, only this time I wasn't hard, just mortified.

"Actually it wasn't. I was trying to hotwire his car for a joy ride," my mom said covering her mouth as if she just swore. OH MY GOD!

"Oh my god!"

"Yeah."

"What's he do? He seems like such a tight ass—no offense or anything," Kim added quickly. My mom giggled.

"Oh god, he was so much worse back then. So he calls out to me, 'excuse me Miss that's my car'. And I have no idea what to do, I didn't want to get suspended again or I was in deep shit, so I turned to him and I gave him my best batty eyes. I was hot shit back then you know—and I said 'well are you going to give me a ride or what?' He had no clue what to say, just stood there staring, so I went for it, I dug in his pockets took out his keys and said 'hop in cutie'. It was one of my finer moments," she finished with a flourish, taking the last gulp of her sickly pink wine concoction.

"That's just, wow! I can almost see it now," Kim said making an arm movement that looked like superman trying to blast away but I guessed was her way of showing her apparent ability to look into my mother's seedy past. "That's insane!"

"I know. He had no idea what to do with me. He was such a momma's boy," my mom said winking at me.

"Like Jared?"

"Much worse," they both cackled maniacally and I sat there looking like an idiot with my mouth open.

"Aww, I didn't mean it in a bad way, Jared," Kim said caressing my face. I hated how calm she could make me without even trying, it was too much power for one tiny woman.

"Yeah. I love that you're my special little man, Jare-bear," my mom said patting my knee. And again I was the biggest pussy bitch on the block. What does a wolf have to do for some respect around here? Jare-bear? Jare-bear!

Kim snickered, but when she saw my face she turned it into an unconvincing cough.

"So how did you two end up married?" Kim asked a question even I was now curious about. If my mom was a trained car thief, how'd she end up with a _momma's boy_ like me?

"I made him work for it. I drove him crazy, and that was just to be my friend. I had a boyfriend already. Michael Dorsey. He was hot, tough guy type, major bad boy. He beat the living hell out of John for no good reason and I felt so bad about it that I kissed him because I knew he liked me. And I ended up liking the kiss more than I thought I would. It earned him another ass whooping from Michael though, but he says it was worth it."

"That's so sweet," Kim squealed. The sentiment was not shared.

"Yeah, real sweet. You were with someone else?" I asked huffing.

"Yes."

"How is that romantic?" I was completely lost.

"It worked with me and you," Kim said grabbing my hand. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"What are you talking about?"

"I was kinda dating Jeremy Sullan, when we got together. You know that right?" She asked looking at me confused.

"You were dating girl-pants?" I couldn't hide the disgust in my voice, but then I wasn't really trying.

"They're not girl-pants. They're just really tight boy pants," she said defensively. "And he's a really cool guy."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you knew. You're friends with Leah, she knows everyone's business," Kim said calmly.

"Uh! How long were you two—no. I don't want to know," I said standing and heading out the room.

"Aww, Jare-bear!" She called, following me out the front door. I was mad but it was cold and she wasn't wearing a coat, so I stepped back inside and slung a jacket on her on my back, letting her use me arm as a giant heating pad as we strolled down the street.

"Don't call me that," I spat. I was such a joke.

"Jared. Stop it. I'm not going to apologize for dating before you even realized I was alive. He was really nice to me. A little self absorbed, but he was good and he never pressured me or treated me like I was a walking pussy. But it's over now, you know that." Was she joking?

"But he's the first person you turned to when we broke up."

"We weren't serious! It wasn't a big deal! And I didn't turn to anyone. We talk in school and we text sometimes. He asked me if I wanted to go to his cousin's party and I went, that was the first time we hung out since we started… seeing each other I guess," she said this like question and it made me even more upset.

Seeing each other? I **guess**? What was there to guess? She was mine, my girlfriend, she had to know that now.

"Not a big deal? You text? TEXT? Like what- kissy faces and I miss yous? Ugh! And is that what you guys do when you hang out, make out and-and touch inappropriately?" She sighed planting herself in my path so I couldn't walk anymore.

"Jared. I love you. I know I'm not good at showing it but I'm trying. I really am. You just have to trust me on this," she pulled me down to her kissing my softly at first, then opening her mouth slightly, the warm breath inviting me in. Again with the emotion control, I went from pissed to horny in a matter of seconds.

"Let's go to the community center," she said pulling away and dragging me east towards the building. I let her drag me, trying to remember if I was supposed to be on patrol duty tonight. When we got to the building she hopped on my back pressing herself tighter to me than necessary. It had snowed recently, and the collected snowflakes glittered under the reflection of the street light so that everything sparkled like a vamp in the sun.

"Jaaared," she whined, stomping her feet. "Say something!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. You're making me nervous."

"I just. You make me feel… self conscious I guess," I wasn't really sure how to word it. How it felt being with the most beautiful, amazing woman and not being able to do anything for her, to make myself something she needed in her life like I needed her? She laughed, and not a chuckle or a snigger a full out laugh, not exactly what I needed at the moment.

"Jared, that's crazy," she said dusting off the lawn chair and plopping down. I followed, sitting directly on the snow dusted lawn chair, my body heat would quickly evaporate the dampness on my cut-offs.

"Okay," I sighed not looking up at her.

"Jared! You're being crazy. You're hot, like the sexy kind of hot not just the temperature. And you're so sweet and really great and sex with you is amazing and don't make me keep going, I feel like such an ass… What else can I say? You're way too good for me. I'm sorry I had a boyfriend before I met you. I didn't think we'd ever even talk, so it would've been a little crazy to wait for you."

"And you don't… Jeremy?" I could even get the words out, but she knew what I was going for.

"Uh, no Jared. I'm not thinking about anyone but you right now. I still can't believe you like me, it's sort of unbelievable, but I'm going to enjoy it at for as long as it last," she said coming over and settling herself on my lap. The lawn chair creaked and scrunched down to the ground with our combined weight, neither of us noticed.

"It's not going to change," I said with certainty.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Jared," she said her eyes glinted with a bit of sadness. I guessed this was the best time to say it... well as good as it was going to get.

There really wasn't an ideal time to tell your slightly crazy girlfriend that you are magically bound to her for life.

"Kim, I guess I sorta have something I need to tell you."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20: Kim Weeps**

* * *

"Kim, I guess I sorta have something I need to tell you."

"Uh-oh! This doesn't sound good. Is it life altering? Did you kill someone?" She asked her cheek rested against mine. Was it life altering? Well for her it wasn't, not really… but then it was, because I would follow her for the rest of her life even if she didn't want me to.

"Umm… yeah. I guess it's life altering."

"Are you like going to die? Do giant wolves have like half-lives or something?" She asked curling up into my lap.

"The opposite actually, if I don't stop phasing won't die," I said stroking her hair.

"Wow, then why would you ever stop phasing?" She asked detecting the note of uncertainty in my voice.

"For you," I sighed pulling away to see her reaction. She cocked her head to the side examining me.

"Why the hell would you do that? I'm going to get all old and nasty and you're going to be young and hot for life. You need to enjoy me for as long as I still _do it_ for you and move on," she said it with a smile but I could see a sad flicker in her eyes.

"It doesn't quite work that way," I said hesitantly.

How was I going to say this without making it seem like I didn't really want her? In all the time I knew her, I learned one thing for sure—she had no clue how amazing she was. She would freak out if I said this the wrong way.

"What doesn't work that way? Are you going to continue to age till you're like a thousand and can't even move anymore, cuz that's the sucky kind of immortality."

This conversation was definitely not going the way I planned it. Although honestly I had been too much of a bitch to plan it, so there was no pre-planned speech for this. Before Kim came along, I liked to map out anything important I had to say so that I didn't sound like an ass, today I was completely free-balling it, not a bright idea.

"Um no, I'll look like this till I decided not to anymore. What I'm trying to say is our relationship, my bond to you doesn't really work that way. I can't just move on," I was expecting her to respond but she didn't even move. She kept her face settled into my neck her nostrils sending out cool breath with every exhale.

I continued, "It's called imprinting," why it was called imprinting I didn't know, so I was hoping she didn't ask me. She pulled away, eyeing me curiously.

"It's another wolf thing. I didn't tell you about earlier cuz I was scared about your reaction." I figured it was best to warn her, an unsuspecting Kim was prone to outburst, but she just continued to stare at me confused.

"Kim? Are you listening?"

"I'm listening. It's a wolf thing, called imprinting— like with birds and it's sort of life altering. So what does it mean for us exactly?" Birds?

"Imprinting is like um… when a wolf meets their soul male. When they see their life partner for the first time after they phase they—" She cut me off with another loud laugh. The second time tonight she laughed at me at extremely inappropriate moments.

"Life partner? Do you know how literally gay that sounds? What are you so nervous about Jared, spit it out!" She squealed looking at me.

"Um… okay. I guess I didn't explain it well, I don't think gay wolves can imprint—well there aren't any gay wolves so I don't know. But it's for reproduction so I—"

She laughed even harder, cutting me off, adding words like 'gay wolves' and 'reproduction' between fits of laughter that had her shaking in my lap.

"I guess what it means is that I'm **really** in love with you, I'm never going to leave you. I can't, it would hurt me," that was the simplest explanation I could give, but it only really skimmed over the top of it all.

"I'm really in love with you too," she said looking at me as if I had lost my mind. "It's not a wolf-thing, humans fall in love all the time."

"But _my_ love is a werewolf-thing."

Why was it that I could tell her the meaning of a hundred underused words, like ebullient and rictus, but I couldn't even begin to explain imprinting without sounding like an ass. It was all here in my head, the words: _imprinting is a phenomenon in which werewolves find their mates. Their imprint is the person they are destined to be with. When they see them for the first time after they have fully phased into wolf-form it causes the wolf to connect to the girl permanently, as if gravity shifted, making their mate the center of their universe._ Simple to think, not simple to say, like most important conversations in your life, they go better in your head.

"Another wolf-thing… ok, I'm not sure I get it," she said flatly.

"I mean. You're my other half."

"Imprint. Other half. Soul mate. Baby incubator, check," she said making a check mark with her fingers. She wasn't taking this seriously at all, I had expected her to blow-up, cry even, but now I just wished she'd do anything but laugh at me.

"This isn't funny to me."

"You're telling me your wolf stuff is forcing you to love me so that you can reproduce and presumably make more future wolf spawn. I'm sorry, it's just so ridiculous and fucked up, how am I supposed to react?" She howled laughing so hard she had to hold her sides.

I huffed, pulling her off my lap and standing.

"It's not a joke. I'm telling you about one of the most monumental moments of my life," I said not looking at her.

"It's better to laugh then cry! So you're telling me the most monumental moment in your life was the time you lost your liberty and freedom to fall in love with me so we could make babies?" She was serious now too, but not in the good way. Shit this was a disaster.

"I'm free, it's not like–"

"It's not like you compulsively fell in love with someone the first time you saw them or anything," she said sarcastically.

"Shit! This is not how it was supposed to work. I'm not explaining this right. It's like—"

"What happened, when you saw me? What happened to you exactly?" She asked, turning and walking to the edge of the building. I followed her, as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"It's hard to explain, I've never felt anything like it. It was like everything in my life— all of the important things that kept me going, the things at the forefront of my life, my family, my friends, my pack, they sorta moved to the side and you were placed in the middle. Like gravity moving, you became the center of my life."

That was probably the best description of it I was ever going to actually get out of my mouth. I was proud and I would have patted myself on the back if she didn't twirl around facing me with a lit cigarette and a grimace.

"That sucks for you," she said taking another drag and looking at her feet.

"No it doesn't. It's amazing! I need you. I didn't know it but I needed you. You have seen my life, it was so empty without you. I had a handful of friends I barely hung out with, and the most exciting thing in my world was baking and werewolf speed. Now, I don't have any idea what's going to happen next, I never know what you're going to do or say and I love it. I live for you."

Again, I scored, my words were finally working for me. It was all true and sorta sad now that I said it, because I realized I _didn't_ really live until I met Kim. She didn't respond, she just continued to smoke, her hand trembling a little. I took a step closer, hating the burning smell the cigarettes left in my nose, but needing to be closer to her.

"Do you actually think I'm beautiful or is that a werewolf thing too?" Her voice was blank, it wasn't accusatory or angry so I wasn't sure what angle to answer that from. Talking to Kim was sometimes like a dance, forcing me to dodge, turn and twist to avoid her attacks.

"You are beautiful," sticking to facts seemed to be the best method right now. She made this sound like a high pitched hmph, and I was stuck, how could I respond to that?

"Okay, so all wolves do this so they can make more wolves. So does that mean they unimprint once they've produce heirs? Was your dad a wolf? Scientifically this doesn't make sense. Do you imprint more than once in your life span? Do you only produce one child with each woman like pandas, or can you sire litters?"

She was spinning this in a completely different way than I expected her to. She was going animal kingdom on me and I had no idea how to respond.

"Huh?"

"Obviously it's a sexual imprintation, but imprinting in birds is only a learned pattern for picking a mate, not one specific mate and if it's filial imprinting then our sex life is sort of creepy you—"

"Whoa! Whoa! I don't know what you're talking about," I said honestly. "Not all wolves do it, it's rare. My dad's not a wolf, the gene comes from my mother's side I think, my mother's father. We don't unimprint and we only do it once in our life. You are it for me, I will love you for the rest of my life. And why do you know so much about animals? Do pandas really only have one child?"

"Matty used to want to be a veterinarian so I bought him the Encyclopedia of Animals. And yeah, they can have only one or two at a time," she said dismissively.

"I wish you hadn't told me this," she said pulling out another cigarette.

"Why? I mean, I know it's weird cuz you're sorta of stuck with me for life, but I'm not so bad," I said joking.

"No correction, you're stuck with me forever. You pulled the short straw and you don't even know it," she said laughing bitterly.

"Kim," I breathed, taking the cigarette out of her hand and throwing it over the roof.

I kissed her, holding her tight to me, enjoying the light peaceful feeling of being with her. She pulled herself up my body, her way of getting closer to me, I loved it. I pressed the tip of my tongue against her lips, which she spread allowing her tongue to meet mine.

I ran my hand down her back along her spine and she made a noise, soft and airy. Something hot and wet hit my cheek and it took me a few seconds to realize it was a tear. I pulled away, placing her gently on the floor.

"Please don't cry. I'm sorry," I pleaded with her, taking her chin in my hands and forcing her to look at me. Her tears were silent but they flowed freely, streaking her cheek as they streamed down her face.

"It's not your fault. I'm being stupid. I just thought—I thought I had somehow, I don't know won you over. I don't know with what, my great wit and looks? God I'm so stupid! It was my childbearing possibilities that snagged me a wolf," she said wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

"No, Kim. Don't do that, it's not like that. Not for me, that's Sam's thing, Sam's theory. And maybe that's what helps him sleep at night, but it's not a fact. We don't really know what it is, we don't understand it really. Yeah, you smell really good and maybe that's a wolf thing, and I want to be with you _physically_ more than pretty much anything and that could be for reproduction, but I **love** you. Beyond all of that I love you as a person." I was running out of things to say to her. It hurt seeing her cry, it distracted me completely, especially because it was me that hurt her.

"Yeah, because you have to Jared! Don't you see how fucked up that is? I mean, yeah it's great for me. I got you. You're like the perfect romance movie guy: tall, dark, handsome, but you got _me_ , and now I'm going to have to live with the fact that you were drawn to me for my ovaries," she said fiddling with the zipper on her jacket.

"Kim, shut up! You are amazing. I never even thought about your ovaries."

That was by far the most bizarre sentence I ever said in my life. She laughed, sniffling a little but still not looking at me.

"That's nice to hear," she smiled, lighting up. "I guess I just have to take what I can get. It doesn't really matter how I got you, right? Cuz I mean, I couldn't have got you any other way."

"Kim would you just listen to me. When I saw you, yeah you became my world and I loved you. But I wasn't _in_ love with you, I didn't know you. I do now and I am really **really** really _in_ love you, everything about you. I love the way you talk, and all of the random things you know, you're so fucking smart. And I love the way you can handle pretty much any situation and don't take shit from people. I mean I want to protect you, but then you just don't need me to, you have it under control. Really Kim, I'm not bullshitting you, you are the most amazing person I have ever met."

And finally I had said something right. She launched herself at me, kissing me while her hand crept under my shirt. She traced my nipple with her long nails and I growled almost like clockwork, wrapping her legs around me and pressing her against the roof.

"Wait," she breathed as I unzipped her jacket. "Jared. You know I don't want children right?"

"What?" I had to laugh at that, she was so fucking cute.

"I'm serious, we're not having kids," she said seriously.

"Okay, okay, no kids," I said giggled, kissing her and running my hands up her legs. "Do you mind if I ask why?"

"Are you serious? I would totally suck at it," she said unzipping her pants.

"Whatever you say, Kim."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21: Kim Validates**

* * *

"Paul, if you go through my underwear I'm going to cut your fucking fingers off," Kim threatened only half-heartedly.

"I've seen **you** in your underwear way too many times to count, those memories keep me going, Kim," Paul said patting her back.

"What are you talking about?" Kim shouted, but Paul didn't have time to explain as Jeremy reentered the room.

I had never thought about mentioning the shared mind concept, but now that Paul brought it up I started to fear Kim's reaction. I don't think there was a girl in the world who would be happy about her naked images being shared among her boyfriend's friends.

"Yea, it's pretty nice if I remember correctly," Jeremy whispered, winking at Kim who glowered.

The three of us were unpacking her new apartment. I should say the four of us but Jeremy Sullan didn't really count as a person, he was more an annoying emo dick that was sent by the gods to test my patience. I had been trying to remain cool, but snide comments are sort of like diarrhea—you couldn't hold it in no matter how hard you try.

"With all the drugs you're on, I'm surprised you remember anything."

"Jared," Kim hissed, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them.

Her new place was small, a garage apartment previously occupied by Jeremy's older brother before he went off to college. It was situated above the two car garage behind Jeremy's house, which is why I was being subjected to Jeremy's pompous presence.

Her new place was pretty much a loft, it was airy and the four walls had all been freshly painted four different shades of blue, Jeremy's idea—he was after all planning to move in once he finished school and became a DJ or something equally useless. It wasn't much, on the far right there was a mini-fridge microwave combo, with a small sink and a cabinet. There was a very small bathroom that was literally the size of my closet, it contained a toilet and a shower stall I was sure I wouldn't fit in, and the rest of it was open.

She had a painted room divider that shielded her bed from the rest of the room, which held the leftover black leather sofa, and the most hideous coffee table known to man, which Kim rolled her eyes at every time she entered the room.

It was round and short, the top was glass and the base, was deer antlers. Yes, deer antler furniture was apparently all the rage in the south, and the Sullan's didn't seem to have gotten the memo about Washington state being in the North west. Along the far wall there was an oversized entertainment center which held a tiny TV that looked lost in the wooden monstrosity.

Most of this was left over from the days when it was a bachelor pad for Jeremy's equally useless older brother Lewis, but my mom and Kim had had some success at garage sales, Walmart and the Salvation Army in Forks. They got a set of mattresses that didn't require a pump, a Japanese room divider at a garage sale in Hoquiam from an elderly couple who were hell to bargain with, and a large dresser for her clothes because there was no closet.

"Be nice Jare-bear," Kim kissed me extremely passionately, an unwise move because I was more than ready to mark my territory in front of both Paul and Jeremy.

I lifted her off the floor, fondling her butt roughly which I knew she liked. Zhe purred but pushed me away, passing me a small cardboard box and a tool box.

"Not now, Romeo. Here— find a place for these pictures." The pictures were all framed, a collage of colors and shapes; a handful of the newer ones containing me and one even had my mom.

"Where'd you get this one?" I asked examining a picture of me and her, it wasn't like most couples pictures, we weren't looking at the camera posing in a cheesy embrace.

She sat next to me on my parents sofa, my arm around her shoulder whispering in her ear; she was grinning her sexy 'let's do it' smirk. I remembered that moment, just before exchanging presents at my house on Christmas, whispering about how we had reached a record of more than twelve hours of celibacy. We didn't make it thirteen. We discovered the magic of quickies in my mother's butlers pantry.

"Your mom gave it to me yesterday, she said it reminded her of your father. Apparently he likes to whisper naughty things to her. Which… is sorta weird cuz they're old, but also a little hot," she said from the floor. She was unpacking plates and silverware they had bought at a different garage sale. I didn't miss the irony of buying plates from one garage to move to another.

"Gross," Paul called from behind the folding wall. He volunteered to help her after he returned to La Push to find me spending every moment of my day with Kim.

In what Paul liked to call 'the dark days' I had spent the majority of my free time with him and we had bonded far more thoroughly then like brothers. So now that Kim was in my life again the two of them had to deal with each other, like a package deal.

They, especially Kim, were handling it pretty well. In the last two days they had, watched a movie together, played guitar hero together, eaten at a restaurant together, and now the ultimate test, they were now in a small enclosed space together, and still no blow ups.

"I think it's cute! You know your parents are still getting it on right?" Kim smiled wickedly.

"Oh come on stop torturing the poor guy!" Paul theatrically gagged, coming into the room followed by Jeremy.

I tossed Paul the small pink tool box my mom ordered off of the home-shopping network and continued rifling through the box of framed photos. There were eleven all together, and none of them seemed to be the same size, so I had no idea exactly how she wanted me to put them up.

"What's up with the pink set Pansy?" Paul said wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"It's my mom's, Fairy!" I said pushing his arm off of me. He lunged at me trying to put me in a headlock; I twisted away from him giving him a quick kidney jab.

"What's up will all this unnecessary homophobia. Love is love, man," Jeremy said lighting a joint from the floor.

"This place stinks, that might actually improve the smell," Kim said grumbled, opening the window behind Jeremy with a groan.

She dragged a box to her side and carefully unwrapped each dish. I watched as Jeremy place his hand on the small of Kim's back holding the joint to her mouth.

She didn't flinched, she didn't even move, she just continued to unwrap the newspapers around the dishes and take a deep drag of the devil's weed.

My hands started shaking before I even realized I was angry, the boiling heat rolling through my stomach. Paul stopped in the middle of hammering and gave me a warning glance, grabbing my arms and gluing me in place.

"Chill bro," Paul attempted to calm me. I had stopped shaking but my nails were still digging deep into my palms.

"Jeremy, do you mind going to the car and getting the lamp for me?" She said in her sweetest Kim voice.

"Sure," he said streaking out the door.

"Can you help him get the rest of the stuff?" Kim turned to Paul and he scoffed.

She cocked her head and smirked.

"Paul, I want to talk to my boyfriend about my period and emotions, so if you don't—" he was out the door before she could finish.

"Jared, my place is way too small for you to go furry on me."

I grunted, turning away from her.

"What's your problem?"

"Jeremy."

"Jeremy, what?"

"He touched you!" I didn't mean to scream it, but it came out louder and angrier than I liked to talk to her.

"Yeah, his hands have been pretty much all over me. You're gunna have to get over that," she said dryly.

"No, right now! He touched your back, like inches from your ass and you didn't even move away."

"I don't like the way you're talking to me, Jared. He's my friend, friends touch sometimes!" She huffed standing to face me.

"Exes aren't friends, you're so naive sometimes Kim!"

"Jared, you're being a huge douche right now! You're the only guy for me, remember? You're mine. My werewolf soulmate slash sperm donor." Of course I remembered, but it was going on a week now and this was the first time she had brought it up.

I realized that's what was putting me on edge—after our initial conversation she had all but pretended that night didn't happen.

"Yeah. I remember," I whispered, I could hear him coming back up the stairs.

"Well then don't forget it," she said finishing with the dishes. I watched her all mopey.

"Jeremy says he has some _beats to mix,_ " Paul said making quotation marks with his fingers and rolling his eyes.

We put the last touches on her place in silence. I just finished building her bookshelf when I smelled it, a vamp.

Paul who was straightening out the photos he just finished hanging in a haphazard but cool looking cluster, turned his head to the door sniffing loudly. Paul's sense of smell was lacking, so the fact that he could smell it too meant the cretin was close.

"Vamp," I said, pulling off my shirt. Kim ran forward.

"What?"

"There's a vampire. Close by. Stay here, do not move okay Kim!" And for once, she nodded listening without argument. Paul was already down to his boxers before she said anything.

"Jared, be careful okay? Please?"

All tension between us had disappeared, it didn't matter right now, there was a vampire was near Kim. The knowledge that something so disgusting could be close pissed me off to no end.

"I'll be fine, so don't move!" I called following Paul out onto her porch and down the stairs.

Her new place wasn't close to any of the bordering forest so I phased in the open running towards the scent. It was just me and Paul and I led the way. It was raining, the drops penetrating my thick caramel brown coat and tingling against my skin. The scent led me east and as I was faster than Paul I was into the forest and tracking it at least fifty feet ahead of him.

 _ **Dude. Is it alone?**_ Paul asked as Embry's mind joined us, making a trio. Embry's mind was on his mother who had forbidden him from leaving the house because of a bad grade in Geometry.

 _ **It's alone.**_ Embry answered. I doubled my speed and the smell became overwhelming. It was very close.

 _ **Wait for us man,**_ I didn't listen. I felt reckless and I wanted it dead now.

I saw her before anyone else, she was a tall, stick thin vampire, shimmering slightly with the help of the last rays from the setting sun, too low in the sky to be covered by the huge heavy rain clouds above. She turned to me, her wide smirk faltering when she saw my size.

 _ **That's right, be afraid bitch. Be very afraid.**_

 _ **Jare-bear, don't go solo.**_ Paul warned and if he hadn't emasculated me for the 10th time today I might not have done it.

I lunged at her, Embry's mind shrieking as I sunk my teeth into her arm, ripping it off with my all force. I landed behind her and she let out a high pitched roar. I dodged just in time to avoid her teeth as she lunged at me.

Paul's thoughts were focused on getting to us as fast as possible. I curled and rolled away from her, staying low to the ground and she made a swipe at me. I quickly made my way behind her, using my back legs to kick hers from under her. She made another snap at my front leg and I clenched down on her neck, ripping the majority of her throat away in one swipe, but not before she took my front paw in her hand and crushed it with one quick squeeze. It felt as if the bones turned to dust under her fingers.

It happened so fast that I didn't have time to shift my weight to one side and when she let go the pain was so intense my eyes watered. I crouched as she flung herself back in standing position, a mixture watered down blood spewed out of the open gash on her neck.

The blood wasn't hers, vamps didn't have blood, it had to have come from a very recent kill. The blood was mixed heavily with her venom and when it splattered on my paw it burned, sizzling the skin under the fur.

I stood on my hind legs an extremely uncomfortable maneuver with a wolf this size and threw my body on hers; it dazed her. She lie squirming for a second on the forest ground before I reached for her legs, digging my teeth in and tearing the stone hard flesh.

She pulled at the fur on my head ripping on at chunk that made a sickening sound at it went. The warm blood coated the fur around my eyes, but I didn't stop. I ripped a huge gash in her stomach as she went for my ear. I kicked at her but she fought my back leg and hurled me off.

A trickle of blood travelled into my eye and I tried to blink it out while keeping my gaze on her. She was all but immobile now, but she used her remaining arm to sit herself up.

The chunk I had taken out of her neck left her head supported by her spine, windpipe and a few inches of muscle. With one last desperate effort I launched myself on her, snapping the last bit of neck off with my front teeth. My wrist had snapped further with the effort but it was worth it. With the pain doubling I phased back involuntarily, appraising my injuries.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN, I THOUGHT SHE BIT YOU AND YOU WERE A GONER!" Paul screamed pushing me painfully into a tree when he arrived.

"Shit man. I'm fine," I whined rubbing my head with my good hand and wincing. The chunk of missing scalp was already halfway healed, but my wrist and ankle stung like a bitch.

"You okay man," Embry said softly, coming to my side naked and examining my head. "You got a little bald spot now," he said chuckling.

"Sweet," I said sarcastically. "Anyone got a match?" I asked and Embry rolled his eyes. He ran off and he came back dressed and holding a lighter. They piled the pieces like a creepy vampire jigsaw puzzle and set her ablaze.

I had thrown my shorts about half a mile back and I traced them, pulling them on gingerly, trying not to put too much pressure on my burning wrist. Once I was dressed, I was up her stairs and in Kim house, relieved to see she had listened to me and sat perfectly still on the couch.

"Oh shit. Jared, are you okay?" Something about the way she said it as she softly examined my face made me angry.

"I'm fine," I said pushing my way into her bathroom examining the damage.

I had blood all over my face and down my chest, and just like Embry said I now had a small but noticeable bald spot near my right temple. There were no towels in her bathroom so I came back out, ready to head home, but she already had a small first aid kit and a bowl of water set up. With a sad face she motioned to the couch and I did what she requested.

She used a small pink towel, dipping it into the hot water and very softly removing the dried dirt and blood from my face and head. When she got to the bald spot she gasped lightly, taking extra care to clean around it. Her free hand was rested lightly on my cheek and I leaned into it, her touch making me forget about my throbbing wrist.

"Is it dead," she whispered, removing her hand so she could rinse off the access blood on her rag. She continued down, wiping behind my ear and down my neck, examining every inch for injury and occasionally leaving fiery kisses. I sighed, my pulse and heart rate finally slowing to a normal pace.

For a few seconds I had thought I was going to die, it took a while to wind down from that, but Kim somehow made it better.

"Yeah. She's gone," I said as her hands trailed down my chest, still gently removing the blood, some of it mine and some of it the vamp's dinner. Her hands always elicited the most calming but exciting reactions from me.

"And you're okay?" She said throwing the rag in the bowl and straddling me, grabbing my face so I was looking in her eyes. Her long fringed eyelashes batted as she watched me, kissing the peak of her cheeks, waiting for me to speak.

"Yeah, more or less," I didn't want to commit to anything, my wrist was still hurting and as long as I had been a wolf nothing seemed to hurt this bad for this long.

"How much less," she asked kissing me softly.

"I'm fine," I spoke into her lips, kissing her again. She sucked softly on my bottom lip, her hands trailing down my chest, when the door burst open again; Paul and Embry coming inside without bothering to knock.

"That is sooo not going to become a habit," Kim said climbing off of me and rolling her eyes at the guys as they barged in.

"How are you?" Paul asked squishing Kim between the two of us.

"What's wrong?" She asked craning her neck to look at me.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," I sighed. I was getting tired of saying 'fine'. "Hungry though," I called walking through to the kitchen finding an empty refrigerator, just as I expected.

"Emily called before the leech thing. She wants everyone over tonight because she's spending New Years Eve tomorrow with her nieces on the Makah rez," Embry said.

"Great, she'll have food!" I cheered, pulling Kim out the door with my good hand.

Emily's house was hopping already with two tiny girls running back and forth as their mother ran pointlessly after them.

"Claire you cannot and I mean cannot eat another cookie," Emily's mother screamed as the girl stuffed two more cookies in her mouth with a devilish cackle.

"We have to get out of here, I'll see you tomorrow night," she said kissing Emily's scarred cheek and lifting her sugar infused toddler. The older girl followed behind twirling her hair and humming loudly.

"Your nieces are adorable," Kim said looking after them. I smiled. So much for not liking children, the first kid she sees she's all mushy.

"Oh thank you Kim. It's nice to see you again," she said timidly, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for Kim to follow. She did and we all filed in the living room.

"What's for dinner?" I asked, genuinely curious until Paul spoke and I lost my appetite.

"Jared took out a vamp all on his own today," he said looking to Sam. Kim gasped, turning in her seat to gawk at me.

"You what?" Sam and Kim harmonized.

"It wasn't a big deal," I said sitting on the loveseat and pulling her on my lap, I hissed when my wrist made a crinkling sound.

"Your wrist is broken," she said grabbing it firmly but carefully. She pressed on it and even though it hurt I didn't flinch, she felt around the bone with a look that went from serious to disgusted to mortified.

"Babe you need to get that checked out," she said releasing. I felt it myself. I wasn't a medical expert but even I could tell it wasn't right. It's hard to describe the exact problem, but it definitely wasn't healing properly.

"It'll heal, super healing powers. Seriously, I'm fine."

"Why would you go after a leech alone?" Sam asked looking at me with his arms crossed.

"Cuz he wanted to prove he's a man," Paul said cocking his eyebrow as if challenging me to a debate, I didn't bother.

"What?" Sam and Emily were now singing the duet.

"Kim and his mom have been emasculating him and he took it out on the first woman he could kill," Paul continued. I really wanted to hurt him right now.

Kim lowered her head, looking down at her lap as if something very important was written there. Sam reamed me for being stupid, which I deserved, and I ate in silence with an equally and uncommonly quiet Kim.

Kim's new place was one two blocks from Emily's but on the way back to her place the rage in Kim built up. She stopped, turned to me as if she was going to launch into a stream of attacks, stomped her foot and started to cry, which was much worse.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, lifting her face to see my eyes.

"Jared, you can't—please don't— god, I suck at this! I knew something like this was going to happen. I'm not supposed to be in a relationship," she sighed, wiping her tear, tiny drops clung to her long lashes and I kissed them away, kissing her lids for good measure.

"It wasn't like that, not really," I couldn't lie to her, it was an imprint thing.

"Jared if I have ever made you feel less than—I don't know. Less than the most amazing, smart, loveable, sexy, strong, amazing—did I say great? Guy in the whole world, I'm sorry!" This was the most heartfelt of Kim speeches I had ever encountered so I wasn't quite sure how to respond, she continued. "But it's not an excuse to go out there and be some caveman wolf guy. You're smarter than that."

"I handled it," I defended my manhood. I did handle it, I would be fine by morning and the world was free of one more sparkling abomination.

"I know you did, and I know you can. I know Jared. I have seen you lift a refrigerator over your head. I know you are strong. That stuff doesn't matter to me, I wouldn't care if you couldn't lift the fucking refrigerator box, Jared you are so much more than that."

She was doing it again; being this loving was so out of character it threw me for a loop.

"What am I?" I wasn't fishing for more compliments, I honestly needed to know what I amounted to in her eyes.

"Are you seriously asking me that? Jared you—ugh! I'm not the person to be giving you words of encouragement; I'm so shitty at this kind of stuff. Jared, do you know when I knew I was in love with you?" She didn't wait for me answer, she plowed on. "I knew I was in love with you, really in love with you the night I told you about sending Matty away. The way you held me, the way you looked at me, whispered to me, it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me and you did it more than once."

"I won't do it again, promise," I said crossing my heart, she smiled but tears continued to fall.

"I love you," she whispered, sniffling.

"I love you too," I don't think I'd ever get tired of hearing her say it. She grabbed my good my hand and led me to her house.

"You know I'm going to miss staying with you," she said as we reached her door.

"Really? Even if my dad's an ass," I said kissing her cheek.

"Yup. I got used to sleeping with you every night," she giggled fishing out her key and opening the door. "You know I like that you're a momma's boy right?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're a really good cook," she said kissing my wrist gingerly.

"Thanks. And you know I'm not going to leave your bed unless you tell me to right?" I asked closing the door behind me.

"I was hoping our bond worked like that," she said smirking. "I feel it too you know?" She said pulling off her jacket and her soft blue sweater, distracting me fully.

"Feel what?" I asked dumbly, tracing my fingers up her ribcage, which after a good week of stuffing her with cookies and sweets was back to its normal healthy meat covered way.

"The imprint. I feel it. When you're near me, I can feel you, like a tug. And when you're gone I'm craving you," she said as I fiddled with the hook of her bra.

"Yeah?" I breathed, my lips brushing against her neck.

"Um-hmm," she nodded, her heart beat speeding wildly as I slid my pointer to the middle of her breast and pulled the bra down and off of her.

"Then we'll just try not to be apart too long," I said, cupping her bare breast in my hand, running my thumb along the center, feeling her nipple harden under my touch.

"It's a plan," she gasped, walking backwards towards her bedroom.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22: Kim Comforts**

* * *

"Did you see the for sale sign?" My mom asked me as I chopped the block of chocolate for her cake.

"Yeah, but I haven't talked to her about it," I said honestly.

I saw the 'for sale' sign on her old house about a week ago, but I knew it was likely she hadn't seen it. I didn't want her to know. I wished her mother would just disappear and never affect her again, but I knew that she needed to know, and I knew it would hurt her. I wanted to protect her, protect her from everything, but her mother's completely bitchiness was impossible to shield.

"What is her mom thinking? She's just going to up and leave her daughter behind?" My mom said angrily, sifting flour into a large bowl next to me.

My mother had also become very, very protective of Kim during the time Kim stay with us; putting my dad and anyone else in their place if they even looked at her wrong. I loved it. My mom was the coolest woman alive.

"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know if Kim would even want to know. She's sorta been pretending her mom is dead or something," I said looking out the window.

It wasn't true, yeah she had been pretending like her mother was a nonentity but I also heard her call for her in her sleep. No matter how fucked up your mother is a child still craves their love and attention.

"She'll be here soon," my mom assured, smiling.

Kim was picking up Matty, I wanted to give her time alone with him so I gave her my car and stayed with my mom, who had missed Matty so much she was planning a feast that would be any child's dream: chicken quesadillas, macaroni and cheese, fries, and a double-decker chocolate banana cake.

"And you three are staying here tonight. I'm serious, it's a holiday no going to that garage room," she said sternly.

I nodded, I was sure Matty would like that. New Years Eve was never a big deal at my house but with Matty's visit it was buzzing and when I heard my car driving down the street I dropped what I was doing and ran out.

Matty hopped out of the car as soon as it was at a full stop and I lifted him up, swinging him back and forth until he squealed with laughter.

"I missed you!" He screamed.

"Me too, little guy," I wrapped him close to me and led him into the house. My mom was waiting, pulling Matty out of my hands as soon as he was in grabbing range. Matty was ecstatic, smiling widely as everyone around him cuddled and fawned over him.

Kim was on high, her eyes so bright they lit up the room, it gave me all sorts of warm fuzzies. I had planned to tell her tonight, after my mother brought it up I guessed she would be hearing it soon, and I thought it would be best if I did it, but seeing her so happy stopped that plan dead in it's tracks.

Dinner was excellent, my mom made it with Matty in mind but she had most of my favorites on the table too. When we finished dinner, we all sat in the living room, even my father, and Matty filled us in on his new life.

"So I joined the basketball team, I'm really bad at it, but my best friend Ryan is on the team. He's a Makah and he likes poker which I'm really good at. I beat him so bad yesterday and he had to give me all the candy from his Christmas stocking," Matty was on fire. I watched Kim's face carefully, making sure she was okay. I knew that even though all she wanted was Matty to be safe and happy it stung a little knowing he was doing it without her.

"Good job," my mom said winking at him.

We were originally going to watch the ball drop on TV but my mother thought that was too blasé for a Matty reunion, so she bought an arsenal of fireworks. I have no idea where she got them in the winter, another testament to my mother's awesomeness, but I was thrilled. Every guy likes fireworks, it's a biological thing.

Just past eleven we (sans dad) headed to the beach, thermoses full of hot chocolate, thick quilts to wrap ourselves in and enough firecrackers to blow up a hut. Matty clung to Kim the entire time, and I didn't protest, I gave them their space and my mom and I bundled in the corner.

"Jared."

"Yeah mom?" I looked at her, her voice was serious.

"Your father and I, well, um… we are going to be going through a trial separation starting tomorrow, we thought it would be good to start it on the New Year," she whispered looking away from me.

"What?" She had to be joking.

My mother and father were in love. They have always been so close, so disgustingly mushy.

"That's—but. How? Why?" I was close to shouting, but Matty and Kim were a good distance away skipping rocks at the water's edge so they didn't notice.

My mother sighed loudly, turning to look at me, her eyes were tearing. I hadn't seen my mother cry since my grandmother died when I was just a little boy. It hurt as much now as it did then.

"This has been five years in the making. I'm not saying we're going to divorce, maybe with time away—"

"I don't understand," this couldn't be happening, my father lived for her. He bent to her every will.

"Jared, you have to understand this has nothing to do with you. We both love you so much, we're so proud of you," she said pulling her knees to her chest.

My mother was still young, under forty, she like most women in my community, had children young—but right now she looked almost childlike.

"I know mom. But this doesn't make sense, you two are like a unit, I can't imagine dad without you," I said honestly, grabbing her hand, rubbing the side with my thumb.

"Some loves have an end date. I mean. No that's wrong, I didn't mean it like that. I love him, Jared. I love him, but I'm not _in_ love with him. Not anymore," I had never been in love before Kim so I had no idea what that even meant. I would love Kim till my very last breath.

"Huh?"

"Jared, you know I'm 39 years old and I've been just so stuck for many years. I'm a housewife, this isn't what I wanted you know? I'm telling you this because I know you can handle it, Jared, you are so special. You are an amazing man. I am so happy I have you, but I didn't want that. I never went to college, what choice did I have?" She said leaning against me, I stroked her hair. Kim watched us for a second before turning back to Matty.

"This is crazy. What about dad?"

"Hmph, he'll be fine," she grumbled. I turned to look at her, I had a sick feeling. I had never heard my mother say anything negatively when it came to my dad. "Sorry," she said quickly.

"What is that about?" I asked, she shrugged and looked away, watching Matty and Kim who was running away from a large pile of seaweed he was chasing her with.

"Don't hurt her. Never even look at another woman, Jared. Promise me," she said inhaling deeply. My hands started to shake so I dropped hers, attempting to stand, but her arm came across my chest and rubbed me gently. "Jared, relax okay?"

He cheated on her? How could he? How could anyone ever compare to my mom? How could he betray her like that? I would kill him. Kill him with my bare hands.

"He. cheated. on you?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"It's more complicated than that," she whispered.

"Either he did or he didn't that's not complicated, mommy," my voice was shaking and I took a few deep breaths, I wasn't going to cry.

"You know one of the first things your father ever shared with me was his poetry," she said grabbing my hand in both of hers.

"Poetry?" My father, as far as I knew, was about numbers not words—he was an accountant for Christ's sake.

"Yeah. He's a secret poet. He used to have notebooks and notebooks of it and he read something to me after we kissed the first time, a poem about me. It was so beautiful. He said he would never, never show them to anyone, that it was a part of his heart that no one could have. It was mine," she sighed.

"So he showed someone his poetry, that I didn't even know he wrote?" I asked sarcastically. I didn't mean to be giving her a hard time but this was affecting me more than I thought it would, not that I even imagined this would happen.

"Tony's secretary." I huffed, Tony was my father's best work friend, his secretary was only a few years older than me with big hair and fake breast.

"So he's off reading her poetry? And you think that means they are having an affair?"

"I don't know if anything physical happened between the two of them. I honestly don't, but this is about an emotional betrayal and that hurts more. I went to Tony's office three weeks ago- I wanted to know more about Kim's father's case. I wasn't being nosey, I just needed to know if her mother had been involved. When I was there I saw a card on his secretary's desk. It was a hallmark thank you card that I recognized, I have a pack of them at home so I had to look. I couldn't help myself. It was worse than sharing his old poetry, he had written her something new. He hasn't done it for years. I used to be his muse... I don't know. Jared, I didn't know if I could tell this to you without sounding dumb," she was crying now, so I pulled her close to me and I didn't speak, I just rubbed her back and watched Kim, who was holding Matty upside down.

When she caught me looking at her, her face changed from devilish to worried. She put Matty down, but thankfully didn't come over, my mom's tears eventually subsided and she stood calling to Kim and Matty.

"It's 11:45, we have fifteen minutes to set these fireworks up," my mom called, and Matty ran to her side.

Every fourth of July my mother, father and I headed to the woods- the beach was always so full. We would find an empty clearing, my father would grill and my mother and I would make a huge fireworks show. I always liked to help her set them up, but today I let Matty do the honors, my stomach sour with the news.

"What's up," Kim whispered, lacing her fingers through mine and using her free hand to touch my face. I leaned into her touch and she sighed, pulling my face to hers. She kissed me softly and rested her forehead against mine.

"My parents are… separating," I whispered my breath was ragged, it was harder to say than I imagined.

"Oh baby," she shushed kissing me again and grabbing my face in her tiny hands so I had to look at her.

"I can't tell you I know what this feels like. My parents were never together, but I'm so sorry," she said pouting at my sad face.

I kissed her pouty lips. Some things could not be fixed with her presence, but I did feel better, comforted by her love.

There were houses near the beach, most of them full of life even at this hour. I heard them start to gather, screaming with excitement. It made me momentarily bitter but I shook it off.

"Jared, Kim come on! We have to make our resolutions," my mom screamed waving us over. It was a family tradition, we would all make one resolution and try to help each other keep it through the year.

They had set up all the large fireworks in a line, their wicks tied together about a foot away, ready for lighting.

"I'll go first!" Matty screamed, hopping.

It was cute. What kind of resolution could a ten year old make? "I promise to stop cheating at poker," he said smiling widely. I laughed in spite of myself. My mom grabbed his hand and spoke.

"I will start doing more things for me," she said pushing her shoulders back, I smiled. That's all I really wanted, a happy Kim, mommy and Matty... And Sam and Embry and Paul, I added. I had never had such a rich group of friends.

"I will start taking as good care of Jared as he does me," Kim said for my side, squeezing my hand and looking up at me.

She was so beautiful, sometimes when I wasn't expecting it, she took my breath away, her soft tanned skin, the light spread on freckles on her nose, the curve of her lips. She was just so beautiful that beautiful couldn't even describe it anymore.

"I will accept the things I can't change and cherish the things that are already perfect," I said still staring at her perfection. The nearby houses were abuzz, countdowns starting in every direction.

"That was beautiful. Is it an AA thing?" Kim asked kissing my hand.

"Might be, but hey if it works for them."

I pulled Kim back as Matty, with the help of my mom, lit the fireworks about two seconds too late. Before the fireworks went off screams and cheers from all corners of La Push reached my sensitive ears and I lifted Kim off the sand kissing her softly, weaving my hands through her silky hair.

The loud bangs rang through the beach but we didn't pull away, Matty cheering and shouting as I held the most important thing in my life. I made a secret resolution to myself to never shield her from the shitty things in the world around her, but to always be there when she needed it.

"I love you," she said pulling away. I set her down and watched as the last firework a large red blossom set fire to the sky.

"I love you too."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23: Kim's Mine**

* * *

"She's gone," Kim announced, plopping down on the leather couch she was very slowly learning to love.

I had seen the 'for sale' sign outside was removed from outside her mother's house about a month ago, though it wasn't until yesterday I noticed the curtains and all personal effects were removed. Everything that made it look occupied was gone, including the old tricycle that lie rusted on her front porch like a rotting skeleton of lost innocence. Shit, that was good. I was a regular poet.

Kim had gotten me reading a lot lately, I was currently working on Grapes of Wrath, Steinbeck was a god! I always knew she read, but I never really thought of her as very academic. I was wrong. The two of us had our own personal book club now.

"Yeah… I saw the sign was gone. You okay?" I asked. She curled into my lap and grabbed my arms wrapping them around her waist. The pull on my wrist made me hiss and she cried out as if _she_ were in pain.

It had been two months since the confrontation with the vamp in January, but my wrist hadn't completely set. And since I couldn't go to the hospital because of my abnormal genes I was forced to wait it out, cringe and curl as the bones moved sluggishly in my wrist.

The healing went faster when I phased, but it still hurt like hell. I was on duty every night now too, the redhead vamp returned, dancing around the line trying to get in, or annoy us, one or the other. It was Friday night, my first Friday off in a long time, we were taking it as time to chat, cuddle and fuck—our sex schedule had been severely disrupted in the two months since we returned to school.

"Jared, I'm sorry! I forgot."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine. It's been two months, you need to see a doctor!" She cried, she hated this more than me.

"I can't." We'd had this conversation too many times in the last couple weeks. I never thought I'd be annoyed with her worrying about me.

"You won't!"

"Same difference."

She huffed when I said this and I searched for something to say to her, but I didn't need to. There was an urgent call from the north, Paul, it was two long howls so I knew he was calling me. I kissed her goodbye smiling at my luck and running out the door.

"It's not over," she called when I was already at the bottom of her stairs, I knew it wasn't.

I was phased and in the forest in less than five seconds holding a pair of shorts in my mouth and sniffing the air for signs of leech. There were none.

It was just past ten pm it was dark and the air was cool, the first weeks February. I was assaulted almost immediately with a storm of Embry's moving picture narratives, Paul's inner monologue and a new mind. Wild but composed, scared and angry but invigorated.

Jacob Black.

I knew it was him the second I reached him, his home was closest to Kim's so I got to him first. He lay huddled in a ball and even in a ball shape it was easy to see how big he was. He twitched when I got near so I backed up giving him some space. Wow, he really was big. The true alpha had arrived, and he was massive. He was bigger than me and within millimeters of Sam who was the largest of the wolves by far.

 _ **Wow. Jake. You're gigantic.**_ Embry called to him as he reached us. Embry was the youngest therefore smallest among us, and when put side by side with he looked like a cub.

 _ **Fuck you, Jared!**_ Embry shouted, showing me images of parts of his body that were not small— but that I definitely didn't need to see again. It was a part of being in the pack, clothing was sometimes optional and Embry liked to opt out and show off. He needed to imprint bad, he had far too much energy to burn.

 _ **No. No I don't need to imprint. I want to share this with many.**_ Embry showed us another image, him and a ruler. I never understood that part of being a guy, the ruler thing, until I became a wolf and grew so much I was too curious not to.

 _ **Whoa! Whoa! Why am I seeing so many penises?**_ Jake asked his thoughts were interesting: optimistic, innocent almost.

 _ **Hey, hey man! Out of my head. What the fuck is this?... This can't be happening.**_ Jake shook his massive russet brown head and—

 _ **Are you saying I have a big head?**_ He did, but I didn't say anything.

 _ **You just did!**_

 _ **No I didn't. I thought it. It's different.**_ I defended myself but not too harshly. I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with the new alpha.

 _ **Alpha? What the fuck is going on? All this time you knew Embry? You knew this shit was real and you didn't think to tell me I'd burst into a wolf at the equinox or some shit?**_ It wasn't the equinox, he was obviously no astrologer.

Embry thought of all the times he was going to tell him but chickened out, hoping he wouldn't be destined to the same fate.

 _ **I didn't know for sure you would join us.**_

 _ **But why? Why now? This is crazy!**_ And it always came down to this.

 _ **Vampires.**_ Paul said finally joining us. He liked a dramatic entrance. (His thoughts not mine.)

Paul laid flat on his back, kicking his legs straight in the air. He didn't want to cut his hair too short cuz the ladies like it, so he was the shaggiest of the wolves. He also liked lying on his back so his sack got a healthy breeze. (Again, his thoughts not mine.)

 _ **Dude, can we stop with the dicks and balls right now? I'm a werewolf because of vampires? Because of vampire people who—**_ he stopped himself. The legends caught up to him and I watched as all the dots in his head connected. An image of Edward Cullen, his arm around Bella's waist halted into view. She was wearing a cast, and a dress, some sort of formal occasion from hell.

 _ **Prom. She went to prom with a vampire. How could she not know he was—**_

 _ **She knew.**_ I wasn't ready for the flood of emotions he would unleash when I said that. Anger. Jealousy. Pain. Sadness. Pity. Sympathy. Rage. Disgust.

 _ **Disgusting is about right**_. Paul agreed kicking up and rolling over so he was closer to us.

 _ **She knew! She knew she was dating a vampire? A creature who drinks human blood, and she didn't even care? She's mourning over a murderer?**_ He was fuming and I pulled back, this dude was gunna blow.

 _ **I'm not going to attack you, god! What's up with you?**_ He asked looking at me. He had some pretty interesting self-control for a newbie. Embry was a terrible little cry-baby for like a week and Paul was so fucking snippy. It took him two days to realize Sam was friend not foe.

 _ **FUCK YOU!**_ Embry and Paul both called out in half felt outrage, they knew it was true.

 _ **He doesn't technically drink human blood, but yeah—**_ I said trying to get out of the corner I was thinking myself into.

 _ **So what does he drink? Life forces? Souls? Memories? Loove?**_ Sarcasm was apparently Jacob Black's friend.

 _ **Animal blood.**_ Embry thought, he apparently found Jacob hilarious. I'm so done with sarcasm, its very tenth grade.

 _ **We are in the tenth grade numb nuts!**_ Embry was annoyed.

I was missing out on much needed sex with Kim for this. The thought brought up lusty images of our last roll in the sheets.

 _ **Great! Again with the family jewels! And now we've got tits to add to the mix.**_ Jake tried to put off an attitude, but he was laughing deep down. Tonight was my night off, of course a new wolf comes on my night off, my night with Kim.

 _ **Ugh! Enough about Kim. Just go. We got this. Sam is on his way anyways.**_ Embry shooed me away with his head. I thought I should probably stay until Sam came, but then I thought of Kim, my most intense powerful image of her: the second I imprinted, her long lashes kissing her cheek—the world realigning.

 _ **What was that?**_ Jacob backed away from me, as if I had attacked him.

 _ **My girlfriend?**_ I stretched the words out like a question. I thought that's all that I was showing them, but I'm not sure what I could have possibly had in the background of my thoughts. Minds are complicated.

 _ **Were you on drugs or something?**_

 _ **Jacob?**_ Sam phased, running towards us and that was my cue to leave. Sam could explain imprinting just fine. When I turned to run towards Kim's my wrist cracked loudly and painfully, I howled without meaning to and dropped to my hind legs. SHIT that hurt!

 _ **It's still fucked man? You need to see a doctor.**_ Paul was worried, very worried.

 _ **I can't go to a hospital.**_ I was tired of saying that.

 _ **You can go see Sue. Harry's not in the best of shape right now, Sue's taking his place, she's a nurse and she knows about us now. I just saw her this morning. She knows about your wrist, she thinks it needs to be reset. You would need an x-ray which she could do, but someone's going to have to re-break it for you.**_ Sam was trying to control his thoughts, but seeing Leah today, with Harry in such bad shape was eating him up inside. He knew he should be with her, he should be comforting her when she needed him most, but instead he went home, made love to Emily and proposed.

 _ **Proposed?**_ Paul was impressed, I ignored it. One word was concerning me right now.

 _ **Re-break? I think I'll just wait on that.**_

 _ **Pussy.**_ Paul chuckled.

 _ **Yeah, that's exactly what I'm off to get.**_ I shot back, phasing before they could stop me, picking up the shorts where I left them and running off. I was not going to re-break my wrist. It was crazy and stupid and OW, OH FUCK!

As I pulled on my shorts the pain shot through my arm was so painful a tear formed in my eye.

When I got back Kim wasn't there and I following her scent until I found her at Emily's. The two of them had apparently had a very interesting chat while we were away, I liked that they were forming a tentative friendship. I forgot all about my w when we made it back to her place. We rolled around on the living room floor to needy to make it the last few steps to the bedroom.

In the morning Sam called, he was picking me up in two hours. I was skipping school today to take care of my wrist. I was doomed!

"I don't want you to be here for this. It might not be pleasant. Sam might have to break my wrist again," I honestly wanted her to be there to support me, but I also knew I was going to be a crying bitch. I had finally gained enough street cred for her to respect me- I didn't need it to have her see me crying.

"I'm going. I can't sit around here worry about you. So stop being a baby. I know you're going to cry. If you didn't cry I'd be a little creeped out, no lie." She was a goddess!

"Okay," I nodded resigned.

"We can make out while their breaking the bone. It might be a good distraction. I wouldn't be opposed to some other kinds of oral distractions either, but I don't think Sam would appreciate it," she said pulling me with my good hand towards her bed. We had time before Sam was picking me up and we didn't waste it.

Knock! Knock!

Worst timing, I sped up, I could feel her moisten and we both needed the release. I would soon be in the most heinous pain and she would have to watch it.

"One minute!" I screamed and Kim pulled my hair.

"Don't you dare stop," she threatened and I pulled her on top, her favorite position. We came together, a sport we had mastered along with the art of getting dress in less than 5 minutes.

It was Sam, he raised his eyebrow at us, sighed and motioned for me to follow him; very cryptic. When Kim followed to her eyed her for a while before he spoke.

"I don't know if you're gunna wanna see this."

"Actually I'm a sadist, so I'm going to love it. Huge turn on," she said dryly, hopping in his jeep. I laughed, he didn't.

"Emily said she liked talking to you last night. If you want I can take you to hang out with her for a bit. This won't take too long," he said looking back at her.

"She liked talking to me? I thought I scared the poor girl with talks of fellatios and contraception," Kim said in an obvious attempt to make him uncomfortable, it worked. He coughed and looked back on the road heading to the small clinic on the far edge of town.

It was not a hospital, Sue used to work at the hospital in Forks but when the Cullens returned she was begged by her husband to take a job closer to home. She worked at an expensive private practice, with calming blue walls and good equipment.

I was x-rayed for free, Sue asking a friend for a favor, then we took up a doctors room. Sam stayed outside he didn't like doctors offices. We stared at the x-ray with the x-ray tech for a long time, he had never seen anything like it, and he theorized that something as heavy had fallen on it. Eventually he called the doctor in to see the medical miracle of my semi-healed wrist that I injured just a week ago.

"You broke it that severely and didn't get it checked out?" The doctor said staring at the x-ray very closely.

"Yeah, well," I couldn't finish that sentence, no idea what I could say that wouldn't make me look like an idiot, so Sue just went on for me.

"What's the best method for this type of fracture doctor?" She asked, sitting next to me.

"Well, if you look closely the break was not clean, so it started to reattach on an angle, it's going to have to be broken and reset, possibly with pins. That's a surgical procedure, so I can't say much about help. You'll need a surgeon, they would likely use a clamp to hold the bottom half of the bone in place and basically realign it, then you will need a hard cast," the doctor sighed.

"Thank you doctor," Sue said as she ushered us to the door.

"I'm going to call a friend at the hospital in Forks," he said with his hand on the knob.

"No need. We're taking him to a friend in Tacoma, thank you," she said standing. I shook the doctor's hands with my good one and Kim wrapped her arm around me, pulling me to the door.

We took the x-ray and bounced, Kim lightly tracing my wrist with her fingertips, kissing my cheek and neck and anything she could reach. I sat in the back with her, my good arm around her shoulder, her head nestled into my chest.

"This is really going to suck," she whispered and I heard the fear in her voice.

"We're going to do it at Sue's place, you don't have to be there. Just say the word and we'll drop you at Emily's or your place," I whispered, taking her earlobe between my teeth, she liked that.

"No. I'm doing this," she said as if it were a challenge she couldn't back down from. I frowned but let it go. I was too worried about my own fate right now, she would be grossed out, yes, but I would be in pain. Burning, disgusting, vomit-inducing pain.

When we got to the house Leah was there, curled up looking half-dead on the couch watching re-runs of the Simpsons.

When Sam walked in the room she sat up, looked at him in a way I never seen anyone look at him before. It was a mix of love, hate, revulsion and lust and I turned away, it seemed extremely private. She stood, gave him the finger and was out the door and the house in no time. Sam stood frozen at the door, looking out as if he wanted to run after her. He was hurting, he loved her. I wondered what that'd be like, to love someone but be imprinted. My heart didn't have enough room for anyone but Kim.

"Okay, Sam get in here," Sue said eyeing the door as if she were hoping Leah would come back in happy again. She wouldn't. I knew from Kim that Emily had called Leah to tell about the wedding. After months of seeming better again, Leah had snapped.

I took a seat where I was directed just as Paul arrived. Sam had called him in the car, but I was too busy kissing Kim behind the ear to listen. "Perfect, just in time."

Paul eyed me, he was not pleased to be here. He was a big softy when it came to me, even if he was a dick sometimes and he didn't want to break my bones anymore than I wanted him to.

Sam kneeled on the floor in front of me and Paul sat on the side not occupied by Kim.

"I can be on my knees too if you want," Kim joked, whispering in my ear. Her lips brushed my ears and I almost didn't feel Paul holding my elbow tightly.

"Do you want us to count off or do you want to be surprised?" Paul asked. I wasn't looking at him, my eyes were on Kim, her lashes now had tiny little tears stuck to them.

"Surprise me," I said, kissing Kim again. She pulled away, holding my other hand.

"You can squeeze if it hurts," She whispered in my ear I chuckled.

"Then you would have a broken hand."

"I'd rather me be in pain then you," she said kissing along my jaw.

She was the most amazing women. I couldn't imagine doing anything without her anymore. Even this was gross and I would likely cry, I was happy she was here. I needed her always, I couldn't ever live in peace without her.

"Will you marry me," I whispered. It had come to me as some sort of revelation. I needed her forever, I wanted to marry her and I wanted the world to know she was mine. It was embarrassing knowing Paul and Sam and probably even Sue could hear it, but then I didn't care. I was the luckiest guy in the world and I wanted to stay that way forever.

She looked at me for a few seconds, big eyes opened even wider, then a smile, her devilish smile spread wide across her face.

She kissed me much more passionately than she usually did in public, her tongue tracing the roof of my mouth and then it hit. Like in cartoons when the asshole animals throw brick or anvils or pianos on people, that's what it felt like. I gasped in her mouth but she didn't stop kissing me, her free hand running up and down my chest, her tongue wrestling with mine.

"You okay, Jared?" Paul asked but I didn't respond, I pulled Kim closer to me. I didn't care that she didn't answer, not verbally. I knew with her smile that she was mine and that she would be mine forever.


	25. Chapter 25

**Book One Epilogue: And He Would Be Mine Forever**

* * *

 **Kim's POV**

"So how did the date go hot stuff?" I skipped hellos.

Jared's mom Cindy after about two months of tech training now knew how to operate a phone, including the caller ID. I had helped her get ready for her first date in over twenty years last night, I was dying to know how she and the infamous George Varn had gotten along.

"Umm…" I could sense more than a little bit of hesitation there, which was my signal to continue prying. She was my friend/mother-substitute/future mother-in-law, I had the right to pry.

"Come on, give it up. Awkward? Impersonal? Boring?" I suggested.

"Not George, he was fine. Kim… I think I made a mistake," she whispered it as if someone would hear her in that empty house of hers.

With the separation, her husband John didn't move closer to work, like I expected. He really did love her. He stayed in La Push renting a cute three bedroom apartment above Quil's mom's store, the only thing he could find right away. It was small for a three bedroom, but nice and I had gone to see him a few times and bring him home cooked meals. I considered this a sign of maturity, and so did he. He was actually not such a bad guy once you got to know him, and he did love his family very much, which I respected in a father figure.

"Well, this was only the first date, Cindy they are always weird… but if you're sure then you're sure," I said searching through my drawers for a set of underwear.

I had just showered and I stood now with freshly blow-dried hair wrapped in a big beach towel and nothing else. I went with a simple white set, strapless bra with boy-cut undies that made Jared twitch. They were his favorite. Mine too.

"I just don't know what to say to him. I feel like such an idiot now," she was biting her lip, it was a habit she had and I could hear it even over the phone.

"You are not an idiot! You just don't know what you want right now and that's okay," I said slipping the underwear on quickly and tossing the towel back in the bathroom.

I'd given her advice—serious adult advice. I'd been doing that a lot lately. I didn't know where it came from, but I was like a regular Oprah, words of wisdom I didn't even know I had were sprouting out all over the place.

My call waiting was buzzing, it was Matty. I gave Cindy a quick goodbye and a promise to come over tomorrow and switched lines, examining my tiny closet for something to wear. I was trying to find the right outfit for sitting around a bonfire in the sand on a cold beach, not an easy feat. It was the beginning of summer, which in La Push didn't mean much for weather.

I decided to go with something light; I hadn't had a chance to wear the dress he bought me for Christmas just yet. It was a sundress, in a dark orange color, which if you asked him was my color… although he also said that about white and purple.

It was adorable, chosen by his mother no doubt, with me in mind. I grabbed a dark cream cardigan to go over the top, but knew I wouldn't really need it. Jared was the best heater anyways.

"What's up baby bear?" I asked pulling the dress over my head while struggling to keep the phone to my ear.

"Kimmy, when are you coming to pick me up?" Matty screamed resolutely into the phone, which although had slipped from my grasp and landed on the bed I still heard loud and clear. I pressed the conference button and tried to finish dressing.

"Matty it's June third, I don't graduate till the 9th," I said, slipping on a pair of brown leather sandals. "And I can't pick you up until the 15th," I added.

"Why the 15th, Jenny says I can come down for the graduation and stay until you get tired of me!" He whined.

"Jared and I are going away for a few days, from the 10th to the 14th. Not long, promise!" I screamed, I could hear Jared's car parking in the driveway.

"That is long!" He screamed.

"I'm sorry, it's our graduation present from his mom. Look little guy, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"O-kay," he said sadly.

"Matty. I love you. I love you so much, don't forget that okay. We're going to have the best summer ever, promise," I said settling on the bed and taking the phone off of speaker mode.

"Okay, okay. Love you too. Bye sis."

"Bye Matty." Watermelon

"Kim, hurry up! All the food's gunna be gone!" Jared screamed from the bottom of my stairs. I shot out of bed and jumped in his arms when I was two steps from the bottom, I was dying to touch him. Jared is truly the hottest guy on the face of the planet and I still can't believe I'm allowed to touch him. It's really unbelievable.

"You look amazing in that dress," he whispered in my ear. His smell was so unique, I nuzzled my head in his neck trying to take in as much of it as possible. He smelled like the beach and grass and lemons it was perfect, like him.

When we separated I felt cold, but I got to see the look. The Jared look he only gave to me. It was intense and it still made me blush but in the good way.

We were heading to the beach for a pack bonfire. The pack had grown, a lot. Not long after Jake joined so did Quil Ateara, little Seth Clearwater and even more surprisingly their first and only girl Leah Clearwater.

I'd never really liked Leah, she was always a big mouth instigator but she was worse now that she was a member of the pack. I felt pretty bad for her, I wouldn't like bursting into fur either, but when life gives you lemons…

When we got to the beach Paul was the first to greet us. I love him. Seriously, I never thought I'd say that but he's amazing. We'd been forced to spend a lot of time together in the last five months and he'd become one of my closest friends.

Paul picked me up with a chuckle and carried me the beach, which annoyed Jared. He was seriously the king of jealous… I sort of liked it; it made me feel special if that makes any sense.

Most of the pack, minus Jake and the elders were already around the fire. Jared and I sat next to Paul on a log, and I tried not to stare; they ate like pigs. When he was finally done eating, about half an hour after I had finished, Jacob showed up towing Bella Swan.

I tried to examine her without her noticing, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. She wasn't much, pale with long brown hair and brown eyes. She did have a sort of naïve school girl thing going for her, which guys seemed to liket. I waved hello when Jake introduced us, his eyes never leaving her face, he was so in love. Poor sucker. She obviously didn't feel the same.

I wondered if he'd ever imprint and if she would realize then what she was missing. Jake was a great guy. They all were. I was amazingly lucky.

Sam came then, pushing Billy Black and followed by Quil Ateara Senior. I had seen them all in town, but this was the first time I would be actively participating in something with them. I didn't say much, just snuggled into Jared, watching him watch me, waiting for the legends to start.

I had heard them partially as a child, and again from Jared's mom, but it was different now, after being together for almost a year, seeing him as a wolf, hearing about his work. It was so much more real now. He was my warrior man, and I wanted to know everything about how he got that way.

"You have such beautiful hair," he said gently pulling my long hair out of its ponytail and letting it fly free. It whipped in his face but he didn't move, just gathered is and sniffed loudly. Every day he amazed me more, he was so cute. And mine. He was cute, and mine and he would love me forever. I was the luckiest girl in the world.

"So when are you two getting married then? The day after graduation or once you're knocked up?" Paul asked annoyingly, it was his favorite hobby.

I knew though this was part for Jared sake. I hadn't brought up the marriage since the day he proposed and Jared seemed to by about it. It's not that I didn't want to get married. There was no fucking doubt in my mind Jared would be the one. I would be with him forever I just worried about the implications. I didn't want the whole rez looking at me like I had become a sad clone of my pathetic mother.

"Someday," I sighed, turning to kiss Jared. It was hard keeping my hands off of him and my lips away. He didn't mind. I curled into his lap and we made out, completely ignoring the rest of the crowd, something we were extremely good at now that we had practice.

It got very quiet around us, so we took it as a sign our faces should separate, but we still cuddled close together. I couldn't help blushing when I saw the winded happy face he gave me every time we kissed, as if I had hit him but he liked it.

I couldn't help watching at Bella as Billy started the story, his voice low and majestic, she was the only outsider here, brought in by chance. She straddle the line between the worlds of demons and wolves and all the shit no one knew existed.

It didn't scare her, or at least not enough. She looked frail, I could definitely take her and she had a good 4 inches on me—but she still loved a creature who wanted to drain her for dinner. She was an enigma, a pointless one I didn't really have the desire of energy to try to figure out.

Billy seamlessly narrated the story of the spirit warriors, and finally of the birth of wolf men, it was all familiar but exhilarating. I thought it was over when he stopped but Old Quil continued: the story of the third wife. I had heard it before, a tale of sacrifice, but now, with Jared by my side I understood fully the emotion behind it.

The third wife, the spirit wife, Taha Aki's imprint died for him, as I would for Jared. I never understood that kind of love before. For my brother yes, without a doubt I would give my life, but that's what any mother would do but I never really understood that Romeo and Juliet kind of sacrifice for love. I did now.

I glanced over at Bella, her eyes were probably as wide as mine, and I read something there. She understood it too. She would die for that blood sucker. Not that he could die. Not without the help of a bunch of wolf-men. She caught me looking at her and I quickly turned away, looking to Jared whose lustful awed expression made me blush.

The fire was dying down when Jacob carried a sleeping Bella away, Jared nuzzling my neck with his warm soothing breath.

"I guess everyone's heading out," I whispered, not making any attempt to move.

"Yeah," he nodded, placing soft gentle kisses from my earlobe down to my collarbone.

"Hmmm. Jared," I moaned, arching, my backside firmly pressing against his new erection. I twisted my body a little to kiss him more fully, he moved his hand to my thigh, touching my bare skin.

"Wow," he whispered, giving me more access to his mouth. I snaked my tongue past his lips slowly, taking in his lemony sweet flavor.

It was just us two and Sam and Emily now, I only vaguely noticed the crowd disperse, too busy with my hand roaming all over Jared to bother. But I do faintly remember hearing, 'get a room' and 'this imprinting thing is gross'. I turned over completely so that his hands was now rested lightly on my ass.

"You two should probably head home now," Sam advised, I waved him away, but stood and lifted me up with him. My legs wrapped tightly around him.

As he walked, he snaked one of his hands under the hem of my skirt u lightly kneading the bottom of my cheeks which were not covered by the impractical underwear. I bucked at his touch. He could smell how turned on I was. We weren't going to make it home.

He pushed me against his car, roughly grabbing on to my breast making me squirm harder against his cock. He made a weak squeaking noise, pulled the door open and tossed me inside the back seat. He shuffled in behind me and unbuttoned his pants pulling him out of confinement. He smiled and nibbled on my lip as I wrapped my hand around his swollen shaft and stroked it.

He was tall enough that I was able to bend over and easily slide my lips around his large head. I pushed down on him stretching my lips as he slid deeper in my mouth. I felt it press against the back of my throat, the wetness that was spilling slowly from his tip tickling me. He reached down, trailing his hand up my bare thighs that were spread as I took him in my mouth. He hooked his fingers under my underwear, running them up and down my wet pussy.

When he shot, the warm liquid filling the back of my throat I swallowed, the cleanest quickest way to get rid of the stuff. He liked that, with my tongue still on his cock, it took less than one minute for him to get hard again. He pulled me closer, draping my legs over him so I was straddling him.

His fingers didn't leave me. He slid it slowly in and out of me, while his thumb brushed my clit. The pressure was building but not fast enough, it was almost torture.

"Jared," I gasped as he added a second finger that supplied an intoxicating stretch to his movements, that were still too slow, and too deliberate. He was teasing me.

"Jared."

"Yes, Kim?" He whispered in my ear, his other hand tracing light circles on my back that made me impatient; I grinded against his hand increasing the speed. He giggled, helping me remove underwear and moved me so I was laying half under him. I wished it was more, he was afraid of it, afraid of hurting me, but I loved to feel his weight, his entire body pressed against me.

He replaced his fingers with his cock which he rubbed up and down my slit. I tilted my ass upward trying to draw him inside. He had enough of teasing too, I could see by his dark dilated eyes. I felt his thick, bulbous head spread my lips and push into me. He went deeper, then pulled out and pushed back in harder and deeper until I was fully impaled. He grabbed my hips and fucked me in rapid thrusts.

I did my best to keep myself from screaming obscenities in the parking lot of first beach, but it was a lost cause.

"Oh fucking shit! Jared. Fuck!"

He tried to silence me by capturing my mouth with his own. He teased me with his tongue, snaking it in and out of my mouth to the same rhythm of his trust. He pulled out to reposition us and pulled me fully on top of him. I felt it slip back inside me causing me to shriek as another jolt of pleasure shot through my body, I lifted up and slammed down on him again.

"Kim," he wasn't a screamer like me. He moaned and occasionally said my name and when he did it drove me insane. He always breathed it, with such lust that was laced with love. He was mine, the most perfect, honest, amazing, sexy, godlike man in the world was mine and I was his. Forever. So then it didn't matter. If Jared wanted to put some sort of claim on my now it didn't matter. I love pre-orgasm epiphanies!

"Whenever you want. We. Can. Get. Married. Whenever you want," I said between thrust. "Ahh!" I released, clenching hard around him, twitch and thrashing uncontrollably, he followed, pulling me tight and breathing deeply before he spoke.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to take pre-orgasm screaming as a promise," he said, gently using the white underwear still clutched in his hand, to wipe off all excess drippings.

I kissed him, helping him tuck away little Jared before he got hard again.

"I'm serious. I'm ready when you are… but I think we should live together first, maybe I'm a bit traditional," I joked, hopping out the back seat and opening the passenger side door. He rounded the front, and I continued. "But I think a year or so of shacking up could do us some good."

"Sounds like a plan beautiful," he said capturing my lips in a chaste kiss before putting his keys in the ignition. "Wow. Do you realize this is where we had had our first kiss?"

"Yeah. I vote that time gets stricken from the record on account of my stupidity," I moaned, remembering how rashly, how cruelly I had treated him. I would spend the rest of my life making sure I never hurt him again.

"No! Are you crazy? That was the day I first met you, I don't want to forget a second of it," he said intertwining our fingers.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes! Cuz it was the first step to the road that led us here," he said sagely.

"Okay…. but I think we should pull Cindy and tell our kids we met at school," the words came out before I could censor them.

"Kids, huh?" He asked smiling. His dazzling teeth and shining eyes filled the cabin of the car with a glow. He was phenomenal.

"Yeah. Maybe I won't be so bad at it when the time comes, a long long time from now," I admitted looking out the window.

"Okay. We'll tell the kids we met in European History," he chuckled.. I turned back to him examining his profile as we made our way home. "

"I love you," I sighed.

"I know."

A/N: So when I originally posted these I divided this very long fic into two books. Book one mostly from Jared POV cand Titled "Jared and the Sociopath he Imprinted on" and Book two mostly from Kim's POV is "Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her".

This is the end of book one. The next chapter will start the second book which delves deeply into the original characters (aka the 6 new unnamed wolves mentioned in Breaking Dawn) and the future, which led into my most popular story about Sam and Emily's son Mark. Just an FYI.


	26. Chapter 26

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 1: Jared Comforts**

* * *

"Does that look like a line or a plus sign to you?" Rachel Black asked tilting her head to better examine the white stick in Emily's hand. The three of us stood huddled together in the Black's tiny bathroom with a piece of white plastic that could change Emily's life forever.

"I don't know. Looks kinda like a squiggly line to me," I said, trying not to commit one way or the other because everyone wants to shoot the messenger.

This was the second stick we examined and discussed as a group. It came out of a four pack of EPT, which in my opinion was not a bright idea, any pregnancy test that sold in bulk shouldn't be trusted.

"A squiggly line? This is **so** not a joke, Kim," Emily said, her hands shaking as she examined the back of the box again comparing her abstract plus sign with the one in the picture. She was pregnant, I knew it, Rachel knew it, hell, even Emily knew it, even though she was pretending she didn't.

"Sorry, I'm not joking," I said, trying to look guilty.

Rachel laid her hand gently on the small of my back and rested her head on my shoulder, with a look that plainly read 'good thing it's not us.' I smiled wide, which made the usually cheery Emily cringe. She huffed throwing the test in the garbage bin and fishing out test number three from the box.

Rachel was our newest wolf-girl, a term invented by the wannabe wolf-girl, Bella Swan. It was a silly and simple nickname but it stuck. There were four of us now, imprinting was not as rare as Jared had made it out to be. Rachel, Paul's imprint, Jake's older sister and a fucking riot! She didn't just fit perfectly with Paul, it was like she was meant to join the already existing trio, which was actually more like a duo before she came because Quil's toddler-imprint Claire, couldn't really join in a pregnancy test party.

"Are you seriously going to take all four?" I asked sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"Kim can you just—just not today, okay?" Emily said her hands trembling as she tried to open the plastic covering. I had never seen her freak out like this. This was the least comical situation but I was still smiling, when you were madly in love it was hard not to smile.

Emily was the oldest of the wolf-girls, which didn't say much because we ranged in age from three to twenty-three but I knew she wasn't ready for a baby and this was the worst possible time for this to happen. The pack was in an uproar and Sam was a mess right now.

The whole situation was so _Days of Our Lives_ it wasn't even funny, okay no—I lie, it is funny but not in the ha-ha way. Emily's fiancé was currently over run with work and hurting over his ex-fiancée, who just happened to be Emily's cousin, Leah. Sam didn't still love Leah… at least I didn't think it was possible to after the imprint, but her dramatic exit was affecting him.

Leah left the pack four days ago for two main reasons, one she hated the pack (and they weren't terribly fond of her either) and two she was following her brother who left to become a part of Jacob Black's new rogue pack. Why was Jake making a rogue pack, you ask? Naw you didn't ask, you know all drama is because of Bella Swan.

This time the ditz got herself knocked up, so now Jake and the Clearwaters are camped out at the Cullen's house protecting their natural enemies to make sure that Bella and her baby abomination aren't killed, like she probably should be.

I never really understood Bella, but now I was certain I never could or would. She came back from wherever vampires honeymoon, fully pregnant with her sparkly husband's demon seed and no intention of aborting the vamp spawn for the good of humanity.

So Sam and the boys are in a tizzy, freaked out by whatever's growing inside the nit-wit and I don't blame them. Only a fool would be comfortable with whatever Undead Romeo and his fool could produce, especially since the thing was growing rapidly, much too rapidly for the pack's comfort.

And to top it all off, once the rogue trio abandoned the pack a new wolf was called. He was young, not as young as the last two recruits Collin and Brady, but young; just about fifteen. He was tall and pale and I wouldn't admit this to Jared, but gorgeous, like underwear model gorgeous. In fact, other than Jared, I have never seen a man so beautiful in my life. His name was Solace. Solace the mute as Jared and I dubbed him. I had met him three times in the last week since he phased, but I hadn't heard him speak once.

"What are thinking about Kim-Kim?" Rachel asked as Emily gulped cups of water from the running tap.

"The new wolf," I said honestly.

"Oh, yeah the hot boy," Rachel said nodding with a hilarious amount of enthusiasm in her voice.

"You think 'The Mime' is hot?" Emily asked, gasping for air before she chugged another cup of water.

"The Mime?" Rachel and I asked, in unison.

"He doesn't talk. Like at all. Ever! I thought he was deaf. He just points and grunts. Last time he was here he mimed a cup instead of asking for one," Emily elaborated.

Rach and I chuckled as she pushed us out of the bathroom so she could whiz on the last of the sticks.

"Okay, so next time one of us gets pregnant can we just make a pact to buy one test and call it a day."

"Deal," Rachel agreed shaking my hand dramatically.

As we settled at the kitchen table Paul came through the door, followed closely by Jared, who looked miffed. I smiled and he warmed instantly, his face relaxing as he kissed my forehead. Paul sat next to Rachel quietly, putting his head in his hands.

"What happened?"

"Jake imprinted," he whispered just to me.

"What's wrong, Paul?" Rachel asked, examining him.

"Jake imprinted," he said, sadly.

I didn't get the drama. Jake imprinting was supposed to be a good thing. Not only would he get a girl that was destined for him, he'd get over Bella already and come back to the pack, where he belonged. Rachel shared my sentiment.

"So, then, what's with the long faces? Shouldn't we be out celebrating? Where is he? He can't still be hanging round the Cullen's place," she said, standing as if heading out to see him. Paul grabbed her hand and stopped her.

"What is it another toddler fiasco?" Rachel asked. Then an idea so terrible crossed my mind I had to voice it.

"Was it one of the Cullens or their vamp friends?" I said looking up at Jared. Jared and Paul nodded in unison.

"Jake can't imprint on a vamp they can't reproduce. Imprintings are supposed to be about reproduction," Rach said just as Emily came out of the bathroom holding the third pee-stick with shaking hands.

When she saw the boys she put it behind her back and tried to look natural, it didn't work.

"And if they could have babies, Blondie and Psychic Little-bit would have a boat load of baby blood suckers by now," I said trying to distract them. Paul looked at Rachel with a face reminiscent of a vet informing you of the death of your pet.

"No fucking way!" Emily screamed, and we all turned to her in shock. I was rubbing off on her in the most exciting way.

"What's going on? Speak dammit, the whole mute thing is only hot when Solace does it," Rachel said blushing when Paul gave her the 'what-the-hell-did-you-just-say look'.

"You're both right. Jake imprinted on a baby. A baby Cullen. Bella's girl. Her name is Rennie-something. Seth just came by, it's the real deal. Blondie and Daddy-vamp ain't too pleased about it," Jared spilled the beans.

"He imprinted on the Spawn of Satan?" The words were out of my mouth before I could filter them and Rachel glared at me with such vehemence I backed down, curling deeper into Jared's arms.

"She's venomless, so at least she can't kill him," Paul said as if that were some sort of comfort.

"Does that mean Sam has to back down there isn't going to be a great Cullen war after all," Emily asked from the doorway, she was still holding on to her pee-stick, no longer bothering to hide it.

I could see the relief in her eyes, I felt it too, for days the wolf girls, especially Rachel were on edge afraid of what would happen when the thing hit the ground running.

A howl came from the forest and I jumped. Jared who had been standing rigidly at attention gave me quick kiss and followed Paul to the door but Sam bustled in wearing only a pair of cut-offs and a grim expression. Emily ducked in the bathroom and came back out within seconds.

"We got another one, another new wolf," He clarified looking out at us. It wasn't good news to them like I had once suspected it would be. They didn't really want to grow unless absolutely necessary, wolfing was a life sentence.

"His name is Jordan Varn… we think he knows you Kim, Brady saw your brother in his mind. His grandmother just died and he exploded— almost killed his little brother, he's okay though he was lucky," Sam said quickly, answering Emily's gasp. My stomach fell. He couldn't have said Varn. Jordan Varn. He had given me a preamble, he had told me I knew him but I still wanted him to be wrong.

"What did you say?" I asked my voice choking.

Grandma Varn was my savior. With a negligent mother like mine Granny V made sure me and my brother Matty were fed, clothed and safe for years, and she was too young to be dead. It couldn't be her. Jared pulled me close, smoothing on my hair as I started to hyperventilate. Death is funny like second you are joking about hot mute boys and pregnancy test and then it hits you, sharp and final.

"Are you okay, Kimmie?" Emily asked, rushing to my side, Rachel followed, examining me. My wolf-girls, my sisters held on to me as I tried to speak, but my throat was dry and painful.

"I-I—" And I was out. I never actually thought emotional stress could make you faint. I always hated how in classic films old starlets fainted all over the place, it seemed so unrealistic, but there I was.

When I stirred again I didn't want to open my eyes, I stayed completely still, curled into a ball against a warm body that I knew from the scent was Jared. It could have been a dream, I prayed for it to be a dream but I knew it wasn't. I had spent months in complete bliss with Jared and this was the down, because every up has a down right?

"Kim baby, are you okay? Talk to me please," Jared whispered, his warm breath tickling against my ear. I turned to face him, my eyes readjusting to the dim lights in the living room where they had laid me.

"I've got to go see Crystal," I said attempting to sit up, but Jared's steel arm held me to down. Crystal Varn, Jordan's big sister has been my best friend since I was in the second grade. We had drifted in the last couple of months, me not being able to tell her about the wolf aspect of my life- but in this world I didn't have many people I could count on, Crystal was one of the rare few people I trusted fully.

"You need to relax for a little bit and I'll drive you over, okay?" He bargained, his warm body settling next to me.

"Jared," I sighed, grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling him close. He smelled fresh and woody with a hint of lemon; the most delicious, perfect smell in my world.

"Jelly-bean, do you need anything?" He asked sweetly, his huge arms circling me, it felt so nice.

"Jared, we need to get Matty. Michael's going to need him if Jordan is off with the pack," I whispered into his neck which carried his scent like a sponge.

Matty and Crystal's brother were a trio of sorts. At first they had been forced together by me taking Matty over so that I could have as much time with Crystal as possible but now they were bonded. Jordan and Michael mourned almost as much as I did when Matty went to live with his aunt in Port Townsend, after my mother graduated from alcohol to meth addiction last year.

"I'll pick him up, I can go now if you want," he offered, his hand tracing circles on the small of my back.

"I wanna call him first," I said sniffling as the tears I had been holding back started to escape. "He's going to be really upset," I sobbed.

I couldn't say how badly it hurt me, it was one of those pains that were too difficult to own, it was there but incomprehensible. How can I explain the loss of my surrogate mother when I had yet to deal with the loss of my biological mother, who had been gone now for 4 months?

I had to be strong again. For the last few months I had been able to be soft and gentle, but now my friends and family needed me. I washed my face, tied my hair in a tight ponytail and got to business.

"Jordan, you're going to have to turn back your family needs you," I urged, rubbing his furry brown neck.

The funeral was in two hours and he needed to phase back now. I needed him to shower and dress, which was going to be difficult since he hadn't come out of wolf form in three days. Crystal who had been incapacitated since the death was a lot easier to deal with. She was catatonic yes, but she didn't fight me as I threw her in the shower or as I dressed her.

He rolled over, his huge baby wolf paws leaving a dusty print on the hem of the little black dress Rachel had borrowed me for the ceremony. Rachel and a now confirmed pregnant Emily, took very good care of me during the last 40 or so hours. Cooking, driving and getting everything in order, I would never be able to thank them enough, they were a family I never expected to join, but they were perfect.

"Look, I understand you're upset but if you fuck up this dress, I'm going to have to fuck you up, kid!" I whined, pushing his paw away from me. His big brown eyes examined me, thoughtful and sad.

"I can't imagine how you feel, Jordan, but Michael needs you right now. You're his biggest hero and he hasn't seen you in three days. He needs you to be there with him, you don't have to be strong you just have to be there." He nuzzled his big head in my lap, I was kneeling and in this position, I had free range to smooth out his long thick fur. I held his head like if he were a beloved family pet, although it was a bit matted, his fur was long and untamed.

"We're going to have to wash this fur of yours, at least," I half joked.

I was determined to get him to the funeral. If it meant I would stand in the forest looking on with Jordan in wolf form so be it. I found my path and he followed, his big paws making loud crunching noises as we approached Jared's house.

Jared's mother was inside, her long hair swaying as she danced in the kitchen cooking for tonight's service. She had also been supportive, although I always knew she would be there for me in any crisis. She helped with the funeral arrangements, picking and planning, even putting in her own money to get the best. I never knew the extent of her kindness till then.

"Oh honey, you scared me," she cried turning to me and then down at the massive wolf that stood in her doorway.

"He's not phasing back. He needs a bath and a haircut which would be easier in human form but he's being an ass—" Jordan barked, his tail twitching once as he looked up at me.

"Oh Jordan honey she doesn't mean it," Cindy said leaning down to get a better look at the large brown wolf.

"I'm going to just have to have Jared hold him down while I hose him off," I threatened, looking down at the new wolf, who put his tail between his legs and plopped down.

"Honey, I'm sure there's an easier way. How about this? I find some nice clean clothes and we can let him try to relax under the warm water in the master bath. He should just about fit," she suggested kneeling down further so she could look in his eyes.

He leaned into her hand as she patted his head and then he was Jordan, naked and crying on the kitchen floor. Cindy ran to Jared's room returning with a pair of sweats, a towel and an undershirt, he didn't budge.

"Come on Jordan," I whispered, kneeling down at his side. He was sobbing so hard his shoulders shook straight out of my hands. I pulled at him, and he rolled on his side covering himself.

"Jordan, love, let's get you into the shower. I bet it'll make you feel better," Mrs. Cameron said, lifting him by his shoulders and leading him buck naked to the bathroom.

When she came back in the kitchen, Jared arrived totting Matty. He looked older. He was older, but now I could see it in his eyes. I had been with him non-stop for the last twenty-four hours but I hadn't noticed it till now. Both he and Jared were dressed in black, and we stood in silence waiting for Jordan to reenter. When he did he was dressed in sweats. His eyes red and puffy. Matty grabbed him and Jordan didn't object. The two of them although farther apart in age had always been closer, Jordan looked like a giant now but it didn't stop Matty, he just held on to him even tighter.

"Jordan, you'll be alright man," Matty said gently brushing Jordan's long hair out of his face.

"I'm a fucking wolf, Matt," the first words out of his mouth. I would have laughed, if the timing wasn't so fucked; I always appreciated a good outburst of swearing.

"Yeah, I heard about that," Matty said sitting Jordan down. We had to tell him when he arrived since Michael and Crystal now knew.

"How you feeling? Your body?" Jared asked sweetly. He was perfect, the softest most caring man in the world.

"I hurt like hell and I'm burning with a fever," he said dryly, stretching his arm out with a grimace.

"Yeah, well focus on the physical pain cuz we have to get to that funeral, Jordan," I said, passing him the duffle bag of clothes I had gotten from Crystal a few hours ago.

"I can't," he said simply, his big hands waving the bag away from him.

"You can and you will," I said, forcefully pushing the bags in his hands.

"Why are you being such a bitch?" Matty asked, patting Jordan's back.

Matty liked him, as more than a friend. I had always suspected it, but now it was confirmed. I could tell he did by the way he watched him and how his eyes got increasingly pained.

"Because he has a responsibility to his family and to the woman who raised him." I shot back.

He had someone, someone so beautiful and perfect and loving in his life and he was disrespecting her memory. He grabbed the bag with a blazing look and walked back in the bathroom, emerging stuffed in a black button up and slacks that were on the verge of burst with his new wolf girth.

It was the second week of September, and the night air was cool and smelled like fresh pine. I focused on that during the ceremony, inhaling deeply to keep myself in one piece while they lowered her in the ground. The last parental figure in my life, gone forever.

Numbness would have been appreciated, but it wasn't happening, the burning pain in my torso eating away at the rest of my body did not leave me. It was like a really bad movie, watching my best friend as she walked like a zombie through the crowds. Crystal's blank eyes scanned the room but didn't seem to take anything in.

The La Push pack all came by, piling in to give their condolences. I stayed for the entire service, eating bland casseroles from god knows who at Jared's demands and crying. Crying so hard I thought my lungs would explode from the heaving sobs. And Jared was there, like a romance novel hero, he was perfect and warm and comforting.

Matty didn't cry, I watched him hard faced and strong as he patted Michael's back or hugged Jordan. He didn't erupt until the car ride home, in the darkness of the backseat he wept so hard it made my stomach churn.

I put Matty to bed in Jared's family guest room when we returned. Cindy making us both hot cocoa before I made my way to Jared's room.

I hadn't slept in his room for a long time. Jared had been staying in my apartment, returning here for clothes and occasionally food for over six months.

When I finally opened the door to his room, now free of pin-up posters he was there, warming the bed we would share. I hadn't slept a day without him for almost six months, I don't even remember what it was like not to have his smell, his warmth surrounding me, lulling me softly to sleep. I didn't want to know.

"Jared," I whispered pulling his warm arm around me.

"Yes, baby?" he sighed, breathing warm puffs of air on my neck.

"I was thinking about that apartment your dad just left. Do you think Quil's mom would give it to us for cheap? It's perfect and it has a room for Matty." I said timidly, it was still hard to believe I had a man who wanted to commit to me forever, who had no intention of ever leaving me.

"Matty?"

"Yeah. Um, for when he comes to visit," I said looking into his excited eyes.

"I'll call her right now," he said almost flying out of bed.

"How 'bout we wait till morning," I chuckled, pulling him back to me.

"Are you serious about this?" He asked, his bright smile lighting the room.

"Yea, I want room for Matty to come next summer and I want to share a place that's ours."

"You're amazing. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Jared," I sighed snuggling into his chest.

"Just when I think that I love you more than any one person can love anything or anyone, you make me love you more," he sighed, trailing one single hot line of kisses from my forehead to my nose.

"Can you say that at our wedding?" I sobbed. After all this time I still did this, sometimes I couldn't help but cry when he said these thing, they were always just so perfect; exactly what I always wanted to hear. Exactly what every girl ever wanted to hear.

"And when will that be taking place?" he asked rolling me over so that my face was nestled in his neck.

"After Sam and Emily… which will probably be sooner than later, with her being knocked up and all."

"What?" He gasped choking on air. I wasn't sure if it was the baby announcement of the fact that I had set a date, but he was definitely shocked.

"Yup. We got the first batch of super babies on its way."

"Wow," he sighed looking at me.

"Yeah... wow."


	27. Chapter 27

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 2: Jared Facts**

* * *

"You know you're making us waste a good holiday, which is practically in honor of our supernatural awesomeness, by making us move boxes all day, right?" Paul said turning towards the truck with a substantial mound of Jared's belongings.

"Do it faster and then you're free," I said simply, trying to stuff the remainder of Jared's wardrobe into a plastic bag; it was Halloween and moving day.

Quil's mom agreed to give the apartment to Jared and I, for about the same price as my old joint even though it was more than double the size.

We were overjoyed. Everything was working out. We had jobs—well I had a job and Jared had patrolling. We had a safe clean place in a great location and we had each other. I found myself getting fluffier and more lovey-dovey by the second, it was sickening, literally sickening, Collin and Brady could only put up with us in small increments.

"Well are you at least going to throw a housewarming party?" Collin asked loading his arms with a solid wood bookshelf.

"S'not like your momma's gunna let you out," Brady joked.

He wasn't doing anything but joking, something I had pointed out twice, but still hadn't been rectified. I walked over to him, dropping a laundry bags in his hand and pointing him to the truck like a trained dog, he didn't protest. You had to be tough with this new wolves, almost like children—I was surprisingly good at it, though it made me miss my Matty.

He was back at his aunt's for the school year, but having him so long over the summer and again for a week in September had gotten me used to being a family again.

"Come on baby, Halloween and housewarming warming all in one," Jared said helping me into the van, his hand resting longer than necessary on my ass.

"Sure… but it's BYOB and you're cleaning up after yourself Paul. We're **so** not having another frozen bong water experience," I called to the back of the van.

It was a church van, none of us were of the church going persuasion but Solace the mute apparently was and somehow, I'm unsure how considering he didn't talk, but he pulled some strings and borrowed us the van for the day. It was a thirteen-seater but the last two rows folded up allowing for optimal house moving. Paul sat forward from the row behind me and placed his chin on my shoulder with a grin.

"Done and done Kim-bean," he cooed leaving a loud kiss on my cheek. Jared pushed his head back with his palm not taking his eyes off the road.

"Kiss your own imprint," Jared joked turning down the main drag to the only store in town, where we would be living. It was next to the post office, which was more like a post hut really, seeing as it doubled for a live bait store.

"Embry man, get your ass over to Jared's place, we're having a party!" Brady spoke into his cell as we unpacked. I heard Embry's booming voice on the other side of the, Brady's face going from excited to confused in seconds. "Huh? I don't know… well what's the difference between a shin-dig and a hootenanny?" Brady asked.

He was a cute kid but he wasn't too bright, he took everything literally which meant conversations between him and Embry, who tended to be a bit sarcastic, ended up long-winded and confusing for the both of them. I grabbed the phone from him and dropped it onto the bed, it was the largest bed in the place, in the largest room, but it was still only a full-size and took up a good 60% of the space. The rest of the area around the bed was now filled with boxes and bags we unloaded from the church van that now had to get back to the New World Evangelist Church.

The church was apparently holding a Halloween Hell House, which I was told as we picked up the vehicle, is an annual event held in lieu of a haunted house as a way to show the youngsters the consequences of sin. Solace's girlfriend Anna was going to be in the lust room, which was apparently meant to warn of the perils of premarital sex.

I tried not to laugh when the words sin and premarital sex were put in a sentence together but it was difficult. Solace didn't tell me all of this, he still hadn't said a word to me in the weeks since I met him, but his best friend Phil, now the newest member of the pack, was a chatter-box.

"Embry don't confuse the boy," I chided, he chuckled in response.

"Ah, my favorite sister! I wasn't trying to confuse, I was just asking if this was a shin-dig or a hootenanny, simple question."

"Okay, so you've piqued my interest, what is the difference between a shin-dig and a hootenanny?" I asked as Jared sat on the bed next to me, riffling through a box that was haphazardly packed with trinkets, paperwork and a bag of gummies.

"A shin-dig is a simple gathering, while a hootenanny, well a hootenanny usually includes deviance, music and ample amounts of liquor," he answered, he said liquor more like lick-a and it made me chuckle.

"I'd say it's more of a half/half dig with a dash of nanny. Can't get too wild, I do live above a reputable establishment," I joked joining in the Embry banter.

"We'll be there."

"Great. Laughs will be had by all," I said hanging up and leaving me to try to unpack the mess that was two separate lives joining into one. It was all rather symbolic but also a pain in the ass because Jared didn't throw anything away. Seriously he had a box of legos that could rival any ten year old and he had a toddler-esk tantrum when I tried to leave them behind. It was nice though, unimaginable almost, that after my shitty beginnings I would end up with such a fairytale ending.

So to a lot of people, most actually, this was no fairytale. Moving in to a tiny rundown apartment next to a live bait shop with an unemployed werewolf while still working a fast food joint, might be some people's nightmare, but to me it was heaven. It's not just that my standards were generally lower than most, no, it's because I had learned to appreciate everything. So to me this apartment was a palace, a palace that smelled a little like cat pee, but a palace none the less.

It shouldn't have taken long considering I was being assisted by four men with super speed but it was their only day off since Jordan phased almost three weeks ago, and with the rogue wolves still gone, three new wolves to train and Quil and Embry having secret meetings about Jake, Sam had kept the rest of the pack very busy and generally tired. He let the boys off only for the holiday, making it the only day we could move in.

Embry and Quil arrived after everything was settled, typical, but they came bearing Rachel and booze so I wasn't too pissed.

"Cute place," Rach said leaning against the doorway between the living room and the kitchen.

"Thanks, it's… quaint." We didn't have furniture yet, which left us leaning against the newly painted blue wall as the guys sat on the floor talking about imprinting. Jake's imprint made the tally five out of eleven in under two years and like typical teenage boys they weren't exactly thrilled about the idea of being stuck with a toddler like Quil.

When Quil imprinted I couldn't even look at him for a week. How could I? I mean it's still fairly freaksome, the very idea of him imprinting on a two year old, but seeing him with her is enough to prove he wouldn't ever hurt her.

"I think it's a fluke and none of us need worry," Embry said with a serious nod, Quil nudged him.

"I'm not worried. I think it'd be cool," Brady said seriously looking around at his brothers. Rachel grabbed my arm with a smirk and pulled me into the kitchen.

"These poor suckers," Rachel said passing me a cigarette from the counter and grabbing herself a beer. Wolf-girl time was sorely needed.

"What do you mean?" I asked lighting up and opening the back door which led to the narrow stairs that resembled a fire escape.

"They're too young to be thinking about soul mates and battles," she sighed stepping out onto the staircase.

"Yeah, well shit sorta happens," I said following her lead and taking a seat two stairs above her.

"But what if it happens too fast and everything gets fucked up?" She asked leaning into my knees. I toyed with her hair which was long and slightly wavy like her father Billy's. I met Rachel just four months ago, Fourth of July, the day Paul imprinted on her, so I can't say I know everything about her, I did know however that she didn't often sigh and philosophize.

"What's up? What's all this huffing and sighing about? Did Paul do something, cuz I know he can be a dick, but he's generally a cool guy… generally," I added for affect. She slapped my hand playfully turning to look at me. Rachel was beautiful, one of the best looking girls on the rez, and when she smiled at me like that I could see why Paul had an extra pep in his step.

"It's not Paul. I was just. You know I'm going to be 23 in a week," she said as if that were some sort of explanation for her sadness.

"So what, it's like an old age thing?" I teased. Rachel was the second oldest of the wolf girls, with Emily only as few months ahead, they were both five years older than me but there didn't seem to be an age gap.

"Are you calling me old Barely Legal?" Rachel shot back raising her eyebrow, a Rachel signature move.

"No. You are. What's with that?"

"I'm not saying that I'm old really, I'm just… you know my mom had me and Becca when she was my age."

"Yeah and I was like a year old by the time my mom was my age, it's La Pushwe don't really go by the same standards as the outside world," I reasoned titling my head up to examine the cluster of stars that were suddenly very interesting to Rachel.

"And that's sorta what I'm saying. I went to college ya know, it's like a different world from the rez. And I got so indoctrinated with this feminist notion that getting married young and having kids and all of that stuff was… I don't know wrong? It's hard to explain," she said pulling a cigarette out my pack. She didn't smoke regularly but she usually bummed my smokes when she drank.

"So are you saying you think Emily should wait?"

"No. I think it's amazing and that's what's worrying me," she said lighting up.

"So you're worried that you're excited that Emily is having a baby?" I tried to summarize this conversation but even the summary sounded crazy.

"Exactly," she sighed drinking her beer.

"Okay, I'm totally lost, I think I'm missing some vital piece of—"

"Paul wants to get married. She just graduated and now he wants to get married," she interrupted filling in the missing pieces. It was surprising, I didn't really see Paul as the commitment guy, but then imprinting changed people.

"Well it's not like you _have_ to get married now just because you've imprinted, Teach." I give everyone nicknames from the predictable to the obscure and Rachel was an easy one because she was a teacher.

"No. I want to and that's what freaks me out, ya know?" She said with a nervous smile.

"Then what the hell is the problem? Who cares how other people do it? You wanna get married and have a bunch of little ones then more power to you."

"Heh, Paul with babies—I can't imagine that," a voice came from behind. I jumped, turning to find Emily smiling at us.

"Emily!" Rachel cried standing and pushing past me to give Emily a hug.

"Hey!" I cried as I was being mowed over.

"Sorry," Rachel whispered grabbing my hand and pulling me back into the kitchen.

"How ya feeling, Emily?" Rachel asked, brushing her hand on Emily's still relatively flat stomach. She couldn't be more than two months pregnant.

"Great, thanks," Emily whispered, slapping Rachel's hand away from her stomach.

"You still haven't told—"

"I still have no proof, so I'm not going to go down that road just yet," Emily said as Jared came into the kitchen. Jared ducked out of the fridge with an arm full of beers.

"That's all? I thought this was a hootenanny, Embry," Sam said coming in the room and appraising the amount of beer in Jared's arm.

"He looks like Mr. Alpha-man but the sounds he makes are funny," Embry said, joining us in the kitchen.

"You want more beer Sam you need to put in the cash, Big Man," Brady said taking a beer from Jared's arms.

"Well, Jared's the working man now, so I vote he goes down and gets the next round," Sam said grabbing the beer from Brady's underage hands and passing it to Emily. Emily held the opened beer in her hand and stared at it uncomfortably.

"Working man?" I asked diverting the attention from Emily, who was now being watched closely by Sam.

"Yeah, I was gunna tell you tonight. It's nothing big just some construction work with Phil's dad," Jared said opening a bottle for me and passing it over.

"And you can do with all the werewolf stuff?" I said sliding next to him, running my hands up his bicep.

"Yeah, it's a day job and—"

"Is something wrong with the beer?" Sam asked looking down at the beer Emily was refusing to drink.

"No, no it's fine," Emily waved him off bringing the bottle to her lips, but Rachel ripped it from her hand and chugged it like a true college girl.

"What the… wait. No way! Alpha-bear's gunna be a daddy," Embry said, slapping him hard on the back. Embry was much quicker than the rest of the group.

"No, I just—I gotta go," Emily ran out the room and Sam followed.

The room remained silent until they were out of sight and everyone broke into excited conversation. It's not every day that your friends become parents.

Brady and Collin the only two not allowed the drink worked on building a cabinet system we bought for the room that would belong to Matty when he came for the summer.

Jared and I cuddled in the corner listening while Embry and Quil updated the group on the Cullen situation, but the loud deep howl outside was not lost in the in the banter of the room. The merry conversation stopped almost immediately and Jared lifted us both to our feet.

"That's Jordan," Brady said stripping off his shirt as he walked to the door.

"Be careful, Jar-bear," I called. It gave the group a laugh but they stopped the grand exit when Solace the Mute sauntered up the stairs and into our kitchen.

"Hey," he breathed, his voice deeper than I expected, although at this point he was Monosyllabic Man so I couldn't be sure. He was wearing black pants and a t-shirt with a tiny adorable blinking pumpkin pin above his heart.

"What's happened?" Collin asked looking at the clock. I followed his eyes, it was 11:32pm, and his thirteen-year old behind needed to get home before his mom freaked out again.

"New wolf," Solace said simply, and Rachel elbowed me stifling a giggle. It was like bizzaro-world watching Solace the Mute speak.

"Collin, you should go home. You too, Brady," I said taking the role of Sam who had not returned.

"Who's the new guy?" Brady said ignoring my suggestion, he was obviously pumped. Seth, Brady and Collin, the youngest wolves were seriously excited about all things wolf.

"It's Jordan's brother Michael," Solace said brushing his ear length hair out of his eye.

"That was a full sentence," Rachel whispered in my ear. I would have laughed or maybe even said something witty if it wasn't Michael. This was the last thing their family needed right now so soon after their grandmother's death. He was just a baby too, a super optimistic 13 year old; this wolf thing was getting out of hand.

It couldn't be stopped though, if you had the genes. Genes. In a town this small it seemed most people were at least distantly connected in some way. When they told me about the wolves they said it was only direct descendants of Taha Aki, but he had three wives and it seemed there were plenty of his great great grandchildren waiting in the wings.

"You okay, Kim-bean," Jared asked pulling me to him from behind, wrapping his strong arms around my center.

"Yeah… can you make sure Michael's okay, he's just a little boy, just a little older then Matty?" I pouted.

"I'll go now. You should find Emily," he kissed my pouty bottom lip and allowed Collin to pull him away. Rachel and I followed the boys out and head to Emily's our arms locked at the elbow.

It was a cool autumn night, almost cold, and as we turned up her walkways the crunching of fallen leaves announced our arrival. Sam open the door for us, Emily sat pink eyed on the couch.

"Sam, there's a new wolf," I said barging past him so I could get to Emily.

"What?" Sam looked dazed, his eyes trailing down the road then back to Emily. "B-but we—I don't understand."

"You gotta go and greet the new wolf, he's a baby, he's probably terrified, so bye bye for now," I said pointing him in the direction the boys went.

"You're pregnant?" Sam didn't look at me, he just continued to stared dumbly at Emily.

"Yes Sam, for the tenth time yes," she whispered finally looking up at him.

"Wow."

"Yup, big wow! You are needed now Pack leader Uley. We'll give her some hot cocoa and girl-talk and you move along," Rachel said shooing him like a puppy. He dragged his feet walking away slowly as we pushed him out the door.

Emily remained quiet, fat teardrops trailing the scars on her cheek.

"So what ya thinking? Boy or a girl?" I broke the silence as Rachel poured me a cup of marshmallowy hot chocolate. I passed her a bowl of miniature candy bars Emily hadn't handed out during the night.

"Oh god, can we just pretend this isn't happening to me?" She whined, pulling her feet up onto the chair.

"Is it really that bad?" I asked through a mouth full of snickers.

"Yes," she sobbed, her shoulders bouncing with her tears. "Leah's gunna… hate me forever."

Emily's bright red scar stretched as she bit the inside of her cheek, something she did when she was worried. I hadn't thought about Leah, but I started to understand her tears a little better. Leah and Emily had been best friends, closer than best friends they were family, the real kind of family, and she had lost her. I didn't blame her, it was a difficult situation, the pull of the imprint was so strong, and she paid her price, she would be scarred for life—but then that wasn't enough for Leah.

"You can't think about that now, Emily. I love Leah, she's been my friend since forever, but you can't let her ruin the rest of your… forever, ya know? If you want this baby, then you have the right to be happy," Rachel said taking a seat next to her.

"And if you're not ready to ya know… there are ways to deal with this," I whispered.

I had thought about it. I had thought really hard about what I would do if I were her. I don't think I could have an abortion myself but I wanted to support her.

"What?" Rachel turned to me with wide brown eyes, she didn't like the turn the conversation was taking.

"What? Don't look at me like that Rach? I'm being supportive."

"I'm not going to have an… abortion," she whispered the last word as if she were swearing in church.

"Then you're going to just have to start dealing with this. You two will be fine, I mean—"

"What if he doesn't wanna have babies with me? And what if once I've given him one then this whole being in love with me just goes away?" Emily asked, taking a big chug of hot chocolate.

"It doesn't work like that Emily. He loves you, you guys are going to be fine," Rachel said giving me a sad smile. Rachel had thought it too, which brought us into a grand total of three women terrified of losing their wolfmen.

"I'm so scared to tell my mom, and Sue… and Leah. She attacked me when we said we were getting married, god knows what she'll do now," Emily said drying her tears.

"I'll tell Leah, I'm not scared of her," I offered, Emily smiled.

"And I'll tell Sue," Rachel volunteered, Emily waved her off.

"It's fine, really. I'll do it tomorrow after the doctor's appointment," Emily said sitting Indian style on the kitchen chair.

"You still need a blood test?" Rachel asked in disbelief.

"No. It's just my second month, I should probably get some vitamins by now." Emily had a serious face now, chomping determinedly on her candy.

When Jared finally came to pick me up, it was 1:37am, and I was exhausted. He gave me a peck, threw a "congrats" at Emily and rushed me out the door holding me in his arms as if I weighed less than a sack of potatoes.

"How's Michael?" I yawned as we turned the last corner to our new home.

"He's a chipper little guy," Jared chuckled. "I haven't seen someone so happy about phasing since Quil."

Fhat was hard to believe, Quil was like a kid at the North Pole for the first week after he phased.

"I guess that's good... poor little guy."

"What do you mean?" He asked, slowly unzipping my sweater, when we were safely inside. Underneath I wore my only festive shirt, it was actually Matty's; a child-sized Harry Potter shirt he wore two years back.

"Are you happy?" I'd never asked that question before but I had wondered. I had thought about it a lot recently; finally being happy myself, I worried about other people's happiness, especially Jared's.

"What?" Jared gave me a confused grin, his hand reaching under the hem of my t-shirt, his warm hands felt soothing against my skin.

"Are you happy being a wolf?"

"Yeah… I guess it's not so bad," he whispered, leaving tiny kisses along my hairline. "The being with you part is pretty amazing, and I owe part of that to being a wolf."

"But am I enough? Am I enough to keep you happy for the rest of your life?"

"Where's this coming from?" He asked ripping off his tshirt in one fluid motion.

"I don't know. I feel like you know everything about me, and what I know about you is all pack related."

"Well, that's my job," he sighed.

"Well, I want to know other things," I said honestly. It's not that we didn't talk, I knew every aspect of pack life, but if you asked me what his childhood dreams were I'd come up sadly blank.

"What things," he asked, pulling me close to him and kissing my forehead softly.

"Every Jared fact there is to know."

And that's where I fell asleep cradled comfortably in Jared's arms listening to his dreams as the sun came up.


	28. Chapter 28

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 3: Jared's Promise**

* * *

"I can't believe you got a doctor to see you on Thanksgiving," Rachel sighed looking around the small private practice. Claire sat on her lap with a naked Disney Barbie and a bored expression.

I was actually surprised she wasn't bouncing off the walls already, but her prolonged absence from Quil seemed to have subdued her. The feeling went across the board, my ache for Jared was unbelievable, it was as if we were just starting our relationship again and I didn't see him enough to satiate my craving.

The pit of my stomach constantly felt a pull to him, and I couldn't follow it. I rarely saw him anymore since Jake's imprint fiasco, and I yearned for him, everything was up in the air and I just wanted to be with him, he was my only sense of normalcy in complicated times.

I tried not to bitch and whine about it too much, but I was reaching my limit. Even with the addition of the new wolves, all of our boys were working nonstop with barely a few hours a day to rest. Jared came home well past midnight and was off working construction with Phil by morning.

He came home for dinner tired and ragged, then had to start with patrol all over again. The only times we had together were before the sun kissed the horizon, making my sleeping and loving schedule all out of whack. We never went more than three days without sex before, and if I didn't get some soon, I was going to explode.

"The doctor's a friend of Aunt Sue. Besides she's Indian, as in from India, so she doesn't care about Thanksgiving," Emily whispered as we sat in the ultrasound room waiting for the small woman to return.

"And neither should we," Rachel said with a huff. She wasn't pleased we were having a celebration for what she called "Native American Exploitation Day".

"It's just food, Rach. The boys are stressed and we're just going to eat as a family. No prayers, no pilgrims," Emily said rubbing her quickly growing belly with a smirk.

Her belly was growing fast, too fast, it freaked me out. I had heard the tales of Bella's demon baby and it seemed equally unnatural. I was young when my mom had Matty but I know at four months she had barely a bump; Emily had already broken out the stretchy pants.

"Where's Qwil and Mbee?" Claire asked tossing her Mulan doll across the room.

"They're with Sam and Jared, honey," Emily said rubbing her belly.

"Qwil said he was going to live with Unca Jay. Where is Unca Jay?" Claire asked looking up at Rachel.

"Uncle Jay is with the Cullens, sweetie," Rachel said with a plastered smile.

"What did Quil say, Claire-bear?" Emily asked looking over at me. We shared a nervous glance, and she looked at the door biting at her nails. If Quil and Embry left Sam's pack, our boys were screwed, and who knew how many more preteen werewolves would start phasing.

"Qwil said he was going away, but I miss him. Tell him to come back," Claire said with a pouty bottom lip.

"None of us have seen the boys recently, baby," Emily said smiling at her sweetly.

"Anyone know why? It doesn't take this long to train a newbie, and I heard Collin telling Brady something about the little psychic Cullen jumping ship," Rachel said covering Claire's little ears, Claire squealed swatting at her hands frantically.

"I don't know, but why would she leave unless something big is going down?" I said looking to Emily for answers, but the blank worried face told me she was equally in the dark. We all fell silent as the door creaked open, a small Indian woman in a pale blue tunic peeked into the room then with a giant smile and an ID card that read Dr. Sandeep.

"Hello, Miss Young, have you been taking the prenatal vitamins I gave you?" Dr. Sandeep asked in her heavily accented voice.

"Yes, Dr. Sandeep," Emily said politely, nodding her head.

"Call me Vinisha, honey," she said, motioning for Emily to lie back on the table. "Oh I think this time we might get a nice good view of the little one." Dr. Sandeep pulled up Emily's red and black flowing peasant top, rolling a clear gel on her swollen coppery belly.

The ultrasound process was very exciting to me, watching Dr. Sandeep press what looked like an electric shaver across Emily's belly. I'd never seen one in person, it was a lot more exciting than on _ER_.

"There we go," the tiny lady said pointing at the screen.

"It wooks wike a painting, Aunt Emy," Claire said, hopping off of Rachel's lap and toddling over to the side of the table, pointing at the ultrasound machine.

Since Claire entered daycare, her Qwil was indulging every one of her hobbies, which now included finger-painting and clay sculpting. He showered the toddler with posters and books of great artist and sculptors; she was turning into a regular baby Picasso.

"No, it's my baby, sweetheart, can you see the head?" Emily asked, pointing at the indiscriminate blob, then turning her head to the side in confusion. "Wait… is that the head?"

"Actually that's one of the four arms," Dr. Sandeep sighed using her pinky to outline the blob.

"Is that like a Hindu goddess joke?" Rachel asked chuckling.

"Miss Young, do you want to have this conversation in private or—"

"No, these are my sisters," Emily said sitting up. It was twins, I got that with the whole four arms comment and the two rapid beats heard through the ultrasound, but apparently Dr. Sandeep and I were the only ones who put two and two together.

"Babies have two arms, Aunt Emy you gunna have a puppy or two babies!" Claire said hopping around the foot of the bed.

"What?" Emily looked down at Claire and then back up at us.

"Can you hear the heartbeats?" The doctor asked, her head tilted towards the machine.

"Heartbeats," Emily gasped.

"Heartbeats," I said solemnly, standing and patting her hand.

"Heartbeats," Rachel sighed holding her heart and slinking back in her chair.

"HEARTBEATS!" Claire squealed, dancing around the small Indian doctor who smiled widely at her.

"Twins?" Emily cried, wiping the access goop on her stomach and pulling down her shirt. She hopped off the table and used me for support, turning paler by the second.

"Twins," Rachel and I confirmed.

"TWINS!" Claire screamed shaking her naked Mulan Barbie like a weapon. We drove her home in relative silence, Claire humming to herself a self made ditty that was just repeating the word heartbeats at different volumes.

Emily lost her holiday cheer and sat nearly catatonic as Rachel, Sue and I got everything ready for the night's festivities. Jared's mom Cindy came early as well and with her guidance the meal was done just before the boys returned en masse.

"Twins?" Sam breathed dropping down on a seat at the kitchen table. The entire kitchen was packed with people from Jared's parents to Quil Sr. and Charlie Swan, and Emily blurted it out as soon as he was in sight.

"I know," Emily whispered, she had not spoken above a whisper since we left the doctor's office.

"That's great!" Sam said grabbing and lifting her into a hug.

"That's expensive," Matty whispered from my left, he was down for the weekend again and I couldn't be happier.

As time went by it got harder and not easier to be away from him, even though I knew his life was shaping out nicely in Port Townsend. He came more often now that we had a room for him though, which I suspected had more to do with Jordan than me. Our weekends were great though and we were basically inseparable, unless Jordan was free.

True to form, Matty squeezed my hand, leaving my side when Jordan, Michael and Crystal arrived together. Crystal was in their kitchen when her brother Michael exploded into wolf form for the first time, so there was no need to keep secrets from her. It was amazing having my lifelong friend in the mix. I rushed to greet her and she eyed the crowd of guys around her with dramatized excitement. This was the first time she'd seen them all together, mine too since the addition of the last two wolves. After losing Jake, Seth and Leah the pack was now eleven strong.

"That Solace kid's hot," she nudged me, pointing towards Solace and his girlfriend Anna who stood meekly at his side.

"He's got a girlfriend," I giggled, sneaking a glance at Matty and Jordan who stood chatting in the living room. Jordan had always been older than Matty and therefore bigger, but now, as a wolf, he towered over him and their age difference was magnified.

"I'm prettier," Crystal cooed, toying with her collar as she eyed him.

"He's fifteen," I shot back, and she scoffed throwing her hands in the air.

"Fine, if you want to get all moral on me.," I put my arm around her shoulder laughing so hard my sides hurt. Jared finally emerged from the kitchen, rubbing his stomach as if he had eaten an entire turkey, which, considering there were ten, was a possibility.

The party was in full swing, but Quil and Embry were still missing from the festivities as the night got darker. It was the first sign that Claire's kiddie gossip about Qwil leaving the pack might be right.

If they left it meant I would be seeing Jared, the newly appointed Beta even less, so I clung to him the second he reached my side. I didn't blame Embry and Quil for wanting to leave. Jake had been their best friend for almost their entire life and it didn't help that Sam wasn't handling this situation well. He backed off of the Cullens when Jake imprinted but with news of more Vampires (the real human eating kind) heading to Forks he was not interested in playing nice.

Quil and Embry did show eventually, Claire screaming so loudly she served as a trumpeter announcing Quil's entrance. Claire's dad shot nasty glares at him with every turn.

Her father was furious about the imprint once it was badly explained to him by Sam. Jared tried to smooth things out but he wasn't having it. Claire's mother could take her baby sister Emily's word on it, but her husband wouldn't, and with two children, their future as a couple became more complicated. He was already talking about uprooting the family and moving to California, and the very mention of it made Quil turn green.

"Do you wanna get out of here beautiful?" Jared whispered in my ear, he already had my coat in his hand.

"But Matty—"

"Is sleeping at Jordan's tonight," Jared said with a wink.

"What was that wink? Should I be worried about my gay pre-teen brother sleeping over at his crush's house?" I asked searching the room for Matty.

"No! That was a wink for us. I've been in Jordan's head, I don't think he's gay… at least he's never thought about it," Jared said, helping me with my coat.

"What's it like in there? In Jordan's mind," I asked, after hurriedly saying my goodbyes to the crowd. Of the wolf magic stuff I'd heard reading minds interested me most.

"Weird, it's super chaotic, and you need a thesaurus sometimes just to understand half of what he thinks. Like what does _elucidate_ mean? Do you even know?" he asked, unlocking our car door.

"It means to clarify or explain," I said as he gently helped me into the passenger seat.

"You're so smart…and sexy," he moaned, leaning to whisper in my ear.

The three minute drive home was unbearable. The sexual tension and desire was like a back seat driver, barking at every turn. He practically ripped my seat belt off when he park and I hopped on him like a frog kissing every inch of his face. Jared fumbled with the keys and raced up the stairs taking two at a time.

I nibbled his ear lobe as he kneaded his fingers into my hips and used them to grind me into his erection; my skirt riding up higher. The soft cotton of my underwear rubbing against the rough texture of his jeans had me clawing at his back.

Inside he laid me flat on my back slowly undoing each big button down the front of my coat. One. Two, Three. Four, leaving small kisses on my neck as he went. His warm lemon scented breath came out in puffs against my exposed skin.

"I missed you," I whimpered, bowing into him as he climbed between my legs. He kissed me head on, running his scorching hot tongue along my lips and fluidly into my mouth.

"I missed you more," he whispered lifting me up and gently removing my shirt.

"What's going on Jared?" I asked, as he trailed down my body, pulling off my furry boots and kissing up my legs.

"Can we not talk business tonight, baby," he whispered lapping his tongue up the inside of my thigh, my toes curling in response.

"Uh-huh," I whimpered convulsing. He ripped off my skirt and underwear in one fast swoop and it made my stomach drop.

"Jared," I moaned. He was his tongue along the edge of my underwear, painfully teasing me, my entire body was pulsating.

"Yeah, baby," he whispered, dipping his tongue under my panties and to my core.

"I can't—can you not… can just fuck me already," I stammered tearing at the sheets.

He chuckled then pounced. He filled me, his lemon and grass scent enveloping me like a cocoon.

He read my urgency and with as much force as he allowed he pounded me into the bed, lifting my legs at the knee so that he fit to the hilt.

"God, I love you," he moaned after I came in a burst of uncontrollable curses.

Jared pulled back giving me a moment to catch my breath just as the front door slammed.

"Fuck!" I moaned and Jared dressed faster than I thought humanly possible closing the door behind him.

Legs still weak I wrapped myself in my robe, and followed him out of the room ready to attack anyone who barged in our house and interrupted the sex I so desperately needed, but only found Matty, curled in a sobbing ball in Jared's lap.

"What's wrong, baby?" His tears were huge, like dimes, dropping steadily down his face.

"Jor-Jordan doesn't want to… I can't talk about this with you," Matty said shooting a timid look in my direction.

"Matty. I know," I said kneeling at his feet.

"You don't know everything Kim," he shot back, his face turning red.

"Matty, I know you like him," I said, looking up at Jared who still held him gently.

"I-I love him," he sobbed, his whole body shaking violently.

"Sshhh," Jared hushed him, cooing in Matty's ear. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I hated to see Matty in pain, of course, and love was the kind of pain nothing could really help, but seeing Jared with him, comforting him so lovingly, made my chest swell.

"What happened, Matty?" Jared asked tucking Matty's head under his chin.

"I-I told him," he cried, grabbing onto the front of Jared's shirt. Jared rocked him steadily, nodding in understanding.

"What did he say?" I asked, the curiosity killing me.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK HE SAID?" Matty screamed, balling his hand into a fist and pounding it against Jared's chest.

"Calm down, big boy," Jared said shooting me a disapproving glare. I backed off, curling into the recliner chair next to them.

"B-but he's my best friend and h-he was supposed to say it too."

"Sometimes, um, things don't work out the way we want them to. I know it hurts, but it will get better," Jared said, kissing Matty on his temple.

"How?"

"I don't know buddy, but I promise, Matty it does, and one day you're going to find someone who loves you back," Jared said wisely. Matty didn't respond, crying himself to sleep, before Jared laid him down to bed.

"I love you," I whispered as he came back into the living room smiling at me through tired eyes.

"I love you, too."

"You're going to be the best dad ever," I yawned as he pulled me to my feet.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, the best," I said kissing his nose when he lifted me into bed.

"Kim?"

"Um-hmm," I kept my mouth closed trying hard to stifle my yawn.

"At the risk of sounding lame, do you mind if we just cuddle? I think I'm about to collapse." I giggled softly examining the dark circles under his eyes and nodding.

"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"

"The very second Sam says I can and not a second later, I promise," he said seriously, lying next to me, his eyes already shut.

"Good night, Jared."

"Night, babe," he yawned one last time before his soft snores lulled me to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 4: Jared- Welcome to the Family, Kid**

* * *

"Phil make six, Jared, you can't tell me nothing's going on!" Kim howled.

I nodded grimly, unsure how to proceed without lying and without breaking Sam's command.

"There are six new fucking wolves in this pack and I know the Cullens are making their house out to be a fucking vampire hotel. You can't tell me they're just in town trying to see a baby. I'm not dumb, so don't even try to fucking lie to me!" She screamed, pounding her little fist on my chest.

Our newest wolf, Phil, phased just yesterday. He was Solace's third cousin, best friend and the only person he seemed to talk to. Phil was slightly mischievous and scrawny and hopefully the last new wolf for a long time. We were setting out to war but with six new untrained wolves it was more of a hindrance than a help.

Kim stopped beating my chest and almost lovingly caressed the spot as if to heal a wound, though I hadn't felt it. I hated when she was mad at me and it wasn't a small argument, I _was_ lying to her, something I hadn't done before, and never wanted to do again.

It felt uncomfortable not just because she was my imprint but because she was my best friend and I wanted so badly to share all of the stresses of our impending battle with her, but Sam forbid it until he felt it necessary.

By Alice's vision we would be going to war soon. The Cullen house was filled with vampire sympathizers, come to prepare for the arrival of the Italian Mod Squad, but none of could us be sure how many of them would fight if it came down to it.

We were bound to protect Jake's imprint, we had no choice but with total of six new wolves, the oldest only fifteen and none of them particularly ready, this battle was very ominous. All six of them would die if it came to a fight and we didn't hold much hope that it wouldn't come to blows. Vampires couldn't be trusted and even two of the Cullens had jumped ship. I was determined to survive no matter the cost, but the psychic leaving was a very bad sign.

It was Christmas already and with only days of preparing left, Sam didn't want us to tell the girls until the very last minute. This wasn't like the newborns we last fought and we didn't have Jasper this time round, none of us were excited for this battle.

Preparing meant runs and strategy stimulations with the six new wolves and what we had left of the original pack. Embry and Quil left to join Jacob and the rogue pack after the Thanksgiving which we knew would happen eventually but it still caused friction. With Jake gone I was made Sam's second, so on top of a full time day job I was also in charge of the new wolves while Sam finalized preparations for the worst case scenario: Money for Emily and his future offspring, a van to get select inner circle out of town, scholarship opportunities for Kim and Claire, letters to those in the know and cover stories for those who weren't in case of mass death.

"Kim, I don't want to lie to you, so don't make me, baby. Please, you know I can't tell you, it's an order," I pleaded, she dropped on the couch pulling her knees up to her chin.

"Just tell me if you're in danger," she said hugging herself tightly.

"I'm always in danger, I track and kill vampires," I said avoiding the question.

"Dammit, you haven't been home before 2am for the last week! You think I don't know something's up Jared? I miss you," she started off with a scream but her voice dropped to just barely a whisper. I missed her too. I missed her so much it physically hurt, a constant throbbing in my stomach.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry I'm not here for you, I want to be," I couldn't say anymore or the fear, this fear in the back of my mind that I would die and never see my Kim again, would burst through and I wouldn't be able to stand.

"What are you doing? What are you guys preparing for?" She asked looking up at me past her thick tear soaked lashes.

"I'm training the new guys—wolves," I corrected myself.

It was difficult getting adjusted to a new female wolf, mostly because this time around we really wanted her to fit in, we needed her to fit in, not like Leah. We couldn't stand to lose another wolf. We all liked Anna, we knew her before she phased because of her relationship with Solace but it was still a challenge censoring our thoughts out of consideration. We were all trying to make her feel comfortable and other than the realization that we were preparing to fight monsters she'd only dreamed about before she was handling it pretty well and she'd made quick friends with Paul.

"Can you tell me about it? What are you training for?" She asked, then shook her head. "Nevermind."

I wanted to tell her, my new job was hard and draining. I trained the wolves for hours every night, with an over enthusiastic Paul used as a sparring partner. I kept mental note of all of their strengths and weaknesses, and came up with plans to improve them as quickly as possible.

I sidled in next to her and she climbed into my lap, burying her face in my neck. We had one day rest and I wanted to make the best of it.

"Can you at least promise that you won't do anything stupid or brave or stupidly brave?" She whispered, her lips brushing against my neck.

"Do you want to go to my parents or Emily's, we're invited to both?" I asked looking at the time but most importantly avoiding the question. Just going to this potential blood bath was stupid and getting so attached to these baby wolves was another strike against me.

It was 4:45pm, about time for eating and Kim was still in pajamas, having stayed up all night waiting for me. Matty wasn't here, he hadn't come back to La Push since Jordan shot him down, meaning our tiny family dinner was abandoned, replaced with whichever house we decided to crash.

"Can we just stay here? Watch a movie…I don't know when I'll have another day with you," she said turning her body to straddle me. I loved when she was this close to me and I could look at her face completely, follow the curve of her cheekbone or the perfect double arches of her lips.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I sighed giving her a soft kiss, her lips were cool and had a kiss of spearmint. "What movie do you want to watch?" I asked as she used her thumb to trace my bottom lip.

"Tell me about training," she said wrapping her arm around my neck so that she was completely wrapped around me.

"It's not really that exciting."

"Okay, tell me about the new wolves then," she said pulling back with a smile. She hadn't smiled for two weeks, so I gave in. I texted my mother we weren't coming over and spilled my guts.

"Okay, umm… Solace is quick, really quick, but he has no strategy he can't think more than one move in advance?" I said it like a question, I honestly didn't know what she was asking. I could talk about their fighting technique for hours, but no matter how much I knew she loved me, I wasn't sure that'd be too interesting for her.

"Is he faster than Leah?" She asked and I smiled. I had spent weeks keeping quiet about the training and my new responsibility and like my savior, she was sitting in my lap willing to listen. Sam's command forbade us from telling anyone about the Volturi but he said nothing about training.

"He doesn't run faster but he moves faster. No one can pin him." She pulled me down onto the couch so we were lying face to face.

"And what's he like? He doesn't talk, so does he have like a whole running dialogue going on up there or what?"

"No… or at least not that I've seen. He's got really good mind control, it's kinda zen. You get whiffs of his emotions and once a little info on his mother but other than that it's mostly calm. He seems cool and all the younger wolves like him… he's not too upset about the wolf thing," I explained, kissing her plump lips again. This was the most I had physically spoken in two weeks.

"How about Jordan and Michael? Are they okay with the wolf thing?" she asked nibbling on my ear as she spoke.

"Jordan's strong, stronger than me but he overthinks everything. Michael's a terrible fighter, he's too distracted and way too docile. I don't think either of them are too excited about being a wolf," I admit.

"Wanna hear some hot gossip?" She nodded fervently so I continued. "Michael has a major crush on Anna, but she's still with Solace."

"Oooh, has Solace said anything about it?" Kim asked her eyes lighting as she smiled.

"Naw but I think she likes Michael too," I gossiped watching her eyes shine. With a rush of much younger and closer wolves inner dialogue and deep dark secrets were a lot juicer than crushes on Bella and the mystery of Embry's father.

"So cute…for Michael, not for Solace. What's Anna like? Is she a better fighter than Michael, at least?"

"Not really, she's smart though and she has the best sense of smell I've ever seen," I added more importantly. It was the one thing that put her ahead of the game. She was small and not entirely powerful but she could smell any vamp in a ten mile radius and she was crafty too.

She had the same problem most of the new wolves had though: fear. She was afraid, terrified of the fight to come. She was too young to die… but weren't we all? And now because of Bella we were in danger of being exposed to an army of ancient royal vamps. Would the curse of Bella Swan ever end?

"How about her third or fourth cousin or whatever he is?" Kim asked, casually trailing her hand up and across my bare chest.

"Krys. I think he's her third cousin twice removed," I giggled, her soft fingertips tickling my pecks. If someone made a family tree of the pack we would probably find we were all somehow related but our youngest wolf Krys was connected most closely to Anna.

"Jared… he's like twelve, he was in Matty's class. This is serious shit, isn't it?" Kim asked, biting her lip nervously. He phased the day we found out about Alice's vision, just three days after his thirteenth birthday. He was small, the smallest wolf in the pack—even smaller than Anna, but he was strong when his mind was clear.

"He's fucked up about it, poor kid. His life sucks already and he doesn't really wanna talk to any of the other newbies," I said quickly, so distracted by her circular massaging of my chest that I couldn't continue.

"What do you mean by poor kid?" She asked seriously.

"He lives with a drunk gambling addict," I said quickly trying to get her back on the road to Bone Town by nibbling on her ear.

"Jared," she moaned and I massaged her breast through the soft cotton of her t-shirt, her nipples hardening against my palm.

"Ja-jared. Stop."

"Kim," I whined but she slapped my hands away.

"How can you be so casual about him living with a drunk?" She asked incredulously, urging me off of her with tiny hands. I rolled off so she wouldn't strain herself and she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Baby, I have a lot on my plate. What am I supposed to do about it right now?" I asked, fidgeting with the unsatisfied erection in my jeans.

"Well, is he being abused?"

"He's not hitting him, from what I can see."

"There are different kinds of abuse. Is he happy? Healthy?" She asked following me into the kitchen.

"I don't know babe, he's as healthy as the rest of us I guess," I snapped. I hadn't had or held her in weeks and now she wanted to discuss a boy she didn't even know on my only day off.

"Well you should! He's your brother, and he's just a baby, Jared. You saw what me and Matty went through," she howled stomping her foot.

"Okay. Well, then let's just go find him now, cuz Lord knows we're not going to have sex until you've gotten to the bottom of it!" I shot back, entering our bedroom and searching for a shirt.

I thought she might stop me, tell me I was being silly and let us get on with our day but instead she quietly dressed, in her signature jean skirt and furry snow boots.

We didn't know where Krys lived so our first stop was to Emily's to ask Sam, Kim was determined to meet and interrogate him today. To our surprise he was already there, standing alone in a corner eating quietly his dark eyes scanning the room curiously. Without introduction, Kim went to talk to him and I found Paul pawing at Rachel in a hidden corner of the living room. He stopped as I approached with a grin that said very clearly he had no shame.

"Bout time, Cameron," he jeered, slapping me on my back, I rolled my eyes at him and he didn't notice, but Rachel did.

"What's up?" Rachel prodded, swatting Paul's hand away from her ass.

"Not much, Kim is here to play Oprah," I explained, nodding to Kim and Krys who continued a hushed conversation I couldn't hear over the cacophony of laughter.

"Is she giving everyone cars?" Paul chuckled.

"No, she's saving all the children," Rachel guess knowingly. With catastrophe after fiasco hitting La Push in the months since Paul had imprinted I didn't get much time to get to know Jake's big sister Rachel but I liked how well she knew Kim and how much calmer she made Paul.

"Oh yeah, that makes sense. Kim always sticking her nose where it don't be—" Paul was cut off by my swift elbow to his gut as Kim approached, towing Krys. He looked nervous and his lightly tanned skin was flushed with pink in his face. He stared nervously at his oversized feet as Kim came to a stop in front of me.

"He's moving in with us," Kim said simply. I knew it was not a request or a question so I didn't protest, we had a spare room and with my new construction job, we weren't living on ramen anymore, so I had more important things to worry about.

"I don't wanna impose on—" Krys began to protest, but Kim put up her hand to silence him and he obeyed.

"Okay. Welcome to the family, Kid," I sighed patting him on the back and heading to the makeshift buffet Emily had set up in the living room. She was huge now, so pregnant she was walking funny and holding her extended belly as if it would tip her over. Those babies were going to be huge.

I hadn't even placed a roll on my plate before Sam's deep voice rose above the crowd.

"All pack members outside!" It was pitch black at the edge of the forest where we convened and the lightest dusting of snow glittered the skies.

"Take another day off tomorrow, rest up and settle your affairs. The Volturi should be here new years eve. You are tell your loved ones… only tell them the important information and only if you feel it's totally necessary," Sam said scratching nervously at the back of his head before nodding and walking off.

He wasn't exactly the best communicator, so I was left looking around the circle at our growing family, Phil looking pale and tired at Solace's side. Solace holding Anna by the waist, Michael and Jordan silently watching on as Krys stood silently outside the circle. Collin and Brady stood shoulder to shoulder looking grave. Paul and I exchanged a meaningful look. Both of us had kept the secret from our imprint but we also dreaded having to tell them.

"Hey, Jared?" Krys called, as the rest of the wolves headed back in the house.

"Yeah?"

"A-are you guys serious about me moving in?" He asked, still avoiding my eyes.

"Yeah, man, if you want to—don't let her force you if you're not really interested," I said, looking through the windows in the front of the house trying to catch a glimpse of her.

"I-I want to," he said quickly, nodding then dashing in the house. I followed his path slowly, dragging my feet up the stairs past a round bellied Emily and straight to Kim.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in her ear from behind, she was chatting with Emily's sister Jo.

"No, I'm sorry I ruined your only day off," she turned into my arms, wrapping herself around me.

"I'm off tomorrow, too," I breathed in her ear, using my middle finger to make circles on the soft satiny skin of her upper thigh.

"Good," she whispered biting her lips before she launched herself at me.

"I have something to tell you."

"After sex," she commanded, hopping into my arms and pointing to the door. Cars and human speed was not an option.

We got to the apartment in under a minute, but only made it half way up the stairs before I pushed her purple cotton undies aside and made the plunge. She shuddered, unbuttoning her coat so I could rub and nibble on her breast as I fucked her on the stairs, me holding her furry boots up high to get a better angle.

"Umh, uh!" She thrashed under me, pulling at my hair and clawing at my chest. When we were both finished, I carried her the rest of the way up the stairs, laying her on the bed and fully undressing her. I knew I had to tell her, but thought it best to do it while she was distracted, so while running my tongue up and down her slick folds I told her.

"This is the second fucking time these blood sucking demons have asked you to save their ass, Jared!" Exactly the reaction I expected.

"This is for Jake, baby," I sighed, lying back and embracing the déjà vu as it washed over me.

"It was for Jake last time because he was in love with the danger magnet, and now it's for her mini freak of nature!"

"This is part of the job, you know that, Kim. I don't have a choice," I said pulling her back to me.

"You do have a choice. Don't go!" She was still naked and her round dark nipples were hard from the cold room. We had only done it once and now I was going to be in the wolf house for the rest of the night.

"I have to."

"Jared, this isn't game night with the Cullens! You aren't going to be playing Hungry Hungry Hippos, you're putting your life in danger, again! You can die! And you're mine! You said you were mine and you're endangering yourself again!" She screamed pulling the flat sheet off the bed and wrapping herself like a burrito.

"That's exactly why I'm doing this—why I'm okay doing this because I know if it were you, if an army of them were coming for you, Jake would be there," I sighed pulling her down and onto the bed with me, attacking her neck with kisses. The first moan that passed her lips was my green light to go, ripping the sheet off of her and making up for weeks of busy patrolling.

Her phone rang as we finished our fourth round, and she answered right away. I knew she was expecting word from Matty any minute so I headed for the bathroom, but her shocked gasp stopped me in my tracks.

"Where are you?" I strained to hear but the caller was too low. She nodded, repeating an address and for the second time today, we set off to find Krys.

The apartment building was just outside of reservation territory, it old and dilapidated. I used his scent to lead us to him. This was one of the many low income housing solutions built by the government on the outskirts of the rez. The native children in these complexes went to school on the rez but they were outsiders, the poorest and most desitude. Solace, Phil and Krys all lived in this maze of buildings. Near the entrance there were two groups of men standing together, from the smell of them, it was a drug deal and I pulled Kim closer shooting them a warning glare as we passed.

These were the parts of the rez the handful tourists didn't see, the parts my parents had always kept me from, the parts you didn't drive into once the sun went down. I didn't know Krys well, but I was suddenly happy to be taking him out of this place.

Krys was waiting for us in the stairwell with a small bag and sad smile. Kim pulled him down, intertwining their fingers and leaving me to carry his stuff, all the way home.


	30. Chapter 30

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 5: Jared Weeps**

* * *

"This zipper ain't going up baby," Jared whispered from behind me, leaving steaming hot kisses from the tip of one shoulder to the next.

"It's God telling me I shouldn't have to wearing this hideous thing," I joked trying to suck in my stomach as he attempted to zip up my butter-cream yellow bridesmaid dress one more time.

I had apparently gained weight in the two weeks since I ordered the dress or maybe the size eights were really closer to size six, either way I was fucked. My arms barely fit through the puffy cap sleeves and the zipper wouldn't budge even after three attempts from the strongest man I knew.

"I got an idea," Rachel announced. She pranced in the room with a determined glare, a pair of scissors and a spool of yellow ribbon that matched my dress, making her look a little like a demonic Martha Stewart. This was fitting for the occasion seeing as my dress was something out of my nightmares, yellow and puffy and girly to an extreme, completely not me.

"Where'd you get that ribbon?" I asked slipping the dress back down and tossing it to Rachel.

I was wearing a tight white slip underneath, my nipples almost cutting through the silky material in the icy cold side room of the community center that we had annexed for wedding preparation. Jared noticed and smirked, pulling me into his chest for warmth and to take advantage of the compromising position by touching me openly. Rachel coughed but he didn't move away, keeping his hands firmly on my backside; he was not afraid of her frenzied arts and crafting.

"God, you're beautiful," he breathed in my ear, blocking my view of Rachel. I giggled, swatting his face away so I could see her as she spoke.

"Emily bought it for Claire's hair but she's probably not going to do the flower girl thing. She's all feverish from an inner ear infection," Rachel explained as she made small careful cuts on either side of the zipper.

"I don't think a few holes is gunna help me fit my fat ass in there," I admit slapping my stomach. I had gained a few pounds from the stress of Jared's wolfing and a constant diet of leftovers from my job at Mr. Johnny's Fish Fry.

"You are not fat. You're sexy as hell," Jared whispered, leaving big wet kisses from my ear to my shoulder. After the Volturi made their appearance and disappeared again, (hopefully to the other side of the world, where they'd never been seen or heard from again), Jared spent every waking moment with me. He couldn't stay away from me and it was bliss. Going to work and eating only when we needed to, staying in bed every hour that we weren't.

We had only a few more days before I returned to school, a full-time student at the local community college. After taking Krys in, dealing with his different fears and emotional instability, I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a counselor, any kind of counselor that worked hands-on with children like me, from families like mine. Living with Krys and Jared was like the first healthy family I'd ever known. It was safe and comfortable and supportive and I wanted every child who ever felt scared or alone or unloved to feel the same. It sounded corny, but that's what I wanted.

"You two are sickening," Rachel whined as she carefully removed the sleeves, cutting slowly around the seam. Rachel and Paul were in love, no doubt about it, but they just weren't as physical as us, which was good for me because I didn't think I could stomach it, especially today with my stomach already sour from the stress of Emily and Sam's wedding.

"Emily's going to kill you!" I screamed watching her completely redesign the yellow monstrosity that puffed out wide with layers of tulle. She'd poked a dozen holes in the back, removed the sleeves and now she she was carefully snipping off the large sash and bow cut into my fish fry gut.

"Leah's maid of honor dress is a little different anyways, this way we'll all have different ones," Rachel said, pointing to the dress she was already wearing.

I slid in carefully and stayed completely still as she worked the ribbon through the small incisions she made along the zipper, like corseting. She pulled it tight but I didn't protest.

Leah didn't say a thing during the entire ordeal; she sat in the corner of the room, with half applied makeup and an icy glare. I didn't comment, nothing could have made me feel any worse for her then I did for her now. We weren't friends, we never had been, but I cared for her. I cared for her mostly because Jared did, no matter how he tried to deny it and looking at her now, her face set like stone eyes on the verge of tears made my own eyes water.

"Why are you crying?" Jared whispered, pulling me to the makeup station I had set up more myself.

"I'm not crying, it's just… Leah," I whispered the last word, but it didn't really help the matter considering she was a wolf.

"Are you… um… cycling?" he asked, wiping the remainder of my childish tears on the corner of my eye.

"No, you jerk," I chuckled, applying the simplest of makeup. I focused on the mascara as he watched me carefully.

Emily and Sam had pushed their wedding back twice with the Cullen based drama but now nearly six months pregnant with twins the wedding has been put together in less than a week.

"When we get married I'm wearing a sundress and flip-flop and no makeup" I grumbled, searching my bag for my cigarettes.

"Not sure my mom will agree but I'm down," he smiled following me out the metal side door.

Almost as soon as the smoke hit my lungs my stomach lurched, the smell making my mouth water unnaturally. I coughed the smoke out, gagging. Jared slap my back and held my hair back as I dry heaved violently against the tight material of my dress.

"Baby, you okay?" He whispered softly in my ear, as the wave of nausea finally let up. I threw the cigarette down in the grass as four devastating facts clicked into place.

1\. I was fat. I had never been fat. Thick, womanly, curvy, yes, but not fat.

2\. I was nauseous over my third favorite thing in the world: Cigarettes.

3\. I was crying, something I don't really do, over a girl who didn't even like me and whom I wasn't even all that fond of.

And 4, the scariest and worst of all, something I didn't realize till Jared said it: I wasn't "cycling". I wasn't menstruating and I should have been. I should have been days ago.

"Holy fuck!" I cried, grabbing onto the side of the building for support.

"What's wrong, Kim?" Jared's voice was echoing like he was shouting down a tunnel. I tried to turn and look at him but it all turned black….

"I don't feel good! Why is Kim laying on my bed! I'm tired!" Claire's little hands pushed at my cheek as I stirred. She was pink faced and looked almost as miserable as I felt. Adorable yes, especially in her flower girl's dress which matched Rachel's completely; it looked great on her but then most dresses did look great on four-year olds. She stared at me with a bit of concern then frowned, rubbing her ear furiously.

"Don't stick your finger in there, Claire-bear, you'll rub all the medicine out," Quil said calmly, picking the little girl up and off of the loveseat I was laid across.

"Quil, I'll take her from here," Joanna, Emily's older sister motioned for Quil to hand her over, but Claire just clung to him, holding on to what little hair he had with her tiny fist.

"Claire, come on," her father George demanded. Claire didn't let go and subsequently Joanna and her husband had a nasty whispered argument in the corner of the room, Claire nuzzled up to Quil as happy as a toddler with an unpleasant ear infection could be.

"Baby, you are scaring the hell out of me. Are you okay?" Jared asked, he was kneeling in front of the loveseat, his cheek rested against my stomach. My stomach that would be growing soon. I was pregnant. The bastard impregnated me with his evil resilient wolf sperm that apparently was immune to birth control.

I slapped his head away sitting up quickly, but the room spun and I had to grab onto him for support.

"Shit!" I screamed and Quil quickly covered Claire's ears, rushing her out of the room, her parents not far behind.

"What's all the screaming?" Emily asked, entering through the back door. She was being assisted by Sue, so heavily pregnant she had already adopted the half-waddle walk like a penguin. Her simple white dress with basic yellow flower embellishments under the bust, was bulging outward in her enlarged state but she was radiant, absolutely stunning. I forgot, if only for a millisecond the worst news I had ever dealt with, going to her side and kissing her cheek.

"Watch her makeup," Sue warned but Emily smiled.

"Like my makeup matters. I look like a whale stuffed into a dress," Emily moaned grabbing my hand as I helped her onto the love seat. She wasn't technically supposed to stand up for too long, she was on bedrest but her traditional ways were forcing her to run down the aisle before the twins popped out.

Pregnant. Never had that word meant so much, affected me so strongly. I turned my head away from her white dress just in time, though it wasn't enough time to get any farther than the trash bin, spraying everything I had eaten in the last five hours amid empty water bottles and tissues.

"Kim, baby, what the hell is going on?"

"I'm…. fucking…. pregnant…. you idiot," I managed between hurls. He flinched, pulling my hair back behind my face to get a better look at me. He had a combination of looks going for him. Confused, angry, hurt. I didn't talk to him like this normally, or at least I hadn't for a long while.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. Rachel and Emily held hands awkwardly watching us with scared grins. Leah reentered behind Sue surveying the awkward gathering with curiosity.

Jared took my impromptu puke bucket into the adjoining bathroom without another word and returned stony faced with a fresh bottle of water. I drank it down in one long gulp, and accepted the gum Rachel offered from her purse. The weight of my words filled the room until the clock struck noon.

"Okay, well it's show time!" Sue broke the silence, lining us up hurriedly.

Claire went out first, rubbing her ear with one hand and throwing out yellow petals with the other. Rachel and Paul went out next, walking slowly to the music I could barely hear behind the thick wooden doors of the community center.

Jared stood behind me with Leah, best man and maid of honor would come out last. I could feel him watching me, his eyes burning holes but I didn't turn around. I didn't want to see the horror I was feeling reflexed there. I roared to life at my cue from Sue, walking slowly down the aisle with Embry at my side.

We were just trying to figure out how to throw our wedding for under a thousand bucks, discussing everything from beach side barbeques to mountainside picnics and now there was this…babies would cost more than a thousand that's for sure. I couldn't do this. We couldn't afford this.

He watched me straight-faced, eyes burning into me as he took his place next to Sam. I couldn't watch him, I couldn't communicate with him the terror I was feeling, so I turned to the audience, watching Claire cuddled into Quil's lap.

I was a terrible bridesmaid, I didn't even noticed when the rings were exchanged, or when they kissed. I joined the small crowd when they started to clap, my hands sweaty and cold, clammy like my forehead.

My mind raced, trying to find someone or something to blame for this mess. I took birth control for a reason, what was the fucking point of going all the way to free clinic for refills if they didn't even work? I might as well have been eating freaking orange tic-tacs, God, I need a cigarette… but I couldn't. I couldn't have cigarettes for another nine months, unless…

"Kim," Rachel whispered, grabbing my shoulder and pushing me forward. She practically rolled me down the aisle and into her car, with Paul at the wheel, taking us to the small reception at the town's only banquet hall. Jared was waiting for me as soon as we parked.

"I can see your gears working Kim. We gotta talk about this before—" He started, his face painted with unfamiliar anger.

"Jared, later," I pushed him to the door so hard my wrist cracked painfully.

"No now, don't shut me out," he insisted pulling me into his truck, I didn't protest.

"We should go out and buy a test at least. You can't be sure." He reasoned, grabbing my hand and gently massaging my wrist.

"I'm like ninety percent, at least and right now we need to focus Sam and Emily," I whispered as he kissed my wrist softly.

"But what if? Wha—what do you want to do?" I never heard him sound so afraid. He ran at an army of super strong vamps and again towards a trained army of vampire royalty and now he was scared.

"We're going to go to this reception and try to have a good time for Emily's sake," I said trying to hold strong. Most of the time Jared was my rock, but today I had to keep us afloat.

We went through the motions: congrats, toasts, kisses and cake, but by the time dancing began and people were slurring their words from drink, I couldn't stomach it anymore. I watched as Solace, newly freed from his ties to Anna, dry humped Leah on the dance floor and Sue dragging Charlie to the floor before I pulled Jared to the door.

"Ninety percent isn't enough," I whispered in Jared's ear. We didn't bother saying goodbyes, he guided through the throngs of people as I were as fragile as an egg.

Rachel drunkenly signed for me to call her as I passed her on the way out. A huge part of me wished I could join her in the fun but… I was pregnant. I was keeping it safe. I was protecting something I wasn't even going to keep. I mean, I wasn't, right?

The best possible scenario, I had gotten mono or hepatitis from the dirty teens I worked with at Mr. Johnny's Fish Fry but in the worse I would be making another kind of appointment at the Planned Parenthood.

The pharmacy on the outskirts of town was the best choice for picking up a quick pregnancy test but since it was 6pm we had to drive farther to the Walgreens in Port Angeles. I would be making sure to drop a note to Quil's mom about stocking birth control test, because when you needed to know driving outside of town was like murder.

I couldn't wait the hour it would take to get back to our apartment so I made him stop at Burger King where I read the instructions twice. It was relatively self-explanatory but I wanted to be certain, this was the most important test I'd ever taken.

It's funny how one little plastic stick can crush every dream you ever had. I stared at that red cross with loathing.

No school, no work, no dreams, I didn't have the freedom to dream anymore… I was going to be a mommy; possibly the worst mommy in the history of parenting.

Or I wouldn't and I would have to live with extinguishing the bright fire of joy hiding in Jared's eyes. I would get rid of it and hurt the only person who mattered to me.

Happy. The bastard was happy…I could see it in his eyes. How could I take that away from him? I had to, though, didn't I? As it was, we lived on PB&J for a month to afford this dress for Christ sake!

"What do you want to do?" He asked calmly, his fingers caressing the side of my cheek which was damp with tears.

"Why do you keep asking me that? _What do you want to do?_ What should **we** do! What should we do with this bastard child of yours!" I screamed and he flinched, half at my words and half at the volume in which I spat them at him in the empty parking lot.

"I want what you want," he said simply, shoveling a handful of fries in his mouth.

"Give me a light," I said cracking open my handbag and retrieving my half empty packs of Virginia Slims. He looked at them for a long time before he gave in an pressed down the lighter on his ancient truck, metal tab making a popping sound when it was ready.

"Here," he sighed, holding the lighter up and I lit it quickly.

"We can't afford this," I said taking a drag, but I couldn't bring myself to inhale, I kept the smoke in my mouth, rolling it around with my tongue until I let it out.

"I know."

"We don't have room for it," I added.

"I know."

"I would be terrible, terrible, terrible mother," I admitted. He didn't respond, he crossed his arms and coughed, rolling down the windows and looking out into space. "I would," I insisted but he didn't look at me.

"I've seen you with Matty **and** Krys—"

"He's not a baby, he's a teenager."

"You love him like family," he prodded.

"Of course I do," I answered automatically. Krys had been staying with us for over a month and he was part our family… _our family_.

"No," I said this to myself. The answer to an overhanging question I had been too disgusted to even voice in my head. _Will I have an abortion?_ No… the answer was a resounding no.

I was pro-choice, seven thousand percent, but looking at how strongly it affected Jared… how much I already loved this thing inside of me; this little thing that I couldn't bring myself to inhale because of.

This overwhelming realization, put a terrible weight on my chest and the tight constricting bridesmaid dress became sweltering. I tossed the unsmoked cigarette out the window with a huff.

"Jared, free me from this evil thing," I sighed, turning to give him access to the back of my dress. He fumbled with the ribbons, his fingers brushing my bare skin as he struggled.

"I can't get it untied," he giggled. All the tension melted in laughter and I gave him the okay to rip it apart.

"Let's just go home okay?" I said, putting on my seatbelt and breathing freely for the first time all night. He passed me a whopper and put the car in gear.

We didn't discuss it any more. Playing the baby spoon I curled into him and dreamt of a baby. My baby girl. She squirmed in my arms as if trying to free herself from me, though she was too small to even hold up her head. Jared took her from my arms and I didn't struggle, I let her go praying that he might deem me worthy to have her back again.

Later she followed me suddenly years older and ragged looking. She stared at me accusingly as I made rounds in a hospital I apparently worked for. I wore crisp green scrubs while she stood in broken down sandals, with dirt caked under her nails.

The dream changed and I was floating peacefully near a waterfall, the cool water splashing around me and sending a soft mist like rain on my face as I drifted on my back. It was beautiful, the sandy shore just out of reach. It was perfect, an oasis that calmed me completely sans the sound of soft crying just out of sight. I tried to steer myself away from the sobs but I couldn't, they surrounded me. I turned to swim to the sandy shore but I was sucked down.

When I shot up and out of the bed, it was empty, I panicked, falling because I was tangled in the sheets. Jared appeared instantly, pulling me off the floor a little more gently than he usually handled me.

"Jar-bear?" He helped me back in bed and my pounding heart started to calm.

"I'm here," he spoke so soothingly, cradling me against his chest. It was still pitch black outside, the windows allowing only the slightest illumination in our room. I kissed him hard, his soft lips not resisting but not reacting.

"I—I'm—God, we're so fucked!" I cried, pressing my cheek to his. It was damp and in the foggy haze of lingering sleep, it took me a while to realize it was his tears. I hadn't seen him cry much, only a handful of times and all caused by me… or intense pain.

"No, baby, it'll be fine. We can go down the Planned Parenthood, I'll call them in the morning. We'll just fix it," he stumbled with the words.

"Jared," I started, but he pulled away making to pull a sheet over me.

I grabbed his hand forcing him to stop, to face me. My decision to keep it child had played out entirely in my head. He thought my tears were tears of loss because I hadn't asked his opinion or discussed our options with him. I knew he would do whatever I decided, but what did he want. Would he be able, willing, ready to take this step?

"I think I want to… have it," I sighed, the words stinging as they left my mouth.

"And keep it him," Jared stammered.

"Him?"

"Or her," he added.

"So, you want a him?" I asked, feeling more comforted in the way he held me now, the way he caressed my cheek and the width of his white smile in the darkness. Could anything bad start with a smile like this?

"I want anything that's yours," he whispered, climbing on top of me, holding himself up by the elbows.

"Ditto," I sighed straining to kiss his nose and cheeks and whatever I could reach. Nothing that came from Jared could be anything other than perfect.


	31. Chapter 31

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**

 **Chapter 6: Amen**

* * *

Unlike Emily's pregnancy with her two giant twin boys, David and Marcus, my nine months with Ethan went rather smoothly. While Emily was on bed rest for the last two months and had a dangerous case of gestational diabetes, I was up and about till the day I gave birth. It wasn't just my health that went well either. Jared's mother alleviated most of our financial burdens by writing us a check that cleared out an account that was meant to Jared's college fund.

With Jared's daylighting as a construction worker and a very busy life as a Sam's second in command it was likely college would never fit the plan. We set up a baby's room in the small apartment we still shared above Quil's family shop, which she lowered the rent on and assured us was ours as long as we wanted it.

With the security of a home and money, we only had to worry about our ineptitude as parents. We bought everything we needed plus some, checked out countless books from the library on everything from breastfeeding to parenting, and on the weekends, we took a birthing and parenting class at the YMCA in Port Angeles.

All around us things seemed to lock in place, the new wolves were settling into their new life, Emily and her newborns were happy and healthy. Jake and the Cullens, after living here for a bit longer than usual, moved up into northern Canada throwing a small party with the pack before they kicked off. Seth, Embry and Quil came back to the La Push pack and Leah, who had left for Seattle the day after Emily's wedding stayed there, working to stop herself from phasing.

Paul and Rachel had a small wedding ceremony on April Fools Day held out in the mountains at a national park. Paul's father helped them buy a small house for themselves on the westside of La Push, and Rachel was now anxiously awaiting her turn to become a mother. She hadn't been able to conceive yet, but the two were trying and making sure everyone knew about it.

I gave birth to my baby boy in the early hours of June 17th 2007, about two weeks premature but entirely healthy. We named him Ethan Dominic Cameron, after hours of grueling searches through countless baby-name books. I liked the way Ethan sounded, regal almost, but Jared liked it for its meaning: strong and long lived. It was the only name other than Matthew that we could both agree upon.

We hadn't originally chosen Dominic, he was set to be named Ethan Matthew Cameron after my brother Matty but during my second trimester, in my first weeks of classes at the YMCA, I made a friend Laura, who was much farther along in my pregnancy.

She already knew her baby was going to be a boy, and told me in passing that he would be named Dominic after her father. She stopped coming to classes and I texted her often to make sure she was okay. I didn't get an answer until a month later though, days after I discovered our little Ethan was going to be a boy, our "life coach" informed us that Laura had gone into premature labor and her boy didn't survive.

The day Ethan came into the world, weighing 7 pounds 10 ounces, rosy cheeked, and wailing, I thought of Laura and her little Dominic. I wrote his name clearly on the charts given to me by the nurses and Jared didn't protest, so wrapped up in the tiny baby in his arms, he could have care less what I named him.

I could have never imagined in my entire life how much love I could feel for one person. No other feeling could compare to seeing and holding your child for the first time. I knew I loved him before I saw him, as all pregnant women do, but my Ethan was special. He had personality before he even took his first breath, he kicked and turned, when I played _The Kinks_. He loved music, I could almost feel his joy radiating through my body. His favorite song was "Lola," and almost on cue every time the chorus rang, he moved, my little dancer. I considered naming him Lola before I found out he was a boy. He liked Jared's voice almost as much, and at times, as if he were trying to wave hello, he pushed his little hand out so that the outline could be seen through my belly.

Ethan was a quiet and peaceful baby, a blessing Emily had not gotten—her boys did three things in a constant rotation: eat, cry and poop. I know biologically they needed to must have slept but in the three months before Ethan was born, I watched the twins closely and I never seen them sleep once. They terrified me. Would I ever sleep again?

David (the older and larger of the two) would scream, kicking his little legs until he was red and sweating from exhaustion. Marcus, already being called Mark by the time Ethan was born, ate more than should have been natural, meaning he produced twice as much poop. Emily had a lot of help though; her sister Joanna and mother Stephanie, as well as a very patient Sam, helped her with this 24-hour cycle of digestion and frustration.

I was lucky too. My best friend Crystal, my adopted teen Krys, and Jared's mom, Cindy never let me feel overwhelmed. Whether it was bringing me food or just keeping me company I was surrounded in more love than I ever imagine. Becoming a mother made me constantly think of my own mother, and how hard it must have been to do alone.

Jared, the sweetest man alive, was so scared of hurting Ethan that he avoided most situations where he had to move of handle him in any way, but he pampered me in every way possible. He worked long hours and still came home to clean and cook. He didn't leave my side, Embry and Paul taking over the pack as Sam and Jared, equally doting fathers, obsessed over their new children.

Krys was particularly helpful, he felt as though he had to repay us for taking him in and on night when Ethan struggled to sleep Krys rushed to his side for feeding or needing a changing. I was probably the most well-rested new mother on the West coast. With our Ethan in the world, with everything in our life coming together, we started to plan our wedding, until the day we were forced to help plan a funeral.

*:*

 **July 1st 2007, 10:17pm:**

" _Absolutely not, Krys, I forbid it," I whispered, Ethan cooing loudly in my lap. I was trying not to excite him so he'd take the hint and get to bed already._

" _You're not my mom, Kim," he hissed, then as if realizing how rude he sounded, added, "I only want to do it for you."_

" _Krys, you have no idea how much that means to me, but you are as good as my son and my sons are going to finish high school. Isn't that right, baby?" I asked little Ethan, his eyes concentrated on the sound of rain against our window pane._

" _Kim, I know it cost a lot to keep me here and with the baby you—"_

" _Shut up, will ya? You know I love you, right? I probably don't say it enough but I love you, Krys, you're not a burden and you are not dropping out of school to work. You're only a sophomore for Christs sake," I said with a note of finality._

 _Jared sat at my side nodding his head in agreement while rubbing his big palm over Ethan's tuff of black hair. He was a pale baby, with exaggeratedly large brown eyes. He had a pouty heart shaped mouth and chubby little cheeks. When I first saw him he was red and puffy all around so that when they brought him back to me it was hard to believe he was ours. At first glance he looked nothing like us. He did have my large lips and, upon closer examination, he had Jared's perfectly arched eyebrows and brick reddish specks in his eyes exactly like my mother but overall he didn't look much like us._

 _"Okay… I love you too Kim and you baby, Lola," Krys joked placing a gentle kiss on Ethan's soft forehead. The phone rang, three times in quick succession before Jared stood to answer it._

 _I had been expecting a call from my mother, not because there was any real sign she would but because I had dreamt of her constantly since Ethan entered the world. At first I thought it was entirely a subconscious connection, a dream-world fear that I would turn out like her, but as time went by I realized it was because I loved her. I continued to love my mother and being a mother now I wondered, even worried about her. Part of me even believed it was a premonition of sorts, proof I needed to find her to try to help or repay her. She had been a bad—shit, terrible mother for the last ten years of my childhood but she had brought me into the world and she had cared for me before her addiction claimed her._

" _Cameron residence," Jared answered quietly, trying not to speak too loudly because Ethan was likely to get excited. Krys took Ethan from my arms, bouncing him lightly as he took him out of the kitchen._

 _We all knew he should have been asleep but he wasn't having it tonight, giggling and cooing, forcing the three of us to trade him around and take turns showing him around the living room. Krys had the most calming effect and like the little expert he was, he cradled Ethan in his muscled arms and took him into a less brightly lit part of the house._

 _Jared turned back to me, holding the phone away from him for a second before he spoke into the receiver again. "We'll… I'll be right over," he sighed pressing the off button._

" _What?" I asked from my seat at the table._

" _Baby… Krys, can you take Ethan to my mom's, please?" He called, my precious Ethan peeping out from over Krys' shoulder._

" _What?" I asked standing so quickly my head spun._

" _Baby…you should sit down," he instructed and I walked to him, grabbing his arm roughly._

" _You're scaring me, Jared," I said as Ethan started to cry shrilly in Krys' arms._

" _It's Crystal, she was in a car accident," he said grabbing me by my waist._

" _Is she okay?" I asked pleadingly, he shook his head once before pulling me closer._

" _Jordan is at the hospital, he just identified her body," Jared sighed. Krys came to my side immediately, using one big hand to soothe Ethan, the other to rub my back in circles._

" _I was just— are they sure it's Crystal?" I was just with her yesterday._

 _"Yeah... I'm sorry."_

 _*:*_

When someone dies, I don't know if this is just me, but it doesn't seem real. I can tell myself Crystal's dead, Crystal's dead, Crystal's dead— but in the back of my mind I still go through countless scenarios where it wasn't so. My mind swam with millions of scenarios possibilities where this could all be a mistake. She hadn't actually died. It wasn't actually her. There was that girl years ago, she was in a car accident or something and they thought she was dead but she wasn't, they pronounced it and everything. But it was real, she was gone.

Matty arrived before the sun came up, driven down by his aunt Jenny, who was very pregnant. Matty, now thirteen, lanky and crack voiced, stopped at the Cameron home to see me for first before rushing to Jordan. They hadn't spoken since Matty told him he loved him, but it didn't matter now.

A sweet numbness engulfed me in the days following, going through the motions and spending my energy to make sure Ethan had everything he needed. I appreciated this anesthetized state of being, as I would have otherwise been stunned beyond the capacity of daily functions. This numbness allowed me to eat, drink, shower, and occasionally sleep, while all the arrangements for her funeral and her assets (most of which were her grandmother's assets), were signed over.

I went with Michael to the state appointed attorney. Jordan and Michael had been in Crystal's custody since their grandmother's death, so CPS quickly stepped in and they were officially wards of the state. Cindy was beat to the punch by Sue, who signed the papers for their legal guardianship as soon as she found out, and just like that the two orphans were made Clearwaters.

Jordan locked himself in the old Varn house with Matty, the two stayed there for more than twenty-four hours, not communicating with anyone but each other. Michael and Anna, who was now his girlfriend, took up most of the responsibility, working together like a solid unit. This was the first real tragedy the pack had faced together and if I hadn't been frozen stiff, the compassion would have been touching, but as it was nothing could reach me. My wolf-girls, Rachel, Emily and even Claire, tried to comfort me but there was no relief once the crushing weight of reality kicked in. Crystal was dead.

I forced myself to keep together, giving myself tunnel vision for Ethan. He was my responsibility, my dearest possession and I doted on him to an extreme. Everyone tried to take him off of my hands: Krys, Emily, Cindy, Jared, but I wouldn't let him out of my sight. Things in this world come and go so fast, too fast.

*:*

 **July 3rd 2007, 9:45am:**

 _Sue gave Michael the freedom to decide how to honor his sister. Michael and Anna chose to have the wake at their home, the Varn home. There would be no viewing of her body which had been badly damaged in the accident, just a simple urn with her ashes, a picture and food. She was cremated and the home was cleaned and readied for the wake by the pack; Michael and Jordan had no remaining family._

 _Jordan emerged from his room in the early hours of morning, showered and dressed in a simple pair of dress pants and a black button down, set out for him by Solace and Embry. The gathering was small, the pack, families of the pack, Crystal's friends and Jake who came down from Canada alone to show support for the Varns, though he didn't know them well._

 _Sue and Anna played hostesses, though Anna stole the show making sure everything went smoothly for her boyfriend. Just fifteen years old, she held herself with the grace of a woman standing by Michael's side as he welcomed guests and gave a speech._

 _Jordan stood next to Matty, at points holding his hand while hiding in the corner. He didn't cry as he had with his grandmother, he stood erect looking blank faced and cold as people gave him empty pats and words of condolence._

" _My sister was a dreamer. In our lives tragedy has struck countless times but she never stopped believing in something more," Michael started. He looked older and it wasn't just his wolf genes, his eyes showed his instant maturity. He had become a man far too soon._

" _Crystal had many friends. She was known for her humor, her smile and her extensive sometimes obsessive knowledge of pop culture." Michael continued. I laughed, it started as a giggle that transformed into a chuckle which broke out into a full on side grabbing laugh._

 _It was the worst time for memories to return to me, I tried to hold it in but couldn't. I remembered the days when the two of us would run to the edge of town to get Teen Bop and Seventeen magazines, Crystal stashing them under her shirt and dashing out the store. Once, after having stuck the magazine tight under her training bra it slipped, tumbling to the floor just as we reached the door._

" _Sorry," I whispered, half standing to leave but Jared pulled me back forcing me into my seat. Jenny, who sat next across from me shot me a glare but I ignored it. If she were here, if Crystal were here right now, ghost or spirit, she would want me to tell that story. Crystal was an amazing story teller, the energy she gave to every story, no matter how silly, made everyone in the room turn and listen._

" _In the months after our Gran's death, Crystal found a renewed faith. She was strongly religious, an active member in the community church, volunteering her time to the Lord. A member of her congregation would like to say a prayer—"_

" _Wait," I almost screamed, shooting out of my seat and to the front of the room where a makeshift stage had been set up._

" _But first Crystal's best friend would like to say a few words," Michael said, looking at me in a way that clearly read if you make a scene or ruin this I will kill you, and I believed it._

" _I'm sorry, I—I…I knew Crystal since second grade," the tears that had been locked before now started to flow but I ignored them. "I met her in Mrs. Dooley's class, and I thought she was a cry-baby. During recess she always hogged the tire swing and I hated her for it." Mindy, our childhood friend, dressed in uncharacteristically conservative clothes, chuckled and like encouragement I plowed forward. I didn't know what I was going to say, I had years and years worth of material to share._

" _We didn't become friends till fourth grade when we shared a mutual hatred for our gym teacher. There was never a day in my life after that point that Crystal wasn't there for me wh—when I needed her. I love you, Crystal." I couldn't say anything more, my body so drained from holding in my sobs I felt sore all over._

 _Solace's mom, Yvonne, the church lady passed me, gripping tight to a Rosary and prayer book, as I made my way back to my seat. Jared my savior caught me just as my legs gave way; he held me by the waist making sure I didn't fall, but not calling attention to me as Yvonne said a prayer._

" _We beseech Thee, O Lord, in Thy mercy, to have pity on the soul of Thy handmaid. Thou, who hast freed her from the perils of this mortal life, restore to her the portion of everlasting salvation. Through Christ our Lord, Amen," Yvonne said, crossing herself._

" _Amen." The crowd repeated uncertainty. We were not a community known for our religious devotion. Cindy kissed us both and took Ethan home with her to give us some time alone. We said our goodbye and Jared guided me through the door. The thick humid summer air assaulted me when we reached the bottom of the stairs and like a dream she was there._

" _Mom?"_

 _*:*_

She looked like hell, worse than hell, worse than I ever seen her. She was missing a tooth in the front of her mouth and she looked so skinny it scared me.

She had moved on from smoking her meth to injecting it, the bruises all over her arms screamed for attention. We talked civilly for awhile, she told me she was living in Seattle now with a man who was a friend of my father's. We tried to act as if nothing had just happened, as if she hadn't sold her house and left us behind without a word, but things like that don't go unsaid.

She apologized, so many times that it made my stomach hurt. Months ago I needed, no I was burning for her apology, but looking at her now no apology could make it better. She was a shell of the women I grew up with and I just wanted to make her better. It wasn't my responsibility, I knew that but I wanted to help her. I offered a few different options including rehab that I wasn't sure we could actually afford but she refused any help from us when she saw pictures of our Ethan on the walls.

She didn't know about him, there was no way of knowing, and I showed her every picture we had, which was quite a few because Jared's mother was over the moon with him. Halfway through the first album, she began to cry, big racking sobs and I tried to comfort her but to no avail.

She left after we tried to feed her, running out our door, through the streets and out of sight. Matty returned an hour later with Cindy and Ethan, I didn't have the heart to tell him of our mother's plight, I just hugged him tight kissing all over his face until he couldn't take it anymore and pushed me away.

Ethan fell asleep holding my pointer finger tight in his palm, safe and sound in a bassinet next to our bed. That night I mourned two important people in my childhood because I knew neither Crystal nor my mother would ever come back.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her**_

 **Chapter 7: Jared- Cameron Family Vows**

* * *

I missed her. We had only been apart for two hours but Ethan and I both missed our Kim. I was supposed to be getting ready, dressed for our wedding which was less than an hour away, but Ethan wasn't having it, throwing his little body about in baby tantrums, the likes of which I had never seen.

My father, Matty, Krys, and even Solace had tried to calm him but he was not stopping until he got what he wanted: Mommy. My father urged me out of the house with gusto, the sound of crying baby grating on his nerves so effectively he welcomed our exit.

Ethan was my responsibility until the ceremony, nd usually baby duty was not a duty at all but today was a stretch. I walked to Sue's house with a smile, hoping Ethan would understand that soon he would be in the loving embrace of Kim but he didn't let up.

I was accosted at the door, but after a few shrills screams from Ethan, we were allowed through and I passed him over, not to Kim directly but to Sue who was making sure I didn't see Kim before the ceremony.

"Kim, you can't breast feed in that dress, you're going to stain it," Rachel fussed, hopping around Kim. I stood on the other side of a Japanese folding wall, listening intently.

Ethan, the best baby in the world, was usually a trooper, sitting through long car rides, family dinners and even doctor's appointments without any sort of crying, fussing or whining but today he must have sensed the wild glee because he was as hyper and demanding as I'd ever seen him—and as a side note, I watch him A LOT!

I know everyone thinks their baby is special and cute but honestly Ethan kicks all of those babies' asses. I'm not being biased; Ethan was cuter, smarter, sweeter and more agreeable than any baby on the West Coast, possibly the world.

I mean looks alone he was like a baby model, all Kim nothing of me, which was lucky. He was perfectly lightly tanned like a miniature Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and had a full head of hair at birth, thick and shiny black. He was my pint sized ladies man, so adorable, unlike other babies that will remain nameless (cough—Mark and David Uley), who were bald and crinkly like old dudes. Nope, Ethan was smooth with a shaggy hair-do that needed no styling. If there was such a thing as a baby stylist, they would be at a loss for things to do, because my Ethan was just that cute.

Yup, I made a future ladies' man. Women around the world would swoon over his big maroon flecked eyes, his momma's eyelashes that kissed his cute cheeks and the topper, his plump little pink lips which he could already spread in a heart melting smile. So yeah, basically, the best baby in the world. I know that Emily and Sam must feel bad, seeing as they had two babies that didn't quite add up to my Ethan, but they put up a good front, I felt sorta bad for them. Because besides being the cutest baby on the planet, he was also the smartest. Even in the womb he was cool, a music critic who recognized his daddy right away, but on land he was like a baby Einstein.

I try not to talk about it too much, because really who wants to hear me rubbing in how great my kid is all day, but we have produced with the magical mix of DNA, the youngest member of MENSA.

"He's hungry and he's not taking the bottle," I said foolishly trying to look over the side of the room divider. Sue slapped me but not before I could see Kim rolling her eyes while Rachel twisted and pulled at her hair.

"The groom is not supposed to see the bride before the wedding," Rachel sang from the other side of the divide.

"And I'm not supposed to wear white unless I'm a virgin but, meh," Kim trailed off, coming around the divider to look at me. She was radiant; a little sweaty and disorganized but radiant.

"It's not white, it's off-white," Rachel corrected pulling Kim away from me.

Leaving the kitchen of Sue's house which had been set up as bride's central, I passed Charlie. He and Sue had been together for a while now, in fact she had secretly moved in with him about a month back, coming home just before dawn each day to cook Seth breakfast and pretend she had been there all night. Seth knew of course but they didn't discuss it.

"The minister guy is here," Charlie called and when he saw Kim breastfeeding he doubled back shouting apologies as he went. I followed him to the beach, heading to greet the elder who would be presiding over the ceremony.

My mother was putting the final touches on the seating area when I arrived, it was simple but the location made it much more eye popping. We had chosen the south edge of the beach near the rocks, where the sand was untouched by the tide. Rachel had done most of the planning with my mother as Kim and I just wanted to go to the courthouse and get the papers.

I was actually surprised at the things Rachel could produce with minimal supplies, she was quite impressive. Charlie had given her access to the Forks police stations resources and she came back with metal folding chairs and stacks of white sheets from the laundry service which she turned into rows of white covered seats tied down with big silver ribbons. After a trip to Walmart with my mother, she returned with eight bulbous fish tanks that she had filled with water and floating candles to light the aisle we would walk down. From her own garden she brought a bundle of wild flowers for Kim to carry as we went down the aisle and from local hardware store she purchased an garden arch that we would exchange our vows under.

The best part of that was, if none of them were broken or damaged, she promised to return them and get the cash back.

"It's nice to meet you, Sir," I said stepping forward to shake his hand, he didn't take it, instead he did some weird bowing thing and I tried to mimic it but failed miserably.

"Good day to you, Son," he nodded.

"Jared, you need to get ready! People are going to start showing in half an hour," my mom warned, placing the candles unlit inside the fish tanks that looked like huge bubbles along the aisle.

"I need to get Ethan after Kim finishes feeding him."

"The girls got Ethan, so just go! You're dad's waiting," she screamed and I didn't argue heading back to my place where the guys were all sitting around in semi-formal attire looking miserable.

We weren't making a big show like Emily and Rachel had, no rows of bridesmaids or groomsmen, just me and Kim—but the guys weren't getting away without wearing dress shirts at least. Solace, who had no one girlfriend to nag monitor him, wore dark jeans with black button down, though his shoes were of the Converse variety.

"Looking good, Sol," I commented as I headed to my suit in the kitchen which hung in a plastic bag, pressed just the day before.

It belonged to Sam but I wasn't wearing the whole thing, the bow tie and cumberbund was where I drew the line. Kim and I settled on the dress pants and button up over dress shoes, jacket optional, an option I wasn't taking.

I combed my hair back and dressed but by the time I came out I was alone, only my father standing by the door monitoring the time. He was on the phone, with Matty from what I could gather—there was a problem with Ethan. I didn't stay to hear the rest, I just ran top speed to Sue's which was closest to the beach and therefore in the right direction anyways.

"WAHHHHHHHHHH!" Ethan's howling cry pierced my heart before I reached the front door pushing me harder.

"What's wrong?" I asked pulling him into my arms, Matty now an awkward and slightly effeminate teen put his hands on his hip as Kim often did when she was upset and pursed his lips at me in annoyance.

"Nothing's wrong drama queen. He's just being a fussy little brat. He won't let Kim finish getting dressed," Matty said waving his finger at Ethan. I turned my precious Ethan away from it, shielding him from matty's disapproval. He huffed and stormed away.

"You aren't a brat are you, my most precious angel?" I asked in my baby voice, something I had adopted from my mother.

"He just wanted to be with his daddy," Kim answered, floating in the room as if on air, I had never seen anything so perfect in my life.

Her dress was low cut and strapless, the kind of color you would get if you washed something light pink with something white. It was hugged her hips and stopped just below her knees. She refused my mother's offer to buy her a more traditional gown but it was beautiful, and so very Kim.

"Yeah, look, he's fine now," she said closing the distance between us and kissing him gently on the head.

"You look really…wow," I hummed kissing her forehead as she spread her little arms to hold us both.

"Let's go, Stunner," Rachel urged grabbing Kim's hand and leading her out the house, the second Kim was out of sight Ethan started to scream.

He had never done this before, he spent most of his time with us mumbling soft baby nonsense to himself or smiling as we talked to him, only once before had he cried so loudly and that was when he had an ear infection in his third month.

"Do you think we should go to the hospital?" I asked touching at his head, he always seemed a bit chilly to me because of my own body temperature.

"He's a perfect 98.9 degrees," Kim said pointing to the baby thermometer among her makeup and hair products.

"He's not wet," I confirmed, patting his behind.

"Just walk with us, he'll calm down by the time we get there," Rachel urged checking the cell phone in her clutch. "We've got 12 minutes, so let's go," she said sternly. I held Ethan's hand as Kim carried him the entire way and when it got time to walk down the aisle Kim didn't let him go. My mother and Sue both tried to pry him away but each time they try he let out howls of rage. So instead of making a scene, we walked down the aisle together, Kim holding him tightly between us. We exchanged our vows as a family under the dying sun.

She said her vows first, honest and funny. She promised to spend the rest of our lives making up for all the torment she put me through in our first few months, and my vows were just as simple. I had written them down a year ago, the words she made me promise to repeat after I first uttered them the night of Grandma Varn's funeral, with the addition of a heartfelt promise.

"Just when I think that I love you more than any one person can love anything or anyone, you just make me love you more. I will never leave your side."

There were a few "oohs" and "ahhs" from the crowds as we spoke and exchanged rings but the loudest sign of approval came from Ethan. Just as I leaned in to kiss Kim for the first time as my wife, he laughed, a ringing bell-like giggled that spread through the crowd.

A/N: The last few chapters in this fic are all just snippets on their life after marriage. They skip several years until they are in the same year that my Quil and Claire fanfic starts.


	33. Chapter 33

Book Two: Kim and the Wolf that Loved Her

Book Two Chapter 8: Jared's Hug

* * *

July 15th 2008, 9:47pm: The Bathroom

It was stifling hot in the room, my rounded pregnant belly pressing down on my bladder and forcing me to hobble to the washroom. I was 8 months pregnant with our second child, Taylor. Taylor Cameron was the current agreed upon name. Exactly like the last months of my pregnancy with Ethan, the naming process was a bitch. We moaned and groaned, having to adopt a veto process for names that should never have been put on the table like Dakota and London.

It was made especially difficult to decide after the last ultrasounds where the sex should be determined, but our mysterious Taylor decided to turn the wrong way; making it impossible to know.

We juggled trying to make two different lists of boys and girls names, but we fought about it constantly, never being able to come to an agreement until a country diddy called "Our Song" by a girl named Taylor came on the radio of our newly purchased minivan.

Yup that's right, a unisex name saved our marriage. Jared and I also chose one girl name (Amber), hoping with all hope it would be girl. This would be our last child, Jared and I were already at the breaking point when it came to money but we thought it bad luck to openly express our preference.

After Ethan's birth I enrolled at Peninsula College, with the track of social work. I soared through one successful year but now that I was so far in the pregnancy I had to put it on the back burner again. I didn't mind really, I loved this baby, as much as I had loved my Ethan, but putting off school was just another way of putting off work, which was putting off money, which we needed now.

I was working as a receptionist at the community center now, a job Sue secured for me after Ethan was born. It was easier than the Fish Hut and paid a bit more, but not a lot more, and now with the small house Jared's father bought us, things were even more expensive. We didn't have to pay rent but we had to pay bills: water, gas, lights, insurance, electricity—they were the bane of our happy little existence.

I loved our home though, the best present I'd ever received. I had lived here before, my childhood home, little cottage like home that we lived in before my father was taken to prison and our lives quickly devolved. It went back up for sale right after Paul and Rachel's first child, Trisha, was born and Jared's dad saw it as an opportunity to spoil his grandkids.

Paul's daughter, Trisha Sarah Lahote, was just a few months old now, entirely adorable and loved by all, especially Ethan who could stare at her for hours without getting bored.

As soon as I reached the bathroom and sat with considerable effort my cell phone rang from my room and Ethan joined it in a shrill cry from his crib.

Jared was on early patrol, he was meant to be home soon but there had been a lot of vampire activity recently. The word was spread among vamps everywhere that there was an area in America they could settle down in relatively unnoticed.

I hobbled to Ethan crib and rocked him gently taking measured steps down to my room but the phone stopped ringing by the time I reached it.

Ethan was giggling now, holding his little head up to look over my shoulder. Being pregnant while having a baby goes in the list of bad ideas, but it wasn't planned. Jared's freaky mutant werewolf sperm got the better of me, twice.

The front door opened and I took careful steps down the stairs. Ethan squealed as Krys, older and wider, but still compact came into view. He wasn't short, not really, by normal human standards he was average about 5'10, but next to the rest of the wolves he was dwarfed, my Jared standing at just about 6'3.

"Sorry I wasn't here earlier, Kim," he smiled taking Ethan from my arms. Ethan now 13 months was cooing and gurgling in my arms, reaching wildly for Krys who he called 'Ish'.

"Where were you?" I asked smiling. He wasn't my child but I worried about him constantly. He was 15 now and spent most of his time with Anna, Michael and the other young wolves.

After Crystal's death Michael and Jordan stayed in their family house, Sue making sure they had everything they needed but they were surprisingly self-sufficient. Anna moved in with them not long ago, it caused a stir with her family but she was in a rebellious stage and no one could stop her. She was young, immortal and she was in love.

"I was at Michael's house," he said rubbing Ethan's nose with his index finger. He didn't really live with us anymore, officially he did, his things were still here but most nights, after patrol, if he knew Jared was at home with me, he'd head over to Jordan and Michael's. He came home as if it were his duty and stayed with me if Jared were on patrol and he was a great help. "I um, I'm going to be moving my things there soon."

"Yeah?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant as he watched for my reaction. He knew I saw him as my child and that his leaving would be upsetting but we both also knew I had to let him go.

"Yeah, but I'll be here all the time to help you with Taylor though," he said rubbing the apex of my stomach.

"That's sweet, Krys, but we'll be fine. I just worry about you. I don't know how you guys are going to keep that house, it's expensive owning a house and they don't have much money coming in from the estate. Me and Jared both work and bills are a struggle," I said covering his hand on my belly with my own.

"Our eBay business is going well. Phil's dad has all these connections and we're selling tools left and right. And I've saved some, for you, Jared and Ethan… and Taylor," he added sweetly. It made my eyes water but I choked it back with a deep breath.

"How about you use that for your room. You are getting a room right, you're not going to crash on the couch are you?" He laughed as he stood Ethan on his lap, the baby leaning forward till his lips were settled on Krys' cheek.

"I'm taking their grandma's room…they haven't been able to use it since she died," he said returning Ethan's kiss on the cheek ten-fold. Ethan laughed, a child like giggle that made everything better.

July 15th 2008, 9:29pm: Special Op's Rescue Mission

The phone rang again, as Krys and I discussed all the things he would need for his new room. I hadn't been to the Varn house for a long time, it reminded me too much of Crystal. After a year of teenage werewolf occupants, I was scared to see the state of it. The ringing phone was annoying, loud and insistent but this time Ethan in his big brother's arms I was able to answer.

"You ha-have to come pick me up," Matty's sobbing voice broke through a static-filled connection and I winced at the volume and his pain. He was tough, my Matty was as tough as I was, so his tears meant something big.

"What's wrong?" I asked shooting out of the couch and towards the front door where the keys to Jared's car and my house slippers were ready for me.

"You said if I ever really wanted to come-come back, I c-could! I w-want to come back. Now! She-she found my-my journal and she sa-said I had to-to go to church for s-some kind of gay therapy and—" He couldn't finish but I had heard enough.

As his sister and surrogate mother, I loved Matty in ways not many could understand. I appreciated everything Jenny did for him, and I would appreciate that forever, but if this was the stance she would be taking on his sexual preference, it was time to bring him home. Growing up in the rez, Matty was actually the first experience I had dealing with gays and that kind of thing, but I never saw why it was such a big deal.

"Where are you? Go back to Jenny's house and pack up your stuff, baby. I will be there as fast as I can." I hung up when he promised to be ready within the hour.

"What's up?" Krys asked keeping his voice leveled so Ethan wouldn't pick up on the concern, Ethan was very sensitive to the way things were said. All disagreements between Jared and I had to be done through gritted artificial smiles with level voices—not that we fought often, Jared continued even after marriage and a kid to be the absolute best man I knew.

"I need to get Matty, he's coming home." He laughed, pointing to my belly as if I were joking.

"You can't drive like that Kim, you can't reach the pedals. Jordan can drive you," he said grabbing my phone and dialing quickly. Krys was too young to officially drive, though I knew Solace had already taught him how, as he did with many of the young wolves but I wasn't going to trust him behind the wheel for a long drive.

I waited as patiently as I could for my special op's werewolf team but the thought of my little brother crying somewhere made my chest contract and I ended up pacing back and forth, holding my belly for dear life; it was so extended and heavy, it almost felt like it could snap off of my body.

When Jordan finally arrived, I had had enough time to change into some real clothes and shoes. He came toting Solace, Phil, Michael and Anna which I should have expected. The six of them traveled together, almost like their own separate pack with Jordan and Solace the oldest, as the Alphas.

We took Jared's truck and I left Ethan with Anna, Michael, Phil and Krys, I figured the four of them as a group were more than capable of watching Ethan till Jared got home. I brought the two oldest, Solace and Jordan, with me for carrying and backup just in case. I was at the penguin stage of my pregnancy, too large to carry much besides Ethan and at times that was a stretch and I didn't know how Jenny and her husband Joe were going to react. Jared called while we were on the road, he was worried but was completely on board with Matty coming to live with us.

Sometimes, being the terrible wife that I am, I forget that I can't just make all of the decisions, but Jared supported me fearlessly and we didn't need to turn back. Solace took to the wheel, speeding as we went until I let loose a torrent of swear words on him. I was like most mothers in their final months of pregnancy—terrified—of car accidents, medicine, stress, basically anything that would prevent my Taylor making it into the world, happy and healthy. He apologized and slowed a bit, but he had to keep up some of the speed if we wanted to get there before midnight.

Solace had changed, or maybe not changed, so much as blossomed in the last year. I hadn't thought it possible but he had grown more handsome, his soft features hardening a bit with age, his once long lean frame gaining muscle in all the right places. He rebounded casually from Anna to a not so secret romance with Leah, followed by a much debated affair with Paul's stepmother Holly, an early thirties trophy wife Paul's dad picked up after his divorce. After that, as if he became addicted to women, the brooding wolf became quite a ladies man. He was Embry's partner in sexual exploits that ranged from the strange to the enviable. They worked as a team scrounging the tri-county area collecting women by the bundles, but while Embry went from girlfriend to girlfriend, Solace couldn't seem to keep them longer than a few weeks.

"Is he moving back for good?" Jordan asked as we pulled into the driveway, he had been quiet the entire drive.

"Yeah," I sighed, he huffed in answer.

I didn't really know what that meant. Jordan was a bit of a Rubik cube for me. Since Crystal's death they seemed to have forgotten about the awkward admission of love Matty had given two Christmases before, they talked and emailed each other and at every visit they were inseparable but I wasn't sure how the move back would affect either of them. Matty still loved him, I wasn't sure he was in love with him before but as he got older, it became painfully evident that his feelings for Jordan were real. So how would living this close to Jordan change things?

"What are you going here, Kim?" Jenny asked when she opened the door; there was an edge in her voice, a tinge of attitude as she held her fussing daughter. I know everyone must think this about their kids but my Ethan was just so much cuter than the average baby. Her Krista was cute and all but she was no Ethan, who looked almost exactly like his daddy—meaning he was gorgeous.

"I'm here to get my brother, Jenny," I said simply, walking past her and into the house as Jordan followed. Solace stayed in the doorway, looking around awkwardly as Jenny called for her husband.

"You can't just come in our house and act like you have some authority," Jenny said, howling when Jordan made a sound like a 'pftt' and sprinted up the stairs leaving me with an ominous looking Solace.

Objectively I could see why she brought her husband out, why she would be worried—I came with an attitude, bearing two massive men, both big and brooding. I understood but I didn't care, I would fight to have my brother back where he belonged especially if she were trying to stifle him in any way and I would win. I was much tougher than she could even imagine and, more than anything, it was about tolerance and acceptance. Over time I had no doubt Jenny and her husband, a bit small minded, could learn to tolerate Matty, but tolerance was not what he deserved, my little brother deserved much more. He deserved complete acceptance, love and support. I didn't care if he wanted to be covered in leather, or dress like Cher while swinging from the rafters, he was my brother and I would respect that.

"He's my brother and that's supreme authority," I said, motioning Solace to help Jordan and Matty upstairs as her husband came to the room. I didn't really want a confrontation, and I knew if he provoked him, Solace wouldn't mind taking a swing at Joe.

"He needs therapy," Joe said coming into the living room with a puffed out chest, which would have in no way helped him if the guys did come for a fight; Joe's beer gut stood out farther than his pecks.

He was right, not about the therapy thing, being gay was the least of Matty's worries and the last thing about him I'd want to change, but he probably did need something or someone to talk to.

"I'll make sure he gets therapy, just not the conversion type thanks," I said as they started the truck loading process.

July 16th 2008, 11:15pm: Bye Baby Bird

We left without much more incident, Jordan and Solace serving as buffers, making Jenny and her husband too afraid to try to get any closer to Matty who was still very upset. He stomped a bit, huffing and crying as he got all of his things out of the house he'd spent three years in.

I understood his anger, but I also hoped in the future he might find it in himself to try to understand them, because if he pushed away everyone who didn't accept him as much as I did, he would have a very small circle to run with. They were wrong, but they loved him and in our lives, we had so very few people who did. I had the pack, and the wolf- girls and my small family—together they formed the best support system I ever had, but Matty had less. I hoped being in La Push, knowing the secret of the pack, and being close in age to the younger wolves, that he'd get closer to them. I prayed that they would love him as much as I did and he could experience the warmth of the family I adored, but I also didn't want him to forget what he had before.

Krys' room was cleaned out by the time we got back, it was cleared and ready for Matty. The rest of the pack helped him make way for Matty. He welcomed Matty at the door, and gave Ethan little kisses on his cheek as he slept before he left. It made me sad, I knew Matty needed the room and that Krys had a place to stay where he would be happy and that I would see him all the time, but it still made me sad—I was a mommy having her first baby bird fly the coop.

"I love you," I whispered, kissing his cheek as he bowed out.

"Me too," he said kissing both my cheeks and forehead, before slapping Jared's arm.

"Thanks," he nodded and Jared, being the big sensitive daddy that he was quickly becoming, pulled him in a hug. Not the traditional wolf pack slap-the-back hug but a big fatherly hug, that made me sob a bit.

It was the end of our tiny family, but the beginning of a new era, an era where baby Taylor would soon be welcomed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Book Two: Kim and the Wolf That Loved Her**

 **Chapter 9: Jared's Absence**

* * *

*Every second a star is born.*

" _Where the fuck is he?" Leah screamed, her hands gripping the metal rails of my hospital bed, they shook hard under her attention, and I slapped them away. The exerted force I used to hit her backfired on my weakened body and I started to drift, feeling woozy. Good thing I was already lying down._

" _I understand that her husband is not here but we need to get her to get her to the birthing room immediately, she's bleeding." The nurse, dressed in simple pink scrubs with a name tag that read Beatrice spoke calmly, but the blood was not little and it was soaking a small pool onto my white standard issue hospital bed, I might not make it and the only person I had by my side was Leah Clearwater._

" _I'm going to phase and find him," Leah said taking off her reddish brown leather jacket and flinging it on the hospital room chairs._

" _Please, don't leave me alone." The last words I said before I was carted away._

Third time's a charm, right? Must have been because this time I didn't cry; I didn't even need a pregnancy test, I just knew. I woke up that morning ready for a new day at my full-time job as a counselor at the community center and I just knew. I knew from the soreness of my body and from the sinking nausea in the pit of my stomach; and I was delighted. With Ethan and Taylor I'm ashamed to say, I was less than overjoyed, but now I was fucking ecstatic.

We weren't trying to get pregnant, in fact we had been doing quite the opposite, with Jared and I both working full-time jobs and two very active little boys, we rarely got to go at it like we used to. Whenever we did get to take pleasure in each other, it was with the aid of birth-control, condoms and the pull out method; a third precaution added after Taylor. Now that I was pregnant though, there was no happier feeling.

It wasn't particularly a good time in the pack for a pregnancy, they were at a stand off stage: too many wolves and not enough action. The pack was basically a bunch of immortal young adults with minimal responsibilities and supernatural abilities, which made for a pack of rowdy guys with nothing to lose. Within our tiny family though, it seemed there was no challenge we couldn't handle, yes money would be tight but we didn't need much in the way of luxuries.

" _Mommy, can I have grilled cheese, please?" Taylor asked politely, pulling at my favorite maternity shirt, which was not really a maternity shirt at all but Jared's over sized baseball tee. It hugged my fully grown stomach but left the rest of me free as the wind and I loved it. I coveted the shirt, which had a big yellow number 7 and CAMERON printed on the back from years ago, when we were still calling Ethan, "Baby Lola"._

 _It was 9:30 p.m., and technically Taylor should have been sleeping, but there was no way to say no when he looked up at you with a face like that. I could have used a snack anyway and he had said please, so with a tiny handed high five. I whipped up three grilled cheese snuggling in with my boys on the corner of the couch. Ethan liked to sit close so he could rest his hand on my belly and Taylor wanted to be wherever Ethan was._

" _I enjoy cheddar," Ethan said articulately, as he helped his brother rip the crust off the edges of his sandwich._

" _I like cheddar too. Is it your favorite?" I prodded. Ethan hadn't been much of the talker until recently, it worried us considering how quickly and fluently Taylor spoke. Ethan had very alert eyes and he watched everything around him with astute accuracy; but he didn't choose to speak until his little brother paved the road, breaking into full sentences not long after mumbled nonsense. While Ethan's first word was Daddy, Taylor's first word was a compound "baby-bed," which was what we called the crib._

 _Once Taylor got on a roll, Ethan came out of the corner and we found a little man we barely knew. Ethan was curious and compassionate, he wanted to know about how things worked and what people felt—and if he saw anything he thought was unfair, he would say something about it. Taylor was loving and gentle, he and Ethan never fought which was a miracle with boys so close together in age. And Amber, my all-consuming ball of fire, my little kicker, she was strong. I know every pregnancy is special but only the bright fire in my Amber could keep me going during the hardest pregnancy I ever experienced._

" _Yes, it's my favorite," he said seriously nodding his little head twice, the smile on my lips turned to a grimace as my stomach churned, followed by a piercing pain that emanated from my spine: a contraction. Shit!_

Our sons were both in school when I found out I was pregnant; Ethan, our oldest, had just turned six and was excelling in the First Grade. Don't ask me how he could excel in the First Grade, Ethan just did, he was a kick- ass reader and he could arts and craft all other kids into a corner. Our baby boy, Taylor, was just weeks away from his fifth birthday and was extremely mature. He was the most reasonable five-year old I had ever met, and he was also the cutest Kindergarten student in the world, hands down. Sometimes it was hard not to pick him up and cuddle him to bits with his little Incredible Hulk book bag and bowl haircut. His kindergarten teacher, Miss Romero, better known as Jessie in the pack circle, was Seth's new and well, first, real girlfriend.

Jared was gone for work when I woke up; he had moved up in Phil's father's construction company, allowing him a slightly larger paycheck but less time at home. So Matty was the first to hear the news, followed by my boys Taylor and Ethan, as I prepared them for school. They did not react at all like the books suggested they would: nervous, angry, jealous. They both mirrored my internal joy by bouncing around the house until I could call Jared at work and tell him.

" _Sue? Is Seth there?" I asked calmly through the clenching of my fist. My hairline was dotted with sweat as yet another contraction hit._

" _Patrol, group of vamps to the west, why? What's up? Leah's here," Sue offered as if that were a plausible substitution. Leah and I weren't friends, we weren't close in school nor had we gotten any closer since._

" _I need someone, any wolf to get Jared. Now," I said through clenched teeth._

" _Lee stopped phasing, but I can be there, what's wrong?"_

" _I'm having the baby," I said flatly and Ethan who was sitting on the edge of the couch rushed forward rubbing against my belly as if he could somehow verify that statement._

" _Shit! We'll be right over," Sue screamed hanging up the phone._

" _Okay, boys," I said trying to smile as a contraction much closer and stronger than the last rocked me forward. These contractions were worse than any of the ones I experienced with them. I grabbed the side of the door and smiled down at them through gritted teeth. They were frozen in uncertainty._

" _Our sister's coming?" Ethan screamed._

" _Yes, yes she is. Ethan, can you get the overnight bags I packed for you?" He nodded running to the hallway closet. He came back out with both of their little backpacks helping Taylor put on his before securing his own. He then ran back to the closet for mine which was too large and heavy for him to carry though he put in a good effort._

" _I got it Big Boy, th-thank you," I stammered, a slow pooling of hot liquid started to drip down my leg as I spoke, but I didn't look down hoping they wouldn't notice. My water broke. The first two times I gave birth that did not happen on its own, but I stayed calm until Sue and Leah got to the door. I stayed calm that is until Ethan screamed. It was blood._

Jared was anything but pleased when I called to tell him about our third child. I really thought he would be pumped because he thought so highly of our "little men," whom he called Emperor Ethan and Sultan Taylor.

His first concern was the space: "Where are we going to fit another one, Kim? We can't have them living on top of each other, they get bigger!"

His second most vocal anxiety was our cash flow situation: "Our bank accounts are in the double digits! We don't have insurance! We're still paying the hospital bills for Taylor! If it's a girl, we won't have any clothes for her!"

That phone conversation set the course of my entire pregnancy. I couldn't even look at Jared in his half-assed joy, for the entire nine months. He tried to be happy for my sake, but I saw the horror in his eyes, coming home exceedingly more ragged and worn down. He was taking more hours and days at work to save up some extra cash, and he was miserable—so miserable that it became a problem for the pack. Sam eventually had to replace him in the position of Beta with Embry, the oldest unmarried wolf.

" _Leah, drive Kim to the hospital now! I called Doctor Sandeep. I'm getting the boys to Emily's and we're going to get Jared, just get there quick, okay? And don't worry honey, this happens I've seen it happen plenty of times—you and that baby are going to be fine," Sue said reassuringly placing a towel on the seat of the van before helping me inside. I didn't care how long she had been a nurse and what she had seen, I was bleeding and I could only see the worst outcomes._

" _Lee, I'm scared," I cried, gripping the corner of her seat next to the head rest._

" _Kim, you have done this twice already, you're a strong bitch. You'll be fine," Leah assured me, taking wild turns._

" _Fuck! I BLED THROUGH THE TOWEL, Leah! Something's wrong!" I howled, big fat tears rolling down my face._

" _We're here, come on, we're here," she said lifting me bridal style out the back seat and rushing through the emergency room doors. She might not be phasing but she was still hella strong._

Besides Jared not being happy about it, this time around we would have no outside help. Jared's mother and father moved to Seattle together just months before, when he took an offer to head a department in an accounting firm. They continued to send us money, but Cindy was my lifeline when it came to babysitting.

To top it all off, Matty, the most supportive of my support system, was gone by the middle of my first trimester; my baby bro was finally in college. He left for the University of San Diego in the early weeks of August, where he would be a freshman studying Marine Biology and Biological Oceanography. When he bailed, finally getting off of the rez for good like he dreamed, I tried to stay positive, but I was devastated. The wolf girls were not much help this time around either.

There were two more girls to turn to now with Seth's girlfriend, Jessie and Collin's imprint Helen but we all had full-time jobs and active lives. Emily's boy, Mark, the younger of the twins, were a handful. And Rachel, who had been my best friend for years was pretty much avoiding me when I announced my pregnancy. She had been trying to have another baby for a while; she wanted another little girl to play with her Trisha, but it wasn't happening and when I got pregnant it was basically a slap in her face. Instead of supporting me, she treated me like I was a greedy kid taking all the candy before she could get to it.

 _The birthing room was almost forgone for the operating room but when Amber started to crown it was too late. It was too late for an epidura ltoo because the bleeding was caused by my rapid dilation, meaning unless Jared got here in the next ten minutes Leah would be my birthing partner._

" _I can't do this, Kim," Leah whined, I squeezed her hand even tighter but she didn't flinch._

" _Leah, if you leave because of some fucking blood I'm going to kill you when I get out of here," I threatened but I was scared too._

" _It's not the blood, Kim, I don't think I can be here while you have a baby, it's just too much for me," she said hopping a little as she looked at the clock._

" _Lee, we all came into the world this way," I reasoned as she patted sweat off my forehead with a paper towel, still staring at the clock._

" _We're coming to do the episiotomy now, Mrs. Cameron. You have a bit of tearing but it should be fine," Dr. Vinisha Sandeep said calmly from her position near my stirrups._

" _Episiotomy?" Leah said turning a tad green when Dr. Sandeep returned with a pair of medical scissors._

" _Yes, it's a cut…you can watch, I'm not—I mean, it's natural if you want to see I'm fine with it," I said as she passed me a cup of chipped ice. She had stayed safely at my head the entire time making sure she was nowhere near the battle zone._

" _I can't—I can't have children," she said sadly as the lighting in the room changed, a warming lamp above my head springing to life._

" _Leah, you don't know that yet. You're still young," I tried to be comforting but the pain was clouding my counseling abilities. "Right now you've got to be with me, okay? Because I am a mommy and I need you."_

It wasn't that Jared was being mean to me, I can't think of a point in our relationship where he was mean to me, and I don't think he could if he tried but it burned, every time he looked at me and his eyes didn't glow with the joy it had with Ethan and Taylor. Was it possible he wouldn't love our little girl as much as our "little men?"

Above all else, her birth, though it only lasted a few hours by comparison, was the most complicated and dangerous one yet, for me at least. I never in my wildest dreams imagined he wouldn't be there for it. I never thought I would share the joy of my little girl with Leah of all people, but she was wonderful and so was my girl. My Amber Lee Cameron, 7 pounds and 5 ounces, the most beautiful baby girl I ever set my eyes on.

It started with grilled cheese sandwiches, a normal night with my boys and ended with a big hug from Leah.

" _She's so beautiful," Leah cooed cradling her gently in her arms. They looked good together and all but I wanted to hold her again so bad my weak arms started to shake._

" _Can I—"_

" _Yeah, of course, sorry," Leah said rushing back to place Amber in my arms. She was sleeping, her little eyelashes were long and thick, solid black like her tufts of hair._

" _Thank you, Leah. I—" I didn't get to finish, Jared burst through the door just as the nurses came back to collect her. It was hospital procedure, new parents only got to enjoy the babies for a few minutes before they were taken away for an exam, and a good clean up._

" _I ran here," he said stupidly, his eyes battling between me and Amber who was wrapped snugly in a light pink blanket._

" _I don't want to see you right now," I said squeezing the hand Leah offered me._

" _But I—I was on patrol, I did-didn't—she's beautiful," he sighed, the same dazed smile of joy that painted his face with Ethan and Taylor._

" _Yeah," I yawned, lifting my head while Leah went to fluff my pillow. I had been moved to a general recovery room just a few moments ago. It wasn't private in the least, four beds all filled with patients, one of which was a teen boy who was watching my interaction with Leah intently, as if he thought we might make out soon. "I can't believe you Jared, I just—just go," I sighed, exhaustion taking over._

" _Kim, baby, I'm sorry I didn't mean to—"_

" _The hell you didn't! You didn't want this baby and everyone knows it," I started in a scream and ended with a strong whisper too drained to keep it up._

" _I ran all the way here," he said lamely but I didn't listen, nuzzling my head into the cool pillow while Leah's warm hands rubbed hot circles on my back._

I named Amber on my own this time. Jared looked through the books with me and made suggestions but he didn't pick favorites, just vetoing choices like Lana because it was Anal spelled backwards, and Caroline because he thought it sounded too country. The name Amber came from her energy, after the bright shining aura of passion I felt since the second trimester, she was like fire.

Her middle name was Lee. I originally thought it would be Lynn, but having Leah by my side during her birth was something I would never forget. When I tried to put Leah down on the paperwork Leah opposed, she said she didn't want to curse the poor girl at birth, so I used Lee a name we considered when Taylor was still just a bump under my oversized shirts. Amber Lee Cameron, Leah didn't oppose, and although she didn't say anything, I saw her quietly wipe away tears when she thought I wasn't looking.

 _When I came to, the light from the windows near my bed told me it was not yet morning, the faint glow of day slowly rising._

" _You can't imagine how hard this has been for me, Kim. I'm sorry, you have to know that," Jared opened, whispering from his seat next to my bed, he had Amber cradled lovingly in his arms._

" _For you? For you, Jared? I had this baby all on my own, I never thought—I never thought when I married you that you could disappoint me so badly. I was so alone, no Cindy, no Matty, no Rachel—but I could have dealt with that if I had you. You just checked out," I sighed motioning for him to bring her to me. He looked hesitant, kissing her forehead twice before he placed her in my waiting arms._

" _I'm a disappointment," he agreed sitting back at the padded blue seat._

" _Yeah," I agreed, then when I saw the dark pain in his eyes I pulled back. "Is it because she's a girl? You don't love her as much because she's a girl? Like a wolf thing, you want to make more boys and everything else is just spare?"_

" _What? No, Kim! I love her, of course I love her, she's so beautiful," he gushed two large tears falling from his eyes._

" _Then why, Jared? I waited and waited for you to get excited about it and you just—you abandoned me," I was crying, but I kept my voice level trying to keep my Amber from waking._

" _I just—Kim, I'm such a bad father, I'm supposed to be providing for you and I've failed. I couldn't make enough money to keep us going before, and now we've got this beautiful little girl and—they're gunna hate me, Kim. When they're like 13, and they want game systems and whatever shit 13-year olds are going to want, when they're teenagers and I can't buy them for them. I—I don't want to be like my father and work all day. I want to be with them as much as I can, I love them so much, Kim," he cried leaning forward and placing his forehead hot against my hip._

" _Jared, we'll be fine, come here," I urged, pulling his hand and until he was perched on the edge of my bed. We watched our little girl stir in her sleep._

 _"They'll love you just as much as I do, promise," I whispered kissing him softly on the lips. We hadn't kissed like this or at all for months._

" _I'm sorry."_

" _I missed you," I whispered, kissing him again, it was the softest most reassuring gesture._

" _I'm so sorry," he repeated staring me straight in the eyes so that I was locked in his orbit._

" _It's okay, just…don't ever do that again, don't push me away—we need you," I said kissing him again, I missed it so much. He gently massaged my waist and when I tentatively slipped my tongue past my lips and against his, he moaned gripping me tightly._

" _There's no way we're going to make the six week period, are we?" He asked rubbing his hand up and down my now considerably less bulbous belly._

" _No, probably not," I whispered into his lips as he pulled me closer. We cuddled as a family until I feel asleep. By afternoon the whole pack came over, including Leah, who stood as close to Solace as she would dare. Rachel brought Trisha, Ethan and Taylor with her, she'd kept them for the night, Taylor snuggled in her bed too scared to sleep alone._

" _Congratulations," Rachel whispered with watery eyes. She kissed Amber's little hands before ushering the boys up to greet her. It was if all the months of tension had melted._

" _She looks like you Efin," Trisha cried, climbing her father to get a better look. "She's so pwetty!"_

" _She's beautiful," Rachel and Ethan harmonized and Taylor agreed begging Jared to bring him closer so he could touch her._

" _She looks like mommy," Taylor said evaluating her curiously._

" _Yes she does," Jared's smile filled the room and she woke fidgeting a little under the scrutiny, all eyes on my star._


	35. Chapter 35

**Book Two Epilogue:**

 **Jared- One More Couldn't Hurt**

* * *

"Claire's in love with him," Kim whispered softly, rolling over and pressing her body half on top of me. It was the early hours of the morning, on the day of Matty's wedding. Matty had gotten a job at the zoo in San Diego as a specialist in the marine mammal exhibit straight out of school, and that's where he met his long time boyfriend, Niccoli, a Russian who specialized in primates.

"What are you talking about babe?" I asked pulling her in close, I loved the way the weight of her body felt on top of mine, that hadn't changed over time; nothing had, I still loved her as much today as the day I imprinted on her 16 years ago.

"Claire, she's in love with Quil and he's being a douche about it," Kim sighed, wrapping her hands around my neck pulling herself to my face for a kiss.

I chuckled, laughing so hard it was difficult for her to kiss me. Over the years Kim had become like the pack's Dr. Phil, butting into every situation, even when the people involved didn't exactly want her to.

"A douche? She's 16, babe, he can go to jail for even thinking about her too hard," I reasoned but she wasn't hearing it.

"She's his imprint no one can fault him for that, they're meant to be."

"Her father can fault him," I said dryly. Claire's mother, Joanna, Emily's older but much less mature sister and her husband, George had divorced because of Quil. This fact and his imprint were two huge things Quil and her parents had neglected to tell the girl, who was growing into a young lady right in front of our eyes, much to Quil's distress.

She still lived on the Makah rez and the two were at the best friend stage of their relationship. He wanted her to stay young and I could see why that would be easier. Every now and then though, while on patrol with him, I would see things—they were subtle, but they were there. The way her hair seemed to shine unnaturally in his memory, or the way her scent seemed to stick with him everywhere.

"He needs to at least tell the girl about the imprint. She can decide whether or not she wants it to go down that route, he can't decide for her," Kim puffed.

"You can't tell her," I warned, I could tell by the twinkle in her eye that she had already made up her mind to tell her.

We had been ordered to keep Quil's secret, though none of us would have dared to tell her before, it was not our business to tell. The wolf-girls had other ideas though, for the last month it was all they talked about and if Quil didn't tell her soon someone else would.

"I don't think—"

"Mommy!" Amber screamed running into the room on her chunky little legs and climbing up our bed till she was lying on top of us.

"Yes, Amber?" We answered in unison.

"When are we leaving?" She asked quickly using my chest as a springboard to push herself up.

"Not for a few hours," Kim said sweetly looking over her head in a way that clearly read 'well there goes our morning sex', I chuckled.

"How long is the drive?"

"Only a few hours, your brothers promised to bring books too, so it won't seem long, promise," I said kissing Kim over Amber's head.

"Okay…I'm hungry," Amber informed us, rubbing her round little baby-fat belly for emphasis.

"What do you want to eat?" I asked, tickling the exposed skin between her purple pajama bottoms and her pink shirt.

"I'll get it, you can lie here for a little while longer," Kim said rolling out of bed. I had patrolled the night before, what I was hoping to be one of my last patrols. It was time for me to retire.

"I want Nutella French toast!" Amber screamed hopping on the now vacant half of the bed.

"We're out of Nutella," Kim said quickly wrapping herself in her pink robe, then eyeing Amber sternly. "How about peanut butter?" Kim asked.

"Okay, peanut butter's fine," she sighed, following Kim out the room and like a string, when Kim was a bit too far out of reach, I was pulled to her.

I dragged myself out of bed, help her dip french toast, and hurried the boys into their wedding wear before searching for mine.

"Amber, put your clothes back on, NOW!" Kim cried, brushing on the last touches of her makeup. She didn't wear makeup often but when she did her dark eyelashes stole the show, making everyone around her focus on the big dark pools of her doe eyes. Amber, our six year old hellion, was now running through the house almost stark naked save her pink frilly underwear.

"We're gunna have trouble with that one if she keeps this nudist thing up past puberty," I chuckled coming in for the save, swinging my arm down and whipping Amber off the floor in mid-room rotation. She kicked and screamed wildly until I placed a soft kiss on her cheek and she relaxed.

"We have a wedding to go to sweetie," I whispered after she settled down.

Matty's wedding day had been thrown together quickly, they had legalized gay marriage across the country but no one was sure how long that would last before lobbyist and radicals throughout the nation eradicated it yet again.

Amber climbed up my body, placing her warm little self against my chest and placing her head on my shoulder, she had worn herself out. That was a miracle. Amber was nothing like my boys, my boys were calm, careful, considerate and mature, even during the first stages of puberty which they were both now experiencing.

Ethan and Taylor were like best friends, it made our lives so much easier and I didn't know two boys better matched. We had to move Taylor out of the big room and give him some space when Ethan hit the second stage of puberty—the stage where he needed time to be alone his thoughts of his best friend Trisha. Rachel and Paul's girl sprouted boobs and he noticed, but the two brothers were still very close for teenage siblings.

"I don't want to wear that dress! I hate yellow!" Amber stayed strong, balling her little fist as I pointed to her discarded dress in the corridor.

"It's a beautiful dress, Pumpkin Seed," I said picking the delicate material up daintily and presenting it to her as if I were her hand maid, she was not taking the bait.

"No it isn't! It's hideous," she said firmly. The girl, no matter how much trouble she got in at school, was smart. She was a bit too sassy for The Man to handle, but smart.

"Hideous, you say?" I said with a mock British accent. We had watched a movie about a rich British chick and her servant girl, I don't remember the name but she loved it.

"Daddy," she giggled, lifting her arms obediently for me to slide the dress back on.

"This dress is vintage it once belonged to the Princess Trisha of Lahote," I said seriously turning her around so I could button up the long line of tiny satin buttons.

"Is Trisha coming?" Amber asked brightly, Ethan was not the only Cameron who loved Trisha. Amber, who longed for a sister, clung to the girl whenever she came around. Trisha didn't seem to mind so much, being an only child, as long as it didn't interrupt her Ethan time.

"Nope, 'fraid not, milady," I said not breaking character as I gathered her long hair in a thick yellow ribbon.

"Daddy?" She said meekly turning to me as Ethan and Taylor came down the stairs together, dressed in matching suits much too big for them.

"Yes, Love?"

"I'm serious now Dad, no accent," she said softly pounding her fist against my shoulder.

"Sorry, what's wrong? You want me to do your hair a different way," I offered, reaching for the ribbon.

"No, it's about the wolf thing," she started, biting her bottom lip. We had told her about the pack the week before; she didn't believe us, so even more terrifying, we had to show her. She hadn't mentioned it since.

"Okay, shoot."

"If you don't get older and Mommy does, does that mean you will never die?"

You know people are always telling me children say the funniest things, but sometimes like lightning they seem to reach conclusions and observations everyone around them are trying to avoid, and they do it with devastating accuracy.

"No, because I'm going to stop phasing soon," I said looking up to see the boys having a silent conversation. They did that, nodding, moving their hands and lifting their eyebrows for upwards to an hour without even a word being muttered between them. It bugged the hell out of Kim who, although she was amazingly insightful, seemed to be out of the loop when it came to Ethan and Taylor.

Kim was thirty-three now soon to be thirty-four, actually so was I. We weren't old, but having spent the last 14 years after the Great Renesmee War as part of the pack, I hadn't aged making me perennially 21 or so. Kim didn't say anything about it but I knew it was starting to bother her. She didn't have to say anything for me to know it annoyed the hell out of her when people gushed at how young I still looked and how well I had taken care of myself.

"Dad, you're going to stop phasing?" Ethan asked unsure. Taylor elbowed him and he looked back before shrugging and picking up Amber. Ethan was thirteen now, just turned and growing so fast it was scary.

"Hey Princess, you look so nice in that dress," he said giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Do I look better than Trisha?" She asked. At times, no matter how much Amber loved her, she was jealous of Trisha who took up a huge portion of Ethan's time, though he spoiled Amber rotten just like the rest of us.

"You are the most beautiful little girl in the world," Ethan sidestepped carrying Amber into the living room where Kim was waiting. She was dressed and beautiful, smiling warmly at us.

"Can I take a picture?' Kim asked, but before anyone could answer, she snapped a few, Amber clutching my hand while Ethan held her, Taylor standing a bit off to the side, his head inclined to Ethan. Kim sighed and rubbed her belly longingly before shooting me a meaningful glance.

I love my family, more than life, and time and space, and oxygen even; they are the best present the world could have offered me but another child was out of the question.

Kim wanted another one, bad. As it was we had barely enough room, our three bedroom home had been turned into four by the magic of drywall and sheer will of heart. If we had another, and God knows I would have ten if we could, they would be sleeping on the couch.

We made more money now, a lot more money. After Kim graduated she secured a position and the director of First Nation Teen Action center of the Pacific Northwest. I was still in construction, though now I worked more in logistics and surveying, looking over possible work sites and seeing if they were feasible. Money wasn't raining on us but it was stable. My parents, actually just my stubborn mother, still sent monthly checks but now we put them away for the kids.

"I've figured it out," Kim whispered as we slid in the car.

"What?" I played dumb; she had come up with at least seven different silly schemes to expand our house to make room for a baby.

"The pantry. It's attached to the cupboard under the stairs," she squealed.

"So you want our boys to live under the stairs?" I scoffed.

"Very Harry Potter, Mom, but if you're that desperate I'll live in the pantry," Taylor volunteered.

"Don't be silly it won't be a pantry then, your father can tear down the wall that connects the pantry and the cupboard under the stairs, paint the wall, add some more lights, and it's a room. Then we can install new cabinets in the kitchen and move the storage stuff into the attic, it's a win-win!" Kim beamed.

"Baby sister!" Amber sang hopping in the back seat.

"Or brother Am-bo, it might be a boy," Taylor said with a grin, he was looking forward to another sibling as much as Amber, though he was a little more subtle about it.

"We'll talk about this later… please," I pleaded grabbing Kim's hand as I picked up speed making my way up to Seattle where the small ceremony was taking place.

"How's Jordan going to get there?" Ethan asked watching Kim from the rearview mirror.

"He's driving up with Michael and Anna," Kim said through tight lips.

"Do you think he's happy?" Taylor asked innocently.

"Why wouldn't he be happy? His best friend is getting married," Kim smiled. "We're all happy, right?" She asked the car, there was no response.

"I don't like him!" Amber sang, kicking her little feet.

"I know you don't but you're just going to have to give him a chance, okay? Besides, you've only met him once," Kim reasoned.

"I don't understand him when he talks and he smells like cabbage!" Amber cried, causing everyone but Kim to burst into side splitting laughter, I mean how could you keep a straight face when your 6-year old was telling your gay brother's fiancé was a "cabbage head."

"He does not!" Kim shouted over the commotion seriously, but I could see a smile struggling to break free. "Jared, honestly you're no help at all."

"Amber… you can't judge a book by its cover," I said gravely. "Is that the right saying for this situation?" I asked Kim, she shrugged.

"Yup, no judging, Amber, not even if the pages of the book are a little cabbagey," Taylor struggled to finish the sentence, bursting into laughter as he said cabbagey, but by this point we had all joined in.

"He's handsome," Kim insisted. He was very handsome. He was a tall Russian with extremely bright eyes but there was just something unsettling to me about a man who dedicated his life to primates.

"Mommy?" Amber cried over the laughter.

"Yes, Precious," Kim answered, her breathing labored from the fits of laughter.

"Brian Acre at school says that two men shouldn't get married," Amber said seriously.

"Well he's wrong, you don't listen to people like that. Two people who love each other should be together, it doesn't matter what other people think," Ethan said wisely as we drove into the courthouse.

There were quite a few gay and lesbian couples waiting. I had watched a news report about it showing courthouses throughout the country filled with gay couples trying to get married as soon as possible.

The ceremony was short, with only a few very close friends and family: Anna and Michael who had married a few years back, Jordan and Solace, a small huddle of Russians and my family huddled around as they took their vows.

My little Matty was a man now, a zoologist man. It was hard not to be proud when I saw him, to feel like maybe in some way I had affected his life and that somehow I had helped make this happen. After the courthouse we made our way to dinner, it was small and intimate but beautiful; a garden side veranda set up with a buffet of foods from around the world, homage to the couple's extensive travel.

Whenever Niccoli and Matty went abroad, they stopped in La Push before heading back to their home in San Diego, California, and they always brought presents, local specialties or crafts that lined the hallway to our bathroom. Ethan liked to gaze at them and imagine the travels I couldn't quite afford to give him. India and Thailand and Tibet topped the list of places he wanted to visit. He was enthralled by the history of oppressed peoples and through this, social justice became an important issue in his life.

Taylor shared his interest in Tibet for other reasons, he agreed with Ethan's humanitarian efforts, but Taylor was more interested in the Buddhism. It fit him. Though neither Kim nor I were religious, it kept our boys grounded and mature, responsible and caring and there was nothing else we could have asked for. My kids were nothing like me, they kept me questioning life at every corner and taught me things about the world I never knew, and I appreciated them for it every day.

"Toast!" Solace announced standing and raising his glass, he was the only one not wearing formal wear but it was just fitting for him. He had come a long way from Solace the Mute, he was among the most trustworthy if not entertaining men around.

"Aww…Solace, that's sweet," Matty cooed, it was no secret that besides loving or having at one time been in love with Jordan, he had a bit of a crush on Solace.

"The least I could do. Where to start," Solace said theatrically rubbing his non-existent beard. He had drunk probably more than he should. "While Matty and I shared one wonderful kiss, our love was not meant to be," Solace started and Jordan who sat to his left let out a low threatening growl I was sure only the wolves at the table could hear.

"Behave," Jordan warned.

"Yes, yes, we were not meant to be but I am so happy that you found the one. You have gotten to spread your wings and see the world with a man you love passionately. Here's to many years of happiness!" Solace finished, downing his drink before taking his seat again, Michael and Anna clapped loudly and Jordan stood abruptly.

At first I thought he was leaving, I wasn't sure, no one was sure what happened between them, but it was serious. Maybe they had dated, maybe they were in love… there were a lot of maybes but no one believed they were just friends.

"Um, I'm not good at this so I wrote it down," he mumbled, rummaging through his pockets before retrieving a small blue flip book. "Matty, in my life I have had only a handful of people I can count on. You were there for me during the loneliest of hours, there are no words to express…" he shook his head, taking a pen and scratching out a few words. He started to write again before giving up, throwing the notebook on the table and continuing, "um… I will just say I love you and I wish you the best."

A fellow zoologist saved us from awkwardness by tapped her wine glass with gusto and the couple laughing giving in to a small kiss for the crowd.

After all the plates were cleared and the desserts were presented, Matty stood. He was bigger now, tall, filled out, fair-skinned and handsome. Since he had left for college the family had to come up with interesting ways to communicate from three-way calling to video conference, he was still a huge part of our lives; but it was still hard for me to see my little Matty as a man.

"Thanks everyone for coming, it means a lot for us to have you here, Niccoli and I both have very small families…and to have your support is really…wonderful," his voice cracked when he said this and Kim reached over grabbing his hand before he continued teary eyed.

"To my friends, you mean the world to me. To Kim…my sister, my mother, you have always been my biggest supporter. My beautiful niece and nephews, I'm always so proud of you. Jared… my brother-in-law, my father, the only man I always knew would never leave me, I love you, I love you all so much, thank you for sharing this day with us," Matty finished and it was my turn to get sniffly.

"Daddy's crying," Amber announced.

"Yes, yes he is. Now eat your cake," Kim said smiling warmly at Amber before pulling me in for a kiss.

"Our first baby has gotten married," she whispered in my lips.

"Just three more to go," I chuckled.

"Four, Jared. Four more to go…please," she whined and I nodded in defeat.

"Okay, one more couldn't hurt… but not until we find a suitable living situation," I said smiling and she kissed me, this time with so much passion it was embarrassing, not to me but my boys. Emperor Ethan groaned loudly until we separated.

"'Bout time," Taylor whooped.

"Yeah, this will be great," Ethan agreed.

"Has to be a girl Mommy, has to be a girl," Amber screamed stuffing her mouth with pink frosting.

"Okay, well, we'll try."

THE END

A/N: After re-reading this time timeline is a bit off. This story should be taking place in 2017 but gay marriage was actually legalized in 2015. I guess in 2009 (when I wrote this) I was less optimistic about the outlook of American politics that I should have been lol.

In the timeline of my fanfictions this is the first that story should be read. I have written 11 in total and all of them are in the same universe. The next story in this world would be "Enough with This Gravity Moving Already" Quil and Claire's story but you could also skip to the 3rd story in the series called "The Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf" if you are so inclined.


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